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Joyously inspirational Spiritual book - Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls

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Joy to You & Me and Joy2MeU Update 7-20-2000

Hello to all of you  Magnificent Spiritual Beings,

Hi.  Some news, then some new stuff on the web site, and then an update.  For the first time I am making available a two hour video tape that includes 2 one hour TV interviews I did on a public access channel in Santa Barbara in the fall of 1998 and late spring of 1999.  It is something I have intended to do for awhile. 

I also want to let people in the Los Angeles area know that I am going to start seeing clients in Ventura.  I have had a number of inquiries about people driving up for sessions, and a friend has offered a space - so we will see how this works out.  Drop me an e-mail if you want to find out more information. 

My newest series of articles about the process of processing - The Recovery Process for inner child healing (which I mentioned in the last update) is going to be at least 5 articles at this point.  The first three are now posted.  They are: 

       Sharing My Recovery Process - experience, strength, and hope & taking action

       The Recovery Process for inner child healing - spiritual integration

     The Recovery Process for inner child healing - finding emotional balance - through the fear

The next two in this series should be posted real soon.   After those are posted and I have done some new things for the Journal, then I will get back to the two series I had already begun - on Spirituality and Sexuality. 

For those of you who haven't visited the site this month, I also added a Joy2MeU recommended Book Store page.  I have had a book store on the Joy to You & Me site for quite awhile.  This is another thing that I have intended to do whose time had come.  There are a few selections in it that aren't in the other book store - and this one does not have the links to United Kingdom that the other one does.  I got my first check from Amazon UK a while back and it was for 11 L  - which is $16 something.  It costs about $15 to convert pounds to dollars, so hardly worth it. 

Over the years, I have had lots of people say to me, "You must have read so-and-so." or "Studied such-and-such." after hearing me talk or reading my book or writings.  About half of the time, I haven't even heard of the author or system they are referring to - and of the half I have heard of, usually I haven't read or studied the philosophy, author, beliefs, they ask about.  What I tell people is that the reason there are similarities is because we are probably accessing the same Source.  The one that I have heard from other people about more than any other is A Course in Miracles.  Many people have remarked on the similarity between my work and what the course teaches.  The Course has been a wonderful source of spiritual enlightenment for countless people.  I recommend it highly.  I never studied A Course in Miracles because many years ago when I first encountered it, I was turned off by the masculine reference to God.  It sounded a little too much like the same hierarchy as the shame based religion I grew up in - and I hadn't done enough healing around that issue at that point in my recovery to be able to be discerning about picking out the Truth. 

I really got a lot of my grounding Spiritually from Native American Beliefs - especially the plains Indians.  That, coupled with the book Illusions by Richard Bach which I quote in my book, is primarily where I uncovered the foundation for my personal Spiritual belief system - for a version of the Truth that has worked for me.  The Course in Miracles has been very helpful to many, many people in finding Truth they resonate with.  I am mentioning this because I have added a link to a site for A Course in Miracles.  I have also added a link to a site called The Dance - and specifically to a page on that site which is entitled What Witches Believe.  There is as much Truth in the Wiccan belief system as there is in the Native American, or in the Course in Miracles.  It is really helpful to open our minds to discovering Truth wherever we find it .  There is only one Ultimate Source (in my belief) - there are just a lot of different interpretations / translations.  There is some value in all of them. 

I also added a link to the Self Help Network - a resource for links and articles about personal development/Self improvement.  I have so many links now, that I found it necessary to create a separate web page for the web rings the site is interconnected with - and I added a new web ring for families and friends of alcoholic.  I also added a new testimonial. 

To check out the new pages and all, go to The New Page

Now for the update about my news and recovery process. 

My trip went well - all things considered. ;-) 

[In my codependence recovery, I found that getting more conscious and emotionally honest made some simple things that I had always done unconsciously much more difficult.  One of those was responding to people who asked "How are you doing?" or some such thing.  I found that I was uncomfortable in just saying "OK" or "Great" - when that wasn't the total Truth.  Also, once I found out what the acronym for fine was (F___ed up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional) I wasn't comfortable using "I'm fine." either.  Except of course in the times when the acronym was my emotional truth. (A lot of the people that say "I'm fine." are being a lot more honest than they realize.)  Getting conscious of the different levels involved also complicated this simple task.  I could know that my Truth was that I was doing great - not only in spite of how I was feeling, but really, because I was involved in a conscious healing process - when my emotional truth was that I was really hurting or angry or scared. 

