As I sit here writing the final draft of this book, almost ten years
from the evening when my unicorn first appeared, I am deeply touched and
very amused. I am touched and deeply grateful once again for the
miracle which occurred that evening. And I am greatly amused to remember
myself as I was then - thinking that I was so enlightened, but with so
far yet to travel. As I remember that scene by the stream, what comes
to mind is a quotation from that book of Truth which has been such a vital
part of my Spiritual awakening.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice
and tragedy.
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls
a butterfly."
- Richard Bach, Illusions
When I use this quote while speaking, I change the words 'the mark of
your ignorance' to 'a measure of your Spiritual awakening' to kind of soften
the impact. But ignorance it is - and that day in the meadow I was showing
my ignorance by revealing how deeply I still believed in injustice and
tragedy. Of course, I could not Truly let go of that ignorance until
I had done the grief work to release the emotional energy of pain and rage
which was still trapped within me. I did a lot of releasing that
day by the stream and during the course of that magical, mystical tour
that my unicorn guided me through that evening.
So there I was pacing and gesturing beside the stream as my unicorn
watched me with that silly grin of hers.
"Those false beliefs that have caused humans to believe that God loves
us conditionally, and that being human is some kind of a punishment, have
caused us to create a reality for ourselves that is based on fear instead
of Love." The anger was seething out of me by this time, and my voice
got louder and louder as I spoke. "The scientific theory of an accidental
evolution where the fittest survived doesn't allow room for a Loving God-force,
any more than the biblical version of some bearded dude who took a week
to zap up Adam and Eve so that he could punish them for being what he made
them. How many people ever stop to ask themselves if it makes any
sense to think that God is a male human type who is angry, judgmental,
jealous, and vengeful - and that he is going to send the children he created
to burn in hell forever if they are like him and get angry or jealous or
vengeful? On what level does that make any sense at all? And
what the kind of god is it that creates people just so they can adore him?
A god with a human ego! What bull shit!"
I had reached and surpassed my boiling point at this time, and was shouting
my questions to the whole universe.
"And these channeled entities and psychics who talk about our spirits
being trapped in the lower vibrational levels because we liked sex too
much or procreated with animals. More bull shit! They aren't
any better than the bible. Even some of the Eastern religions that
have so much insight into the Oneness of the interplay of yin and yang,
even they treat being human like it's something to be avoided - by sitting
on a mountain meditating or something. Or they twist the concept
of reincarnation in order to justify bigotry and oppression. Only
some of the so-called aboriginal religions acknowledge that God has it
together enough to have had a purpose for putting us in body - instead
of it being some kind of punishment."
I was really ranting and raving by this time. I could really get
worked up about the reversity which has caused humans to suffer so much.
I knew that it is all perfect, and that everything happens for a reason,
and all of that - but at that time I still could get pretty angry at God
about how painful the experience has been.
"And is this something that you have feelings about?" telepathed my
unicorn with a mock serious look on her face.
"I sure as hell do," I shouted.
"Then release the emotional energy, get it out."
I screamed. At the top of my lungs. And then it felt as
if I was losing control as I continued to scream eight or ten more times.
Primal screams of pain and rage that tore loose from somewhere deep within
me and erupted into the mountain air.
And then I was under control again. I felt myself standing there
with my eyes closed and my fists clenched. When I opened my eyes,
after the echo of my screams had faded away, I was looking directly at
the deer. Not only were they still there, but now both fawns and
the doe were smiling at me! ....... I was beginning to suspect that these
were not your ordinary type of deer.
"Feel better now?" Asked my Higher Self.
"Yes, much," I replied, smiling at her. I always feel better when
I vent my anger through screaming, and at that moment I was feeling relief
from the 'wound too tight' feeling. At the same time however, I was
a little shook up about the intensity of these particular screams.
It had been the guidance of my Higher Self that had led me to understanding
that emotions are actual energy that if not released can be trapped in
the body. Along with the distorted beliefs about God, the emotionally
repressive environment which those beliefs fostered, produced the human
condition as we have inherited it. Without the free flow of emotional
energy, the inner channel gets blocked, and souls in body are cut off from
their Spiritual Self. For unless the lower vibrational emotional
energy of anger and pain and fear are owned and released, then the higher
emotional vibration of Love, Truth, and Joy cannot be accessed for any
appreciable length of time. That is why the grief process is the
most important healing tool available to humans. When grief is not
expressed and the energy is not allowed to flow, then it manifests as disease
- physical, mental, and emotional. And all dis-ease is caused by
Spiritual dis-ease - not being at ease, at one, with Spiritual Self.
"You know we are going to be demonstrating the grief process for them
in a little while," telepathed my unicorn.
"We are?" I said, immediately feeling some fear energy in my gut.
I mean, let's face it, it was pretty obvious that if there was going to
be some grief to feel - I was the only candidate available. Unless,
of course, the deer had some issues to deal with.
"Maybe I should have come as a frog," smiled my unicorn impishly.
Just as everything in the universe happens for a reason, everything
my Higher Self communicates to me has a purpose. What She/He was
doing was pointing out that I was being a little dense. In other
words, yes I did realize, on some level, that my screams had touched on
a level of grief which I had not yet dealt with, and yes, I was intellectualizing
about the grief process as a way of avoiding looking at what had just happened.
