Working the Third Step - ASKing for help

Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing + Love = Joy2MeU Joy2MeU Home Page

This is the page of the Joy2MeU web site of codependency counselor, inner child healing pioneer, Spiritual teacher Robert Burney - who is the author of the Joyously inspirational book of Spirituality: Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.
Update 7/17/19

Working the Third Step

"When I was in treatment getting sober I was in a city I hadn't lived in for 20 years. I had no car and was going to be living with my brother who lived on the outskirts of the city when I got out of treatment. I was scared that I wasn't going to be able to make it to meetings and went in to talk to my counselor about it. He said, "You ask for rides." "Oh no," I said. "You don't understand I never ask anybody for anything." "Well," he said, "that is what working the third step is all about." "Asking for rides?!?!" I said incredulously.

I thought he was crazy. How can asking for a ride be working the third step?

Well, it is. I needed to learn to ask not only a God I didn't trust for help - but also to ask other people to help me. That was horrible for me. It seemed like such a huge risk. If I asked people for help that would give them a chance to reject me - and I had had enough rejection in my life, thank you very much!

There was a story that I heard around that time. It was about 2 guys who were arguing about rather there was a God or not.

The first one said, "Of course, there is a God. How can you say there is no God."
The second said, "I not only can say it - I can prove it."

"You can prove it?"

"Yes. Years ago I was in a small plane crash in the wilds of Alaska. I was the only survivor and I had a broken leg. There was nothing around for hundreds of miles, so it was only a question of rather I would freeze to death before something ate me. I prayed to God and said 'If there is a God please save me.' And God didn't do anything."

"What do you mean," the first man exclaimed. "You're here and alive aren't you."

"Oh, well some Eskimo came along and saved me. God didn't do anything."

The point: God works through people. We all have had Eskimos in our lives, angels disguised as people. We are not alone in this process - we can't do it alone.

So, I learned to ask for rides. What I know now is that the Universe always responds - just not very often in the way, or at the time I think it is necessary. I need to ask for help and then let go of rather the person I am asking can in fact help me. I need to take the risk and let go of the outcome. What I need will come from someplace. There is a verse in the bible that says: (paraphrased??)

Ask and ye shall receive.
Seek and ye shall find.
Knock and the door shall be opened.

ASK. By asking - either God or another person - I am setting energy in motion in the Universe. Once the energy is in motion it comes back to me at some time from some place. I have to put it out before it will come back. What I sow I reap. The Universes works on the principle of cause and effect. It is very important for me to get proactive in my own life by taking the risk of asking for help - and it is much easier when I can let go of my picture of how, and when, that help is going to manifest." - The Miracle of The Twelve Step Recovery Process: 1, 2, 3, and a 1, 2, 3 - The first three steps

". . . . giving is an act of Love, is Honoring my True Self. Opening to receive is also an Act of Love. Asking for help and allowing someone else to give to me, is giving them the gift of allowing them to Honor and demonstrate Love for their True Self - and for the Truth that we are all ONE." - Metaphysical Law: Giving and Receiving

The latest news and challenges

July 17, 2019
There is good news and good but sad news. My mother passed away on the morning of July 13th. It's good news because her suffering is over and she has gotten to escape from a body and mind that have been failing on her for the last few years. It is, of course, also sad news. I am going home to Nebraska for her funeral on Friday. Her passing means that my financial situation has been releaved in a considerable way for now and the foreseeable future. So, the request for the Universe to provide enough to get out of the hole I was in, was answered in a way that I didn't expect. Good news, but sad also.

July 1, 2019
There is good news and good news. The Universe - and some new clients - did kick down enough abundance to get all the bills due on 1st and 2nd paid, and to have enough for the rent. Also good news is the next bills aren't due until the 8th and 9th. In the meantime, Darien and I are going back to Nebraska to see my mother who is in her final stages before escaping the body that is failing her. I would really love for the Universe to kick down enough to catch up a bit right now. I would love at least $300 - and a $1000 or two would be even better

June 29, 2019
So, again there is good news and bad news. As I said below on May 21st, "The April sales are what I get paid for at the end of June." - and I got that payment today, it is $250 to $300 below my normal payment - and things are very tight for paying the rent this next week. The good news is that I got my car payment made (thanks to help from some Eskimos) and made 2 credit card payments in the last week - and that I have made payments on 2 other credit cards that are due on the 1st. The bad news is that I don't know where the money to pay my and Darien's cell phone bill - which is also due on the first - is going to come from. So once again I can use a miracle like back in 1995. ASKing for some financial support from the Universe again.

