Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing + Love = Joy2MeULogo of Joy to You & Me Enterprises, publisher of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls Joy2MeU Home Page
This is the Newsletter of the Joy2MeU web site of codependency therapist, inner child healing pioneer, Spiritual teacher Robert Burney - who is the author of the Joyously inspirational book of Cosmic Spirituality: Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.  These Update Newsletters are posted 4 times a year at about 3 month intervals.  A short announcement e-mail is sent out notifying people who sign up for the Joy2MeU e-mailing list when a new Update is posted. (e-mail link below)  (Links within the text will open in a separate browser window, while those in right hand column will take you away from this page.)
Joy to You & Me and Joy2MeU Update
Hello Magnificent Spiritual Beings having a human experience,

Well, my human experience has been very exciting so far this year.  A great deal happening in my life.  I have taken a huge risk this year, because it is what my Spirit let me know I needed to do - and it is paying off big time so far.  It has already produced great Joy in my life - and, as with any exciting risk, a lot of fear at times.  I have put everything on the line - including the future of this web site - and More Will Be Revealed about how it is all going to turn out.  I will talk about that some more in the Newsletter portion of this Update - but first other news. 

The workshops and retreat I did went wonderfully.  The two day retreat on the Spanish island of Ibiza was a wonderful experience.  Forty three people in all came to it.  The majority of them didn't speak English, so I got the opportunity to have a simultaneous translation experience for the first time.  Also the chance to teach a bunch of Spanish people how to do the Hokey Pokey.;-) 

"A good thing for this child to do is skip.  I find it is very hard to be serious and skip at the same time.  Being silly is very good for us.  One of the closing prayers for my inner child healing/grief groups is to do the "Hokey Pokey" - which is a silly dance that many American children learned when little.  (I don't know if they do the Hokey Pokey in other parts of the world - maybe some of you can let me know.  The point is to do something silly and pointless that helps us to not take ourselves so seriously.)" - The Inner Children that need Boundaries
I end my workshops with the hokey pokey these days - and don't do the inner child groups any more, something that I explain on my biography page.

There is a chance I will be making a return trip to Ibiza early in 2006.  There is also a possibility of a trip to England this fall - although I would need to set up some other appearances to make it financially possible to make the trip that is possibly in the works now.  That is actually true of some workshop possibilities in the states also - that I would need to set up some other appearances to make it possible to cover expenses and make the trips financial viable.

And there is a cruise of the Caribbean that I will be a featured speaker on in January.  That is very exciting and something that I had mentioned in several previous Updates. 

"At the end of the updated info on my biography page, I mention that I would like to be able to offer some kind of healing retreats to people.  This is something I have mentioned previously in other places, and specifically in my April 2001 (should be 2002) Update. 
"A couple who organize cruises for recovering people, recently moved to the small community I live in.  These ocean cruises for recovering people often feature speakers - notable figures in recovery . . . . . . I can envision a week long retreat at sea.  Doesn't that sound interesting?" - Joy2MeU Update April 2002
In a couple of conversations recently with the fellow who organizes these cruises, I learned how they work.  Basically, any cruise for which I can get 20 people to sign up for, I can get my cruise free.  I would still have to pay for my air fare if the cruise was one of the many leaving from Florida - but my cruise would be free.  The cruise would include a number of seminar / workshop kind of groups with me for anyone interested - and I would also set some time aside to schedule individual or couple sessions for an extra fee with anyone who wanted to take advantage of that opportunity.  Hopefully, I would get enough of those to at least pay for my air fare." - Joy2MeU Update February 2003
If you would like to get a chance to go on a week long cruise of the Western Mediterranean on one of the floating resorts that are the huge cruise liners - and get a chance to do it with other recovering people who will be participating in meetings and workshops a sea - check this out.  The cruise leaves from Fort Lauderdale on January 8th with stops at Cozumel Mexico, in Jamaica and the Grand Caymans.  You can find out information about it at In This Life  (It is possible this web site info will not be updated to include my appearance until a few days after this Update is published.  If you contact them, they will send you a brochure about the ship and the trip.  Anyone putting down a $100 deposit by August 1st gets a free upgrade to a better cabin.)

