Joy to You & Me
and Joy2MeU Update
April 11, 2002
To all the Magnificent
Spiritual Beings on my e-mailing list,
Well, these Updates are turning into more of a quarterly occurrence
than every two months. Such is my life right now - pretty busy.
I have been in one of my writing frenzies where I am often
getting up at 3 or 4 AM to start writing because the words and ideas are pouring
forth. Several times I have been up by midnight, and writing
until 6 or 7 before laying down for a nap. And this frenzy has been
leading me on a merry chase through the labyrinth.
"As I said in the Update part of this Newsletter,
my process, and especially my writing, can be like finding my way through
a labyrinth. (And it just occurred to me, may be what some people's
experience of my web site is like.;-)
Writing about this level of recovery for me is like
exploring some kind of labyrinth at times - each twist and turn I follow leads
to a new perspective, to a different facet - and just when I think I am finished,
I turn a corner and am headed back into the maze. - Joy2MeU Update
5-23-01
I have periods where I can't write at all - and then when I need to write,
I have great resistance to getting started. (As I have talked about
in past Update Newsletters.) Then I have periods that are a
kind of creative frenzy, where it feels as if I can't write fast enough to
get all that is pouring out onto paper (Computer screen.)
I have been in one of those creative frenzies for some weeks
now. . . . . . . Once the floodgates open, what I try to do, is direct
the flow of my writing towards the goal I have in mind. An article focused
on a specific area, or my Update Newsletter or whatever. I have some
points I want to make, and I choose a starting point and then leap into the
labyrinth." - Joy2MeU Update 5-23-01
Newsletter 1
I have been on this particular journey into the labyrinth for over a month
now - with no end in sight. After posting the January Update - and
the two part Newsletter that insisted on accompanying it - I had to put some
major hours into some slight rewrites and adjustments in design of some of
my web pages to accommodate a change in the major marketing tool I use to
help make my web site available to people searching the internet. In
doing so, I realized that I had never really explained fear of intimacy in
a simple, straight forward manner. Thus I wrote the article Fear
of Intimacy - about the wounding that is at the heart of our codependency.
That process also led to a new entry page for the site explaining my Spiritual
beliefs in a direct straight forward manner: Abundant
Spirituality in the New Age
I then wrote and added several pages to the Joy2MeU Journal
and rewrote the Journal information page to reflect the evolution of that
collection of writing. It was while doing this that I really got sucked
into the whirlpool of the labyrinth. I had done a considerable amount
of writing during February and early March, but it was while working on
the Journal that this latest writing frenzy really kicked up a few notches
in intensity.
Here is a paragraph I wrote this morning for part 4 of my newest
multi-part web article, that tells a bit about what happened.
"This seems to have turned into some kind of manifesto.
The irony of this is pretty remarkable. As I said in part 1, the idea
of doing a web page in answer to this person's article has been in the back
of my mind for some time. A month ago as I was moving the bulk of the
Attack on America book I had published online to my password protected Journal
site - in part because I thought that many people may not be ready for the
level of honesty with which I expressed my perspective on unfolding world
events, and/or the level of personal intimacy which I shared in doing that
- I decided to move a series of articles about the Twelve Steps from that
Journal site to the Joy2MeU site to make them more widely available.
In moving that 4 part series, I ended up expanding it to a 7 part series.
One of the articles that I realized I needed to write as part of that series,
was one focusing on the concepts of powerlessness and unmanageability from
a twelve step perspective in relationship to codependency. In the process
of writing that article, I wrote a section that I realized did not really
belong in that series in terms of scope and tone. In looking for a context
in which to use that section, I ended up starting to write this article.
So, here I am, boldly and baldly stating my Truth in public again. Oh
well. Here is the section I wrote that sparked this web article."
The codependency movement
is NOT ruining marriages! Part 4
After writing that paragraph, I surrendered to the reality that I wasn't
going to be able to get all 5 parts of this newest article finished in time
to meet my goal of getting my Update out by this coming weekend. So,
I let that go for the moment and starting working on this. I am posting
part 1 of The codependency movement is NOT ruining
marriages! at the same time I post this Update. Parts 2 thru 5 -
though about 90 % finished, need some work and will probably be posted (at
least a few of them since I plan to be alternately writing in my journal in
the coming weeks) in a week.
The last 3 articles in the The Miracle
of The Twelve Step Recovery Process series of articles will not be too
far behind I hope. At least the one on Powerlessness and Unmanageability
should probably be posted before the end of April. Here is an excerpt
from the first article in that series explaining the process of it's manifestation.
