Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light

Book 2: A Dysfunctional Relationship with Life

Author's Foreword

"The individual human being is a fully contained system involving multiple interrelationships within multiple levels.  This is easy to see, and understand, when looking at the physical level.  The interrelationship of the organs to each other, to the blood, to the skin, to the nervous system, etc. - is a dance of grand, and compelling, complexity.

Just as grand, and compelling, is the complexity of the dance of interrelationship between the mental, emotional, and spiritual components/levels that dynamically interact to form the make up of the individual being - the persona, personality, consciousness, of the self.  The more awareness is acquired about the different levels of the self, and the interrelationships between those levels, the easier it becomes to diagnose the dysfunctional interaction dynamics."

"That is the human dilemma - we have been playing the game with the wrong set of rules.  With rules that do not work.  With rules that are dysfunctional.

This book is about healing.  It contains tools, techniques, and insights into the healing process that work in a powerful, effective way to change the quality of the individuals life experience for the better.  They work because they help the individual to align with the way life really works instead of expecting it to be something which it is not."

"The wounding that needs to be healed is the result of being raised in a shame-based, emotionally dishonest, Spiritually hostile environment by parents who were raised in a shame-based, emotionally dishonest, Spiritually hostile environments.  The disease which afflicts us is a generational disease that is the human condition as we have inherited it.  Our parents did not know how to be emotionally honest or how to truly Love themselves.  So there is no way that we could have learned those things from them.

We formed our core relationship with ourselves in early childhood and then built our relationship with ourselves on that foundation.  We have lived life reacting to the wounds that we suffered in early childhood.  Living life in reaction to old wounds is dysfunctional - it does not work to help us find some happiness and fulfillment in life."

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The Web Site of Spiritual Teacher, codependence counselor, grief therapist, author, Robert Burney and Joy to You & Me Enterprises

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Robert is the author of the Joyously inspirational book

Codependence:
The Dance of Wounded Souls
Joyously inspirational Spiritual book - Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
Included on this page are quotes from both Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls and from other copyrighted work by Robert Burney.  Online pages quoted within this chapter will be linked so that they open in a separate browser window - with the exception of any web articles referenced which are quite long, or for some other reason not conducive to internal linking.  Links will be provided at the bottom of this page to any such web pages.

Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light

Book 2: A Dysfunctional Relationship with Life

Author's Foreword

By Robert Burney

In my February 2003 Update Newsletter I wrote the following about the online book (The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages!) which I started publishing on Joy2MeU web site in April 2002. 

"I have mentioned in previous Updates that this online book pounced upon me when I wasn't expecting it - and turned into something quite different than the article it started out to be.  It has turned into quite a wonderful work in my opinion - and is so much larger and more important in my view than just a response to the internet article that sparked the writing.  One of the things I am going to change is the title - which I really dislike. 

What I am thinking now, is that the chapters I have published will be part two (or book 2 perhaps) of the process level book I started to write several years ago:  Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light.  Part 1, or the prequel, or whatever it is, will be focused on how to do the inner child healing / spiritual integration work. 

I describe my approach to the inner child work in the inner child healing pages section of this site.  I haven't withheld anything in those pages, in terms of trying to explain how to apply the formula that I developed.  What I would be writing is an updated version of what I describe on those pages.  The writing that I have done for this site and for the Joy2MeU Journal over the last 4 years, and the things I have learned about sharing the process in the telephone counseling which I have been doing for 3 years next month, has evolved and expanded my ability and sophistication in communicating the concepts and process involved in this work." - Joy2MeU Update Newsletter February 2003

In May of 2003 I have taken the initial steps to separate the bulk of this online book from the initial article that sparked the writing.  I am adding this Author's Foreword page to the work to explain this change and put the work into the context I see it in now. 

In the summer of 1999 while working on what I thought was my next book Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light  Empowerment, Freedom, and Inner Peace through Inner Child Healing I wrote a section that did not fit into the chapter I was writing at the time.  I was working on a first draft version of this process level book for my Joy2MeU Journal, and as such commented on what I was writing as I did it.  I am now using this section as an introduction to Book 2 of that work in progress.

Detachment

We need to start observing ourselves and stop judging ourselves.  Any time we judge and shame ourselves, we are feeding back into the disease, we are jumping back into the squirrel cage.
(All quotes in this color are from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls)

Prologue to Detachment (?? or something)

The first requirement in any healthy problem solving situation is awareness that a problem exists.  Until there is awareness that a condition exists which is causing some adverse effect, no positive, proactive action can be taken to change the situation for the better.  (I am referring to "healthy" problem solving and "positive, proactive" action as opposed to unconscious, negative, reactive action - such as blaming, scapegoating, focusing on symptoms instead of cause, killing the messenger, etc.)

