Frogs and Whales and a Lizard too
So, I have probably 5 or 6 articles for my Journal dancing in my mind right now, along with the ones from the twelve step series and the last 4 parts of the one about marriages - and at least 3 others partially written that I promised someplace on the site and whose time hasn't come yet. I also, have a whole list of other types of "to do" things - either my own ideas or suggestions (including one about getting my tapes available on CD, which hadn't ever occurred to me.) In the meantime, I need to finish my taxes, am dealing with some health issues and trying to figure out where the financial means are going to come from to do a second printing of the book, take my son on a trip this summer, upgrade to a better situation car wise - and some other of that mundane level of challenges.
It really is an exciting adventure, and I do really Love it most of the time. The mundane human level of existence can feel like a real pain in the derriere sometimes - but then I never felt comfortable down here in human body anyway, this is not my home. It is boarding school - which means lessons to be learned. (One of my phone counseling clients was telling me about a spiritual group he was checking out who call them Blessons. I like that.) I am just so incredibly grateful for the gift of recovery that allows me the serenity to take responsibility - to the best of my ability to respond in the moment - for the mundane levels without spinning out into the emotional anguish, mental contortions and intellectual gymnastics of the codependent, impending doom, fear based, right and wrong thinking (in reaction to the pain and shame of a false sense of unworthiness.) The twelve step recovery tools of surrendering my way (the way I think things need to be/have to work in order for me to be OK), accepting the Universe's plan, and taking action to align with The Force - the God / Goddess / Great Spirit who Loves me Unconditionally - work wonderfully well. (That was a description of working the first three steps.) An adventure into the unknown - boldly going where I do not remember ever going before - that is recovery, a real E ticket ride.
It does sometimes seem like I am Alice who has fallen down the rabbit's hole. It is certainly an exciting, exhilarating, madcap adventure. This recovery business is a totally different dimension - a True Magical Wonderland (once you get past being so scared of the terror and pain and rage and all. ;-)
More Will Be Revealed - as I was told in early recovery and have found to be a reliable and consistent Truth.
Oh, and I have to tell you about the really cool frog I got as a April Fools Day present. The symbolism of the frog in my recovery is something I talk about in The Story of Joy to You & Me in the first issue of my Joy2MeU Journal - the story of where the title of my company came from, and the name of my web site - in the first issue of the Joy2MeU Journal. This particular frog came to me at a particularly perfect time to give me guidance about an issue, and was sent to me by a former client in Santa Barbara. It sings. It's mouth and eyelids move - and it really looks like it is singing. I Love it. My inner children Love it.
It is just one of multiplying chain of magical things that have been happening lately - including a few that literally gave me chills, sent little vibrational spasms rippling through my body. I am going to save writing about those for my journal because they are an important part of my unfolding process that I need to process through by writing. Some powerful and transformational things are stirring - paradigms are shifting - and I am not sure at this point what it all means. Again, More Will Be Revealed.
So, I am going to keep this Update pretty short and to the point - so I can get back to my taxes for one thing. I am using the right hand margin above to announce some of the changes and additions that I sometimes talk about in the body of this Newsletter. That is to help me keep from getting into a new level of the labyrinth while writing this. A new feature is that the latest articles on my suite101 page are going to be announced in these Updates from now on - which I explain below.
Back in February and early March, I heard myself saying to people who asked how I was doing, "I'm grinding. You know how it is, sometimes you're flying and sometimes you're grinding." I said that even though the people I was saying it to probably didn't have a clue what I was talking about - since they had probably never been flying. What I meant by that was something similar to a phrase from AA about "trudging the road to happy destiny." I always disliked the way that sounded - sounds like sludge. When I looked it up in the dictionary however, it meant striding purposefully. My grinding is not really striding purposefully, but it is about moving forward - moving through the day doing the next thing in front of me. I take it as it comes (working those first 3 steps) and enjoy as many of the moments of the day as possible, maybe taking a short flight here and there - but it is not a Flying Time.
I have learned in the course of my recovery, that there are slow times and there are speeded up periods. It was real important for me to learn not to take this rhythm of life personally. My codependency wanted me to take it personally as if I had done something wrong - and beat myself up for it while trying to figure it out how to change it. It is so important to accept wherever we are and make the best of it, to not judge self and at the same time choose to take positive actions to make the best of today - knowing the plan is unfolding perfectly.
