Joy to You & Me and
Joy2MeU Update
| Hello Magnificent
Spiritual Beings having a human experience,
Well, my human experience has been very exciting so far this year.
A great deal happening in my life. I have taken a huge risk this
year, because it is what my Spirit let me know I needed to do - and it
is paying off big time so far. It has already produced great Joy
in my life - and, as with any exciting risk, a lot of fear at times.
I have put everything on the line - including the future of this web site
- and More Will Be Revealed about how it is all going to turn out.
I will talk about that some more in the Newsletter portion of this Update
- but first other news.
The workshops and retreat I did went wonderfully. The two day
retreat on the Spanish island of Ibiza was a wonderful experience.
Forty three people in all came to it. The majority of them didn't
speak English, so I got the opportunity to have a simultaneous translation
experience for the first time. Also the chance to teach a bunch of
Spanish people how to do the Hokey Pokey.;-)
"A good thing for this child to do is skip. I find it
is very hard to be serious and skip at the same time. Being silly
is very good for us. One of the closing prayers for my inner child
healing/grief groups is to do the "Hokey Pokey" - which is a silly dance
that many American children learned when little. (I don't know if
they do the Hokey Pokey in other parts of the world - maybe some of you
can let me know. The point is to do something silly and pointless
that helps us to not take ourselves so seriously.)" - The
Inner Children that need Boundaries
I end my workshops with the hokey pokey these days
- and don't do the inner child groups any more, something that I explain
on my biography page.
There is a chance I will be making a return trip
to Ibiza early in 2006. There is also a possibility of a trip to
England this fall - although I would need to set up some other appearances
to make it financially possible to make the trip that is possibly in the
works now. That is actually true of some workshop possibilities in
the states also - that I would need to set up some other appearances to
make it possible to cover expenses and make the trips financial viable.
And there is a cruise of the Caribbean that I
will be a featured speaker on in January. That is very exciting and
something that I had mentioned in several previous Updates.
"At the end of the updated info on my
biography page, I mention that I would like to be able to offer some kind
of healing retreats to people. This is something I have mentioned
previously in other places, and specifically in my April 2001 (should
be 2002) Update.
"A couple who organize cruises for recovering
people, recently moved to the small community I live in. These ocean
cruises for recovering people often feature speakers - notable figures
in recovery . . . . . . I can envision a week long retreat at sea.
Doesn't that sound interesting?" - Joy2MeU
Update April 2002
In a couple of conversations recently with the fellow
who organizes these cruises, I learned how they work. Basically,
any cruise for which I can get 20 people to sign up for, I can get my cruise
free. I would still have to pay for my air fare if the cruise was
one of the many leaving from Florida - but my cruise would be free.
The cruise would include a number of seminar / workshop kind of groups
with me for anyone interested - and I would also set some time aside to
schedule individual or couple sessions for an extra fee with anyone who
wanted to take advantage of that opportunity. Hopefully, I would
get enough of those to at least pay for my air fare." - Joy2MeU
Update February 2003
If you would like to get a chance to go on a week
long cruise of the Western Mediterranean on one of the floating resorts
that are the huge cruise liners - and get a chance to do it with other
recovering people who will be participating in meetings and workshops a
sea - check this out. The cruise leaves from Fort Lauderdale on January
8th with stops at Cozumel Mexico, in Jamaica and the Grand Caymans.
You can find out information about it at In
This Life (It is possible this web site info will not be updated
to include my appearance until a few days after this Update is published.
If you contact them, they will send you a brochure about the ship and the
trip. Anyone putting down a $100 deposit by August 1st gets a free
upgrade to a better cabin.)
The 2 hour workshop I gave at a Bay Area CoDA
Conference in Santa Clara went very well. It is the kind of appearance
however that I can only do at places within reasonable driving distance.
Since it is an official CoDA meeting, it is not possible to sell my book
and tapes - and I receive no expense money. So, it actually costs
me money to makes this kind of appearance.
The appearance in Ohio went wonderfully.
There was a CoDA speakers meeting in the morning and a workshop in the
afternoon - and both had close to 100 people participating. I would
love to make more appearances like this one, but in order to do that it
takes someone locally who is willing to do the organizational work.
