Toxic Love   -  A column originally written in 1996 that was expanded as part of the Codependent Relationships Dynamics series in 1999.  This is the updated version that is part 2 of that series.  "As long as we believe that we have to have the other in our life to be happy, we are really just an addict trying to protect our supply - using another person as our drug of choice.  That is not True Love - nor is it Loving."
Romantic Relationships and Valentine's Day  -  This is the first column published by Robert Burney in February of 1996.  "Traditionally in this society women were taught to be codependent on - that is take their self-definition and self-worth from - their relationships with men, while men have been taught to be codependent on their success/career/work."
Wedding Prayer/Meditation on Romantic Commitment  -  A Meditation/Prayer written for the Commitment Ceremony of two friends.  "In any specific moment you will have the power to make a choice to feel the Love in that moment as if you have never been hurt and as if the Love will never go away."
The Heartbreak of Romantic Relationships  -  A 3 page web article about how we are set up to have our hearts broken in romantic relationships. "No one has the power to make someone else love him/herself, we only have the power to change our relationship with our self.  We cannot love someone else enough to make them love them self."

Part 2 of Heartbreak  -  Includes Shame Core - Inner Child Healing and Emotional Dishonesty - Emotional Intimacy.  "It is a double set up for women in this society.  First of all the men were taught that it was not manly to be emotional and that what makes them successful as a man is what they produce - and then women were taught that they needed to be successful in romantic relationships with emotionally unavailable men in order to be successful as a woman.  What a set up!"

Part 3 of Heartbreak  -  Includes Sexuality, Metaphysical, and Reasons to take the Risk.  "Romantic Relationships are one of the most important arenas of Spiritual growth available to us - it is important to our souls to be willing to take the risk of Loving and losing.  It is also important to our hearts to take the healthiest risks possible.  If we are not doing our healing, we are doing ourselves the ultimate disservice - we are abandoning and abusing our self."

 Part 2 of Emotional Dynamics  -  Includes codependent & counterdependent and passive-aggressive behavior.  "Passive-aggressive behavior can take the form of sarcasm, procrastination, chronic lateness, being a party pooper, constantly complaining, being negative, offering opinions and advice that is not asked for, being the martyr, slinging arrows ("whatever have you done to your hair", "gained a little weight haven't we?"), etc."

Codependent Relationships Dynamics - part 1, Power Struggle  -  Relationships are set up to be power struggles because of the shame we are carrying.  "A relationship is a partnership, an alliance, not some game with winners and losers."

Codependent Relationships Dynamics - part 2, Dysfunctional Definition of Love  -  Column originally published at Toxic Love and then expanded.  "True Love is not a painful obsession. It is not taking a hostage or being a hostage. It is not  all-consuming, isolating, or constricting."

Codependent Relationships Dynamics - part 3, Codependent & Counterdependent Behavior  -  Both codependent and counterdependent behavior are part of the condition of codependence. "Both the classic codependent patterns and the classic counterdependent patterns are behavioral defenses, strategies, designed to protect us from being abandoned.  One tries to protect against abandonment by avoiding confrontation and pleasing the other - while the second tries to avoid abandonment by pretending we donít need anyone else.  Both are dysfunctional and dishonest."

Codependent Relationships Dynamics - part 4, Come Here, Go Away  -  Fear of imtimacy keeps people in a come here - go away dance.  "It is very boring and incredibly painful to keep repeating dysfunctional relationship patterns.  The way to stop repeating those patterns is to start healing the wounds that we suffered in childhood."

An Adventure in Romance 2 - Loving & Losing Successfully  -  "A paradigm shift occurred in my relationship with being in body on this physical plane that has unleashed an incredible flow of energy - either that or I am having a psychotic break.  Whatever is happening, I LOVE being so ALIVE."

An Adventure in Romance 3- Loving & Losing Successfully  -    "It Truly is a completely different experience to have a relationship where my self-worth is not at risk - . . .  if my self-worth is not at risk then another person can only add to me, they have no power to diminish me.  What a gift."

There is also information about romantic relationships in the True Nature of Love series of articles in the Miscellaneous Topics & Former Online Columns section.  Additionally, there is a series of articles on Healthy Relationship Behavior (the counterpart to the Codependent Relationships Dynamics Series) that is on the Inner Child/Codependency Recovery page I edit for the web directory Suite101.com. 

(The pages indexed are linked together so that you may go from one to the next in the order listed.)