The 2 hour workshop I gave at a Bay Area CoDA Conference in Santa Clara went very well.  It is the kind of appearance however that I can only do at places within reasonable driving distance.  Since it is an official CoDA meeting, it is not possible to sell my book and tapes - and I receive no expense money.  So, it actually costs me money to makes this kind of appearance.

The appearance in Ohio went wonderfully.  There was a CoDA speakers meeting in the morning and a workshop in the afternoon - and both had close to 100 people participating.  I would love to make more appearances like this one, but in order to do that it takes someone locally who is willing to do the organizational work.  The Ohio workshop was a success in all ways - despite the fact that I set the price of admission too low - because someone there locally actually covered a portion of the expenses out of their own pocket anonymously, which made it possible to cover lodging and space rental.

In order to do more workshops in areas of the country that require a long commute, I need either an organization who can pay the expenses or someone locally dedicated to doing the footwork to make it possible in their area - and I will need to charge in the neighborhood of $40 to $50 to attend unless there is another way to cover travel expenses.   If anyone knows of an organization that might sponsor a workshop - or anyone is interested in becoming involved in bringing a workshop to your area, please contact me.

Right now, there are possibilities for workshops in North Carolina and New York - if I can get another appearance or two set up in the vicinity.  So, I would be glad to hear from anyone in those areas.

I want to focus more energy on trying to make appearances, but do need to figure out how to do it in a financially viable way.  In areas within reasonable driving distance - in California, Arizona, Nevada, or Pacific Northwest - I can possibly do the organizational work from here, if I knew that enough people in the area were interested in attending.  If you are interested, please drop me an e-mail at joy2meu@silcom.com - and I will start working on organizing something for any area that seems an encouraging possibility. 

Additions to the web site since the  March Update include: 

A page with some questions, answers, and random thoughts about Parenting

Two articles originally published on Suite 101: 

Energetic Attraction - emotional familiarity or Karmic connection?

Emotional Intimacy = in to me see

In addition:

In adding an attribution that seems to be the original source of the handout Twisted Thinking - reminded me of the long discussion I included on that page about the Spiritual Growth process, the symbolic importance of the spiral, and the significance of the Unicorn in my logo.

More feedback and testimonials added to Phone Counseling Testimonials page.

Two new batch of wonderful Testimonials for the book, tapes, and web site.

 A new page with a World map showing where the most recent visitors to Joy2MeU.com are located

A new book store in Nebraska stocked The Dance

A new selection of diversified and interesting looking links were added.

Most Recent articles published on my Suite101 page also listed on my page Suite101 Articles page

March 2005 
Spirituality - a broader perspective
April 2005 
Inspiration from the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous
May 2005 
God the Father, and my father
June, 2005 
Quantum Physics - expanding my Spiritual paradigm

Graphic of two hearts with an arrow through them - signifying both Love and heartbreak.
Links to past Update Newsletters for the Joy2MeU site (launched February 4, 1999) can be found on the Information index page.  Links to the Newsletters of my original Joy to You & Me web site (launched February 28, 1998) can be found on the Joy to You & Me page which list pages from that site not moved to Joy2MeU.


The additions to the web site since the March Update are listed in the right hand column above.  As I explained in that March Newsletter, I spent years living a serene, Joyous, and pretty isolated life writing for this web site - and that is not my priority any longer. 
"A major goal for me in 2005 is to be more involved in life.  I have taken steps to be more Alive and involved with other human beings this year.  My time of living in isolation in a beautiful place I Love, focused on my writing, was a wonderful, wonderful chapter in my life.  But I entered this year knowing that I wanted to be more involved in the experience of living from now on than in writing about it from an intellectual, theoretical perspective." - Joy2MeU Update Newsletter March 2005
When I entered this year, and took steps to get more involved in living, I had no idea what was to come.  The opportunity that has manifested in my life is such an amazing and richly textured experience that I don't think I could have imagined it in details anywhere close to the reality that has materialized.  The steps I took in early January actually turned out to be symbolic because my plunge into life is not linked to any of them, but the actions I took were important in setting the energy in motion to create the kind of experience and opportunity I was asking for.  (In my article on the first 3 steps The Miracle of The Twelve Step Recovery Process: 1, 2, 3, and a 1, 2, 3 - The first three steps I talk about how working the third step involves putting out my request to the Universe - asking for help in creating what I want - and taking action towards that desire.  By taking action to plant the seeds - while letting go of the outcome - I aligned with metaphysical law of sowing and reaping, something I talk more about on my Love Offering page that is linked below.) 