The Ohio workshop was a success in all ways - despite the fact that I set
the price of admission too low - because someone there locally actually
covered a portion of the expenses out of their own pocket anonymously,
which made it possible to cover lodging and space rental.
In order to do more workshops in areas of the
country that require a long commute, I need either an organization who
can pay the expenses or someone locally dedicated to doing the footwork
to make it possible in their area - and I will need to charge in the neighborhood
of $40 to $50 to attend unless there is another way to cover travel expenses.
If anyone knows of an organization that might sponsor a workshop - or anyone
is interested in becoming involved in bringing a workshop to your area,
please contact me.
Right now, there are possibilities for workshops
in North Carolina and New York - if I can get another appearance or two
set up in the vicinity. So, I would be glad to hear from anyone in
those areas.
I want to focus more energy on trying to make
appearances, but do need to figure out how to do it in a financially viable
way. In areas within reasonable driving distance - in California,
Arizona, Nevada, or Pacific Northwest - I can possibly do the organizational
work from here, if I knew that enough people in the area were interested
in attending. If you are interested, please drop me an e-mail at
joy2meu@silcom.com - and I will start working on organizing something for
any area that seems an encouraging possibility. |
Additions to the web site since the March
Update include:
A page with some questions, answers, and random
thoughts about Parenting
Two articles originally published on Suite 101:
Energetic
Attraction - emotional familiarity or Karmic connection?
Emotional
Intimacy = in to me see
In addition:
In adding an attribution that seems to be
the original source of the handout Twisted
Thinking - reminded me of the long discussion I included on that page
about the Spiritual Growth process, the symbolic importance of the spiral,
and the significance of the Unicorn in my logo.
More feedback and testimonials added to Phone
Counseling Testimonials page.
Two new batch of wonderful Testimonials
for the book, tapes, and web site.
A new page with a World
map showing where the most recent visitors to Joy2MeU.com are located
A new book
store in Nebraska stocked The Dance
A new selection of diversified and interesting
looking links
were added.
Most Recent articles published on my
Suite101 page also listed on my page Suite101
Articles page:
March 2005
Spirituality
- a broader perspective
April 2005
Inspiration
from the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous
May 2005
God
the Father, and my father
June, 2005
Quantum
Physics - expanding my Spiritual paradigm
Links to past Update Newsletters for the Joy2MeU
site (launched February 4, 1999) can be found on the Information
index page. Links to the Newsletters of my original Joy to You
& Me web site (launched February 28, 1998) can be found on the Joy
to You & Me page which list pages from that site not moved to Joy2MeU.
|
Newsletter
The additions to the web site since the March Update are listed in the
right hand column above. As I explained in that March Newsletter,
I spent years living a serene, Joyous, and pretty isolated life writing
for this web site - and that is not my priority any longer.
"A major goal for me in 2005 is to be more involved in life.
I have taken steps to be more Alive and involved with other human beings
this year. My time of living in isolation in a beautiful place I
Love, focused on my writing, was a wonderful, wonderful chapter in my life.
But I entered this year knowing that I wanted to be more involved in the
experience of living from now on than in writing about it from an intellectual,
theoretical perspective." - Joy2MeU
Update Newsletter March 2005
When I entered this year, and took steps to get more involved in living,
I had no idea what was to come. The opportunity that has manifested
in my life is such an amazing and richly textured experience that I don't
think I could have imagined it in details anywhere close to the reality
that has materialized. The steps I took in early January actually
turned out to be symbolic because my plunge into life is not linked to
any of them, but the actions I took were important in setting the energy
in motion to create the kind of experience and opportunity I was asking
for. (In my article on the first 3 steps The
Miracle of The Twelve Step Recovery Process: 1, 2, 3, and a 1, 2, 3 - The
first three steps I talk about how working the third step involves
putting out my request to the Universe - asking for help in creating what
I want - and taking action towards that desire. By taking action
to plant the seeds - while letting go of the outcome - I aligned with metaphysical
law of sowing and reaping, something I talk more about on my Love Offering
page that is linked below.)
