On this page are testimonials from people who have transformed their experience of life because of telephone counseling with Robert Burney
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The Web Site of Spiritual Teacher, codependence counselor, grief therapist, author, Robert Burney and Joy to You & Me Enterprises
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Robert is the author of the Joyously inspirational book
The Dance of Wounded Souls
Telephone Counseling Testimonials
"The thing that I have heard from so many people is that reading the book - or listening to the audio tapes - can bring about a shift in a person's relationship with life. That reading the book can, in and of itself, bring about a change in the music one is dancing to - can help a person relax and start enjoying life a little more because their perspective of life and self has shifted into one more aligned with Love. That is the goal of codependency recovery in my view - to change the music of our human experience from a dance based upon shame, fear, and separation to a dance aligned with Joy, Love and ONENESS. It makes my heart smile to know that I was the instrument in creating a book that can facilitate a musical metamorphosis in the dance of life for others." - Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in the Light Chapter 13 Changing the Music: Love instead of fear and shameMany people experience a transformation in their relationship with self and life in a matter of weeks - which does not mean the people who don't feel a major transformation quickly are doing anything wrong. For some, the shift is more gradual and subtle.
The point I wanted to make - the reason I am adding this section to this page - is that, when someone experiences an almost immediate transformation it does not mean they have arrived at happily every after. Part of the shift we need to make is to stop empowering the belief there is a destination to be reached.
"Many of us have pursued healing and Recovery just like we did the rest of our lives - as if it were a destination to be reached where we would find "happily ever after." We have gone to healers and psychics and therapists in order to learn the "right" way to do life.
Recovery is not a dance of right and wrong, of black and white - it is a dance of integration and balance. The questions in Recovery are: Is it working for you? Is the way you live your life working to meet your needs? Is the way you are living your life bringing you some happiness?"
This inner child healing / codependency recovery process is not some kind of magical instant cure - but it is magical because we are learning to align our relationships with self and life with Love and Truth instead of fear and shame. It can feel magical because as we learn how to live life in a functional way - according to the rules of life that actually work instead of the dysfunctional ones we learned in childhood - life becomes easier and more enjoyable. In recovery we go through periodic shifts in perspectives - and therefore in our relationships - as we grow and learn.
I decided to include a quote from my February 2003 Update Newsletter here to try to explain a little about how the process works - and to make the point that though this work can bring quick relief and a sense of freedom as the Light of understanding dawns, it is not a quick fix.
"As we grow and change our relationship with self and life, we raise the range of our emotional experience of life. There will always be relative highs and lows in our experience of life. We are never going to reach a place where we are high all of the time. There is no "happily ever after" here in these bodies on this plane of existence.So, what I am saying here is, doing this telephone counseling is not a instant fix. It can help you magically transform your life. It will give you tools, techniques, and perspectives that will help you learn to stop being your own worst enemy and stop feeling like life is a test that you are failing. It will help you to Lighten up and relax enough to start being more alive instead of just surviving and enduring. It will help you learn to start trusting and Loving your Self. To paraphrase what one of my phone clients said in feedback below: I am not going to give you a "fish" - a lifetime supply of food, show you the hidden door to happily-ever-after - I am going to teach you how "to fish" - take Loving control of your own inner process - so that you can own your power to be a conscious, Loving, co-creator in your life. - RB 9/27/03
There is no quick fix! Understanding the process does not replace going through it! There is no magic pill, there is no magic book, there is no guru or channeled entity that can make it possible to avoid the journey within, the journey through the feelings.
No one outside of Self (True, Spiritual Self) is going to magically heal us.
There is not going to be some alien E.T. landing in a spaceship singing, "Turn on your heart light," who is going to magically heal us all.
The only one who can turn on your heart light is you.
The only one who can give your inner children healthy parenting is you.
The only healer who can heal you is within you.
Phone Counseling feedback - the most recent were added 9-26-09
"There has been a significant and striking shift in my internal world,
and I certainly can attribute your guidance as the catalyst for such an
event!:)!! Thanks again for all your guidance, it really has changed
my life in a very significant way. I am very grateful our paths have
"At this point, I am going to need to cancel our appointment. It’s purely
a financial issue at this point, and once I start working again, I would
like to speak with you twice a month. Robert, the positive impact of
your work and counseling has had immeasurable impact on me. I am very grateful."
"I am hugely grateful to you for the grieving and healing process that
I have started, through you and your enormous and wonderfully beneficial
information - a big thank you for your advice, support and nurturing."
"Hope this finds you well. I have not spoken with you since our last telephone
conversation and that seems a lifetime ago. Lifetime because I have gone
full circle since then. . . . . I just want to say Thank you for the foundation
that was laid from our phone conversations in 2007 as it has been the life
raft that I clung to when I started back this time. All of the things that
we discussed were still in there and they resurfaced into my consciousness
just when I neeed it most. I have been reading the 12 Step Miracle
today and I'm starting Step 4, again. This is valuable stuff and it is just
what I need at this time. Again, Thank you and know that I appreciate you."
