Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing + Love = Joy2MeU Joy2MeU Home Page

This is the page of the Joy2MeU web site of codependency counselor, inner child healing pioneer, Spiritual teacher Robert Burney - who is the author of the Joyously inspirational book of Spirituality: Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.

Working the Third Step

"When I was in treatment getting sober I was in a city I hadn't lived in for 20 years.  I had no car and was going to be living with my brother who lived on the outskirts of the city when I got out of treatment.  I was scared that I wasn't going to be able to make it to meetings and went in to talk to my counselor about it.  He said, "You ask for rides."  "Oh no," I said. "You don't understand I never ask anybody for anything."  "Well," he said, "that is what working the third step is all about."  "Asking for rides?!?!" I said incredulously.

I thought he was crazy.  How can asking for a ride be working the third step?

Well, it is.  I needed to learn to ask not only a God I didn't trust for help - but also to ask other people to help me.  That was horrible for me.  It seemed like such a huge risk.  If I asked people for help that would give them a chance to reject me - and I had had enough rejection in my life, thank you very much!

There was a story that I heard around that time.  It was about 2 guys who were arguing about rather there was a God or not.

The first one said, "Of course, there is a God.  How can you say there is no God."

The second said, "I not only can say it - I can prove it."

"You can prove it?"

 "Yes.  Years ago I was in a small plane crash in the wilds of Alaska.  I was the only survivor and I had a broken leg.  There was nothing around for hundreds of miles, so it was only a question of rather I would freeze to death before something ate me.  I prayed to God and said 'If there is a God please save me.'  And God didn't do anything."

"What do you mean," the first man exclaimed.  "You're here and alive aren't you."

"Oh, well some Eskimo came along and saved me.  God didn't do anything."

The point:  God works through people.  We all have had Eskimos in our lives, angels disguised as people.  We are not alone in this process - we can't do it alone.

So, I learned to ask for rides.  What I know now is that the Universe always responds - just not very often in the way, or at the time I think it is necessary.  I need to ask for help and then let go of rather the person I am asking can in fact help me.  I need to take the risk and let go of the outcome.   What I need will come from someplace.  There is a verse in the bible that says: (paraphrased??)

Ask and ye shall receive.
Seek and ye shall find.
Knock and the door shall be opened.

ASK.  By asking - either God or another person - I am setting energy in motion in the Universe.  Once the energy is in motion it comes back to me at some time from some place.  I have to put it out before it will come back.  What I sow I reap.  The Universes works on the principle of cause and effect.  It is very important for me to get proactive in my own life by taking the risk of asking for help - and it is much easier when I can let go of my picture of how, and when, that help is going to manifest." The Miracle of The Twelve Step Recovery Process: 1, 2, 3, and a 1, 2, 3 - The first three steps

Hello to any Eskimos who may read this,
I am experiencing a challenging opportunity for growth right now. . . . . . I am affirming that 2003 is going to be a year of abundance and prosperity - and that some of the green healing energy that I have been putting out through my web site will come flowing back as green money energy.  I am placing some links below for anyone whose Spirit moves them to make a contribution to the cause - or any of you angels / eskimos could send me a check if you are inspired to do so. 

I have learned over the years of my recovery not to limit my affirmations or requests for help to the Universe - as I mentioned in the personal journal I share in the Joy2MeU Journal in some processing I did last summer.

"I have often told people that it is important not to limit the Universe when asking for help - and the example I used a lot was, "What if the Universe was ready to give you a thousand dollars but you only asked for a hundred."  I would tell people to always add - "or something better" or some such qualifier on the end of any affirmation about a specific outcome." The Path of one Recovering Codependent ~ the dance of one wounded soul  Dance 11 June 2002

In alignment with that, I would send a wish out into the Universe for enough financial abundance to not only get a reliable car (which I got), but also a new computer (also got), the money to bring my recorded version of the book out on CD (have not gotten yet), the money to publish some more books (I did get the money to do a reprint in 2003), and of course, the money to be able to provide a good home for my son when he comes to live with me in June (he didn't come to live with me permanently then - but may be this summer.) . . . . . . It would be very cool if someone wanted to give me a gift of $10,000 (or is it $9,999? The limit that is not taxable.)  Or to win the lottery, or have a someone with substantial financial resources want to go into partnership with me, or something better in alignment with Universal Plan and Divine Will.  Maybe someone has a car they want to donate to the cause. (The purple inserts were added later in 2003.)

Anyway, I am publishing this on my web site for a short period of time as a way of putting my request out to the Universe.  I will be very grateful for any assistance the Great Spirit sends my way. ;-)

With Wishes of Joy, Love, and Prosperity in 2003,
Robert

Hello again,
. . . . . . . Ever since posting this Help page I had been feeling some discomfort about it.  I watched myself feeling some embarrassment at having to ask for help - and saw that my disease was trying to run some old tapes to get me to feel ashamed to have this up on my web site.  I found myself feeling anxious to remove the link to this page from my New page.  I, in fact, did remove it from the New page yesterday while getting ready to upload my newest chapter.

Today, I realized that I needed to leave it up for awhile.  It was my codependency - the old tapes and inner child wounds - that was causing the discomfort.  I have learned in my recovery that whenever I discover some old tapes running, when I find myself having emotional reactions based upon the ego programming from childhood, I need to take some action to counter the old messages.  This is something I talked about on another page from my personal journal in an installment of my personal processing that I posted last fall.

"Observing my thoughts and reactions so that I could catch old tapes has been absolutely essential in my recovery.  Once I catch the old tape, the next step is to take some action to counter it.  Thus saying "I haven't brought that to consciousness yet."  Or, buying myself flowers, as I talked about in Dance 2.

"A client was admiring the bouquet of flowers that I had in my office and I told her the story of why I often buy flowers for my office.  About two years ago I did a workshop at a church in the San Fernando Valley on a Sunday afternoon.  When I was packing my stuff up getting ready to leave they gave me the flower arrangement from the Sunday service.  I didn't want it.  I watched my reaction - which was I didn't want the flowers - and the thought that I saw pass through my mind was "Why do I want those flowers, they will just die."  I immediately recognized that for what it was, an old tape.  When I discover old tapes dictating my reactions I need to do something to counter them - so I started buying flowers to put in my office.

Why have flowers when they are just going to die?

Why go up there if it is only going to be for a few weeks?

Why take a risk if I will fail?

Why open up to Love if I am just going to get hurt?

Boy is that my old stuff! - my disease talking."

My Unfolding Dance 2 - July 11, 1999

A dozen roses are sitting in my apartment as I write this."

The Path of one Recovering Codependent ~ the dance of one wounded soul  Dance 15  10-02

In order to counter the embarrassment I have been feeling, to send a clear message to my ego programming that has been causing me to feel anxious to take this page down, I am going to leave it up for awhile longer.  This is an example of me practicing my recovery by aligning my actions with Spiritual Truth instead of separation, fear, and shame.

So, I am going to leave this up for another week or so, as an affirmation that it is okay to need, and ask for, help from the Universe.  And as an affirmation that because of my willingness and courage, this coming year of 2003 - Goddess willing - is going to be a year when enough abundance is going to manifest that I will soon not have to sweat the small stuff anymore. ;-)

Robert

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