"In March of 2002 as I was preparing
to move the bulk of the book I wrote and published online about the September
11th Attack on America to my Joy2MeU Journal (as I forewarned in my
January 2002 Update)
I decided to move this series of articles to the regular Joy2MeU
web site. I realized that - though the foundation of my work is the
ancient Spiritual Principles and process that I learned by working a twelve
step program, and I talk about those principles and that process to some
extent in all of my writing - I did not have very much written here on my
regular web site that actually talks about the steps themselves.
When I originally started publishing
these articles in the Joy2MeU Journal, it was because I thought I would need
to create enough content to make the Journal attractive to potential subscribers.
The Journal has turned into something quite different from my original vision
of it, and because the story of my recovery and Spiritual journey expanded
to include a personal intimate journal about my process over the last 3 years
there is plenty of content in that Journal for people who resonate strongly
with my writing. Thus, moving this series of articles (which has been
expanded from 4 to 6 articles) to Joy2MeU to make them available to the public
as a whole makes sense.
The Miracle of The
Twelve Step Recovery Process
In the course of taking what I believed was a brief
break from writing for my Journal, I ended up with what will be 12 new web
pages for Joy2MeU. Such is the latest result for me of surrendering
to the whirlpool of the writing labyrinth. |
Additions to the web site since the January Update include:
a continuation of that Update in a two
part Newsletter
A new article Fear of Intimacy
A new entry page Abundant Spirituality in the New Age
The first 4 articles in a series on
The Miracle of The Twelve Step Recovery
Process
Part 1 of a 5 part web article The codependency movement is NOT ruining
marriages!
A reorganization & slight rewrite
to the Choosing a therapist or counselor
with discernment page
The Joy2MeU Journal
information page has been rewritten and updated to reflect the current
situation in regard to that body of work in it's password protected site.
In addition:
Bookstores in Utah, Pennsylvania,
New York, & Massachusetts stocked the book - these are listed on bottom
of New page.
4 new resources added on the
Finding CoDA
meetings page - Northern Georgia,
Ottawa Canada, Berlin Germany, and an international
meeting list.
Three new resources have been added to
the Referral to local Therapist / Counselors page
- including one who is involved in retreats in Pennsylvania.
A new webring about Twin Souls (on both
the webring page and the The True Nature
of Love - part 6, Twin Souls,
Souls Mates, and Kindred Spirits page.)
Also 4 new awards
(including 3 beautiful ones from Lesbian Friends in Recovery site) and ten
new Links.
A paradigm shift in my perspective of
my future books led me to rewrite the investment opportunity
page.
I have added a combination offer for
book and 1 1/2 hour counseling session to the phone counseling page.
So many heart felt and touching testimonials for the book, tapes, and web site
have been pouring in, that I am adding a bunch of new ones only a month after
adding the last bunch.
A change in my relationship with suite101 has resulted in my
decision to add a section to this Update in which I list the articles which
I have published there since my last Update. See the lower part of
the page for those articles.
Links to past Update Newsletters for the
Joy2MeU site (launched February 4, 1999) can be found on the Information index page. Links to the Newsletters
of my original Joy to You & Me web site (launched February 28, 1998) can
be found on the Joy to You & Me page which list
pages from that site not moved to Joy2MeU.
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Frogs and Whales and a Lizard too
Someone sent an e-mail suggesting an idea to add
to my "to do" list. I already have enough writing ideas percolating
in my mind to keep me busy for the rest of this year - literally.
Taking my daily (twice daily whenever possible) walk by the ocean the other
day, I got some ideas from a whale (huge monster of a whale - and a surprise
since the migration of the Gray Whales, which had them passing by for months
has ended) and a lizard (which stopped directly in my path and looked at
me to help me understand the importance of the messages) helped me to understand
where the next chapters of my Trilogy were going to go - and caused a paradigm
shift in my perspective of my future books.
So, I have probably 5 or 6 articles for my
Journal dancing in my mind right now, along with the ones from the twelve
step series and the last 4 parts of the one about marriages - and at least
3 others partially written that I promised someplace on the site and whose
time hasn't come yet. I also, have a whole list of other types of
"to do" things - either my own ideas or suggestions (including one about
getting my tapes available on CD, which hadn't ever occurred to me.)
In the meantime, I need to finish my taxes, am dealing with some health issues
and trying to figure out where the financial means are going to come from
to do a second printing of the book, take my son on a trip this summer, upgrade
to a better situation car wise - and some other of that mundane level of challenges.