"I want you to know that you are a VERY special person, not just in my
life, but to people all over the world. Your non-judgmentalness, your courage
to face your fears and your dedication in helping all of us heal our wounding
is truly amazing. You are one of the best gifts I have ever received
in my life. And I especially appreciate your care, concern and support during
this difficult time in my life. It means so much to me I can't even begin
to tell you."
"Robert, I want to thank you for your part in my healing. You have
helped me focus on the grieving at a new level, and also to see others as
other spiritual beings which has helped so much with getting me out of
my black and white thinking. ((((Robert))))"
"Hi Robert, we had a session in 2005 over the phone. Your book was amazing
when I heard and has dramatically changed my life. I want to send a thank
you again for your help in those tough times and I am glad things in my
life are great."
This next person had been doing telephone counseling
for awhile, and then came to an Intensive workshop:
"It was a great experience on Saturday. To see you present with the light
and love you inspire was time well spent for me. I sincerely appreciate
your work, coming from your own hard-won inner peace. While the battle still
rages, I feel some kinship to you as you not only talk the talk, but walk
the walk. I have once again been blessed with your presence in my life,
your influence and teachings will continue to bring me a new perspective and
new behavior by which I will continue to realize more presence, more
peace. Blessings to you Robert."
This next person was on the cruise in December 2008
and has also worked with me on the phone. This is from an e-mail he
sent out to all the recovery people in his area:
"I thought I'd share this with 'the universe'. You probably haven't heard
of him or seen his book (he's from California, lol), but if you Google Inner
Child Healing, Robert Burney's links come right up to the forefront. Robert
has extensive experience recovering as an adult child, alcoholic/drug addict
and especially as a Codependent. On top of that, he has a knack for writing
and has dedicated his life to his recovery and helping others by sharing.
His book has had a profound effect in my recovery, as I have shared with
some of you. I have had the opportunity and pleasure to meet with Robert
Burney and if you are into authors as John Bradshaw and Melody Beattie, I
think you'll find his writings very insightful. I find them very direct and
easy to read and follow. His websites are filled with volumes of insightful
writings, experiences and tools for recovery, along with personal updates
of his life in recovery. He is very approachable, easy to talk to and welcomes
our conversations, comments or problems with recovery (He personally answers
all my emails and/or phone calls!) I would encourage anyone to add
this book to your library, as we have in my home group's library. Enjoy..."
"You are a life changing signpost and I am very greatful to have
come across your website and received the most wonderful counseling from
you. I hope that you get your book out there with a ton of publicity. Send
a copy to Oprah and get on her show....seriously, I hope that however it
happens, that the world learns in massive quantity that you are in it."
"The work I did with you is so amazing, and is the main reason that I
am handling everything as well as I am right now. . . Thanks again
for all of the skills you have taught me. I use them every day."
"I know I have thanked you before, but I'll say it again because with
your help, I was able to develop a pretty solid foundation (that I always
go back to), paving the way for where I find myself right Now, and thus start
this ever-so-needed healing process that I have been involved in ever since.
Thanks for that."
"You might not remember me. We have worked together briefly in 2005 on telephone counseling, but I had never left your website since I discovered it "by accident" on google in 2004. You have changed my life in ways you might not understand, and I thank The Almighty to have made it possible for our paths to cross. Many things happened in my life since we last spoke, some were good others bad. But thanks to you I had acquired the wisdom and strenght to carry on and most of all, be easy on myself and remind myself that "that too shall pass". I took care of all my children (inner children, that is) and I reassured them that I will take care of them thru the storm. They all say thank you, too.
Robert, you are always in my thoughts and prayers, especially those prayers of thankgiving. I talk about you to my friends, some think that you are a personal friend and I tell them that you are my God-sent. He/She had sent you into my life to remind me who I already was and had always been, and for that you are my Best Friend. Thank you for being you, thank you for being my teacher and guide, and hopefully soon enough I will resume working with you."
"I wonder if you remember me...I was your client back in 2004 and 2005...I just wanted to write to you and let you know that since our work together, I have continued my healing journey and it has led me to some very interesting places in the world and inside myself.... Over and over I come back to your work to remind myself of the TRUTH that your work continues to ignite in my heart."
"Thank you for all your help this year!! You really have brought so much to my life, and I am grateful."
"I am in the best relationship of my life—with a man who has worked hard to heal himself and is on the same path as I. Together, our power to be strong and truthful and loving is the most beautiful thing I have ever known (along with my love for my son). Thanks to you, and some wisdom of yours, I was able to stay strong and work hard until I found him and together we still stay strong. Wow, I reached the mountaintop and its great up here! Hard to get to but so simple once you do!"