There is plenty of material for anyone to read on my site already - and though I will be writing some original articles for the site in the future, that is not a priority for me now.  So, I have added very little to the site this year.  There are over 270 pages of content on the regular site right now - and close to 90 pages in the Joy2MeU Journal - so several million words available.  If you are one of the rare people who have already read them all, I would suggest that you go back and read them again.  As we grow and learn our perspective changes.  So, if you read an article 6 month or a year ago - of even last week sometimes - you will see even more in it in reading it again. 

I have emphatically become much more involved in life and with other human beings this year, in some quite amazing and wonderful ways.  I will get into a little more detail about that in a moment, but just last week a new possibility appeared on the horizon.  My 15 year old son just returned to his home after spending close to a month here with me.  The day he returned home, his mother called me about the possibility of having him come to live with me.  This is something that has come up several times before, but she has always changed her mind within a short period of time.  It is something that I have been willing to do for awhile, but did not know how I would be able to financially handle the extra responsibility. 

On my biography page, which I mentioned above, I share an outline of how my journey has unfolded - including the financial difficulties that caused me to be homeless for 6 months in 1999.  (Not on the street homeless, I had an office for my computer - but crashing on friends couch kind of homeless.)  On my Donations / Love Offering page - which includes the history of the book and a discussion of the metaphysical laws of giving and receiving - I share how I learned to be open to receiving help as part of working the 3rd step of my 12 step program, and how Donations to the cause allowed me to publish the book and to keep it in print.  Self publishing a book is not the way to make a lot of money - unless or until word of mouth becomes so strong that a larger publisher wants to buy the rights. 

It was the gift of exposure on the internet that has kept my book alive and in print - and I have been very grateful in the years since 1999 that I have been able to pay the rent every month.  The risk I took this year actually put me in a position where it was possible I might end up homeless again.  I don't think that is going to happen now - but it was a risk I choose to make.  I called attention to that Donation page - and worked the third step by asking for help again - on my New page when I posted the latest article that I moved from suite101, on my CoDA birthday, June 3rd.  I did get a few donations as a result of that request on the New page - and have the promise of another one that will help alleviate a lot of financial pressure in my life right now if it manifests. 

Due to the risk I have taken - and the added financial responsibility I have taken on - I have been looking for ways to increase my income.  Having my son come to live with me will make that an even more pressing priority.  One of the things I am considering is moving some of the pages on my regular web site into a password protected part of the site - and charging a fee to view those pages.  This is something I have resisted doing up until now - but something I am needing to consider as part of taking care of my own needs. 

I raised telephone counseling prices in May, as one step in trying to create more income.  The prices I am charging are still minuscule compared to what some people out there are charging - and the phone counseling is probably the greatest bargain available when it comes to changing the quality of one's life for the better.  Learning how to have the internal boundaries that I teach people in the phone work - and describe how to do on my inner child healing pages - is truly the most powerful work I have ever encountered to help a person to open up to more Joy in one's life, to really start learning how to relax and enjoy life as an exciting adventure a great deal of the time.  As I tell people often, there are many places one can read or hear that it is important to Love one's self - but no one really tells you how to do it.  It is my privilege and honor to be able to share with people an approach that actually helps one to start being more Loving to one's self.  An approach that actually works - is functional - in changing one's core relationship with self, life, and other people into one that is more Loving. 

Making part of the site a pay per view kind of section is just one of the actions that I am needing to consider at the present time.  I would rather not do this - and if enough donations to the cause come in, or money manifests in some other way, won't have to - but it is an option.  It has been my privilege and honor to provide so much information for free here on the internet - and even if I do decide to charge for some of the content, it will only be perhaps a couple of dozen pages.   There have now been 10s of thousands of people who have been helped by my pages - and only a small percentage of those people have even bought my book.  That is something I am okay with however.  As I say on the Donations page, I am settling Karma and getting the opportunity to be of service, and that is a wonderful gift. 