This simple act of responding to a question became more complicated, was compounded by, becoming conscious of the reality that most of the people who were asking, didn't really want to hear an honest answer. (Which led to me taking a closer look at the people I was choosing to have in my life.)  I also had to learn boundaries around who it was safe and appropriate to share my process with and how much it was OK to disclose - and get in touch with, and start healing, my old pattern of trying to explain myself to other people because I didn't understand me. 

(Just this little aside has provided a perfect example of one of my main points in my new articles - how many levels / perspectives there are involved in looking at any issue.) 

What I settled on as the most honest and appropriate answer I could give during times when I was being gifted with lots of opportunities for growth (i.e.  problems, challenges, feelings, disasters, etc.) was "I am doing OK, all things considered."  Then if they wanted to know what that meant, I would say, "It depends on rather I look at the half of the glass that is full or the half that is empty."] 

So, my trip went great - all things considered 

I am now going to interrupt this message because I just made a decision.  I have been trying to figure out how to do these e-mail updates in way that will work best for both me and you Magnificent Spiritual Beings who are reading this. 

I believe - as I discuss in my new article about sharing my experience, strength, and hope - that it is valuable to many of you for me to talk about my process and how I apply the twelve step principles and tools in a practical way in my day to day life.  I know that it is valuable to me.  I also know that some of you do not like getting long e-mail messages.  And these update invariably get fairly long. 

So, what I am going to do now, is stop this e-mail.  I will upload a news page in the next 48 hours (It is now 3:30 PDT on Thursday July 20th) on which I will share with anyone who wants to read it, the way my life has unfolded since my last update in late May.  Included in that will be some of the details of my trip - including the car breakdown that was a perfect part of the Universal plan; the outcome of the job interview I mentioned; the emotional shock that I got when I returned home; etc.  I am going to discuss how my attitudes affect my emotional experience of life - and what I do to take care of myself when I am in a painful place.  This will include (something which I realize now should have been a part of my explanation in the first of the new articles about the difference between forcing myself to take action and trying to force an outcome) the difference between forcing myself to take action and trying to force myself out of an uncomfortable emotional space. 

I am also going to do some ranting and raving about something that is a real emotional trigger for me - spiritual teachers, authors, healers, counselors, and therapists who give shaming messages by being black and white, by stating what is Truth on one level as if it were the Truth on all levels.  This will include the shaming messages I hear being given out about: fear; the law of mind action; choosing ones parents; abundance; free will; and probably a few others.  I am also going to rant about people who claim to be healers and teachers who completely discount emotions.  It really upsets me to see and hear such people giving shaming and abusive messages in the name of love. 

Who knows where all that discussion is going to take me. ;-) 

So, I am going to put a link here to the news page I will be uploading. (Which will also be a part of the web page that will contain this update announcement.)  It will probably be there tomorrow - certainly by Saturday.  It is possible it could be up much later tonight but not likely as I have to mail some book orders off, a couple of emergency e-mails to answer, and have two phone counseling sessions tonight.  When I announce on my New page that this update is posted online, this news page will be posted also. Here is the link to that page:

One other thing I wanted to mention here, is also something that is part of my recovery and growth.  I used to set myself up to be a victim on my birthday all of the time.  As I mention in the article Feeling the Feelings - grief / emotional energy release, setting myself up to be abandoned one more time on my birthday was the thing that finally forced me to become willing to do the emotional work. 

Well, I don't set myself up to be abandoned on my birthday any more - but I just realized that I was close to doing something else I used to do.  That is, to not let anyone know that my birthday was coming up.  If no one knew it was my birthday, then I could feel sorry for myself because no one loved me enough to wish me happy birthday.  (That is a variation of the classic codependent belief that other people should be able to read our minds and do what we want them to, without us having to take the risk of asking.) 

My birthday is Sunday - July 23rd.  I will talk a little about my feelings about this birthday on the news page that I will post.  Just in case the Universe has a plan for this birthday that includes someone out there deciding that my book/web site/work is something they really value and want to be more intimately connected to - I have extended a special birthday commemorative offer on my investment opportunity page

This is now the end of this e-mail update.  I hope that you all have some moments of Joy in your lives today. 

Click here to go to news addendum for Update 7-20-00
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Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995.  Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996 thru 2009 by Robert Burney  PO Box 235401 Encinitas CA 92023.