"I appreciate ALL that you do for all of us who have been fortunate enough to cross your path...I see it as an authentic and loving soul expression...your kindness and generosity are helping to heal us all one by one."
"I can see this relationship for what was as more and more is being revealed along this journey. That would not be the case if I had not come across your work. It was no coincidence. More is revealed when we are ready and open to understanding. . . . I wrote this in a time period when I was desperately struggling to find the answers within me. I knew that that is where they are. But, I did not have the tools to do it before I cam across your work. I am going in the right direction now. Thank you for touching my life in a positive way."
"I credit you with starting me on my journey toward discovering that I am a spiritual being have a human experience."
"I've owned 2 copies of the book and gave them away to a friend and a relative. I thought they could use the help. Im feeling joyful and thankful everyday. I continue to pass on to others what I've learned from you. It continues to make a difference in my life, so Thank you!"
"I have not contacted you in awhile. we did a few phone counseling sessions in the past and I have emailed you from time to time. I wanted to wish you a Happy Holiday. Your website has guided me on my path of trusting the universe. It makes sense out of the nonsense and I am grateful for you. So again thank you.
"I think you are amazing !!!!!!!!! And I appreciate everything you are showing me. You are so helpful that I can't even tell you how much. You are changing my life and I am soooooooooooo grateful."
"Robert, you have helped me so much I don't know how to thank you enough!"
"Once again I want to Thank You! Thank you for the time you spent with me on the phone yesterday and thank you for so generously sharing what you do on your web site. For me right now, it is a wealth of information that is helping me to see my path and life clearer than I ever have."
"I just want to personally say thank-you for reaching out to me in such a critical time of my life. I just did not know what to do or even what to say-so all I said was help and you were there. My life has made a MAJOR turn around in just this short time. Without you having this web site it would not have been feasible. I just ask for divine guidance and eternal blessings along with joy for me and you:)! . . . I will never forget the way you touch my life in such a tangible way."
"This past week that I was on vacation allowed me to do some deep release work. I feel stronger within myself and more trusting of myself. . . . Thank you for all you offered me. Right now I have to practice it and keep practicing it. Many , many blessings to you!"
"Thank-you so much for your insight and your time. That impending doom and fear that I felt everyday is now lifted and I can now focus a lot better. It is amazing! . . . Your work is incredible. I cannot thank you so much. You are fulfilling your purpose here on earth. Never ever feel like it is was in vain. I thank the creator for your existence. Because of you and your struggles and your personal evolvement. I NO LONGER HAVE TO SUFFER THE PANGS OF MY PAST AND CO-DENPENDCY!"
"My life has been so totally awesome since I have learnt how to love myself, thanks to you...."
". . . . you came to my life with the right words in your book and then on the phone and for that I will forever be grateful."
"Just wanted to let you know that I donated $____ last night for the publishing of your book. I wasn't able to help out the last time because I was undergoing cancer treatments. Today I am in remission. Your book and phone counseling helped me a great deal several years ago. I hope this money helps you reach more people and help your career grow. You have a gift of truly understanding codependency and the ability to communicate that with others. Thank you for sharing your journey of recovery."
"I was thinking about you this morning and how my decisions over the past 5 years have affected my life in so many ways. Finding your website was a blessing from God that began me on a journey. . . . finding you led me to where I am . . . . . Thank you for putting yourself out here to help others along their journey."
"I am well thanks, really enjoying what has been going on. Very grateful for the "system" (inner child healing/internal boundary formula) we have applied on me, I am still applying it every day together with the 12steps etc…. I have been listening to the CD’s on my travels, they are just great ! Would you mind if I converted them to MP3 files or do you have any, I want to put them on my phone!"
"You were instrumental in helping me though the toughest time in my life when I had no where and no one else to turn to. I can not thank you enough for your books and your telephone counseling! I hope that you realize what a difference you and your work is truly making to the world. Your selfless service of providing your web site and all the years of work that went into writing all those papers, books etc. for free to those who really need it is an incredible service to the world!"
"Speaking to you when my life was falling apart helped enormously and I'm happy to return the favor if at all possible."
Newest Phone Counseling feedback 11-13-06
A person who is the CEO of a multinational corporation in the United Kingdom and started doing some sessions at the end of June wrote this on November 8th:
"Generally I am feeling really good, I recognize the pressure from my work and traveling around but one thing I have learned from the work we have done is that the pressure comes from my feeling of frustration that its not all happening quick enough, the frustration comes from my fear that it will all go horribly wrong as I am not capable, and the not capable bit comes from the critical parent voice.A person on the West Coast who started sessions in June wrote a formal testimonial for this page. Even though I haven't been asking for testimonials for people for some years, I asked her if she would write one last week - knowing I was going to be updating this page this week - when she was saying how much the work meant to her:
Now I can see that it means I can look clearly at my work and see that things are progressing just fine, great progress has been made, lots of good things are happening, lots of challenges and lots of learning and its all ok, and so am I.