There is plenty of material for anyone to read on my site already -
and though I will be writing some original articles for the site in the
future, that is not a priority for me now. So, I have added very
little to the site this year. There are over 270 pages of content
on the regular site right now - and close to 90 pages in the Joy2MeU
Journal - so several million words available. If you are one
of the rare people who have already read them all, I would suggest that
you go back and read them again. As we grow and learn our perspective
changes. So, if you read an article 6 month or a year ago - of even
last week sometimes - you will see even more in it in reading it again.
I have emphatically become much more involved in life and with
other human beings this year, in some quite amazing and wonderful ways.
I will get into a little more detail about that in a moment, but just last
week a new possibility appeared on the horizon. My 15 year old son
just returned to his home after spending close to a month here with me.
The day he returned home, his mother called me about the possibility of
having him come to live with me. This is something that has come
up several times before, but she has always changed her mind within a short
period of time. It is something that I have been willing to do for
awhile, but did not know how I would be able to financially handle the
extra responsibility.
On my biography page, which
I mentioned above, I share an outline of how my journey has unfolded -
including the financial difficulties that caused me to be homeless for
6 months in 1999. (Not on the street homeless, I had an office for
my computer - but crashing on friends couch kind of homeless.) On
my Donations / Love Offering page
- which includes the history of the book and a discussion of the metaphysical
laws of giving and receiving - I share how I learned to be open to receiving
help as part of working the 3rd step of my 12 step program, and how Donations
to the cause allowed me to publish the book and to keep it in print.
Self publishing a book is not the way to make a lot of money - unless or
until word of mouth becomes so strong that a larger publisher wants to
buy the rights.
It was the gift of exposure on the internet that has kept my book alive
and in print - and I have been very grateful in the years since 1999 that
I have been able to pay the rent every month. The risk I took this
year actually put me in a position where it was possible I might end up
homeless again. I don't think that is going to happen now - but it
was a risk I choose to make. I called attention to that Donation
page - and worked the third step by asking for help again - on my New
page when I posted the latest article that I moved from suite101, on
my CoDA birthday, June 3rd. I did get a few donations as a result
of that request on the New page - and have the promise of another one that
will help alleviate a lot of financial pressure in my life right now if
it manifests.
Due to the risk I have taken - and the added financial responsibility
I have taken on - I have been looking for ways to increase my income.
Having my son come to live with me will make that an even more pressing
priority. One of the things I am considering is moving some of the
pages on my regular web site into a password protected part of the site
- and charging a fee to view those pages. This is something I have
resisted doing up until now - but something I am needing to consider as
part of taking care of my own needs.
I raised telephone counseling
prices in May, as one step in trying to create more income. The prices
I am charging are still minuscule compared to what some people out there
are charging - and the phone counseling is probably the greatest bargain
available when it comes to changing the quality of one's life for the better.
Learning how to have the internal boundaries that I teach people in the
phone work - and describe how to do on my inner child healing pages - is
truly the most powerful work I have ever encountered to help a person to
open up to more Joy in one's life, to really start learning how to relax
and enjoy life as an exciting adventure a great deal of the time.
As I tell people often, there are many places one can read or hear that
it is important to Love one's self - but no one really tells you how to
do it. It is my privilege and honor to be able to share with people
an approach that actually helps one to start being more Loving to one's
self. An approach that actually works - is functional - in changing
one's core relationship with self, life, and other people into one that
is more Loving.
Making part of the site a pay per view kind of section is just one of
the actions that I am needing to consider at the present time. I
would rather not do this - and if enough donations to the cause come in,
or money manifests in some other way, won't have to - but it is an option.
It has been my privilege and honor to provide so much information for free
here on the internet - and even if I do decide to charge for some of the
content, it will only be perhaps a couple of dozen pages. There
have now been 10s of thousands of people who have been helped by my pages
- and only a small percentage of those people have even bought my book.
That is something I am okay with however. As I say on the Donations
page, I am settling Karma and getting the opportunity to be of service,
and that is a wonderful gift.
"Of course, one of the reasons that I have the
honor and privilege of carrying this Joyous message in this lifetime is
because of my Karmic debts from other lifetimes.
