"One of the defenses many of us have against feeling our feelings is to speak of ourselves in the third person. "You just kind of feel hurt when that happens" is not a personal statement and does not carry the power of speaking in the first person. "I felt hurt when that happened" is personal, is owning the feeling. Listen to yourself so that you can become more aware of this defense and start changing it. Listen to others - both in person and on TV - refer to self in the third person and you will gain some insight into how they are wounded. You will probably be surprised at how often you hear this defense in the course of a day as you become more conscious."On this page is an article by inner child healing pioneer discussing some common emotional defenses.
"Perhaps the most common story telling diversion is to get very involved in the details of the story 'she said. . . . . then I said. . . . then she did. . . . .' The details are ultimately insignificant in relationship to the emotions involved but because we do not know how to handle the emotions we get caught up in the details. Often we are relating the details in order to show the listener how we were wronged in the interaction. Often we focus on how others are "wrong" in reaction to the situation as a way of avoiding our feelings."
"To say "I am anxious" or "concerned" or "apprehensive" is not the same as saying "I feel afraid." Fear is at the root of all of those expressions but we don't have to be so in touch with our fear if we use a word that distances us from the fear. Expressions like "confused," "irritated," "upset," "tense," "disturbed," "melancholy," "blue," "good," or "bad" are not primary feeling words."
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The Web Site of Spiritual Teacher, codependence counselor, grief therapist, author, Robert Burney and Joy to You & Me Enterprises
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Robert is the author of the Joyously inspirational book
The Dance of Wounded Souls
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|In February 2004 as I was putting
together some of my articles that had been originally published on Suite101
for an E-Book, I rediscovered several that I had written for a series on
inner child healing that I like a lot. I decided to add them as pages
on my regular web site and reorganized my Inner
Child Healing pages index page at the same time.
Common Emotional Defenses
"Attempting to suppress emotions is dysfunctional; it does not work. Emotions are energy: E-motion = energy in motion. It is supposed to be in motion, it was meant to flow.
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Emotional Defenses was originally published online as Inner Child Healing - Part 7 - Emotional Defenses on November 21, 2000 on my Inner Child / Codependency Recovery topic page on the Suite101.com Directory.
This article is a compressed version of articles published
in the Information Press of San Luis Obispo California in 1996 under the
titles: The Journey to
the Emotional Frontier Within and Further
Journeys to the Emotional Frontier Within.