"I realized that holidays - not just Christmas and New Years Eve but Thanksgiving, Valentines Day, etc. - along with days like anniversaries and my birthday were the times which I judged myself the most. My expectations of what a holiday "should" be, of where I "should" be at a certain age, of how my life "should" look at this particular time, were causing me to unmercifully beat myself up. I was buying into the disease voice which was telling me that I was a loser and a failure (or going to the other extreme and blaming someone else for my feelings.)"On this page is an articles about why holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays can be so tough emotionally for most people by codependency therapist/Spiritual teacher.
"As long as we are judging and shaming ourselves we are feeding back into the disease, we are feeding the dragon within that is eating the life out of us. Codependence is a disease that feeds on itself - it is self-perpetuating."
"I don't have to live up to some false expectations about how I "should" be feeling today. It was trying to deny the pain and sadness, the anger and fear, while judging myself as shameful for not feeling what I "should" feel or being who I "should" be, that caused me to get depressed and suicidal."
"Whatever your celebration: Christmas, Hanukkah, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa, New Years, etc. let it be about the new beginning; the rededication to: the recommitment to: the rebirth of; life. But most of all, let it be about Love by first of all Loving yourself enough to tell the critical parent voice in your head to shut up with all the comparisons and shame and judgment."
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The Web Site of Spiritual Teacher, codependence counselor, grief therapist, author, Robert Burney and Joy to You & Me Enterprises
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Robert is the author of the Joyously inspirational book
The Dance of Wounded Souls
|This is a column by Robert Burney.
Happy Holidays, Sad Holidays
"We need to become clear internally on what messages are coming from the disease, from the old tapes, and which ones are coming from the True Self - what some people call "the small quiet voice."
Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
The holidays were always a very hard time for me emotionally. Being alone on Christmas and New Years Eve was very painful. So painful that sometimes I would arrange to be with someone or with a group of people just so I wouldn't be alone. That often was more painful than being alone. And on those occasions when I was in a relationship during the holidays it was also painful because there was something missing, somehow I was failing the other person or she was failing me because even though there were moments of Joy and Love, it never felt quite like it "should" feel.
(The article "Happy Holidays" by Robert Burney originally appeared in Recovery Today a monthly newsletter of the LCDC training School which are distributed throughout the state of Texas.)