I see the same in my relationship with a new Girlfriend. It feels totally different than other relationships, but I still have the fears that can come up from the same old critical parent voice that this relationship wont work because they never do and there is something wrong with me. When I can see clearly through this I can see that the relationship is developing just OK, I feel comfortable, I have made choices that are more in tune with who I am and that’s why I feel comfortable, and if I hadn’t have been through all the stuff I have been through with others, then I wouldn’t be who I am now.
I have learned a lot of this stuff through the phone calls and work that we have done, and I am very greatful. Its given me a totally different view on life, and its one that I am very comfortable with. Very soon after our phone calls started, although it was one of the most painful periods of my life at that time, I recognized that the journey was meant to be and that I was learning because of what had happened in my life and couldn't do it without the learning. Furthermore I was learning the stuff I needed to learn, that's why it hurt.
I am very greatful for your guidance, the series of calls we have done over the three months have really helped and I feel that my life is in a new phase, one that’s teaching me more and more. So I plan to take a break from our calls for a period of time, and then come back to some more calls, once I have fully absorbed this phase.
Thanks Robert, you are an inspiration and have helped me on the journey, I wish you every success with your practice, and I look forward to coming back to do some more work with you in the new year."
"To Anyone Who's Looking To Get To The Core Of Their Codependency Issues:A person who flew in from North Carolina for my first Intensive Training Day in San Diego, and then later followed up with some phone counseling wrote this when informed my phone counseling prices were going to be going up at the end of October:
I am currently seventeen years sober, and have made incredible strides in many key areas of recovery, but the one main area I have been unable to get comfortable and feel functional in, is the area of codependency. When that part of my personality kicks in, I feel as if I'm locked in a cycle of despair, self-loathing, and abandonment of self that I frantically try to stop to no avail. The more I over-perform to rectify my blunders, the deeper the hole I dig. Then, the less I trust myself, the more frightened I feel, and the more I berate myself. Seventeen years of therapy, program, and hard-work later, I have been unable to stop that core part of my personality that makes me feel like a run-away train is just under the surface, poised to run me over a cliff.
About six months ago, when I was at a particularly low point over my self-destructive people-pleasing, I decided to look up "codependency" on the Internet to see if I could find some sort of miracle answer I hadn't read about in my vast library of self-help books on the subject. I ran across Robert's Web Site and realized immediately that I had found something that might work for me and help me find some relief from my pain.
Robert's writings on the site resonated with me deeply, and his interpretation of my condition, and a means for changing it seemed really gentle and hopeful. And on top of that, I saw that Robert offered phone therapy. I've felt for a long time that I had potential to get a handle on things, if I could find someone to work with who specialized on the subject, and would help me address my problems as they pertained to the subject of codependency. I was tired of going each week to therapy and talking about my problems, but never getting to the root cause of my distress.
I e-mailed Robert that night and prayed he'd respond quickly. He got back in touch the next day, and we scheduled a time to chat.
After our first conversation, I was thrilled at the prospect of hope for my future, because I knew I'd found a safe place to dig deep and start the emotional work that for me had been long overdue. As they say, "It felt like coming home." Robert and I clicked, and that day was the beginning of incredible strides in my recovery.
I purchased the first of my series of telephone therapy sessions, and began having weekly one-hour talks with Robert on the phone from my office. I've cried some major tears, and come to understand the extent of my issues. I realize that most of the problems that have occurred in my life, be they family-related, child-related, work-related, or just day-to-day living related, all stem from the way I relate to life via my codependency. Now that I finally get how deeply all of it runs, I am able to track it as the behaviors occur, and get help specifically for them on the phone each week. Miraculously, I have been able to stop myself from acting out, talking too much, "fixing," "helping," wasting my time with inappropriate people I've previously been unable to get rid of, etc. I spend more quality one-on-one time with my child now, and I don't allow other people to take priority over that important relationship. I say "no" more and truly mean it. I'm sleeping more soundly, caring much less about the opinions of others regarding me, am finding much less need to apologize all over the map, and incredibly, am feeling much better about who I am and my choices in life.
My "stuff" is still coming up all over the map, but that's fine. I have a lifetime of old garbage to lovingly reprogram with Robert. But for once in my life, I feel like I've got it under control because I'm able to attack it head-on with someone who really understands.
I've attended one of Robert's wonderful seminars, and got a tremendous amount out of it. That combined with six months of phone therapy has worked a miracle. I play his CD's in my car when I get a chance, and I have a loving calm in my life that I've never experienced.
I recommend Robert and his insights to anyone seriously looking to gain insight into and recover from the tragedy of co-dependency. I promise you, he'll help you look at life differently, and if you're motivated, he'll take you to a level of understanding of yourself you'd never imagined."
