Codependency = dysfunctional relationship with self and life

"This dance of Codependency is a dance of dysfunctional relationships - of relationships that do not work to meet our needs. That does not mean just romantic relationships, or family relationships, or even human relationships in general. The fact that dysfunction exists in our romantic, family, and human relationships is a symptom of the dysfunction that exists in our relationship with life, with being human. It is a symptom of the dysfunction which exists in our relationships with ourselves as human beings." *** "Where the codependency movement has evolved to now, what youíll find the leading figures talking about in their latest books, is cultural codependency.  The next step which I am proposing in the evolution of the term is to the level of codependency of civilization.

Codependency as the human condition!

The codependency recovery movement is not a fad!  It is not a band-aid.  It is not a quick fix. It is not "pop" psychology!

Codependency deals with the core issues of the human dilemma."

*** "Actually the term "codependency" is an inaccurate and somewhat misleading term for the phenomenon it has come to describe.  A more accurate term would be something like outer-dependence, or external dependence."

The Web Site of Spiritual Teacher, codependency counselor, grief therapist, Robert Burney.  Robert is the author of Joyously inspirational book Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.

What is codependency?  -  Codependency described from five different perspectives in a short article by Robert.

"The condition of codependence is about giving power over our self esteem to outside sources/agencies or external manifestations.  We were taught to look outside of our selves to people, places, and things - to money, property and prestige, to determine if we have worth."

Codependence - Defined  -  Codependency = a dysfunctional relationship with self and giving external sources power over self worth.  Includes quotes from the book and articles.

"Codependence is a primary, progressive, chronic, fatal, and treatable disease which is caused by being raised in an emotionally dishonest, Spiritually hostile environment. The primary environment is the family system which is part of the larger emotionally dishonest and dysfunctional society which is part of a civilization that is based on false beliefs about the nature and purpose of being human."

The evolution of the term "Codependence"  -  The term Codependency has evolved from co-alcoholic to describing the human condition.  A long excerpt from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.

"In other words, it was recognized that the Codependent was not sick because of the Alcoholic but rather was attracted to the Alcoholic because of his/her disease, because of her/his early childhood experience."

Codependence vs Interdependence  -  A column about the difference between dysfunctional codependent relationships and healthy interdependent relationships.

"The disease of Codependence causes us to keep repeating patterns that are familiar. So we pick untrustworthy people to trust, undependable people to depend on, unavailable people to love."

Codependence as Delayed Stress Syndrome  -  Codependency is a very powerful and vicious form of Delayed Stress Syndrome - excerpt from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.

"We were forced to grow up denying the reality of what was happening in our homes. We were forced to deny our feelings about what we were experiencing and seeing and sensing. We were forced to deny our selves."

The codependent three step - A Dance of Shame, Suffering, & Self-Abuse  -  An article about how the disease of codependency involves viscous self-perpetuating cycles of shame, suffering, and self-abuse.

"Codependence is an incredibly powerful, insidious, and vicious disease. It is so powerful because it is ingrained in our core relationship with ourselves."

The Codependency Recovery Process  -  Insights to healing codependence / codependency - excerpts from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls about the recovery process.

"On an emotional level the dance of Recovery is owning and honoring the emotional wounds so that we can release the grief energy - the pain, rage, terror, and shame that is driving us.  That shame is toxic and is not ours - it never was! We did nothing to be ashamed of we were just little kids. Just as our parents were little kids when they were wounded and shamed, and their parents before them, etc., etc. This is shame about being human that has been passed down from generation to generation."

"Actually the term "codependency" is an inaccurate and somewhat misleading term for the phenomenon it has come to describe.  A more accurate term would be something like outer-dependence, or external dependence.  But it is in the evolution of the understanding of what has come to be called "codependency" that we have discovered and brought together the tools and knowledge which are so vital to the healing process that has begun.  The term has exploded into public consciousness in this society in just the last few years because of the Truth contained within its message."

It is very important to understand that the definition of codependency has changed radically in recent years.  Codependency is a term which has evolved and expanded dynamically since it was first coined.  The understanding of codependency presented here is the next step - a small leap forward - in the natural evolution of the term.  A kind of a fast-forwarding in the expanding evolutionary path of the term."

"At that time codependency was basically defined as a passive behavioral defense system, and its opposite, or aggressive counterpart was described as counterdependent.  Then most Alcoholics and addicts were thought to be counterdependent.

The word changed and evolved further after the start of the modern codependency movement in Arizona in the mid-eighties.  Co-Dependents Anonymous had its first meeting in October of 1986, and books on codependency as a disease in and of itself started appearing at about the same time.   These codependency books were the next generation evolved from the books on the Adult Child Syndrome of the early eighties.

The expanded usage of the term "codependency" now includes counterdependent behavior.  We have come to understand that both the passive and the aggressive behavioral defense systems are reactions to the same kinds of childhood trauma, to the same kinds of emotional wounds.  The Family Systems Dynamics research shows that within the family system, children adopt certain roles according to their family dynamics.  Some of these roles are more passive, some are more aggressive, because in the competition for attention and validation within a family system the children must adopt different types of behaviors in order to feel like an individual."

"Where the codependency movement has evolved to now, what youíll find the leading figures talking about in their latest books, is cultural codependency.

The next step which I am proposing in the evolution of the term is to the level of codependency of civilization.
Codependency as the human condition!

The codependency recovery movement is not a fad!  It is not a band-aid.  It is not a quick fix. It is not "pop" psychology!

Codependency deals with the core issues of the human dilemma.

Codependency has grown out of the cause from which all symptoms arise.  That cause is Spiritual dis-ease - not being at ease, at one with Spiritual Self.   Not being able to be in balance, in harmony with the universe.  All other diseases - physical, emotional, mental - spring out of, are caused by, Spiritual dis-ease.

(The condition of Spiritual dis-ease has been a part of the human experience for so long - for thousands of years - that some of its symptomatic defenses have been genetically adapted by the evolving human species.  Alcoholism, I believe, is just one example of a genetically transmitted, physical disease that is an adapted behavioral defense against the pain of Spiritual dis-ease.)

The human condition is a symptom!  Human nature as we understand it is a symptom!  The human condition is not a result of flaws in human nature.  Both are effects.

The condition of codependency - which, as I said could more accurately be described as outer or external dependence - is the human condition as we have inherited it!"

HomeSite IndexCodependence Pages IndexInner Child Healing Pages Index

Spiritual Belief System Pages IndexMetaphysical Pages IndexAlcoholism Pages Index

Miscellaneous Topics Pages IndexRomantic Relationships Pages IndexInformation Pages Index

Contact Robert
Privacy Statement

(Due to the realities of conditions on the world wide web I have taken two small latitudes with quoting my own book.  The first of these has to do with the problems of writing in html with a fairly primitive web design program.  I have never been able to figure out how to make a dash of the appropriate length - so where in my book I used a dash I have here used a single dash - with a space on each side.  The second has to do with how search engines index pages.  In my book I use the term Codependence (with a capital C) throughout - which means that in most of the search engines I would rank low for codependence (with a small c) and not at all for codependency with either a capital or small c.  Since codependence and codependency are the same term capitalized or not, I have on this page and certain others doorway pages changed Codependence to lower case or to codependency.  I hope this does not offend anyone but since it is myself that I am quoting and I want to make the information on my web site available to as many people as possible - I gave myself permission.  Rather you use codependence or codependency, it is really a lousy word to describe what it has come to mean but it is what we have now so "oh well.")