This is true in any dynamic involving human beings - personal inter- or intra-action, family, company, society, etc.  The tools and techniques, method and process, laid out in this book are based upon principles of dynamic human interaction which could be applied to any level of human interaction - up to and including international.  The "problems" in any system involving human interaction are merely reflections of dysfunction in the internal human process.  The "problems" are the result of some part of the dynamic that is not working - that is dysfunctional - in furthering the goals, meeting the needs, of the system as a whole.  This is true rather the system involved is an individual human being or a society.

The individual human being is a fully contained system involving multiple interrelationships within multiple levels.  This is easy to see, and understand, when looking at the physical level.  The interrelationship of the organs to each other, to the blood, to the skin, to the nervous system, etc. - is a dance of grand, and compelling, complexity.

Just as grand, and compelling, is the complexity of the dance of interrelationship between the mental, emotional, and spiritual components/levels that dynamically interact to form the make up of the individual being - the persona, personality, consciousness, of the self.  The more awareness is acquired about the different levels of the self, and the interrelationships between those levels, the easier it becomes to diagnose the dysfunctional interaction dynamics.

"So what's the point already" you subscribers are probably asking.

There are several points I want to make here (although I could see as I was writing that this section is probably the first chapter in the book rather than this chapter - see what you get for subscribing to a work in progress. ;-) )

1.  That this process (setting internal boundaries) applies to the dynamics that dictate human behavior.  Those dynamics are not just about some people from some families in certain cultures.  The symptomatic behavioral defenses that result from the Spiritual, mental, and emotional abuse that has been the Human Condition, come in a variety of flavors and colors, intensity and severity, - but they are universal, and apply to all humans on the planet.   Human beings have much more in common with each other than they have differences.  Everyone is reacting out of the same basic emotions, and the same basic emotional and Spiritual wounds.

2.  That these dynamics apply to all levels of human interaction.  I am not being frivolous or whimsical when I say "Work for World Peace:  Heal Your Inner Child."  This is not some "pop psychology" or New Age airy fairy junk - this is the revolution.  Doing this healing is the answer.  Doing this work is the most powerful way I know to effectively, dynamically, and relatively quickly integrate Love into our individual internal process. To start Loving ourselves is a revolutionary act that is part of the Second Coming that has begun on the planet.

3.  That the first requirement in any healthy problem solving situation is awareness that a problem exists.  Detachment is technique that fosters awareness.

Detachment

Detach 1. To unfasten and make separate; disconnect; disunite.

Detachment  1. A detaching; separation.

(New Illustrated Webster's Dictionary)
The goal of this dance of Recovery is integration and balance.  That means celebrating being a tree while also glorying in being a part of the forest.   Recovery is a process of becoming conscious of our individual wholeness and our ONENESS with all.

The healing process is full of paradox and irony on multiple levels.  One of those paradoxes is that in order to get in touch with our ONENESS with everything, we must first be able to define our self as separate from others.  And in order to become an integrated whole being, we must first separate and own all of the different parts of our self within.  As long as we don't have clear boundaries between our self and others, we cannot know where we end and someone else starts - we cannot get clear on what is our stuff and what is theirs.  As long as we don't have clear boundaries within ourselves, we are set up to be the victim of our own thoughts, feelings, and behavior.

Detachment is a vital technique in starting to see our self and others more clearly.

Most people who have any experience with twelve step programs will associate the term 'detachment' with Al-Anon.  In Al-Anon terms detachment means to let go of believing that one has the power to make an alcoholic drink - or not drink.  To stop taking an alcoholics behavior personally.  It means to let go of feeling responsible for another persons feelings and behavior.

Detaching from feeling responsible for the feelings and behavior of other people is one of the initial stages of any codependency recovery.  We learned in childhood that we had the power to make our parents happy or sad, angry or scared.  We experienced painful consequences when our behavior was not what the adults around us considered acceptable.  Some of us came from families where being a human child was not acceptable behavior.  Some of us came from families afflicted with alcoholism or mental illness, in which case the definition of acceptable behavior varied wildly from one day to the next.  Some of us came from families where as children we were allowed to have the power and be in control - which is terrifying and abusive to a child.  Some of us came from families where no one in the family had permission to be human.  None of these environments taught us how to relate to self and life in a healthy way.

