Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing + Love = Joy2MeULogo of Joy to You & Me Enterprises, publisher of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls Joy2MeU Home Page
This is the Newsletter of the Joy2MeU web site of codependency therapist, inner child healing pioneer, Spiritual teacher Robert Burney - who is the author of the Joyously inspirational book of Spirituality: Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.
These Update Newsletters are posted online 3 or 4 times a year at about 3 or 4 month intervals - although this year it is working out that I am posting them at longer intervals.  A short announcement e-mail is sent out notifying people - who sign up for the Joy2MeU e-mailing list - when a new Update is posted.  (Links within the text will open in a separate browser window, while most of those in right hand column will take you away from this page.)
Joy to You & Me and Joy2MeU Update
Hello Magnificently Beautiful Spiritual Being,

So, here it is almost the end of August, and I am up in the middle of the night trying to get my second Update for 2007 finished before the end of the month.  This Update was actually due around June - and I made an attempt to get back into my writing at that time, but it just wasn't working.

This is probably going to be one of the shortest Updates I have written since I started posting these Update Newsletters as pages on my web site.  (The first time I posted the Update rather than e-mailing it out was October 2000 - which also happens to probably be the single most important one in relationship to my personal process, it is the one that really spurred my fear of intimacy processing.)  Life continues to be hectic (aka a full and rich adventure;-), and I will talk briefly about that in the Newsletter section below - but first the news of Joy2MeU & Joy to You & Me.

The Intensives continue to be a very rewarding experience whether there are only a few people (3 has been the smallest) or an almost full house (13 has been the largest since we moved down here to San Diego.)  I really like doing them with groups of this size (well, 3 was a bit too small.)  It makes it a much more personally intimate experience, and helps people feel more comfortable with asking questions than a large groups.

One of the interesting aspects of them is that I regularly have more people from out of state than from here in San Diego.  The one scheduled for this coming Saturday (Sept. 1st) already has people coming from North Carolina, Georgia (2 separate people), Alabama, Oregon, Arizona, and Alberta Canada.  Part of the reason for that, is that I had not really been able to do any local advertising - so people are still finding out about them through the web site.  One person from out of state, who has attended the Intensives twice already and plans to come again, did donate some money to do some local advertising recently.  Hopefully the ways in which I have decided to use that will reap benefits and increase attendance for the Intensives scheduled for the rest of this year. (September 30th, November 4, December 8th & January 5th)

I am also hoping to be able to record - both audio and visual - an Intensive before too long.  I would love to come up with both a DVD and CD set of the workshops.  One project that is definitely going forward at this time is the making of a new fully produced CD of the audio version of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.

The CDs that I have had available - although I don't have them available for sale at the moment because my stock is depleted - are a "work in progress" version, as is explained on my CD page

I had mentioned in my November Update, that we were talking about recording some other material on my site.

"And hopefully I will be able to start 2007 with some exciting announcements about not only the emotional processing groups I hope to be starting - but also with news of some new CDs I hope to be offering.  In conjunction with the person who made the CD version of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls possible, we are going to be recording some of the material on my site in audio form.  As usual, More Will Be Revealed." - November 2006 Update
Unfortunately, it hasn't been possible to do any other recordings as yet - and now, we have decided that the first project needs to be a fully produced, professionally packaged version of the audio recording of the book.  As I mention on the CD page, one of the challenges with making a CD set out of the audio recording is it's length.
"One of the challenges of getting the audio version in CD form has been the length of the recording.  It runs a little over 4 hours - which with CDs of 80 minutes capacity makes it necessary to use 4 CDs to duplicate the cassette tape version.  That meant, that either we would have 3 full CDs and one with less than 10 minutes on it - or that we go back into the studio and add extra material by recording enough to make the 4th CD of reasonable length.  The cost of doing that - plus the cost of producing and packaging the CDs - has been what has kept me from getting it done for years." -  CD version of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
So, we are going to record an introduction, and some additional information to add to the end of the audio version of the book, to make it a 4 CD package.  I will probably be adding some information about the grief process to the end of the recording, because that is something that many people have asked for more information on

We are hoping that we can get this done by the Holiday Season - so more will be revealed about whether that will work out.  But it is important to me to have an audio version of the book available, and it looks like I am going to have to discontinue offering the audio cassettes for the very reason that it was challenging to do the CDs - the length.  As the world switches from cassettes to CDs, it has evolved that manufacturers are no longer making the 100 minute audio tapes that are needed for the recording.***  So, sadly I will probably have to discontinue those cassettes because the only way that more tapes can be had is to order a very large quantity - something that doesn't make sense financially for the studio that has been duplicating them for me 100 sets at a time, and certainly isn't in my budget at this time.  It is possible that in the very near future I will not be able to offer the cassettes or CDs for sale online any more - until the new version is available.  (There is a problem with getting very many copies of the work in progress CDs - so I may end up withholding the last of the cassettes and the CDs and making them available only at my Intensives.)