June 11, 2019
There is good news and bad news. The good news is my car has a new engine in it and I am going up to pick it up (and pick Darien up) on Thursday. The bad news is that the first payment is due on Saturday and I don't have it at this point. Finances are beyond tight right now. My credit cards are maxed out. One client who owes me money hasn't been able to pay it yet and another that told me Monday that he was going to buy more changed his mind. I really need the Universe to kick down enough to catch up a bit right now. I need at least $300 - and a $1000 would be even better. Reminds me of some times in the past when I really needed a miracle, and I don't know where it is coming from. I AM Radiantly Beautiful, Vibrationally Healthy, Joyously Alive, and Abundantly Prosperous! Abundantly Prosperous!!!

May 31st

Got a call today from the woman at CarMax in Modesto about my car. Turns out is was a factory recall on that year and model - and I am going to get a new engine in my new car.

Robert Burney
May 23 at 9:58 PM ·
So, about my new car breaking down. It turns out it has a 30 day warranty (I didn't buy the long term one) - but the work has to be done by CarMax. So, closest one to where I was at was in Modesto - so I had to car towed there. Good news, it was covered by warranty. Bad news Modesto was farther than my roadside assistance covered for towing - but only 9 miles, so good news the towing company gave me a deal and it will be a lot cheaper than if I had the car towed to a local garage as I had originally been planning. Also good news - they are going to give me a loaner car - which is important because bad news they won't even look at it to see what is wrong for at le (and ast a week. So, going to Modesto tomorrow after Darien's graduation ceremony.
What happened was the check engine light came on - and it lost a bit of power - just as I was coming to the rest area. I checked the book and is said an emissions problem and you can probably still drive it. Bad news, is that as soon as I started driving out of the rest area it started making noise and coughting and bucking. So, stopped right there. Don't know how serious it is, but sure glad it didn't happen any time in the 227 miles I had driven up until there. Some of it is really in the middle of no where. Could have broken down by the elk herd and I would have been in big trouble. :-) So, more will be revealed - as usual. Thanks for your good wishes - will keep you all posted.

Robert Burney is feeling thoughtful.
May 23 at 1:37 PM ·
So, there is good news and bad news. Bad news is my new car broke down on I-5. The good news is that I was just coming up to a rest stop within 15 miles of where Darien lives. I am up here for his 8th grade graduation tomorrow.

5/21/19 - So, there is good news and bad news. The good news is that I got a new car - it is a silver 2012 Hyundai Sonata (on the left) that I got a CarMax in the easiest car buying experience I have ever had. Susan bought a car from CarMax in Pleasanton a year or so ago, and she strongly encouraged me to check it out. There is no CarMax near Cambria - the closest being Oxnard in the south and San Jose in the north. Susan thought the one in Modesto might have the cheapest prices - but when I tried for one there it had a hold on it and I ended up putting a hold on one in Pleasanton. I was going to drive my car up, but really didn't have any confidence in making it - so drove my old car to Paso Robles (praying all the way) and took a bus and then a train and then another bus to Tracy where Suan and Darien live. The next day Susan drove me to Pleasanton and I ended up buying the car and driving it home. Someone on Facebook asked how I was able to do it financially. Here is my reply:

"Basically I needed to accept that the only realistic way to get reliable car is to be willing to take on a payment - so I chose to do that. No down payment and first payment due of just over a couple of hundred dollars in 45 Days and every month after that. Living month to month I didn't want the payment, but I needed the reliable vehicle. So, accept the things I can't change (that my car had broken down and was no longer reliable) and change the thing I can change (my attitude towards taking on a payment.) Very happy to have the car."