Possibly one of the reasons that you are reading
this is because I, personally, owe you a Karmic debt. Maybe I gouged
out your eyes when I was a Roman legionnaire or a Viking or something,
and now I am repaying that debt by helping you to see more clearly in this
lifetime." - Codependence: The Dance
of Wounded Souls
As I also say on that Donation page, I am not really asking for donations
just for my sake - because by opening to receive I present other people
an opportunity to give, which helps them to to align themselves Karmically
with a message they believe in, and to keep the healing energy flowing
for their lives.
"I do not need you to make a donation for my sake - though
I would, of course, be very grateful for your help in allowing me to continue
doing something I Love to do. Perhaps however, if you resonate with
my work, you would find it beneficial to make a donation for your sake
- to demonstrate and affirm your alignment with the message of Joy and
Love in my work. If you have been able to access some more Love for
yourself through reading my words, perhaps sending a little Love my way
in the form of money energy will help keep the Love energy flowing into
your life." - Donations / Love
Offering
Having my son come to live with me is something that has always terrified
me. As I talked about in the March Update, I had a lot of knowledge
on an intellectual, theoretical level about romantic relationship - but
needed to actually have some relationship experience to really learn how
to get healthier in actually being in a romantic relationship. The
same is true for being a father - I have theoretical knowledge, but no
real experience at actually doing it on a day to day basis. It will
be a wonderful opportunity for growth - and a major challenge - if I get
the gift of having him come to live with me.
And that brings me to one of the events in my life recently. My
father passed away on May 24th. I wrote about it in my latest Suite101
article God
the Father, and my father. It is something that I will probably
be processing through for awhile.
If the major donation that has been promised to me materializes, that
will make it possible to actually start taking steps towards bringing out
the audio tapes in a CD version. This is something I have wanted
to do - and been asked about - for years now, and it would be great if
enough abundance manifests to actually do that. I will announce it
on my New page if it happens - as well announcing the change to pay to
view certain pages if that happens. For those of you that don't know
it, there is a service that will send you an e-mail letting you know that
the New page has changed. Any time I make any changes or additions
to the web site - or announce any news (like workshops being scheduled)
- I announce it on the New page. If you would like to sign up for
that service it is here: Notification
of change to New page sign up page.
Now I will tell you a little about the amazing, miraculous, relationship
experience that I have been blessed with here in 2005.
"a receptacle for Love to flow into"
I mentioned in my March Update that a new romantic relationship had manifested
in my life.
"The Universe answered my prayer / affirmation / challenge
by bringing a new teacher into my life to help me do some more work on
healing my relationship with myself - healing my fear of intimacy issues.
And my Higher Power arranged that I would be completely through with the
last experience before this one appeared in my life. Very cool.
Rather this person is someone / the soul mate, that is going to be in
my life long term or not I do not know at this time. It is possible
that she is a brilliant flaming shooting star who is flashing through my
world to illuminate some things / issues that I needed to see with more
clarity - a catalyst of growth and awakening. Perhaps I will get
to once more experience a broken heart and the grief that goes with it.
I don't get to know that right now. What is important is that I am
willing to take the risk - and the Universe has brought a very special
lady into my life to help me learn. I am hoping that she is the special
woman who will be willing and able to surrender to opening her heart to
me, to surrender to the experience of Loving me - while I surrender completely
to the experience of Loving her, to opening my heart to her. More
will be revealed about how this newest adventure is going to unfold." -
Joy2MeU
Update Newsletter March 2005
This relationship has turned into an absolutely amazing, Truly remarkable
adventure. The woman whom I am involved with has proven to be a major
catalyst for growth in my life - and a source of incredible Joy.
I am actually getting the opportunity to experience what I have intuitively
- and theoretically - known was possible in a romantic relationship for
years now. I am getting a chance to follow the advice I gave to some
friends in the Wedding Prayer that I wrote at the end of 1998.
"You each have emotional "buttons" that trigger old defensive
reactions, fears and insecurities - and you are sitting next to the person
who was specifically prepared and trained to be a specialist in pushing
your buttons. The gift you will give each other by pushing those
buttons will help each of you uncover the wounds that need to be healed.
You have come together to teach each other, to help each other heal,
to support and encourage each other in your quest to find your True Self.
. . . .