"Your talents and counseling I think is worth a lot more than you ask, as well as the seminars. You have so much experience and you have walked the walk to back up the talk, so its only fitting that you be paid acoordingly. Like I said not that I push to pay more, but I think you deserve more and can and should get it."A 19 year old single mother of 2 in the Midwest when she started doing telephone counseling in early 2004, this person still does occassional sessions.
"Your book, your web-site, and these sessions have all made a big impact on my life and my recovery. Everytime I tell my story in a Coda newcommers meeting I remember the night I found your web-site and read and read for days. It was the first time I realized why I was so sick and the first time I could ever remember having some sort of voice come from under the pain, a voice that sounded like the real me. For that and some many more reasons I know that I'm on a path to more joy and love. And that God intended me to meet you, so I could learn about the real me. Thank you so much."A person from the East Coast who did a series of sessions in April and May said the following in a couple of e-mails:
"I wasn't going to email you but then thought it's important to tell people when they've helped you and so I decided to. . . . That was such a difficult and new boundary for me to set for myself. . . . . but in a split second I let out a sigh of relief and acceptance and I silently blessed him and released him. No coincidences that I read your writings today on setting boundaries and that we don't necessarily need to tell people the third part of our boundary setting. AAAHH, such good work and as always Robert I thank you from my heart for being such a powerful, wonderful healer and helper in my life. I am positive that I would not have made this progress, nor would I be aware of these issues that have been controlling my life for so long had I not come upon your website that day. Oh, and I also made the decision that I'm not drinking after what you told me about your own experience....So many miracles. I look forward to our next session and hope all went well with the Seminar!!!"A person in the Midwest who did 2 sessions in October wrote:
"I had never felt more free and it dawned on me that I too had been doing the serenity prayer backwards. I started to cry hours later. It started as crying about ____ and then it morphed into a crying about my childhood, about how wounded I must have felt and I felt on a gut level that what I am experiencing is the beginning of my healing process-I am in it. This is the one time that I understand the saying from program-something about strapping in for the ride of my life... THANK YOU AGAIN. Your messages and writings are truly the biggest blessing and the largest sense of hope that I have had in years. I have been telling anyone who will listen about you and your work because it is literally saving my life and I feel it could help millions get well."
"I won't be able to do any sessions for a while. Need to watch money right now. I will be in touch eventually as I think a few more sessions would be worth it. Meanwhile, I am trying to implement what I have learned so far and doing pretty well with it. Definitely glad I talked with you!A person in Australia who did a number of sessions starting in May 2003 - and occasional ones since - wrote this while schedualing a session in October to check in.
. . . I wanted to let you know I am getting better at accessing my inner strength when emotions are high and I can sit with them and allow my inner strength ( spirit) to handle them instead of my old programming ( ego-which used to do a lot of sabatoging stuff to deal with things) I feel stronger being able to set this internal boundry and use it for my own well being. I have done a lot of work, but my talks with you really have pulled it into action that I can use to find more peace, more quickly. Just wanted to say thanks and I will chat with you in the near future."
"I feel I need to speak with you for a couple of reasons. One is to tell you that my life has really become more enjoyable through the work I have done for myself. I have taken a lot of new enotional tools along with me in my journey and would like to give you many, many thanks for your work on yourself."A person on the East Coast who did some session over a couple of months starting in May made these comments in a couple of e-mails.
"I have benefited from my sessions with you, more so than any other therapy I attended before. And I went once a week for a long time.- years."
". . . . I feel so touched hearing about your awareness and discovery of how your inner child programming was basically like a computer chip in your mind and soul dictating how you lived and how you responded in your adult life. I appreciate how you have reiterated that you had intellectual understanding and knowledge of this codependancy "thing." And, in spite of the knowledge and info on this dis-ease, your behavior patterns still remained engrained -- the wounded childrens' ego programming remaining intact and in charge of your life. I am in awe of you that you have given and shared this with me so now I have this wonderful miracle-chance, this miracle-responsibility to mind and soul on every level to heal my inner children. Until I recently started reading your book: Dance of the Wounded Souls and had my first session with you, I was living in a Codependency: 2nd-Hand Life. I was a victim myself and the dysfunctional relationships I gave myself away in. Before I met you: I spent years in individual and group therapy w/therapists specializing in codependency recovery. I read numerous books on codependency and the dysfunctional family.... the fact that I intellectually had the info, studied the subject in depth, and then still kept repeating the patterns was driving me out of my mind and killing off any self-esteem I acquired. Now, because of you and your book and my therapy sessions with you, I actually have tools for healing that I can use to give myself a chance for true inner peace and happiness for me. I can't tell you how grateful I am. I also have been lonely most of my adult life since I only attracted myself to men that were wounded in their childhoods which would set me up in a victim's role in relationships. Now, by reprogramming my ego I will give myself the chance to be attracted to an emotionally healthy male.A person who did a number of sessions 4 years ago and a few since then, wrote after my March Update.