So that is the bad news, I had to take on a payment. I live month to month and am very grateful every month that I have enough to pay the rent. So, adding another payment was not something that I wanted to do. But as I said, accept reality as it is and make an attitude adjustment if necessary to take the action that I need to take. It was probably a good thing that I had not looked at my sales through Amazon prior to buying the car on May 2nd. Usually I look on the last day of the month, but Amazon changed things around a few months ago - so it wasn't so necessary to look at the end of the month. What I discovered when I did look, is that my sales for April were several hundred dollars lower then they have ever been - or at least than they have been in over 20 years. The April sales are what I get paid for at the end of June. Now I have a new payment due on June 15th and then less money coming in the end of June. Not sure I would have taken on the payment knowing that - but I didn't know that, which is perfect in the Cosmic Scheme of things. Things could be pretty hairy at the end of June - when it is time to pay rent for July. I did get over $500 in donations from my appeal - and am incredibly grateful for the support and the prayers and good wishes from everyone. I may have to be asking again in June, but I don't have to know today how things will be then.

Below is a post from Facebook responding to a question someone asked.

Robert Burney
May 7 at 3:35 PM ·
Someone here on Facebook the other day - in one of the posts where I announced my new car - asked if I had named it yet. I started thinking about that and realized that I have never anthropomorphized (given people names to) my cars. I did give a title to a car once - The Silver Eagle - and that car provided me with very important opportunities for growth - and was part of a series of miracles that ended up with me discovering Cambria, after the spirit of that car went with me to my next car. Those cars were both silver mustangs. My new car is silver - just saying, not sure it will earn that title yet, but interesting. The story itself is quite amazing.

"The new used car that I bought as a result of my affirmations was a silver Ford Mustang. That car meant a lot to me. I called it the Silver Eagle, and was very grateful for it. . . . . .

. . . . . . As I stood and watch it drive away, I grieved for the Silver Eagle because it had meant a lot to me – and we had been through a lot together. I wished it good-bye and cried a little. As it was disappearing down the road I got an intuitive message that the Spirit of that car would go with me to my next car. . . . . . .

. . . . . . . I walked a couple of blocks and turned a corner – and there was a gas station. When I got closer I noticed a car parked in the corner of the lot with a for sale sign on it. Can you guess what kind of car? A silver mustang. Silver Eagle had landed again.

I bought the car and headed up the coast. When I turned off of Hiway 1 to go into Cambria I knew immediately that it was the place I was looking for. I checked it out. Got a post office box and headed back to Taos to pack my stuff. A few weeks later I moved to the Central Coast." - The Path of one Recovering Codependent ~ the dance of one wounded soul: Miracles

4/21/19 - So I was able to get enough money together to rent a car to pick up my grandson - that is the good news. The bad news is that my car had a blown head gasket, and maybe a cracked head. Those are not good things. The mechanic originally said that I needed a new engine, and then when I picked it up said it might be okay with the new hose and the stop leak they put on it. They had told me earlier to just drive it around town and not take any trips out of town. When I picked it up they said it might be okay. So, between the mechanic's bill and the car rental for a week, my finances are really at rock bottom right now. I need help before I can really look at what my options are with the car. I am sure there is a perfect Divine Plan unfolding - just have no idea what it is right now. I could use some Angels and Eskimos in my life right now.

Car broke down

4/17/19 - Yesterday as I was retuning from a trip to San Luis Obispo and Morro Bay running errands including getting supplies for my grandson to come and visit on his Spring break, my car died as I was approaching my turn off from Hiway 1. It stopped running and was smoking just as I was approaching my turn off from hiway 1. I had groceries, so walked them home because I knew tow truck would take an hour. When I walked back there it did start and I got it home. I unloaded and then went to the place that worked on it last year - they are going to look at it in the morning. Ran okay down and back, but was smoking when I got back home again - even though it was not showing that it was over heating. So this morning I left it at mechanics and then walked up the 257 steps from downtown to the top of the hill near where I live. Not sure how serious the car problem is going to be, but part of the bummer at this moment, is that I don't have enough money on a credit card to rent a car. I could use some help from the Universe in making sure I can have my grandson visit.