We grew up getting the message that we were responsible for other people feelings and behavior.  And we were taught to give other people or outside agencies power over how we felt about ourselves.  We learned to do life backwards.

I spent most of my life doing the Serenity prayer backwards, that is, trying to change the external things over which I had no control - other people and life events mostly - and taking no responsibility (except shaming and blaming myself) for my own internal process - over which I can have some degree of control.  Having some control is not a bad thing; trying to control something or somebody over which I have no control is what is dysfunctional.

We tried to control other people so we could protect ourselves emotionally.  Some of us (classic codependent behavior) tried to control through people pleasing, being a chameleon, wearing a mask, dancing to other people's tunes.  Some of us (classic counterdependent behavior - the opposite extreme) protected ourselves by pretending that we didn't need other people.  Either way we were living life in reaction to our childhood wounds - we were not making clear, conscious choices.  (If we think our choice is to be in an abusive relationship or not to be in a relationship at all, that is not a choice - that is reacting between two extremes that are symptoms of our childhood wounds.)


Process Level Book

When I was writing the first draft of my process level - how to - book about the inner child healing approach that I developed in my recovery, I thought that the actual explanation of the process would be the second part of the book.  I believed that part 1 would be an explanation of the dynamics of codependency in terms of cause and effect.  That is, how and why the wounding takes place, and the dynamics of the dis-ease of codependency - the ego's emotional / behavioral defense system - which creates a continuing vicious cycle of cause and effect in a person's relationships.  Learning how to relate to self, life, and other people in early childhood from people who were wounded in their childhood, traps us in an ongoing cycle of shame, blame, and self abuse.  That is what makes doing the inner child healing work so vital to changing the quality of our life experience.
Now in May 2003, because of the chapters I have written for the The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages!, I am seeing the structure of the book reversed.  In other words, the explanation of how to do the work will come first and the chapters looking at different levels and manifestations of codependency will be what I am here calling Book 2.  I don't know at this time whether this will actually be a separate book, or just part 2 of one book.  One of those more will be revealed things.

I have used parts of the introduction which I wrote to the process level book in 1999 on two of my Topic Index pages - making only slight revisions to update some figures I used then, and perhaps change a word or two.  This is the introduction that I wrote then - with the parts I used for Inner Child Healing pages index page and the Spiritual Belief System pages index page indented.


Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light

Empowerment, Freedom, and Inner Peace through Inner Child Healing

Introduction

By Robert Burney

One of the reasons for the human dilemma, for the confusion that humans have felt about the meaning and purpose of life, is that more than one level of reality comes into play in the experience of being human.  Trying to apply the Truth of one level to the experience of another has caused humans to become very confused and twisted in our perspective of the human experience.  It is kind of like the difference between playing the one-dimensional chess that we are familiar with, and the three-dimensional chess played by the characters of Star Trek - they are two completely different games.

That is the human dilemma - we have been playing the game with the wrong set of rules.  With rules that do not work.  With rules that are dysfunctional. - Authors Foreword to Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls

This book is about healing.  It contains tools, techniques, and insights into the healing process that work in a powerful, effective way to change the quality of the individuals life experience for the better.  They work because they help the individual to align with the way life really works instead of expecting it to be something which it is not.
The approach to healing detailed on these web pages is one which has evolved in my personal recovery over the past 19 years and in my therapy practice over the past 13 years.  I have been guided to develop an approach to inner child healing that offers a powerful, life-changing formula for integrating Love, Spiritual Truth, and intellectual knowledge of healthy behavior into one's emotional experience of life - a blueprint for individuals to transform their core relationship with self and life.

My work is firmly grounded on twelve step recovery principles and emotional energy release / grief process therapy.   I specialize in teaching individuals how to become empowered to have internal boundaries so they can learn to relax and enjoy life in the moment while healing.  It is the unique approach and application of the concept of internal boundaries, coupled with a Loving Spiritual belief system, that make the work so innovative and effective.

My belief is that we are Spiritual Beings having a human experience and that the key to healing (and integrating Spiritual Truth into our emotional experience of life) is fully awakening to our Spiritual connection through emotional honesty, grief processing, and inner child work.   It is not necessary to agree with my Spiritual beliefs to apply the approach I share on these web pages - and in my book - to help you transform your experience of life into an easier, more Loving and enjoyable journey.  I consider Spirituality to be a word that describes one's relationship with life - and anyone, regardless of religious belief or lack of it (who is not completely closed minded), can benefit from doing this work.