I won't every stop being grateful to you. Your book/healing knowledge are the most priceless gifts that have ever been given to me. I'm finally able to provide myself relief to the excruciating emotional pain and turmoil I've been feeling all of my adult life."
"I just wanted to say how happy and excited I am for you. This is wonderful news to hear. I know you will have an amazing impact in what you do because you are so real and so caring. And I am so grateful to you as I've said before for being the first one I heard say we are spiritual beings having a human experience. It was so powerful for me. For helping me to get a better understanding of how my wounded inner children were driving my bus and how to learn to integrate all that. And for helping me through some really difficult situations back then. Thank you, Robert!!!"
"look at you in a suit. I finished another bout of periodic surfing that i do on the site and I glanced at the testimonials. i just wanted to say I felt so happy to see how much praise and acknowledgement there was for you, your work and your book. you know what, it felt like so many of the things i feel were written there. that seems like good critical mass to me.A person who grew up in Rwanda during the genocide, losing most of her family and watching her mother murdered - did three sessions in September:
i've been feeling so at peace. i have been affirming abundance and direction for myself. i feel ready for my next step and i hope i can continue hearing my cues from the universe. btw, i like being married. i like my home. peace."
"There are no appropriate words to express how much you, your books, your tapes, your website have changed my life. I received your book and tapes on my birthday (July 12th) it was the best gift I ever received, a gift that made me discover myself. Robert, I feel better already, I feel like I am heading somewhere, I used to feel stuck and confused, mostly because I didn't know any healthy way of dealing with life. Robert, I now allow myself to CRY, I used not to cry because to me it was weakness, I had to be strong and to be strong meant not to cry, but now any chance I get I cry, cry it all out and write it in my journal. Especially that inner child healing, I found out that this is where I was having a hard time with internally. I repressed so many emotions and pains from the past, thinking that they will go away, but they were boiling inside me, trigging me any chance they get or I get. I was in denial, but now I found strength to face myself. I am learning to love myself and to tolerate myself. I am learning to surrender to God's unconditional love. I am getting there Robert; Thanks to God and to wonderful people like you I am living now. . . . I have been reading "The conversation with God - book 1, and as I told you I had the book for over a year, and it is now that I am understanding it. I really had to see your website, read your book and listen to the tapes before I can understand that book. Everything makes sense in that book now. Last year when I got it, I was using it to bribe/manipulate God (nice try!!!!), but now I am understanding it for what it is! So thanks for giving me the tools to understand it.A person who did 4 sessions in early 2004 while living in Spain, wrote in September of 2005 after setting up another session:
"I really look forward to our session tomorrow. I was just having a weak moment and decided to read some articles on your webpage. It always makes me feel more balanced and better when I apply to my life and my situations the things you write. Robert, I was inspired to write a bit, about the blessings of your counceling. I wish you would put this or part of it on your testimonial page. I feel that many people may go through what I went through with a psychologist. I don't know if it is proper because it touches upon what we would talk tomorrow. So if you want don't read it now.A person in the states with 32 years of sobriety started sessions in April 2005 and is still doing them on occasion, wrote after my Update in October:
I know i have not spoken to you yet, however, I am going back to you because of the truly amazing and positive impact that your counseling had in my life. I have been through many changes in my life in the last year. To help me cope in the best way possible I decided to go to a really famous, and super expensive therapist. This person wrote a book and has come out on TV. I thought, I really want to put my best foot forward in my broken relationship, this woman is an expert.
I went in there with a trusting attitude, and I ended up feeling so weak and emotianally battered somehow. She felt she knew it all, she was quick to make judgements, though they were educated, and above all it was always her voice not my own that was dominant there. I felt like I had to do things right, and if I didn't do them she would not be pleased or something. Well, at the end of 4 meetings I felt I was going nuts. I think I trusted her too much and although I didn't make her into my higher power she was just really pushy. She would give me specific things to do and I even though i felt it was very uncomfortable emotionally for me, I would feel that if I didn't do them I would disappoint her. My last appointment there I felt so weak and out of control and crying, that finally I just stoped said, this is not me! This woman is not empowering me. I am not like she says I am, she doesn't know my strength I can take care of me. I felt she was like a critical parent.
Im saying this story because in only 4 sessions with you before, my life changed so much. You taught me to see my strengths, you taught me to appreciate my self more, and to accept and start the journey of loving my self. You never made me feel judged, you always made me feel balanced. I never felt like a mistake with you, you made me see and understand that I was not my mistakes and that I always was exactly were I needed to be. That I was ok.