"Of course, one of the reasons that I have the honor and privilege of carrying this Joyous message in this lifetime is because of my Karmic debts from other lifetimes.
Possibly one of the reasons that you are reading this is because I, personally, owe you a Karmic debt.  Maybe I gouged out your eyes when I was a Roman legionnaire or a Viking or something, and now I am repaying that debt by helping you to see more clearly in this lifetime." - Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls

As I also say on that Donation page, I am not really asking for donations just for my sake - because by opening to receive I present other people an opportunity to give, which helps them to to align themselves Karmically with a message they believe in, and to keep the healing energy flowing for their lives. 

"I do not need you to make a donation for my sake - though I would, of course, be very grateful for your help in allowing me to continue doing something I Love to do.  Perhaps however, if you resonate with my work, you would find it beneficial to make a donation for your sake - to demonstrate and affirm your alignment with the message of Joy and Love in my work.  If you have been able to access some more Love for yourself through reading my words, perhaps sending a little Love my way in the form of money energy will help keep the Love energy flowing into your life." - Donations / Love Offering
Having my son come to live with me is something that has always terrified me.  As I talked about in the March Update, I had a lot of knowledge on an intellectual, theoretical level about romantic relationship - but needed to actually have some relationship experience to really learn how to get healthier in actually being in a romantic relationship.  The same is true for being a father - I have theoretical knowledge, but no real experience at actually doing it on a day to day basis.  It will be a wonderful opportunity for growth - and a major challenge - if I get the gift of having him come to live with me. 

And that brings me to one of the events in my life recently.  My father passed away on May 24th.  I wrote about it in my latest Suite101 article God the Father, and my father.  It is something that I will probably be processing through for awhile. 

If the major donation that has been promised to me materializes, that will make it possible to actually start taking steps towards bringing out the audio tapes in a CD version.  This is something I have wanted to do - and been asked about - for years now, and it would be great if enough abundance manifests to actually do that.  I will announce it on my New page if it happens - as well announcing the change to pay to view certain pages if that happens.  For those of you that don't know it, there is a service that will send you an e-mail letting you know that the New page has changed.  Any time I make any changes or additions to the web site - or announce any news (like workshops being scheduled) - I announce it on the New page.  If you would like to sign up for that service it is here:   Notification of change to New page sign up page. 

Now I will tell you a little about the amazing, miraculous, relationship experience that I have been blessed with here in 2005. 

"a receptacle for Love to flow into"

I mentioned in my March Update that a new romantic relationship had manifested in my life. 
"The Universe answered my prayer / affirmation / challenge by bringing a new teacher into my life to help me do some more work on healing my relationship with myself - healing my fear of intimacy issues.  And my Higher Power arranged that I would be completely through with the last experience before this one appeared in my life.  Very cool. 

Rather this person is someone / the soul mate, that is going to be in my life long term or not I do not know at this time.  It is possible that she is a brilliant flaming shooting star who is flashing through my world to illuminate some things / issues that I needed to see with more clarity - a catalyst of growth and awakening.  Perhaps I will get to once more experience a broken heart and the grief that goes with it.  I don't get to know that right now.  What is important is that I am willing to take the risk - and the Universe has brought a very special lady into my life to help me learn.  I am hoping that she is the special woman who will be willing and able to surrender to opening her heart to me, to surrender to the experience of Loving me - while I surrender completely to the experience of Loving her, to opening my heart to her.  More will be revealed about how this newest adventure is going to unfold." - Joy2MeU Update Newsletter March 2005

This relationship has turned into an absolutely amazing, Truly remarkable adventure.  The woman whom I am involved with has proven to be a major catalyst for growth in my life - and a source of incredible Joy.  I am actually getting the opportunity to experience what I have intuitively - and theoretically - known was possible in a romantic relationship for years now.  I am getting a chance to follow the advice I gave to some friends in the Wedding Prayer that I wrote at the end of 1998. 
"You each have emotional "buttons" that trigger old defensive reactions, fears and insecurities - and you are sitting next to the person who was specifically prepared and trained to be a specialist in pushing your buttons.  The gift you will give each other by pushing those buttons will help each of you uncover the wounds that need to be healed. 