It really is an exciting adventure, and I do
really Love it most of the time. The mundane human level of existence
can feel like a real pain in the derriere sometimes - but then I never felt
comfortable down here in human body anyway, this is not my home. It
is boarding school - which means lessons to be learned. (One of my phone
counseling clients was telling me about a spiritual group he was checking
out who call them Blessons. I like that.) I am just so incredibly
grateful for the gift of recovery that allows me the serenity to take responsibility
- to the best of my ability to respond in the moment - for the mundane levels
without spinning out into the emotional anguish, mental contortions and intellectual
gymnastics of the codependent, impending doom, fear based, right and wrong
thinking (in reaction to the pain and shame of a false sense of unworthiness.)
The twelve step recovery tools of surrendering my way (the way I think things
need to be/have to work in order for me to be OK), accepting the Universe's
plan, and taking action to align with The Force - the God / Goddess / Great
Spirit who Loves me Unconditionally - work wonderfully well. (That
was a description of working the first three steps.) An adventure into
the unknown - boldly going where I do not remember ever going before - that
is recovery, a real E ticket ride.
It does sometimes seem like I am Alice who
has fallen down the rabbit's hole. It is certainly an exciting, exhilarating,
madcap adventure. This recovery business is a totally different dimension
- a True Magical Wonderland (once you get past being so scared of the terror
and pain and rage and all. ;-)
More Will Be Revealed - as I was told in early
recovery and have found to be a reliable and consistent Truth.
Oh, and I have to tell you about the really
cool frog I got as a April Fools Day present. The symbolism of the frog
in my recovery is something I talk about in The Story of Joy to You &
Me in the first issue of my Joy2MeU Journal - the story of where the title of my
company came from, and the name of my web site - in the first issue of the
Joy2MeU Journal. This particular frog came to me at a particularly
perfect time to give me guidance about an issue, and was sent to me by a
former client in Santa Barbara. It sings. It's mouth and eyelids
move - and it really looks like it is singing. I Love it. My
inner children Love it.
It is just one of multiplying chain of magical
things that have been happening lately - including a few that literally
gave me chills, sent little vibrational spasms rippling through my body.
I am going to save writing about those for my journal because they are an
important part of my unfolding process that I need to process through by writing.
Some powerful and transformational things are stirring - paradigms are shifting
- and I am not sure at this point what it all means. Again, More Will
Be Revealed.
So, I am going to keep this Update pretty short
and to the point - so I can get back to my taxes for one thing. I am
using the right hand margin above to announce some of the changes and additions
that I sometimes talk about in the body of this Newsletter. That is
to help me keep from getting into a new level of the labyrinth while writing
this. A new feature is that the latest articles on my suite101 page
are going to be announced in these Updates from now on - which I explain below.
Back in February and early March, I heard myself
saying to people who asked how I was doing, "I'm grinding. You know
how it is, sometimes you're flying and sometimes you're grinding."
I said that even though the people I was saying it to probably didn't have
a clue what I was talking about - since they had probably never been flying.
What I meant by that was something similar to a phrase from AA about "trudging
the road to happy destiny." I always disliked the way that sounded
- sounds like sludge. When I looked it up in the dictionary however,
it meant striding purposefully. My grinding is not really striding
purposefully, but it is about moving forward - moving through the day doing
the next thing in front of me. I take it as it comes (working those
first 3 steps) and enjoy as many of the moments of the day as possible, maybe
taking a short flight here and there - but it is not a Flying Time.
I have learned in the course of my recovery,
that there are slow times and there are speeded up periods. It was real
important for me to learn not to take this rhythm of life personally.
My codependency wanted me to take it personally as if I had done something
wrong - and beat myself up for it while trying to figure it out how to change
it. It is so important to accept wherever we are and make the best of
it, to not judge self and at the same time choose to take positive actions
to make the best of today - knowing the plan is unfolding perfectly.
During those grinding times, I have moments
of every day when I am able to tune into Joy and Love and Light - some days
quite a few moments. But it is not the same as the times when the
magic is coming fast and furious - when I often feel like I am soaring on
the wings of that Joy and Love. When my Higher Power is the wind beneath
my wings in a powerful and magical way. I have begun a Flying Time
now - I do Love it. (We addicts like intensity you know. ;-)
Until my next Update, remember to be kind to your self.
With Wishes
of Joy to Me and You all 2,
Robert
PS. Oh, but I do want to share
one of those really magical experiences with you. In mid February, I
was walking on the ranch where I Love to walk - and was in quite a grumpy
mood. I was not happy with my Higher Power because of those health
issues I alluded to - and especially not happy about some changes in my life
style that I have been Choosing to make. (Choosing is capitalized because
the critical parent voice is stuck in a victim perspective in regard to letting
go of some old friends food wise, and tried to slip "have to" in there.)