When one goes to a therapist one really has to have discernment. I think it is critical to choose the right person as you go to therapist with a problem and in a vulnerable postion. Anyone that is considering you as a therapist I highly recommended it. I have shopped around and have come back to you. Maybe it won't be a perfect match for 100% of the people but they will never leave your sessions feeling worst or harmed in any way. You are the type of therapist that strengthens and empowers. You do not judge, yet one knows after talking to you the right path simply because it feels right. You have taught me to be loving and gentle to the parts of me I have fogotten. You teach people to respect themselves. To trust and listen to their inner voice. I never felt more balanced before in my life than when I had sessions with you. You are like a light that allows the eyes of the patient to see the distortions for what they are and to one just feels inspired to remove them and see the real beauty within. You teach people to be self confident not like a band-aid but from the core. You are a healer of the broken spirit. Thank you Robert, and I hope many more people choose to see you for it will strengthen them.
I am so Glad to get the update and wanted to let you know that I have been doing some very hard grief, sadness, and anger work. It is paying off big time. I am getting to see some joy. I love the work you do and I am so Glad my mentor ___ put me on to your web site. I have been thinking about you a great deal.A person in the states who did not know anything about recovery until some sessions in September and October of 2005 wrote several times about the changes in her life and how she relates to her alcoholic husband:
Some of the pain I have been through has been difficult, but I am at a place where I don't have to let the past dictate my future any more. What is the hardest part sometimes is doing the work when you don't want to. Kinda like waiting for the feeling to come. I have used the tennis racket method but am finding a great deal of relief from screaming and getting down to the sadness of my childhood. The healing is begun and as ____ tells me it is a life long journey.
Your book and website have been the greatest for me and again I am so glad it's out there. It is just what I needed to see that it is OK to feel the pain. It only feels like it will kill you, but that is a lie. The pain is well worth the the work.
"I am finally getting back to you after a week full of learning, this is all very exciting for me. . . . I am going to have a go at answering this myself......I think I should be honest about my feelings and tell him, and when the rejection comes, know and understand it's not me, it's him who is sick. I then think this will help me to making good and healthy decisions for me for the future. The same as when I went threw with not reminding him of my birthday and all that drama. I suppose once again it is fear of seeing who I am truly married to which keeps me a victim of myself. Just reading this email back to myself I can see how much I have grown, I hope you know how much this means to me Robert. . . . I feel so good about me, I also know I have a long road ahead of me, but it's ok, I have my higher power sitting right beside me and guiding me."A person in England who did one session at the beginning of last year, and then wrote in November, after deciding to do some more sessions - and then wrote again in December:
"Well I just wanted to update you on my wonderful life, to let you know the huge difference and impact you have had on it, practicing everyday what you have taught me. . . . my life has taken off in such wonderful breath taking ways. After learning to take the focus off of my husband and place it on myself, my higher power has without a doubt been working threw both my husband and I. What a different man, or it may be that I am a different woman, either way it's just incredible. Today is our 15th year wedding anniversary, didn't think we would make it there for a while, but it's just amazing how thing's can change when you look at it all different.
I found the wee girl inside me who only I could love, she is truly the most beautiful wee thing, and for the first time she loves me. Tears fill my eyes with such joy as I write this too you, my life has become such an amazing spiritual journey and I can't wait for every day and all the great gifts god gives me, good or bad, I embrace them with love and I remember why I am here.
The most amazing thing happened to me yesterday....my mother, to which I have always had a rough relationship with, well I found out she was moving back in with her extremely violent husband, I called her in the most loving and understanding way yesterday, I told her that i had found peace threw forgiveness and understanding, I told her I wanted true happiness for her, but she needed to find it on her on. Needless to say after that she told me to fuck off, was extremely mean and nasty, but for the first time ever, and thanks to you Robert, I smiled threw the phone and heard the child within her, and only felt sad for her not being able to see, it never went deep, she tried every single angle to get me upset, the whole time I observed everything and never blinked an eye, in fact I felt nothing but true peace residing within. I know that sounds strange, but it was the most wonderful feeling to know, she can't hurt me anymore, now that I understand it. And yes she did trigger things, but they didn't have the usual impact. Robert Thank YOU, you have awoken something in me that had so forgotten. Most days I focus on staying in the now, finding peace with everything I look at and touch, understanding this world is simply an illusion. . . . I just wanted to share this with you, letting you know you truly are an angel."
"I don't know if you remember me? you must have contact from so many people. I have your book and tapes, I've had one phone session and have e-mailed you a few of times. You and your story are such a source of hope and strength to me and I don't know what I would have done without your website to turn to in times of desperation. Thank you for your wisdom, your faith and for sharing your self and your story. I thank God for you."
"I just wanted to say I have been thinking about this and I really cannot understand why your book is not on the shelf of every book shop in the land. It doesn't make sense. this struck home to me even more as I was reading your testimonials and read one from a therapist who had worked at The Meadows with the likes of Pia Mellody & John Bradshaw. I thought well their books are all over the place but Roberts speaks to me the most and covers the most ground so why isn't it 'up there' with the others. The only explanation I could come up with was that the world was not ready for it yet (although by sure it needs it) ! I really, really hope (and I have prayed) that your book stays in print. (There is a small part of me that is afraid that if it really took off you would become inaccessible to me, i.e. you would be so rich and famous that either you wouldn't need to do phone counselling any more or you would be in such high demand that you would be forced to charge higher prices or have a waiting list of a year or something ;-)) Anyway, I do pray that it can remain in print, in the New Year I want to purchase a copy for my CODA group for our Non-approved Literature table!"