1/3/19 - Today is my 35th Sobriety Anniversary ( My Sobriety Date: January 3rd, 1984). An amazing miracle! I am still living month to month - and have some dental and car issues that I could use help with - but just focusing on GRATITUDE today!! I do have a special Holiday 2018 sale page that I have extended into 2019 if anyone wants some good deals. (I have extended this sale)

Donations to the Cause / Love Offerings / Spiritual Tithes

"I freely share so much information on my site because - as I say in the article above - I believe it is my Karmic Mission in this lifetime. I want to share the Joyous message and the precious information that I have discovered - and it is what I need to do for my Recovery and Spiritual Path. It is not such a great strategy when it comes to finances however.;-) So Donations to the Cause / Love Offerings / Spiritual Tithes are always appreciated if you feel my sharing has helped you in your Healing / Recovery process and on your Spiritual Path. If my writing has helped you remember Truth that brings you some Joy and inner peace, and your Spirit moves you to send some Love back my way - there are donation links here." - Metaphysical Law: Giving and Receiving

If you would like to send a check, the address is PO Box 1028, Cambria CA 93428, or you can call me and leave a message at 805-203-5875 if you can help financially in some way.

You can make a donation using the PayPal link for either PayPal or secure credit or debit card processing.

One of the incredible Miracles on my Path

"By the later part of March (1995) I was in dire financial straights and very discouraged. My credit cards were maxed out, my car needed some work, and I had borrowed money from a few people. One Friday morning I woke from a dream seeing the image of a check in my hand. I didn't remember the dream - just the image of a check. It was for $5,104.68 or some such odd number. I don't remember exactly. I guess by that time I had figured out that I needed about $5000 to get even, get back to Taos, and get started back up there - with a place to live and all.

That afternoon I snapped. I raged and cussed at God. I yelled something to the affect, "You promised you would take care of me. You blankety blank blank blank, how could you betray me like this. I am just doing your will - doing what you told me to do. Now I need $5000 just to get even and I still need $20,000 to publish the book." And I cried quite a bit because I was really hurting - feeling abandoned and betrayed - and feeling like I had made a huge mistake.

The next afternoon there was a CoDA meeting - and one of the people who was doing a group with me called to ask if she could talk to me after the meeting. I said sure - and then was hoping and praying that she would at least consider the time I would spend with her counseling and pay me the $25 I charged for a session in those days so I would be able to eat over the weekend. That was how bad it was by then.

After the meeting we stepped outside into a little patio / smoking area, and she handed me an envelope. I opened the envelope and was confused by what was in it. It was a cashiers check and I had never seen one before. It took me a few seconds just to figure out what it was. As it started to sink in, I looked at the figure on the check - it was for $5,000.

The first thing I said was, "It's not for the right amount." - because it didn't match my dream. Can you imagine being destitute, having someone hand you a cashiers check made out to you, and saying "it's not the right amount." I think, it is safe to say, I was in shock." - Leap of Faith ~ Publishing The Dance This page tells the story of how I was able to publish Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls - and how I was lead by the Universe to let go of old programming so that I could surrender to asking for and receiving help.

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Recent posts:

7/30/18 - I have had a really wonderful response to my request. Over a dozen people made donations and another dozen made purchases. It wasn't enough to address the dental or car issues, but definitely enough to help me through a very tight and stressful time. I am so grateful for all the people who were supportive - the support that sent money my way and the words and prayers of support as well. I am very, very grateful!!!!!

Email received on 7/29/18 that I just have to add here - it is so cool. ;-)

"Hello Robert,

I hope this finds you well. You and I had a few phone sessions over a year ago. Since that time, I have stopped drinking, focused on living in abundance and have allowed the universe to guide my life. That being said, my income has doubled and is still climbing, my relationship has improved, abundance has filled my life and I find that I am much happier person. I am more confident than I've ever been and am actually excited about the future. These days, I look forward to each day and all of the possibilities that are available to me.