The wounding that needs to be healed is the result of being raised in a shame-based, emotionally dishonest, Spiritually hostile environment by parents who were raised in a shame-based, emotionally dishonest, Spiritually hostile environments.  The disease which afflicts us is a generational disease that is the human condition as we have inherited it.  Our parents did not know how to be emotionally honest or how to truly Love themselves.  So there is no way that we could have learned those things from them.

We formed our core relationship with ourselves in early childhood and then built our relationship with ourselves on that foundation.  We have lived life reacting to the wounds that we suffered in early childhood.  Living life in reaction to old wounds is dysfunctional - it does not work to help us find some happiness and fulfillment in life.

The approach that is detailed on these web pages does work.  It works to help the individual being learn to relax and enjoy life in the moment.  It works because it entails healing the wounds from the inside out - it is focused on changing our core relationship with ourselves.  Once an individual starts loving, honoring, and respecting her/him self more on a core level, everything on the outside changes.  External manifestation such as setting boundaries, seeing life and other people more clearly, letting go of trying to control and the worrying that accompanies those attempts, stopping the victimization, etc., start becoming automatic and intuitive.

It is possible to feel the feelings without being the victim of them or victimizing other's with them.  It is possible to change the way you think so that your mind is no longer your worst enemy.  It is possible to become empowered to have choices in life at the same time you are letting go of trying to be in control.  Life can be an exciting, enjoyable adventure if you stop reacting to it out of your childhood emotional wounds and attitudes.

A Higher Power of My Own Understanding

The Spiritual belief system detailed on this web site and in my book can be incorporated into any open-minded individual's personal beliefs.  It is a belief system that allows for the possibility that maybe there is an Unconditionally Loving Higher Power - a God-Force, Goddess Energy, Great Spirit, whatever it is called - which is powerful enough to insure that everything is unfolding perfectly from a Cosmic Perspective.  That everything happens for a reason - there are no accidents, no coincidences, no mistakes.

It would be possible for someone to use the tools and techniques contained herein - for inner child healing and setting internal boundaries - to change some of their codependent/reactive behavior patterns and work on healing their childhood emotional wounds without a Spiritual belief system underlying the work.  It would be possible, but in my view would be kind of silly.  Spirituality is all about relationships.  One's relationship to self, to others, to the environment, to life in general.  A Spiritual belief system is simply a container for holding all of our other relationships.  Why not have one that is large enough to hold it all.

In my personal recovery, I found that I needed a Spiritual container large enough to allow for the possibility that I was not a flawed, shameful being.  I searched until I found some logical, rational means to explain life in a way that would allow me to start letting go of the shame I was carrying and start learning how to be Loving to myself.

For me it became a simple choice:  either there is a higher purpose to this life experience or there is not.  If there is not, then I don't want to play.  So, I chose to believe that there is a Spiritual purpose and meaning to life.  And choosing to believe in a Loving Higher Power has transformed my life from an ordeal to be endured to an adventure that is exciting and Joyous much of the time.

The bottom line for me is that it works for me, it is functional, for me to believe that there is Spiritual purpose and meaning to life.  It works to make my life experience happier today.

The tools and techniques, insights and beliefs, set out in this book work.  They work to support the idea that each and every one of us is Lovable and worthy.  They work to help change life from an unbearable ordeal to a sometimes enjoyable adventure.  Try it - you might find it works for you also.
As stated above, the material in Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light Empowerment, Freedom, and Inner Peace through Inner Child Healing will be an updated version of the inner child healing pages of the Joy2MeU web site - and  the articles that will form the core of it are available in E-book form from Suite 101 for $19.95. (E-Book on inner child work)

Evolution of Book 2: A Dysfunctional Relationship with Life

As  the quote from my February 2003 Update above states: ". . . . this online book pounced upon me when I wasn't expecting it - and turned into something quite different than the article it started out to be."  In May of 2002, I started Chapter 4 of The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages! with this note (which I have now removed from that chapter since I am including it here.)
A Personal Note from Robert Burney

This piece of writing has turned into another online book that I am publishing as it is written.  I am feeling compelled to make another attempt to write what feels like a definitive exposition of my work and my beliefs from a different perspective than the online book about the terrorist attack of September 11th that I wrote last fall and early winter.  That book turned into a very personally revealing work that also included what could be interpreted as by certain fanatical elements of at least 3 major religious groups as blasphemy, and by some secular groups as very controversial political opinions - which in part, was why I decided to move the bulk of that book to my Joy2MeU Journal. (As I explained in my April Update.)  This one I foresee keeping on this Joy2MeU site - and hopefully publishing as a book, or at least an e-book.  (See Future Publications page for the evolution of my thoughts in relationship to the compelling urge I am feeling and the newest ideas about future publications that have been sparked by recent messages in my process.)