. . . . . . You are together because you resonate on the same wave lengths,
you fit together vibrationally, in such a way that together you form a
powerful energy field that helps both of you access the Higher Vibrational
Energy of Love, Joy, Light, and Truth - in a way that would be very difficult
for either one of you to do by yourself. You are coming together
to touch the face of God. You are uniting your energies to help you
access the Love of the Holy Mother Source Energy.
You are not the source of each other's Love. You are helping each
other to access the LOVE that is the Source.
The Love that you see when you see your soul in the others eyes is a
reflection of the LOVE that you are. Of the Unconditional Love that
the Great Spirit feels for you." - A
Wedding Prayer / Meditation on Romantic Commitment
My lady and I are a most improbable, surprising coupling in many ways.
We had been living very different life styles with divergent priorities
- and an almost 14 year age differential. It took a cosmic "coincidence"
of pretty monumental proportions for us to even connect at all in the first
place. I had taken down my profile on the online dating services
for a period of time because I didn't anticipate getting involved in another
relationship in early January. I was still processing through the
lessons I had learned in the relationship experience I was gifted with
in 2004 - and because the shift I mentioned in my March Update had taken
place at the very beginning of the year, had not made the profile visible
again as yet.
". . . . . And then something happened that I have never experienced
so powerfully previously. A communication from her about that article
- and an e-mail that she sent me on January 2nd (my e-mail response to
that one was the last communication between us) - opened my eyes to some
facets of the relationship experience I had not seen clearly before.
I read that e-mail through one time - and I was completely done with the
relationship. Instantaneously it was over for me absolutely.
In writing this today - because of the digression above - I realize that
what happened in the moment of my reading that e-mail, was that any ties
/ chords of energy that were still in place from me to her were completely
severed. Never before have I experienced such a clear and clean and
complete closure of anything in my recovery process. It was a blessed
gift and a miracle.
And of course, it was perfect timing in the Cosmic Scheme of things.
Because 10 days later I was contacted for the first time by someone who
just might be that soul mate I stated that I was going to be looking for
in the August Update and December Suite 101 article. " - Joy2MeU
Update Newsletter March 2005
The coincidence had to do with a phone counseling client on the East Coast.
I had shared with her that an important part of me opening up to becoming
available for a relationship experience had been putting up a profile on
some online dating services. (I originally did the online dating
thing thinking nothing would come of it, but rather as a symbolic action
- such as I mentioned above - to put my desire for a relationship out to
the Universe.) She had decided to take my advice that she try out
the experience - and in communicating with me about the profile she had
put up, asked me if she could see my profile. So, I made my profile
viewable for a period of less than 24 hours. During that time the
woman who I am involved with now contacted me. She happened to do
a search that night for men who lived in Cambria. She has always
been drawn to the little coastal town I live in - and had even gotten married
here some years earlier. She had dreamed for years of moving to this
area - and on that night her frustrations with living in San Diego had
driven her to repeat a search that she had done previously without seeing
my profile because it wasn't available.
So, on the night of January 12th I received a communication from her.
I was not really interested in a long distance relationship, and though
she was very attractive it didn't look to me from her profile as if we
were interested in the same types of things - so I didn't respond for a
few days. We exchanged a few e-mails and she told me that she was
going to be in the area soon - but I really had no expectations that anything
would come of our connecting.
She did not contact me when she had told me she probably would - and
I had pretty much dismissed the possibility of meeting her from my mind
that weekend. When I did hear from her on Sunday afternoon the 23rd
of January, it was unexpected and on the phone number I use for counseling
which I do not get other calls on normally. I was actually kind of
rude when I first answered because I thought she was someone else that
should have known better than to call me on that line. Despite my
rudeness, she was compelled to drive to Cambria to meet me that night.
During the course of the time we spent together that evening I got a
glimpse of her True Self. Because of her childhood wounding and life
experience, she had developed a defense system that to me - in our communication
up until that night - had already seemed to be waving a lot of red flags
warning me not to get involved. I was pretty stand offish despite
the fact that I found her to be a very beautiful woman. Once I got
a glimpse of her True Self, I knew immediately that this was a woman that
I had to get to know.