Plans are moving forward at this time, for another trip to Ibiza.  It looks possible that I will be doing one of my day long Intensives, plus a day long workshop on boundaries for the people that attended the 2 day retreat I did in Ibiza a little over 2 years ago.  That will probably happen in early March.  There are no other plans in the works at this time for appearances anywhere else but here in San Diego. 

I had 2 successful inner child healing grief groups in March and April, but have been unsuccessful since then in getting more going because I haven't had that many local people attending the Intensives.  Hopefully the local advertising that I have going this fall will make it possible to get some more groups going by October.

I added a few articles to the site that have not been on it previously - listed in the right hand column - but I have not had much time to devote to the site.  Which brings me to the personal news in the Newsletter section of the site.

Additions to the web site since the March 2007 Update include:

The addendum to the March 2007 Update that I promised: My Fear of Intimacy processing page

Three articles from a Suite101 series on Fear of Intimacy:

Part 1 The Gatekeeper, Codependent Defenses

Part 2 disassociation vs healthy detachment

Codependent Defenses - Part 3 My Gatekeeper

I also added a column not available on the site to an already existing page: Self-Worth - ego strength verses True self worth


Updates to the Intensive Testimonial page have been added after each Intensive

And the announcement that Intensive Training Days are scheduled for San Diego on September 30th, November 4, December 8th 2007 & January 5th 2008

In addition:

A new batch of wonderful Testimonials for the book, tapes, and web site.

 Had several successful inner child healing grief groups and hope to get some more organized this fall.

Graphic of two hearts with an arrow through them - signifying both Love and heartbreak.
Links to past Update Newsletters for the Joy2MeU site (launched February 4, 1999) can be found on the Information index page.  - and also at the bottom of the site index page.  Links to the Newsletters of my original Joy to You & Me web site (launched February 28, 1998) can be found on the Joy to You & Me page which list pages from that site not moved to Joy2MeU.

***The following is an excerpt from a message sent to my new e-mailing list on Yahoo - for people who want more frequent updates on what is happening with me and Joy2Meu. To sign up go to Joy_2_Me_U on Yahoo.
"I found out that I had misstated the problem in that Update. The cassette tapes that we used are actually 120 minute tapes - and it is not that they are not available any more, it is the cost of getting a supply of them that is the problem.  The recording studio where we edited them was reproducing a 100 sets at a time for me ran out of the supply of tapes they had in stock. And when they ran out of stock it was not worth it to them to reorder because they would need to order a large number (I think a 1500 is about the minimum that their supplier required) - and they don't have that much call for the cassettes any more.  I was having trouble paying for the 100 at a time in a timely manner, so they knew I couldn't afford to order the large number.

I am told that cassettes are a thing of the past and that it is more important to focus on CDs (even though they are becoming a thing of the past I am told) - but it was sad taking the option of ordering tapes off of my ordering pages.  All the hours I invested in getting those tapes recorded (in a bedroom with mattresses lining the walls to soundproof) and editing them and all - and now I can no longer make them available.  Some grief there for me.  I am hoping that some abundance will manifest to make it possible to make them available again - but truthfully they are so far down on the priority list (behind rent and utilities and the new CDs and Darien's teeth and our car situation, etc.) that I don't see that happening unless I win the lottery or something.  I am sure that a perfect plan is unfolding and I can accept it if that plan doesn't include having the tapes available again - but it is sad." - Joy_2_Me_U message 10/29/07


My life is still pretty much centered and scheduled around taking care of Darien, who is now closer to 2 years and 10 months, than 2 years 9 months.  For those of you who are new to my mailing list, Darien is my step grand-son and God-son.

"Being a primary caregiver to Darien - who will be 2 on the 10th (probably a few days before I get this published) - continues to be one of the great miracles and surprises of my recovery.  Never could I have imagined being in the position of taking care of a baby at this stage in my life and recovery.  The Joy and wonder of watching this precocious, precious little man grow up from the tiny baby I first met in March of 2005, to revealing himself to be a uniquely charming and delightful character who captures the heart of anyone who gets to experience his personality, fills my heart to overflowing with such Joy and contentment.  There are times:  when he is laying with his head on my chest gazing into my eyes;  or when he curls up in my arms with his head laid on my shoulders;  or when he burrows in beside me when he is sleeping with us;  or just listening to him jabber or watching him run and play - moments that I feel a sense of Blissful Love that is sublimely exquisite.  Such a gift!

