"By the way, the hardest part of unconditional
Love is accepting wherever we are at in the moment no matter how uncomfortable.
The hardest part of acceptance is not the difficulty of allowing others
their process (although Lord knows that can be very hard); it is allowing
ourselves our own process without shame and judgment.
I can do that now most of the time. I know now
that when it feels like crap it is not punishment, it is not because I
am bad or wrong or defective. . . What I know now is that when it feels
like shit that means that I am being fertilized to help me grow."
Codependence: The Dance of Wounded
Souls by Robert Burney
Spring is the time of birth and rebirth of
new beginnings. And all new beginnings need nurturing.
This is true not only in nature but also for people
who are involved in the very natural process that is healing and recovery.
The Spiritual path is our natural path, is the reason we are here in these
bodies on this planet. And in order to walk a Spiritual path, it is necessary
to reprogram the mental perspectives of life that we learned growing up
in a Spiritually hostile, shame-based society.
Perhaps the first, and certainly the most nurturing,
thing we do when starting to walk a Spiritual path is to start seeing life
in a growth context - that is to start realizing that life events are lessons,
opportunities for growth, not punishment because we screwed up or are unworthy.
We are Spiritual beings having a human experience
not weak, shameful creatures who are here being punished or tested for
worthiness. We are part of/an extension of an ALL-Powerful, Unconditionally
Loving God-Force/Goddess Energy/Great Spirit, and we are here on Earth
going to boarding school not condemned to prison. The sooner that we can
start awakening to that Truth, the sooner we can start treating ourselves
in more nurturing, Loving ways.
The natural healing process like nature itself
regularly serves up new beginnings. We do not reach a state of being that
is "happily ever after." We are continuously changing and growing. We keep
getting new lessons/opportunities for growth. Which is a real pain in the
derriere sometimes but is still better than the alternative, which is to
not grow and get stuck repeating the same lessons over and over again.
This human experience is a process that involves
inherent conflict between the continuously changing nature of life and
the human ego's need to survive. In order to insure survival (which is
the ego's appointed task) the human ego needs to define things. What is
food? What is friend or enemy? Who am I and how do I relate to them? What
can hurt me and what brings me pleasure? It also learned that it is healthy
to have a fear of the unknown (it was important to check an unknown cave
for saber toothed tigers before strolling into it.) As a result, the ego
fears change and craves security and stability. But because life is constantly
changing, security and stability can only be temporary.
The way it works is that the ego's definitions
put us in a box - this is who I am and how I relate to them - and the life
process keeps breaking up our box. Every time our box breaks we have to
let go of some of our ego-definitions in order to grow. The time when we
break out of the box is the time we are the most scared and confused -
because we have just had to surrender some of our old definitions and we
do not know yet what is going to replace them - and the time we most need
to nurture ourselves. But because we were taught that if we are doing it
"right" we shouldn't be confused or scared, that is the time when we beat
ourselves up the most. We are the least nurturing to ourselves when we
are growing the most, at the time of a new beginning.
Those times when we feel like we are "falling
apart," "losing it," going to pieces," are the times when we are growing.
In a little while (little is a relative term, how fast we recover depends
on how much we are judging ourselves, the more we are shaming and abusing
ourselves the longer it takes) we start to get a feel for our new expanded
psychic environment. We find some new definitions and build ourselves a
bigger box. We start to feel safe and secure again. We have grown and broadened
our horizons and it feels like we are finally "getting it together." We
get comfortable with the new dimension of consciousness we have entered.
That is when it is time to break out of the box again - to fall apart,
let go, process some more issues.
The more we understand that this is the way the
process works; the easier it becomes to not judge and shame ourselves;
the more capacity we have to Love and nurture ourselves. Life is constantly
changing. There are always going to be endings and new beginnings. There
is always going to be grief and pain and anger about what we have to let
go of, and fear of what is to come. It is not because we are bad or wrong
or shameful. It is just the way the game works.
So there is good news and bad news. The good news
is that a New Age has dawned in human consciousness and that we now have
tools, knowledge, and access to healing energy and Spiritual guidance that
has never before been available. We are discovering the rules of the game
that we have been playing for thousands of years by rules that don't work.
The bad news is that it's a stupid game - or at
least it feels like it some of the time. The more we understand that it
is a game, that this is just boarding school, the easier it becomes to
nurture ourselves by not shaming and judging ourselves. We are going to
get to go home. We don't have to earn it - that's what Unconditional Love