What I saw was a woman with a beautiful heart and soul - with a huge
capacity to Love - underneath the defenses that she had been forced to
adapt to protect herself in her life journey. There was no doubt
in my mind after that night, that no matter how many red flags I was seeing,
I needed to surrender to experiencing whatever my Higher Power had brought
her into my life to experience.
Her defenses were perfectly designed to push my buttons - to trigger
some of my deepest wounds and reactions. And of course, my defenses
pushed her buttons as well.
That night I surrendered to whatever ride the Universe had in store
for me with this woman. That night I realized that I needed to ignore
the red flags, let go of any preconceived boundaries or expectations, and
go wherever this adventure led me.
It has been a real e-ticket ride so far. I have thought it was
over a multitude of times. She would react in ways that pushed my
buttons - and I was sure it had ended. But then it would begin again.
The key factor is that she is actively in recovery, dedicated to getting
healthier. Thus though her reaction was to run away from me - her
pattern has been to leave relationships before she could be left - she
did not run away for long. I had my deepest wounds around abandonment,
betrayal, and rejection pushed - and kept coming back for more because
that is what I had surrendered to doing back on January 23rd. I kept
throwing out any intellectual, rational conclusions about what was going
on, about the red flags that kept appearing - and surrendering to following
my intuitive guidance to go wherever this ride took me.
One of the most unusual things about the experience to me, is that she
was resistant to my writing from the beginning. What has been a normal
occurrence for me in recent years, is that women who fell in love with
my writing and my message would think they were my soul mate or something
and want to get to know me. She didn't much care for my writing -
has still not completely read my book - but was interested in me anyway.
She saw something in me that she was very attracted to, that was not the
result of what I do or the message I have been given the gift of carrying.
She had no interest in me being her teacher - and in fact, thought that
it was me that needed her as a teacher. She was, of course, accurate
in that assessment in multiple ways. She has been the catalyst for
amazing growth for me - and is continuing to teach me daily. I had
to let go of my role as a teacher in relationship to her - and really start
learning about being a man in a relationship separate from my identity
as a messenger and teacher.
This is not a relationship that I am going to be writing about in any
detail as I have with past journalizing about my fear of intimacy issues
- and my journey to learning to open my heart. I am only going to
share in the most general kind of way about this amazing adventure the
Goddess has gifted me with.
What has unfolded in recent months, is that she is now living here in
Cambria - and I am moving in with her in the next couple of weeks.
I have not only been given the blessing of having the opportunity to share
my life journey with a dynamic, exciting romantic partner - I have inherited
a whole family in the process. The brood includes her 17 year old
daughter, her daughters boyfriend and their 7 month old baby - soon perhaps
to be joined by her 20 year old son. I am getting the Joyous and
amazing opportunity to be a step grandfather to the amazing little baby
- and am sooo grateful for the opportunity. The family also includes
2 dogs, 2 cats, a rat, and a chicken named Jack. (And now a 3 month
old pygmy goat named Pixie.)
The way the events unfolded - which included her getting a job in the
area that fell through and being forced to move with very little in the
way of financial resources - has allowed me to do something which I have
never done before. I was able to step up to the plate and take financial
responsibility for this whole brood. I have always had a problem
just providing financially for myself, and have never felt capable of taking
on that kind of responsibility. (Although I have paid support payments
for my son, I haven't until now thought I could possibly take on the financial
responsibility of having him live with me. In the October 2000 Update I
am going to be quoting shortly, I talk about my core fear of intimacy issues
and how they are tied into the financial issues my codependency created
in my life.)
That is what has put me into a precarious financial position - supporting
my new family (along with plane trips to see my father before he died,
and to go to his funeral.) When I got to the point of giving notice
on my apartment in anticipation of moving in with my lady and her family,
I still wasn't sure that the relationship wouldn't blow up and cause her
to run away in reaction to her counterdependent defenses - leaving me in
a position where I had no money and no place to live. But I
took the risk anyway because that is what my Spiritual guidance told me
to do - because I could see that there was potential for a great reward,
a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow, if things worked out between
us.
I am so very very grateful I have done this. I am today, June
27th, feeling very secure in the relationship - having grown to a place
where I am giving less and less power to my reactions and hers - and really
believe this is going to work out in very wonderful ways.