It brings to mind once again something I have shared in past Updates - that GRATEFUL is not nearly a huge enough word to describe my feelings about what a gift my recovery has been to me.  It is not a big enough word to describe how grateful I am for having the courage to work through my fear of intimacy issues to the point where I was willing to surrender to getting into a relationship with Susan, or to describe what I feel about all the richness and abundance of Joy and Life this relationship with her has brought into my recovery adventure - which includes, of course, my precious step grand-son, God-son, Darien.  I am very, very, very, grateful that I am having the opportunity to experience this special little man in my life." - November 2006 Update Newsletter   

Susan and I have now been his full time caretakers and guardians since April 2006 - the very weekend we did the first Intensive in San Francisco.  In late April or early May this year I had one of those light bulb going on / aha kind of moments of insight where I realized that Darien and I had a soul contract.  That our souls had agreed to meet up at a certain point in this lifetime to be teachers and helpers to each other on our Spiritual Paths.  Despite the powerful connection I feel to him - and that he obviously feels to me - this had never occurred to me before.  When I mentioned my insight to Susan, she kind of looked at me funny and said something like, "Well duh, of course.  You didn't know that?"

In that quote from my November 2006 Update, I mention working through my fear of intimacy issues.  As any of you who read my March 2007 Update know, I realized early this year that I had some more processing to do about my fear of intimacy.  I started in that Update, and then continued in an addendum to the March Update that I posted in April My Fear of Intimacy processing page.  I have at least one, and probably two more pages to go with that processing - but just have not found the time and energy to do it.

"In the years when I wrote so much of the material that is on my site - the years that I was living alone in relative isolation - I would get up at 1 or 2 or 3 in the morning to write until 10 or 11.  Now that I have a family - and a 2 year old to take care of - the early morning hours are the only time I have to really write.  But I only have uninterrupted time until about 6:30 or 7 when the baby wakes up, and then I need to start getting Darien ready to go to the Montessori school he has been attending." - March 2007 Update
I am hoping to jump back into that processing once I get this Update posted and the e-mail announcement sent out - but there is an element of sleep deprivation that comes into play in my trying to get too much writing done.  It is my goal to try to get back to that processing soon.

It is actually quite challenging most weeks just to find time to answer e-mails.  It can now take more than a week to answer the e-mails that I get from people who are in crisis or have just discovered my site - and several weeks for long or complicated ones.  The time challenge was also a factor in getting down to writing this Update - not so much in terms of the writing of it, as in terms of dreading the amount of time I was going to have to put in to getting the announcement e-mails organized and sent out.  Between the challenges presented by my aging computer and the reality that my Netscape e-mail program keeps losing information, I have been seeking an easier way to keep in touch with you all.  Entering the e-mail addresses one at a time into some other e-mail program is not something that I want to invest my limited time into.  I had about 1500 e-mail addresses disappear one day this year however - so something needs to be done.  (I am able to still send the announcement to those "lost" addresses by moving the last announcement from my "sent" file to my "drafts" file - but that means that I end up sending e-mails out to dozens of addresses that are no longer good, that I had removed from the files, and that I end up sending them to the few people that have asked to be removed again.  Thus the apology I am including at the end of the announcement.

I have decided to test out one of the alternatives I have explored - that is a mailing list through Yahoo groups.  It is one of the few online services that will allow one to do mailings without a charge.  It is actually a service that can be used to facilitate contact between members of the group if I were to choose to do that (something I tried years ago and discontinued because it was taking to much time) - but at this time is set up just to be one on which I can send out announcements.  I am including a link to let you sign up for that group (both below and in the announcement e-mail) if you would like to get a little more frequent announcements - i.e. with updates about the Intensive, the CD, the Ibiza workshops, etc. - although I will keep using the lists I have as I am at least a few more times.  I anticipate that the next Update will be in November with news of the new CDs availability - one of those more will be revealed things.
The link I sent out in the announcement e-mail will not work - for reasons I won't go into.  This one will work.
Click here to join joy2meu
Click to join Joy_2_Me_U
So, that is going to be it for this Update.  The adventure continues to be challenging and exciting.  I hope you are finding lots of Joy in your life on a daily basis, as I am.

With wishes of Joy to You & Me

Go to December 2007 Update
Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing + Love = Joy2MeULogo of Joy to You & Me Enterprises, publisher of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls Joy2MeU Home Page

New PageSacred Spiral with tail pointing to right signifying 'going toward.'Site IndexSacred Spiral with tail pointing to right signifying 'going toward.'October 2005 UpdateSacred Spiral with tail pointing to right signifying 'going toward.'Intensive Training DaySacred Spiral with tail pointing to right signifying 'going toward.'Information Pages Index

Contact RobertLogo of Joy to You & Me Enterprises, publisher of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
Privacy Statement

Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995.  Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, & 2007 by Robert Burney  PO Box 235401 Encinitas CA 92023.