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counselor, grief therapist, author, Robert Burney and
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Robert is the author of the Joyously inspirational
The Dance of Wounded Souls
|These are some excerpts from
Codependence:The Dance of Wounded Souls on Truth vs emotional truth.
Truth (with a capital T) vs emotional truth
"Truth, in my understanding, is not
an intellectual concept. I believe that Truth is an emotional energy, vibrational
communication to my consciousness, to my soul/spirit, my being, from my
Soul. Truth is an emotion, something that I feel within.
It is that feeling within when someone says,
or writes, or sings, something in just the right words so that I suddenly
feel a deeper understanding. It is that "AHA" feeling. The feeling of a
light bulb going on in my head. That "Oh, I get it!" feeling. The intuitive
feeling when something just feels right . . . or wrong. It's that gut feeling,
the feeling in my heart. It is the feeling of something resonating within
"We are involved in a process, a journey,
on multiple levels. One level is, of course, the individual level.
Another much higher level is the level of the Collective Human Soul:
the ONE Soul of which we are all extensions, of which we are all manifestations.
We are all experiencing a Spiritual evolutionary
process which is unfolding perfectly and always has been. Everything
is unfolding perfectly according to Divine plan, in alignment with precise,
mathematically, musically attuned laws of energy interaction."
"We have a feeling place (stored emotional
energy), and an arrested ego-state within us for an age that relates to each
of those developmental stages. Sometimes we react out of our three-year-old,
sometimes out of our fifteen-year-old, sometimes out of the seven-year-old
that we were.
If you are in a relationship, check it out
the next time you have a fight: Maybe you are both coming out of your twelve-year-olds.
If you are a parent, maybe the reason you have a problem sometimes is because
you are reacting to your six-year-old child out of the six-year-old child
within you. If you have a problem with romantic relationships maybe it is
because your fifteen-year-old is picking your mates for you.
The next time something does not go the way
you wanted it to, or just when you are feeling low, ask yourself how old
you are feeling. What you might find is that you are feeling like a bad little
girl, a bad little boy, and that you must have done something wrong because
it feels like you are being punished.
Just because it feels like you are being
punished does not mean that is the Truth.
Feelings are real - they are emotional energy
that is manifested in our body - but they are not necessarily fact.
What we feel is our "emotional truth" and
it does not necessarily have anything to do with either facts or the emotional
energy that is Truth with a capital "T" - especially when we our reacting
out of an age of our inner child.
If we are reacting out of what our emotional
truth was when we were five or nine or fourteen, then we are not capable of
responding appropriately to what is happening in the moment; we are not being
in the now."
"We, each and every one of us, has
an inner channel to Truth, an inner channel to the Great Spirit. But that
inner channel is blocked up with repressed emotional energy, and with twisted,
distorted attitudes and false beliefs.
We can intellectually throw out false beliefs.
We can intellectually remember and embrace the Truth of ONENESS and Light
and Love. But we cannot integrate Spiritual Truths into our day-to-day human
existence, in a way which allows us to substantially change the dysfunctional
behavior patterns that we had to adopt to survive, until we deal with our
emotional wounds. Until we deal with the subconscious emotional programming
from our childhoods.
We cannot learn to Love without honoring
We cannot allow ourselves to be Truly intimate
with ourselves or anyone else without owning our Grief.
We cannot reconnect clearly with the Light
unless we are willing to own and honor our experience of the Darkness.
We cannot fully feel the Joy unless we are
willing to feel the Sadness."
"It is necessary to own and honor
the child who we were in order to Love the person we are. And the only way
to do that is to own that child's experiences, honor that child's feelings,
and release the emotional grief energy that we are still carrying around."
"One of most important steps to empowerment
is integrating Spiritual Truth into our experience of the process. In order
to do that it is necessary to practice discernment in our relationship with
the emotional and mental components of our being.
We learned to relate to our inner process
from a reversed perspective. We were trained to be emotionally dishonest (that
is, to not feel the feelings or to go to the other extreme by allowing the
feelings to totally run our lives) and to give power to, to buy into, the
reversed attitudes (it is shameful to be human, it is bad to make mistakes,
God is punishing and judgmental etc.) To find balance within we have to
change our relationship with our inner process.
Feeling and releasing the emotional energy
without giving power to the false beliefs is a vital component of achieving
balance between the emotional and the mental. The more we align ourselves
attitudinally, and clear out our inner channel, the easier it is for us to
pick out the Truth from amid the dysfunctional attitudes - so that we can
set an internal boundary between the emotional and mental.
Feelings are real but they are not necessarily
fact or Truth.
We can feel like a victim and still know
that the fact is we set ourselves up. We can feel like we made a mistake and
still know that every mistake is an opportunity for growth, a perfect part
of the learning process. We can feel betrayed or abandoned or shamed, and
still know that we have just been given an opportunity to become aware of
an area that needs some light shined on it, an issue that needs some healing.
We can have moments where we feel like God/life
is punishing us and still know that "This, too, shall pass" and "More will
be revealed," - that later on, down the path a ways, we will be able to
look back and see that what we perceived in the moment to be tragedy and
injustice is really just another opportunity for growth, another gift of
fertilizer to help us grow.
I needed to learn how to set boundaries within,
both emotionally and mentally by integrating Spiritual Truth into my process.
Because "I feel feel like a failure" does not mean that is the Truth. The
Spiritual Truth is that "failure" is an opportunity for growth. I can set
a boundary with my emotions by not buying into the illusion that what I am
feeling is who I am. I can set a boundary intellectually by telling that
part of my mind that is judging and shaming me to shut up, because that is
my disease lying to me. I can feel and release the emotional pain energy at
the same time I am telling myself the Truth by not buying into the shame and
If I am feeling like a "failure" and giving
power to the "critical parent" voice within that is telling me that I am a
failure - then I can get stuck in a very painful place where I am shaming
myself for being me. In this dynamic I am being the victim of myself and also
being my own perpetrator - and the next step is to rescue myself by using
one of the old tools to go unconscious (food, alcohol, sex, etc.) Thus the
disease has me running around in a squirrel cage of suffering and shame,
a dance of pain, blame, and self-abuse.
By learning to set a boundary with and between
our emotional truth, what we feel, and our mental perspective, what we believe
- in alignment with the Spiritual Truth we have integrated into the process
- we can honor and release the feelings without buying into the false beliefs.
The more we can learn intellectual discernment
within, so that we are not giving power to false beliefs, the clearer we
can become in seeing and accepting our own personal path. The more honest
and balanced we become in our emotional process, the clearer we can become
in following our own personal Truth."
"We are Spiritual beings having a human experience - not
weak, shameful creatures who are here being punished or tested for worthiness.
We are part of/an extension of an ALL-Powerful, Unconditionally Loving God-Force/Goddess
Energy/Great Spirit, and we are here on Earth going to boarding school - not
condemned to prison. The sooner that we can start awakening to that Truth,
the sooner we can start treating ourselves in more nurturing, Loving ways.
(Column Spring & Nurturing)
The natural healing process - like nature itself - regularly serves
up new beginnings. We do not reach a state of being that is "happily ever
after." We are continuously changing and growing. We keep getting new lessons/opportunities
for growth. Which is a real pain in the derriere sometimes - but is still
better than the alternative, which is to not grow and get stuck repeating
the same lessons over and over again."