I was demanding that my Higher Power give me a major sign if this was really
what I needed to do. And I specified MAJOR sign. I even said (thought
- in my inner dialogue with my HP) "None of these little miracles here now.
Sighting some whale spouts in the distance is not going to get it.
I want a MAJOR miracle."
(The Gray whales migrate down the coast here on their way to Baja
California and back - roughly between November and April. They were
a little late this year and I had been having sightings of them beginning
in about December. But nothing spectacular. From the last week
in February until close to the end of March they were passing every day, heading
back North. Sometimes, they would be within a few hundred yards of
shore, but mostly farther out. It was possible when they were not too
far out to see their backs and/or tails as they surface to blow /breathe -
but mostly it was a matter of spotting the spouts.)
And I went on to specify that I would prefer that MAJOR miracle to
be in either the financial area or on the romantic relationship front.
It is probably a little over 3/4 of a mile each way that I walk - and I
was making these demands to my Higher Power as I drove up and parked to get
out for my walk. As usual, the walk was helping me to get back into
balance, back into a place of more serenity. But I was still a bit
grumpy as I turned around and headed back North (wisdom in the Medicine Wheel
beliefs.) Suddenly, out of the ocean only a hundred yards off shore
- directly in my field of vision as the trail wandered - rose a Humpback
whale breaching. I shouted and threw my arms in the air - it was so magnificent.
He proceeded to breach 6 more times - coming over half way out of the water
each time. 7 times he breached only a hundred yards off shore - spectacular,
TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! Then he turned and headed South. (Innocence
and trust, place of the child within in the Medicine Cards.)
I got my MAJOR miracle. ;-)
PPS I decided to add a few new things at the last minute, so this
is PS 2. As I mention in the right hand column above, the positive
feedback has really been pouring in lately. (Thank you to everyone
who has written.;-) So many heart felt and touching testimonials for
the book, tapes, and web site have been pouring in, that I added a bunch
of new ones only a month after adding the last bunch. One person who
wrote some weeks ago to thank me for the audio tapes of the book is a therapist
in Pennsylvania. In my reply to her, I asked if she would like to be
added to my referral page for local healers. I had not heard back from
her, and e-mailed her again earlier this week because I was going to be making
an addition to that page anyway - and I preferred to do any additions at
the same time. (Each Update also requires additions to as many as a dozen
other web pages - which have to be changed, checked to see how they look
in different browsers, and updated to the web. Takes time.) I
just heard from her this afternoon (April 13th) - and the thing about the
information she sent me that caught my attention, was that she is involved
in monthly 5 day retreats for dealing with childhood issues. (In Pennsylvania
near the Maryland border.) I have people inquire occasionally to see
if I know of any retreats they can attend or if I do retreats. I would
Love to be able to do retreats, but that involves financial resources that
I don't have. However, an interesting possibility popped up lately.
A couple who organize cruises for recovering people, recently moved to the
small community I live in. These ocean cruises for recovering people
often feature speakers - notable figures in recovery (including another local
author Lucia Capacchione, an art therapist whose books - especially Recovery
of Your Inner Child - I recommend on my bookstore page.) The idea of this intrigued me
- and I mentioned to them that I wouldn't mind being their speaker for a
cruise to watch the Whales calve in Baja next winter. (The Alaska trip would
be pretty cool also.) I can envision a week long retreat at sea.
Doesn't that sound interesting?
Anyway, I had not planned on adding any more recommended links at
the time of this Update because I already added two batches since the last
Update. But the retreat idea reminder that I got today led me to decide
to add a link to that twelve step travel web site. Maybe if enough people
express an interest to them about going on an ocean retreat with me - who
knows? Need to keep planting those seeds you know. ;-)
And since I was adding that one, I decided to add a few others.
I had already been considering adding one to the Lesbian Friends in Recovery
site that awarded Joy2MeU 3 different beautiful awards (a link on my links
page in addition to the one on my Awards page.) And there was another
site that had e-mailed to say they had added a link to my site. I
get e-mails from sites all the time about reciprocal links. Some of
them come from automated programs - and I don't even bother replying to their
form e-mails. Others write to say they have added a link to my site
and kind of rudely demand a reciprocal link with the threat that they will
remove mine if I don't add theirs. Those I ignore also. This one
was nice and polite and said a reciprocal link would be nice but not necessary.
So, I added one to their site also.
Go to Joy2MeU Update August
2002
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