During those grinding times, I have moments of every day when I am able to tune into Joy and Love and Light - some days quite a few moments. But it is not the same as the times when the magic is coming fast and furious - when I often feel like I am soaring on the wings of that Joy and Love. When my Higher Power is the wind beneath my wings in a powerful and magical way. I have begun a Flying Time now - I do Love it. (We addicts like intensity you know. ;-) Until my next Update, remember to be kind to your self.
of Joy to Me and You all 2,
PS. Oh, but I do want to share one of those really magical experiences with you. In mid February, I was walking on the ranch where I Love to walk - and was in quite a grumpy mood. I was not happy with my Higher Power because of those health issues I alluded to - and especially not happy about some changes in my life style that I have been Choosing to make. (Choosing is capitalized because the critical parent voice is stuck in a victim perspective in regard to letting go of some old friends food wise, and tried to slip "have to" in there.) I was demanding that my Higher Power give me a major sign if this was really what I needed to do. And I specified MAJOR sign. I even said (thought - in my inner dialogue with my HP) "None of these little miracles here now. Sighting some whale spouts in the distance is not going to get it. I want a MAJOR miracle."
(The Gray whales migrate down the coast here on their way to Baja California and back - roughly between November and April. They were a little late this year and I had been having sightings of them beginning in about December. But nothing spectacular. From the last week in February until close to the end of March they were passing every day, heading back North. Sometimes, they would be within a few hundred yards of shore, but mostly farther out. It was possible when they were not too far out to see their backs and/or tails as they surface to blow /breathe - but mostly it was a matter of spotting the spouts.)
And I went on to specify that I would prefer that MAJOR miracle to be in either the financial area or on the romantic relationship front. It is probably a little over 3/4 of a mile each way that I walk - and I was making these demands to my Higher Power as I drove up and parked to get out for my walk. As usual, the walk was helping me to get back into balance, back into a place of more serenity. But I was still a bit grumpy as I turned around and headed back North (wisdom in the Medicine Wheel beliefs.) Suddenly, out of the ocean only a hundred yards off shore - directly in my field of vision as the trail wandered - rose a Humpback whale breaching. I shouted and threw my arms in the air - it was so magnificent. He proceeded to breach 6 more times - coming over half way out of the water each time. 7 times he breached only a hundred yards off shore - spectacular, TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! Then he turned and headed South. (Innocence and trust, place of the child within in the Medicine Cards.)
I got my MAJOR miracle. ;-)
Anyway, I had not planned on adding any more recommended links at the time of this Update because I already added two batches since the last Update. But the retreat idea reminder that I got today led me to decide to add a link to that twelve step travel web site. Maybe if enough people express an interest to them about going on an ocean retreat with me - who knows? Need to keep planting those seeds you know. ;-)
And since I was adding that one, I decided to add a few others. I had already been considering adding one to the Lesbian Friends in Recovery site that awarded Joy2MeU 3 different beautiful awards (a link on my links page in addition to the one on my Awards page.) And there was another site that had e-mailed to say they had added a link to my site. I get e-mails from sites all the time about reciprocal links. Some of them come from automated programs - and I don't even bother replying to their form e-mails. Others write to say they have added a link to my site and kind of rudely demand a reciprocal link with the threat that they will remove mine if I don't add theirs. Those I ignore also. This one was nice and polite and said a reciprocal link would be nice but not necessary. So, I added one to their site also.
New Page Site Index The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages! Information Pages Index
My Suite101 Page
My original agreement with Suite101 was that the majority of the material I published on that site be original and that articles are published exclusively on that site for 90 days. I have been with this directory for over 3 years now and have somewhere around 4 dozen articles posted on that site. A few of those articles are ones that I had previously published on my site or elsewhere. Many of them contain some information - a few paragraphs or lines - that was part of a page on one of my web sites. Some of them are completely original. I would estimate that 60 to 70 % of the material is original in that I first wrote those words for that site.
Some of that original writing (with previously published material mixed into some of the articles) I subsequently moved to my web site. Example of this are the article on "What is Codependency?", the series of articles on Codependent Relationship Dynamics, and the nine part series of articles on Healthy Relationship Behavior. In December 2001 I finished a 21 part series on Inner Child Healing - 3 articles of which I have moved to Joy2MeU. My agreement with them has now changed to comply with some new standards on their part - and I am now publishing one original article a month on that site. Starting with this April Update, I will be listing the newest articles on my suite101 page in these Joy2MeU Updates so that people on the e-mailing list know what is available there. Robert 4-14-02
Amazon Honor System
As I say in the message on the pay page that clicking on the logo will take you to, I had misgivings about this new feature when they first notified me of it. I decided to give it a tryout in alignment with being open to receive. In placing this box here, and at a few other places on the site, I am giving you all an opportunity to affirm and validate my work by making a contribution of between 1 and 50 dollars through this Amazon Honor System.
I call the pay page that clicking this will take you to, Joy2MeU Affirmation Opportunity. That is what it is, an opportunity for you to show support if the Spirit moves you. I am not asking you to contribute - the information on this web site (except for the Joy2MeU Journal) is free to anyone who visits - I am just opening to receive financial support in whatever manner the Universe wishes to manifest it. If this turns out to be a way in which the Universe will manifest support for my work, then so be it. More Will Be Revealed.