This writing follows perfectly in the acceleration of my personal process and the manifestation of that evolution in my writing that I talk about in my January Update Newsletter.

"I mentioned at the very beginning of this update that I have experienced tremendous growth in my personal process in the last 3 years.  I am so grateful for this web site - and the internet reality that makes it possible for me to Truly reach out and touch people around the world.  The power of this means of connection and communication has stimulated me to do a tremendous amount of writing since 1998 when I launched my first crude web site.  That writing process has facilitated, and accelerated, my personal growth process in Truly amazing ways.

One of the most fascinating aspects of my writing - to me, anyway - is that I am writing about the same basic dynamics that I have been focused on for more than 10 years.  The basic dynamics of codependence - of the disease / the wounding process and the recovery / healing / Spiritual awakening process - are something I have seen clearly for quite awhile.  There is nothing in my book (Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls) - though the final draft was written in 1995 - that is not aligned with what I believe and know today.  (A remarkable, amazing fact to me - and certainly nothing I take credit for.  I mention in my August 2001 Update that I feel like I am just now reaching, on a personal level, the level of consciousness that the book was written out of. )  What is happening though, is that I keep writing - and understanding - on deeper, more sophisticated levels.  The layers are more subtle, but each one I peel leads to a clearer, more refined understanding from a higher perspective.  I would never have guessed two years ago that I would find so much more to write about - and there are already enough new writing projects waiting in line to keep me busy for this year." - Joy2MeU Update January 2002 Newsletter 2
In this online book (which wasn't one of the writing projects I had waiting in line), I am finding myself exploring new levels and perspectives - both dissecting the dynamics of codependency and recovery on more sophisticated and subtle levels (both psychologically and historically) and discussing different facets of the phenomena in more concrete, practical, and hopefully understandable, terms.  This latest writing adventure has turned into quite an exciting adventure in itself. ~ Robert May 15, 2002
The amount of writing I have done for this web site in the last 4 years is amazing to me.  I could never have envisioned in 1999 how much I was going to be writing in the coming years.  There is now well over a million words (and possibly more than 2 million) available on the Joy2MeU web site in the articles and online works that I have written since I started this web site.  (I launched my original web site on silcom.com in February 1998 and this Joy2MeU site in February 1999.)
Each writing project led to the next - and as I say above, facilitated, and accelerated, my personal growth process.
"It is also a reminder for me of how absolutely perfectly this writing and my healing process have unfolded in relationship to this web site over the past 4 years.  The Recovery Process for inner child healing - finding emotional balance series of articles followed the True Nature of Love series.  The True Nature of Love series is something I started writing in 1999 - shortly after I started my Joy2MeU Journal, and the personal journal I share in it.  I started writing both of those bodies of work while I was homeless - shortly after the end of My Adventure in Romance - Loving and losing successfully.
The Emotional Honesty and Emotional Responsibility series led directly into the processing that I did about my fear of intimacy issues in the Newsletters of the May 2001 Update.  That processing led to a major breakthrough in my personal recovery process.
"One of the things that I am realizing in the processing that was set off by this latest breakthrough in my process, is that I seem to just now be reaching - on a personal level - the level of consciousness that my book was written out of.  It has been over 10 years now, since I wrote the core of what was to become Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls - over a period of 48 frenzied hours of writing, to be able to give a talk that I had scheduled months before." - Joy to You & Me and Joy2MeU Update - August -2001
That breakthrough in consciousness on a personal level prepared me to take the risk of sharing my Truth and my beliefs with the world in a way that I had never envisioned putting my Truth out to the general public.  When the events of September 11, 2001 occurred, I almost immediately started writing and publishing Attack on America - A Spiritual Healing Perspective & Call for Higher Consciousness.  My decision in March of 2002 (Update January 2002 & 2 Newsletters) to move the bulk of that online book to the Joy2MeU Journal is what provided the spark for writing The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages!" - Joy2MeU Update Newsletter November 2002
 
I find this process (which is of course ongoing, and includes some recent huge breakthroughs for me) an absolutely fascinating adventure.  I am HUGELY GRATE-FULL (excuse me for yelling, but there are not words big enough to describe my gratitude) for the gift of twelve step recovery in my life.  Twelve step recovery supplied me with the tools that I needed to start learning to accept and allow Grace to flow into my life.
A "state of Grace" is the condition of being Loved unconditionally by our Creator without having to earn that Love.  We are Loved unconditionally by the Great Spirit.  What we need to do is to learn to accept that state of Grace.