You have come together to teach each other, to help each other heal, to support and encourage each other in your quest to find your True Self. . . . . 

. . . . . . You are together because you resonate on the same wave lengths, you fit together vibrationally, in such a way that together you form a powerful energy field that helps both of you access the Higher Vibrational Energy of Love, Joy, Light, and Truth - in a way that would be very difficult for either one of you to do by yourself.  You are coming together to touch the face of God.  You are uniting your energies to help you access the Love of the Holy Mother Source Energy. 

You are not the source of each other's Love.  You are helping each other to access the LOVE that is the Source. 

The Love that you see when you see your soul in the others eyes is a reflection of the LOVE that you are.  Of the Unconditional Love that the Great Spirit feels for you." - A Wedding Prayer / Meditation on Romantic Commitment

My lady and I are a most improbable, surprising coupling in many ways.  We had been living very different life styles with divergent priorities - and an almost 14 year age differential.  It took a cosmic "coincidence" of pretty monumental proportions for us to even connect at all in the first place.  I had taken down my profile on the online dating services for a period of time because I didn't anticipate getting involved in another relationship in early January.  I was still processing through the lessons I had learned in the relationship experience I was gifted with in 2004 - and because the shift I mentioned in my March Update had taken place at the very beginning of the year, had not made the profile visible again as yet. 
". . . . . And then something happened that I have never experienced so powerfully previously.  A communication from her about that article - and an e-mail that she sent me on January 2nd (my e-mail response to that one was the last communication between us) - opened my eyes to some facets of the relationship experience I had not seen clearly before.  I read that e-mail through one time - and I was completely done with the relationship.  Instantaneously it was over for me absolutely.  In writing this today - because of the digression above - I realize that what happened in the moment of my reading that e-mail, was that any ties / chords of energy that were still in place from me to her were completely severed.  Never before have I experienced such a clear and clean and complete closure of anything in my recovery process.  It was a blessed gift and a miracle. 

And of course, it was perfect timing in the Cosmic Scheme of things.  Because 10 days later I was contacted for the first time by someone who just might be that soul mate I stated that I was going to be looking for in the August Update and December Suite 101 article. " - Joy2MeU Update Newsletter March 2005

The coincidence had to do with a phone counseling client on the East Coast.  I had shared with her that an important part of me opening up to becoming available for a relationship experience had been putting up a profile on some online dating services.  (I originally did the online dating thing thinking nothing would come of it, but rather as a symbolic action - such as I mentioned above - to put my desire for a relationship out to the Universe.)  She had decided to take my advice that she try out the experience - and in communicating with me about the profile she had put up, asked me if she could see my profile.  So, I made my profile viewable for a period of less than 24 hours.  During that time the woman who I am involved with now contacted me.  She happened to do a search that night for men who lived in Cambria.  She has always been drawn to the little coastal town I live in - and had even gotten married here some years earlier.  She had dreamed for years of moving to this area - and on that night her frustrations with living in San Diego had driven her to repeat a search that she had done previously without seeing my profile because it wasn't available. 

So, on the night of January 12th I received a communication from her.  I was not really interested in a long distance relationship, and though she was very attractive it didn't look to me from her profile as if we were interested in the same types of things - so I didn't respond for a few days.  We exchanged a few e-mails and she told me that she was going to be in the area soon - but I really had no expectations that anything would come of our connecting. 

She did not contact me when she had told me she probably would - and I had pretty much dismissed the possibility of meeting her from my mind that weekend.  When I did hear from her on Sunday afternoon the 23rd of January, it was unexpected and on the phone number I use for counseling which I do not get other calls on normally.  I was actually kind of rude when I first answered because I thought she was someone else that should have known better than to call me on that line.  Despite my rudeness, she was compelled to drive to Cambria to meet me that night. 

During the course of the time we spent together that evening I got a glimpse of her True Self.  Because of her childhood wounding and life experience, she had developed a defense system that to me - in our communication up until that night - had already seemed to be waving a lot of red flags warning me not to get involved.  I was pretty stand offish despite the fact that I found her to be a very beautiful woman.  Once I got a glimpse of her True Self, I knew immediately that this was a woman that I had to get to know. 