The growth I have made in surrendering to the adventure and not letting
my inner child wounds have so much power, has created the space for her
to grow in tremendous ways. She has been able to accept my help and
develop a trust in me - two things that her wounding caused her to be very
very resistant to - that has helped her to open her heart to me in amazing
ways. She has learned to get past her defenses and be vulnerable
- and we are developing a delicious and magnificent emotional intimacy.
The experience of being Loved by her as she opens her heart to me, is exquisite.
For the first time in my life, I am Truly being given the opportunity to
receive an abundance of the Love I have been starved for all my life.
In my Update Newsletter from October 2000 I shared about my fear of
intimacy issues in a way that was a catalyst for everything that has happened
in my recovery process since that time. In that Update I mention
the one issue that was at the core of my wounding - that is one of the
most challenging for all codependents - which is opening up to receive
Love. Because of the toxic shame at the core of codependency - the
feeling of being somehow defective, unlovable and unworthy because my parents
were wounded and wounded me - allowing myself to Truly be Loved is the
hardest thing I have ever had to learn. In that Update I put it this
way.
"Anytime I have a chance to speak my Truth, to share the beliefs
and knowledge which I so passionately embrace, I get to touch the Divine.
I get to be a channel for Love to flow through. (One of the things
I want to talk about in this Newsletter is that it can be easier to be
a channel for Love to flow through than a receptacle for Love to flow into.)"
Joy2MeU
Update Newsletter October 2000
I am now getting the opportunity to be a receptacle for Love to flow into
in amazing and wondrous ways. I am so incredibly grateful for this
relationship, for this beautiful amazing woman in my life. I have
faith that the financial needs will be met somehow and that we are going
to get the chance to explore this wonderful intimacy that we are creating
between us. I do believe that what I intuitively wrote about in that
Wedding Prayer over 7 years ago is now present and happening in my life.
"You will need to Let Go. And Let Go, and let go again.
On a daily basis. Let go of believing that the other person has to be in
a good mood or has to like the same things or wants to do things at the
same time. Let go of expecting that they can be there for you in
the way you want all of the time. They can't. They are human.
No one can meet all of another person's needs. You each need to have
resources / friends outside of your relationship. You each need to
have parts of your life that aren't dependent upon the other.
You will hurt each other, scare each other, make each other angry.
Which will then give you the gift of being able to work through those issues
to a deeper level of emotional intimacy.
You have got some stuff to work through - that is both the bad news
and the good news. Because as you reach those deeper levels of emotional
intimacy your love will deepen and grow in ways in which you can't even
imagine. You are boldly going where neither of you has ever been
before. And you have a friend and a partner who is willing to make
a sacred commitment here today to go on this adventure with you.
Celebrate that!! It is an incredible gift!
Grab each moment you can and be present with it.
By being willing to be present to feel the difficult feelings -
hurt, sadness, anger, fear;
by being willing to walk through the terror of embracing life - the
terror that this commitment to intimacy can bring up;
by being willing to take the risk of being abandoned and betrayed -
to take the risk of completely exposing yourself to another being;
you are opening yourself to Joy and Love to depths and on dimensions
that you have only had the slightest taste of so far.
BE each other's sanctuary. Be patient and kind and gentle whenever
you can make that choice.
The more you do your healing and follow your Spiritual path the more
moments of each day you will have the choice to Truly be present the moment.
And in the moment you can make a choice to embrace and feel the Joy
fully and completely and with Gusto.
In any specific moment you will have the power to make a choice to feel
the Love in that moment as if you have never been hurt and as if the Love
will never go away.
Completely absolutely unconditionally with fearless abandon you can
embrace the Love and Joy in the moment.
Glory in it!
Loving is the Grandest, most sublime adventure available to us.
Lets your hearts sings together.
Let your souls soar to unimagined heights.
Wallow in the sensual pleasure of each others bodies.
Roar with the Joy of being fully alive.
Go for it!!!!" A
Wedding Prayer / Meditation on Romantic Commitment
I now have the friend and partner who is willing to go on this adventure
with me. It is an exquisite, blessed opportunity. This year
has already been the most Joyous of my life - and it keeps getting better!!!!!!!
What a blessing! What a gift!