The way we do that is to change the attitudes and beliefs within us that tell us that we are not Lovable.  And we cannot do that without going through the black hole.  The black hole that we need to surrender to traveling through is the black hole of our grief.  The journey within - through our feelings - is the journey to knowing that we are Loved, that we are Lovable.

It is through willingness and acceptance, through surrender, trust, and faith, that we can begin to own the state of Grace which is our True condition.

Author's Foreword

So, I have now changed the name of most of the Chapters of what had been called: The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages!. I wrote the Introduction to Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light Empowerment, Freedom, and Inner Peace through Inner Child Healing and the section on Detachment which I am using as part of this foreword to Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light  Book 2: A Dysfunctional Relationship with Life in May of 1999.  I had no idea it would take me so long to get back to that work.  Actually, I still don't have any idea when I will be able to focus on writing part 1 of that process level book.  I have several more chapters to add to Book 2, and at some point I am going to need to write a new Chapter 1 and 2 for Book 2.  I am separating the article about the codependency movement and marriage from the rest of the online book in theory only right now - in reality they will still be the first two chapters until it is time for me to write new ones.

Here is an excerpt from the foot note that I added to the first chapter while doing this revision in May 2003. (The footnote/post script mentions 15 chapters because I am hoping to have the fifteenth chapter added within the next week or so.)

"The work grew to something quite a bit beyond what I envisioned when I wrote this paragraph - and includes 15 chapters as of May 2003.  I very happy with, and proud of, the chapters that grew out of this initial source.  It has since grown into an in depth look at the phenomena of codependency on multiple levels - which in my opinion, is really much larger and more important than just a response to the silly article by Dr. Harley.  So, in early May 2003 I am separating this article from most of the chapters that grew out of it - as I spoke of doing in my February 2003 Update Newsletter. . . . .
I am going to leave this article as it is presently named, as a two part web article, this page and the next one.  I am changing the subtitle of part 2 slightly, but otherwise am not making any changes to either of these pages.  There are some places in these two pages where I use some quite harsh language in reference to Dr. Harley and his beliefs - and I am going to leave that language as I wrote it.  It doesn't have anything to do with Dr. Harley personally, but rather with the type of ignorant and arrogant white male attitudes that he represents to me.  Over a year later, and farther along in my recovery process, I probably would tone down that language some if I wrote these two pages today - not because my beliefs and views have changed, but because I wouldn't be quite so reactive out of my own personal wounds.  Sometimes it takes some harsh language to make a point however, and at this time I do not feel compelled to change the language as I originally published it." ~ Post script added to The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages! in May 2003.

I do not have any idea at this time when I will be writing the new chapters for the beginning of this book, or how many more chapters I will be adding at the end - as I say, to be revealed.  I just felt that it was time to begin this separation because as written, the chapters from 3 onward took on a whole new tone and focus than the first two had.  It has been obvious to me for quite awhile that they were different works.  Now the process of separating them has begun.  Another ironic note since separation is one of the themes in this online book.  As the detachment section of this Author's Foreword states:
One of those paradoxes is that in order to get in touch with our ONENESS with everything, we must first be able to define our self as separate from others.  And in order to become an integrated whole being, we must first separate and own all of the different parts of our self within.
In Book 2, I discuss the importance of separation on multiple levels in regard to a number of different issues, including:  separating ego strength from self worth and separating our feelings of self worth from our emotional relationships to external sources.  I believe this work contains many valuable insights - and hope that you find it of value also.  Here are links to the first 3 chapters of this work with their new titles.
The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages!
The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages! 
Part 2 Love & Romance, Marriage and Divorce
Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in the Light 
Book 2: A Dysfunctional Relationship with Life
Chapter 3 Emotional Honesty
The page with information on how to subscribe is here: Dancing in Light.
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Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995.  Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, & 2008 by Robert Burney  PO Box 235401 Encinitas CA 92023.