What I saw was a woman with a beautiful heart and soul - with a huge capacity to Love - underneath the defenses that she had been forced to adapt to protect herself in her life journey.  There was no doubt in my mind after that night, that no matter how many red flags I was seeing, I needed to surrender to experiencing whatever my Higher Power had brought her into my life to experience. 

Her defenses were perfectly designed to push my buttons - to trigger some of my deepest wounds and reactions.  And of course, my defenses pushed her buttons as well. 

That night I surrendered to whatever ride the Universe had in store for me with this woman.  That night I realized that I needed to ignore the red flags, let go of any preconceived boundaries or expectations, and go wherever this adventure led me. 

It has been a real e-ticket ride so far.  I have thought it was over a multitude of times.  She would react in ways that pushed my buttons - and I was sure it had ended.  But then it would begin again. 

The key factor is that she is actively in recovery, dedicated to getting healthier.  Thus though her reaction was to run away from me - her pattern has been to leave relationships before she could be left - she did not run away for long.  I had my deepest wounds around abandonment, betrayal, and rejection pushed - and kept coming back for more because that is what I had surrendered to doing back on January 23rd.  I kept throwing out any intellectual, rational conclusions about what was going on, about the red flags that kept appearing - and surrendering to following my intuitive guidance to go wherever this ride took me. 

One of the most unusual things about the experience to me, is that she was resistant to my writing from the beginning.  What has been a normal occurrence for me in recent years, is that women who fell in love with my writing and my message would think they were my soul mate or something and want to get to know me.  She didn't much care for my writing - has still not completely read my book - but was interested in me anyway.  She saw something in me that she was very attracted to, that was not the result of what I do or the message I have been given the gift of carrying. 

She had no interest in me being her teacher - and in fact, thought that it was me that needed her as a teacher.  She was, of course, accurate in that assessment in multiple ways.  She has been the catalyst for amazing growth for me - and is continuing to teach me daily.  I had to let go of my role as a teacher in relationship to her - and really start learning about being a man in a relationship separate from my identity as a messenger and teacher. 

This is not a relationship that I am going to be writing about in any detail as I have with past journalizing about my fear of intimacy issues - and my journey to learning to open my heart.  I am only going to share in the most general kind of way about this amazing adventure the Goddess has gifted me with. 

What has unfolded in recent months, is that she is now living here in Cambria - and I am moving in with her in the next couple of weeks.  I have not only been given the blessing of having the opportunity to share my life journey with a dynamic, exciting romantic partner - I have inherited a whole family in the process.  The brood includes her 17 year old daughter, her daughters boyfriend and their 7 month old baby - soon perhaps to be joined by her 20 year old son.  I am getting the Joyous and amazing opportunity to be a step grandfather to the amazing little baby - and am sooo grateful for the opportunity.  The family also includes 2 dogs, 2 cats, a rat, and a chicken named Jack.  (And now a 3 month old pygmy goat named Pixie.) 

The way the events unfolded - which included her getting a job in the area that fell through and being forced to move with very little in the way of financial resources - has allowed me to do something which I have never done before.  I was able to step up to the plate and take financial responsibility for this whole brood.  I have always had a problem just providing financially for myself, and have never felt capable of taking on that kind of responsibility.  (Although I have paid support payments for my son, I haven't until now thought I could possibly take on the financial responsibility of having him live with me. In the October 2000 Update I am going to be quoting shortly, I talk about my core fear of intimacy issues and how they are tied into the financial issues my codependency created in my life.) 

That is what has put me into a precarious financial position - supporting my new family (along with plane trips to see my father before he died, and to go to his funeral.)  When I got to the point of giving notice on my apartment in anticipation of moving in with my lady and her family, I still wasn't sure that the relationship wouldn't blow up and cause her to run away in reaction to her counterdependent defenses - leaving me in a position where I had no money and no place to live.   But I took the risk anyway because that is what my Spiritual guidance told me to do - because I could see that there was potential for a great reward, a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow, if things worked out between us. 

I am so very very grateful I have done this.  I am today, June 27th, feeling very secure in the relationship - having grown to a place where I am giving less and less power to my reactions and hers - and really believe this is going to work out in very wonderful ways. 