I was compelled to send you a gift today to express my gratitude for being such a beacon of inspiration. I am grateful for you and the gifts you have enabled me to receive and I send you joy and blessings for being a such a spiritual being.

Joy, wisdom & harmony." - in response to page I posted for my 70th birthday on July 23rd, 2018.
7/17/18 - The good news - as I shared in my Update Newsletter - is that I am back in Cambria where I love living - and that my grandson Darien has been with me most of the summer. . . . I have some challenges with my car and with my teeth - and really need to manifest some more financial abundance in my life.

7/9/18 - A Special Birthday Sale page to help my finances here as I approach my 70th birthday. Egad! :-( I never thought I would make 30.

6/17/18 - I did get moved back to Cambria but Darien went to live with Susan for some good reasons. I shared what happened on my Darien page but also am sharing it in my Update Newsletter June 2018.

9/10/17 - I have now moved back to Cambria - hurrah - and Darien is not living with me - sniff sigh - both of which phenomena I explain in my latest update to my Darien page.

7/22/17 - I have reposted a page I posted 6 years ago with an announcement that I had originally posted on this page on July 20th, 2011. I am reposting and adding to it this year to commemorate the 30th Anniversary of my 39th Birthday. ;-)

7/12/17 - Darien and I are going up to Cambria for my birthday on July23rd - going to be looking to see if we can find some place affordable for us to live up there. (I updated my Darien page for the first time in 5 years - and included some links to pages where I talk about my relationship with the Central Coast.) It would be great to get some Love offerings to help me with my new life changes - and for birthday presents. :-) (I will send you back neat stuff in return.:)

5/20/17 - On April 11th I rescued my grandson Darien from an environment that had deteriorated to being one that I could no longer allow him to be subjected to. So, I now have custody of him full time, and among other things that involves getting up at 5:30 am and getting him up at 6:30 am to take him 20 miles to his school in heavy traffic. The extra expenses for gas and food and such have put a real strain on my finances - and this week my son Abraham is leaving to go back to live in New Mexico, which means losing a sum of money that he was contributing towards my rent and expenses. Thus finances are expecially tight right now - and I could use some help. I am very glad to have him living with me. As I say on my page that is dedicated to him, I believe we had a soul contract to be in each others life this lifetime and that "I can see clearly now that Darien is the first human being - since my parents when I was an infant - that I have ever opened up my heart to completely." So, it is perfect that he is back in my care. One of the stories on that page that I have dedicated to him is this one which always gets me emotional.

“One of the things that touched me the most, was one day when we were laying on the couch as I was trying to get him to take a nap. He started digging in my back pockets and trying to take out some flyers for my workshop that I keep there in case I meet someone who might be interested. After telling him to cut it out a few times - because he does like to stall going to sleep - and him persisting, I finally let him take some of my folded up flyers and he looks at it and says, "It's you!" (Since my picture is on it.) And then out of nowhere he gushes - gushes is the only accurate word for his tone of voice and emotional content. "I Love you! You do this for the whole world." It felt as if his Spirit was speaking to me. I don't know where a little 4 year old kid could come up with that kind of idea, but it didn't feel like a little kid talking to me - I got emotional then, and I am getting emotional now as I write about it. It was one of the most touching and beautiful positive affirmations anyone has ever given me.” - Darien

Right now I am just focusing on getting him through the school year. What will happen after that is in the More Will Be Revealed realm. What I would really like is to move back up to Cambria and let him start 7th grade in the Middle School up there. Moving is expensive however. I am still not sure I can afford to stay in the apartment that I have been sharing with my son - and am now sharing with Darien, so certainly not sure how moving to Cambria could work since rents are more expensive there. So, as I said More Will Be Revealed and I don’t have to know that today. But the action I can take today is to plant some seeds and put a request out to the Universe to provide the funds I need to take care of this little man (now a bigger little man with a mustache and all) who has been such a gift in my life. As I say in the story below, it is important to ask for help - so I am asking for some help from anyone who reads this. ~ R

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