With Wishes
of Joy and Love to me and you ~ Robert
PS. My life is so full now that I didn't get this posted in June.
Oh well. A few developments since I finished writing this several
days ago. The large donation did arrive, and has greatly relieved
the financial pressure. I am incredibly grateful to the person whose
belief in my work moved her to send this Love offering my way. Unfortunately
it doesn't look like it is going to be enough make the CD project possible
right now. If sales increase in the coming weeks, or others are moved
to send a Love offering my way, then the first thing I will be doing is
converting the audio version of my book to CD. If you haven't bought
my book or tapes, this would be a great time to do so. Or if you
wish to make a Love offering to show that
you value my message and work, and appreciate my web site - that would
be great. As it states on that page, anyone making a contribution
of $50 or more will be sent a gift subscription to the Joy2MeU
Journal. (I am too busy living to have added anything to that
Journal this year - and am not sure when I will.)
The other thing that is happening, is that the possibility of my son
coming to live with me seems more apt to happen now. Although it
looks like it may not happen until the end of the year. More will
be revealed about how this all unfolds, but it would seem to be good for
me to get settled into the new relationship more comfortably before adding
the extra dimension of my son's presence to our new lives. I am moving
over the course of the next week or ten days, so there are a multitude
of changes that are going to be happening in our day to day lives - a lot
of figuring out how things are going to work living together.
I am very happy that this is happening - and feel soooo very blessed at
the gift of having this amazing woman in my life. It makes me deliriously,
deliciously happy to be Loved by her.
I was wearing a T shirt the other day - one that someone in Texas sent
me some years ago in gratitude for my web site. It is a shirt that
I haven't worn for several years because it was too small for me.
Now I can wear it because I have lost close to 30 lb. since January - and
am told I look at least 10 years younger. I would say that is a pretty
good indicator of the impact that Love is having on my life - and of my
embracing being alive in ways I was resisting previously.
Anyway, this T shirt says, "Grace can't be earned, it is absolutely
Free." Thinking of Grace brought to mind the Swan story that I share
in my book. I share it on the site on my Choosing
a therapist or counselor with discernment page. I am just going
to quote one paragraph from it here, in way of closing this Update.
A "state of Grace" is the condition of being Loved
unconditionally by our Creator without having to earn that Love.
We are Loved unconditionally by the Great Spirit. What we need to
do is to learn to accept that state of Grace." - Codependence:
The Dance of Wounded Souls
We are all Magnificent Spiritual Beings who are perfect parts of the
ONENESS that is the God-Force / Goddess Energy / Great Spirit. Codependency
is caused by feeling that we are not Lovable and worthy because planetary
conditions caused our parents to be wounded and to wound us with their
behavior. Codependency recovery is about learning how to change our
relationship with our self / Self, so that we can own the state of Grace
that is our True condition. We are Unconditionally Loved - every
one of us.
We are all beautiful swans who exist in a state
of Grace, in a condition of being unconditionally Loved. The dance
of Recovery is a process of learning to accept and integrate the Truth
of Grace into our lives.
The goal in this Age of Healing and Joy is integration
and balance. To integrate the Spiritual Truth into our physical experience
so that we can fill the hole inside and find wholeness within. As
we integrate our True Spiritual nature into our relationship with our physical
being we can begin to achieve some balance and harmony with and between
all of the parts of our being.
This age is a time for growing and learning, a
time to become conscious of the True nature of the Source Energy, a time
of Spiritual Awakening. We have been given the wonder-full gift of
having the ability and the tools to start integrating the Truth of a Loving
Universal Force into our day-to-day experience of life. We now have
the knowledge and guidance that we need to start bringing some balance
to our relationships - with ourselves and our God/Goddess, with other people
and the planet - so that we can live in a way that allows us to experience
some Peace and Love on our life path.
We can heal our wounded souls enough to change
the dance of life from a dance of endurance and suffering to a dance that
celebrates living. We now have access to the power to transform the
dance of Codependence to a dance of healing and Joy. - Codependence:
The Dance of Wounded Souls
I am today, celebrating living in to an extent, and with a gusto, that
I had only dreamed about previously. I am so Grateful for my recovery.
~ Robert 7/3/05
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