The growth I have made in surrendering to the adventure and not letting my inner child wounds have so much power, has created the space for her to grow in tremendous ways.  She has been able to accept my help and develop a trust in me - two things that her wounding caused her to be very very resistant to - that has helped her to open her heart to me in amazing ways.  She has learned to get past her defenses and be vulnerable - and we are developing a delicious and magnificent emotional intimacy.  The experience of being Loved by her as she opens her heart to me, is exquisite.  For the first time in my life, I am Truly being given the opportunity to receive an abundance of the Love I have been starved for all my life. 

In my Update Newsletter from October 2000 I shared about my fear of intimacy issues in a way that was a catalyst for everything that has happened in my recovery process since that time.  In that Update I mention the one issue that was at the core of my wounding - that is one of the most challenging for all codependents - which is opening up to receive Love.  Because of the toxic shame at the core of codependency - the feeling of being somehow defective, unlovable and unworthy because my parents were wounded and wounded me - allowing myself to Truly be Loved is the hardest thing I have ever had to learn.  In that Update I put it this way. 

"Anytime I have a chance to speak my Truth, to share the beliefs and knowledge which I so passionately embrace, I get to touch the Divine.  I get to be a channel for Love to flow through.  (One of the things I want to talk about in this Newsletter is that it can be easier to be a channel for Love to flow through than a receptacle for Love to flow into.)" Joy2MeU Update Newsletter October 2000
I am now getting the opportunity to be a receptacle for Love to flow into in amazing and wondrous ways.  I am so incredibly grateful for this relationship, for this beautiful amazing woman in my life.  I have faith that the financial needs will be met somehow and that we are going to get the chance to explore this wonderful intimacy that we are creating between us.  I do believe that what I intuitively wrote about in that Wedding Prayer over 7 years ago is now present and happening in my life. 
"You will need to Let Go.  And Let Go, and let go again.  On a daily basis. Let go of believing that the other person has to be in a good mood or has to like the same things or wants to do things at the same time.  Let go of expecting that they can be there for you in the way you want all of the time.  They can't.  They are human.  No one can meet all of another person's needs.  You each need to have resources / friends outside of your relationship.  You each need to have parts of your life that aren't dependent upon the other. 

You will hurt each other, scare each other, make each other angry.  Which will then give you the gift of being able to work through those issues to a deeper level of emotional intimacy. 

You have got some stuff to work through - that is both the bad news and the good news.  Because as you reach those deeper levels of emotional intimacy your love will deepen and grow in ways in which you can't even imagine.  You are boldly going where neither of you has ever been before.  And you have a friend and a partner who is willing to make a sacred commitment here today to go on this adventure with you. 

Celebrate that!!  It is an incredible gift! 

Grab each moment you can and be present with it. 

By being willing to be present to feel the difficult feelings -  hurt, sadness, anger, fear; 

by being willing to walk through the terror of embracing life - the terror that this commitment to intimacy can bring up; 

by being willing to take the risk of being abandoned and betrayed - to take the risk of completely exposing yourself to another being; 
you are opening yourself to Joy and Love to depths and on dimensions that you have only had the slightest taste of so far. 

BE each other's sanctuary.  Be patient and kind and gentle whenever you can make that choice. 

The more you do your healing and follow your Spiritual path the more moments of each day you will have the choice to Truly be present the moment. 

And in the moment you can make a choice to embrace and feel the Joy fully and completely and with Gusto. 

In any specific moment you will have the power to make a choice to feel the Love in that moment as if you have never been hurt and as if the Love will never go away. 

Completely absolutely unconditionally with fearless abandon you can embrace the Love and Joy in the moment. 

Glory in it! 

Loving is the Grandest, most sublime adventure available to us. 

Lets your hearts sings together. 

Let your souls soar to unimagined heights. 

Wallow in the sensual pleasure of each others bodies. 

Roar with the Joy of being fully alive. 

Go for it!!!!" A Wedding Prayer / Meditation on Romantic Commitment

I now have the friend and partner who is willing to go on this adventure with me.  It is an exquisite, blessed opportunity.  This year has already been the most Joyous of my life - and it keeps getting better!!!!!!!   What a blessing!  What a gift! 

