"It is through healing our inner child,
our inner children, by grieving the wounds that we suffered, that we can
change our behavior patterns and clear our emotional process. We can release
the grief with its pent-up rage, shame, terror, and pain from those feeling
places which exist within us.
That does not mean that the wound will ever be
completely healed. There will always be a tender spot, a painful place
within us due to the experiences that we have had. What it does mean is
that we can take the power away from those wounds. By bringing them out
of the darkness into the Light, by releasing the energy, we can heal them
enough so that they do not have the power to dictate how we live our lives
today. We can heal them enough to change the quality of our lives dramatically.
We can heal them enough to Truly be happy, Joyous and free in the moment
most of the time."
(All quotes in this color are from Codependence:
The Dance of Wounded Souls)
Codependency recovery / inner child healing is a way of life. It is
a way to live life that works. It works to help an individual gain some
freedom from the past. It is a path for living that facilitates developing
a centered ground space within where inner peace exists. That creates the
space for a person to be present in the moment and be happy to be alive
- to connect with Joy - some of the time.
It is not something we do and then get on with our lives. It is something
we do in order to Truly be alive.
Life is a process - a journey. By being willing to do the inner child
healing we can learn to be present for the journey - and to have the capacity
to actually relax and enjoy it at times.
One of the very valuable things that I have learned in my recovery is
echoed in something that I often say to people when I first start to work
with them. Most of my counseling work is done by phone these days, and
often I will end the first session by saying, "Everything that happens
in your life from now on, is part of this process."
We are here to do this healing. We are Spiritual Beings having a human
experience - and we are in body at this very special time in history to
do this healing work.
The inner child healing work is part of our Spiritual evolutionary journey.
Doing this work requires consciousness raising - en-light-en-ment. We need
to become conscious of our own inner process - by developing the detached
observer / witness / detective / defense attorney / compassionate parent
level of consciousness. The more conscious we become, the easier it is
to see how powerful our reactive programming has been. By becoming conscious
of it, we can change it.
By being willing to get more conscious we can start to reprogram our
ego programming by using positive affirmations and self talk, by developing
a Spiritual belief system that allows us to start being compassionate and
Loving to ourselves.
By becoming willing to face the terror of healing the emotional wounds
we can learned to release the dammed, repressed grief energy within us
so that it is no longer defining us and dictating our experience of life.
Doing the healing work, making recovery a way of life, allows us to
make choices to define our reality from a place of faith and acceptance
instead of victimization, fear, and shame. It allows us to start having
healthier relationships with our self and with others.
Becoming conscious and paying attention to the guidance from our intuition
/ Spirit, will help us learn to stop reacting to life and start having
choices about how we respond to life. Responsibility - the ability to respond.
We can take responsibility for our lives - and own our power as a co-creator
of our life.
As long as we are reacting to life unconsciously out of our childhood
emotional wounds and programming it is impossible for us to grow up. Recovery
is about growing up - as I said in part 10 of this series on inner child
healing (Inner Child Healing Paradigm):
"This work is about becoming an integrated, whole, mature, adult person
in action, in the way we live our lives and respond to life events and
other people. The only way we can be whole is to own all of the parts of
ourselves. By owning all the parts we can then have choices about how we
respond to life. By denying, hiding, and suppressing parts of ourselves
we doom ourselves to live life in reaction."
Becoming an integrated, whole, mature adult does not come easily. It
takes commitment. It takes action and effort on our part. We need to be
willing to do our part in the process. We need to be willing to learn to
be honest with ourselves intellectually and emotionally. We need to be
willing to do the grief work. We need to be willing to be conscious - and
to live consciously.
We can't do it perfectly. We will make gradual progress. We will resist
and procrastinate and make excuses - because we are human. One of the trickiest
things about his process is to stop judging ourselves for being human at
the same time we doing whatever it takes to align with healing and transformation.
It is hard work. It is ongoing - it will keep changing and shifting
and getting different, but it will continue for the rest of your life.
The rewards are awesome however!
I am going to end this article and this series with a couple of short
quotes from near the end of my book Codependence: The Dance of Wounded
"We are Spiritual Beings having a human experience.
We are here to experience feelings and touch and Love. The goal of the
healing process is not to reach someplace where we are above all the human
experiences and feelings. We are here to feel these feelings.
When we become willing to feel the pain, then
we become capable of feeling the Joy. The Joy of doing this healing is
incredible! Our job is to heal and enJoy. Our job is to be. We are here
to be human beings, not human doings.
Our job is to follow the Joy to the Truth. Our
job is to feel in the moment.
As long as we are reacting to old wounds and old
tapes we cannot respond to the now. The more we heal, the more responsibility
we have - that is, ability to respond. The ability to respond in the moment."
"This is a process, a process we are going to
be involved in for the rest of this lifetime. We will never do it perfectly
from a human perspective. But the more we are willing to choose to view
life as a growth process, and to feel and remember the Truth within us,
the more we will become conscious of the Truth that we are perfectly where
we are supposed to be on our Spiritual Path - and that we are being guided
There is Truth all around us. And the Truth is
setting us free.
Through healing the inner child, we access Truth
and Love. And the little child shall lead them."
That little child is within you. That little child deserves Love. That
little child is you.