"Okay, okay," I said, "so there is another level of grief to deal with,
right?"
"You got it bucko," smiled my unicorn.
My growth process has been a little like peeling an onion. For
every layer I have peeled there was another level underneath. And
with every level it has been necessary to shed some tears.
"What's it about this time?" I asked, more than a little testily.
I was tired. I was not only tired because of the energy that I had
expended only a few moments earlier there in the meadow I was
tired of the whole process of peeling the onion.
"More will be revealed in a little while," communicated my smiling unicorn.
"Fuck you," I replied, in a tone in which affection and humor were all
mixed together with anger and fear. Mostly fear. One thing
that is very uncomfortable for humans is to feel out of control.
And allowing emotions to flow, especially at a deep grief level, is a completely
out-of-control type of feeling. No matter that I knew that I would
feel wonderful afterwards - it still scared me.
At that moment the deer caught my eye again. Suddenly there was
something important about the two fawns that felt familiar. It was
that tugging at the edge of my consciousness type of feeling. Somehow
these deer were tied in with the level of grief that I had just discovered.
The feeling about the fawns reminded me of my feeling about the meadow,
but when I tried to focus on either of them I found that I was just too
exhausted. There must have been something about our journey to this
meadow that had depleted my energy reserves because the exhaustion that
I was suddenly feeling was overwhelming. I just did not have any
energy available to concentrate my mind at that moment. So I lay
back on the grass and just looked up at the sky.
A large cloud was drifting overhead, and I just relaxed and watched
it for a time. Just when it felt as if I was about to drift off with
it, my Higher Self interrupted the lethargy that had come over me.
"It will be necessary for you to take a little nap in a minute," she
telepathed, "to recharge yourself. Interdimensional travel is not
normally done in the physical body. Also, it is very exhausting for
a soul in body to allow emotional energy to flow freely - although your
circuits are getting stronger. Before you go to sleep though, why
don't you sum up in a few words what we were talking about."
"Okay, slave driver," I said, as I propped myself up on one elbow to
look at her. "The point is, that it is time for us to remember that
we are not human beings trapped in some tragic existence as punishment
for some original sin. We are Spiritual Beings having a human experience."
I pulled myself up into a sitting position, and in doing so remembered
the original question that I had asked.
"In this story," I continued, "we are presenting people with some mind
expanding alternatives to the concepts of God and the Creation which they
were taught. They are 'reasonably accurate' because human comprehension
is not large enough to understand the totality of God's Reality.
What is important, is for souls in body to become open to larger concepts
so that they can start getting in touch with their own Truth. This
is the Age of Healing and Joy, and it's time to remember that God is LOVE,
and that we are all ONE in God - and to start integrating that knowledge
into our physical experience. Our job is to learn and grow and heal
- at the same time that we are experiencing being human in the moment.
We are trying to remind people that the Truth that can be felt within is
more important than any so-called facts - which is why we are telling a
fairy tale and trying to amuse while we do it."
"Exactamundo!" communicated my unicorn with that very silly grin on
her face. I had to laugh. If you ever get a chance to see a
unicorn with a silly grin, believe me, you'll laugh too. It's a very
comical sight.
I laughed at, and with, her - and became aware, once again, of the Love
that I felt from, and for, her. I went to where she was lying by
the stream and knelt down beside her. I put my arms around her neck
and, burying my head in her beautiful white mane, I hugged her for all
I was worth.
"I Love you," I muttered into her neck. And then I pulled back
a little and gave her a kiss on the nose.
"Thank you," she telepathed. "Even we Higher Selves like to touch when
we come into body."
Sitting there with my arm around her neck, and feeling the Love energy
flow through me, reminded me that no matter how tired I get of the process
- it is all worth it. To feel the Joy and the Love and the Truth
makes all of the moments of fear and pain worthwhile.
I looked around the meadow and then back to the stream, and once again
reveled in the peace and beauty of this place. Then I remembered!
I stood up and turned slowly in a circle looking at the whole meadow to
make sure. The memories came flooding back to me.
"This is my place!" I exclaimed, excitedly turning to my unicorn.
"This is my sanctuary that I imagine in meditation. I used to come
here all the time in my imagination when I needed someplace peaceful."
"Bingo," smiled my unicorn. "It is your place."
"My place," I repeated. I scanned the meadow and remembered how
I had found sanctuary here in the years before I could communicate directly
with my Higher Self. I bent down by the stream and trailed my hand
in the water. Some fish swam up and nibbled on my fingers as I sat
there full of wonder at the fact that I was actually here in this place
that I had imagined so many times in the past.
"It's so beautiful here, and peaceful. This is a real place then
- not just someplace I visualized in my imagination?"
"All imagination is memory. Often the specifics of detail are
modified to fit your current frame of reference, but it is memory nevertheless,"
communicated my unicorn. This was a new and mindboggling concept
for me and as I tried it on for size she very casually dropped an even
bigger bombshell on me.
"This meadow may exist in a lifetime that you lived thousands of years
ago, or it could be a memory of a place in your future."
"My future!" I exclaimed.
My Higher Self had done it again.