With Wishes of Joy and Love to me and you ~ Robert

PS.  My life is so full now that I didn't get this posted in June.  Oh well.   A few developments since I finished writing this several days ago.  The large donation did arrive, and has greatly relieved the financial pressure.  I am incredibly grateful to the person whose belief in my work moved her to send this Love offering my way.  Unfortunately it doesn't look like it is going to be enough make the CD project possible right now.  If sales increase in the coming weeks, or others are moved to send a Love offering my way, then the first thing I will be doing is converting the audio version of my book to CD.  If you haven't bought my book or tapes, this would be a great time to do so.  Or if you wish to make a Love offering to show that you value my message and work, and appreciate my web site - that would be great.  As it states on that page, anyone making a contribution of $50 or more will be sent a gift subscription to the Joy2MeU Journal.  (I am too busy living to have added anything to that Journal this year - and am not sure when I will.) 

The other thing that is happening, is that the possibility of my son coming to live with me seems more apt to happen now.  Although it looks like it may not happen until the end of the year.  More will be revealed about how this all unfolds, but it would seem to be good for me to get settled into the new relationship more comfortably before adding the extra dimension of my son's presence to our new lives.  I am moving over the course of the next week or ten days, so there are a multitude of changes that are going to be happening in our day to day lives - a lot of figuring out how things are going to work living together.   I am very happy that this is happening - and feel soooo very blessed at the gift of having this amazing woman in my life.  It makes me deliriously, deliciously happy to be Loved by her. 

I was wearing a T shirt the other day - one that someone in Texas sent me some years ago in gratitude for my web site.  It is a shirt that I haven't worn for several years because it was too small for me.  Now I can wear it because I have lost close to 30 lb. since January - and am told I look at least 10 years younger.  I would say that is a pretty good indicator of the impact that Love is having on my life - and of my embracing being alive in ways I was resisting previously. 

Anyway, this T shirt says, "Grace can't be earned, it is absolutely Free."  Thinking of Grace brought to mind the Swan story that I share in my book.  I share it on the site on my Choosing a therapist or counselor with discernment page.  I am just going to quote one paragraph from it here, in way of closing this Update. 

A "state of Grace" is the condition of being Loved unconditionally by our Creator without having to earn that Love.  We are Loved unconditionally by the Great Spirit.  What we need to do is to learn to accept that state of Grace." - Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls

We are all Magnificent Spiritual Beings who are perfect parts of the ONENESS that is the God-Force / Goddess Energy / Great Spirit.  Codependency is caused by feeling that we are not Lovable and worthy because planetary conditions caused our parents to be wounded and to wound us with their behavior.  Codependency recovery is about learning how to change our relationship with our self / Self, so that we can own the state of Grace that is our True condition.  We are Unconditionally Loved - every one of us. 

We are all beautiful swans who exist in a state of Grace, in a condition of being unconditionally Loved.  The dance of Recovery is a process of learning to accept and integrate the Truth of Grace into our lives. 

The goal in this Age of Healing and Joy is integration and balance.  To integrate the Spiritual Truth into our physical experience so that we can fill the hole inside and find wholeness within.  As we integrate our True Spiritual nature into our relationship with our physical being we can begin to achieve some balance and harmony with and between all of the parts of our being. 

This age is a time for growing and learning, a time to become conscious of the True nature of the Source Energy, a time of Spiritual Awakening.  We have been given the wonder-full gift of having the ability and the tools to start integrating the Truth of a Loving Universal Force into our day-to-day experience of life.  We now have the knowledge and guidance that we need to start bringing some balance to our relationships - with ourselves and our God/Goddess, with other people and the planet - so that we can live in a way that allows us to experience some Peace and Love on our life path.

We can heal our wounded souls enough to change the dance of life from a dance of endurance and suffering to a dance that celebrates living.  We now have access to the power to transform the dance of Codependence to a dance of healing and Joy. - Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls

I am today, celebrating living in to an extent, and with a gusto, that I had only dreamed about previously.  I am so Grateful for my recovery. ~ Robert 7/3/05

October 2005 Update Newsletter
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Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995.  Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, & 2005 by Robert Burney  PO Box 977 Cambria CA 93428.