"Good morning, Robert! May I take a moment to laud your presence in the Universe (there is never a day when your words & web site are not with me.)"A person who has been doing sessions for about 8 months wrote:
"The best of good mornings to you, Robert! . . . . . . I am still flying high on the strength of your last input to me and it usually takes about two weeks for my inner critic to start reaching a sufficiently high decibel level that requires reining in through my contact with you.
May I just take a moment to say how important the repetition of your positive values is in my ongoing progress. Without your program of sanity, I would be traveling in every-tightening circles with each passing day."
"I was reading your update. As always it was excellent,Robert. I am moved to give you testimony of my life since the start of recovery. If you remembert I was dire straights. I didnt want to be on the face of this earth. I was told to look you up on the internet. Now seven months later, I am a changed woman. The goddess lives within me and miracles happen everyday. Life as made a 360 degree turn around. I get up everyday tell the goddess I love her & all the people i love. Also on that list is ME, Robert. Me I hated Me & now I can say it from my gut I love you to myself. This has happen with you as my spiritual guide. Its so wonderful to celebrate with you & those people that have been through recovery . Better is to share with those who have not. Through the hurts and pangs of recovery come the joys, love and light. As your book says DANCE OF THE WOUNDED SOULS. We are those wounded souls doing the dancing& its perfect timing. May the Goddess continue to work using you as her messenger. My mom died a month, Robert remember. I have been healed of all that pain of not being loved by her all my life. I forgave her."A person who did the initial phone session in July, wrote several weeks later:
"Hello Robert. Do you remember me? I called from Japan for a session about a month ago. I thought about what you said and I think I got the general idea down. So I didn't bother writing back with questions.A person who did 3 sessions in early 2004 and checks in or asks questions by e-mail from time to time wrote the following: (The references she makes to "Higher Self reaching across time" is something that refers to my work The Dance of the Wounded Souls Trilogy Book 1 - "In The Beginning . . ." A Magical, Mystical, Spiritual Fable.)
A couple of weeks ago I went to the local festival. I was having fun talking to teachers I met along the way. But then I noticed that with everyone I talked to I would get a little needy after the first few minutes or so. It was like the little abandoned kid in me was taking over. I ended up going to my bar and thinking about that for awhile.
I realized that a shadow metaphor really helps me understand the process a little better. When I'm talking to people, as you said, I'm just talking to their masks and how they react has no refllection o n my self worth. The next day I had a great day as I just relaxed and was myself."
"Dear Robert:A person with 32 years of soberiety in AA who did some session this last spring wrote in June:
The Sunday night after I received your generous and kind response to my e-mail, I discovered this gorgeous web site . . . . . . I wanted to share this discovery with someone. It took about thirty seconds (after I could think of no one) for the loneliness to wash over me. It took about ten seconds for the Critical Parent/Judge icon to trigger my own leitmotif around loneliness: a) something is wrong with you that you love something as off-putting to others as opera (any wonder why you are alone?), and b) something is wrong with you that you are alone.
Robert, I made it stop within the forty-first second. I told my inner children that finding the site was a great blessing. Nothing is wrong with loving this music. Nothing is wrong with wanting to share with others, and nothing is wrong with us when we feel lonely and sad. It feels bad, really bad. But we can feel that feeling and find things in the moment to feel good about. We can change the music we dance to. We do our grief work. We plant some seeds around the idea of finding others who share some of our interests. Okay, okay, that is very cool, to come to your own rescue.
But, then (you knew there had to be a "But, then. . .), this "knowing" popped into my head. It was more a "Robert Burney, metaphysical Stephen Hawking" sort of knowing than anything I could have arrived at. But, Robert, I had this flash of my Higher Self reaching across "the illusion of time and separation" to share with me all of the things I loved so much. Finding the web site was a gift and meant for me to find. Throughout my life (and all of the other lifetimes), my path has been lliberally sprinkled with these soul-soaring "signs and wonders" like clues left on a trail for me to follow. More than meant for me to find, it has been a continual act of love and sharing. I never found a poem or a painting or piece of music I wasn't meant to find because my Higher Self has been my Secret Sharer in all of this.
Thank you for planting those seeds, Robert. You know, as much as I "journal" about what I am learning, somehow the act of writing to you accelerates my learning curve. It must be the increased vibrational frequency of your web site. Thank you, Robert!"
"On another note, I am experiencing some deep pain as of late. I am also experiencing some relief when I scream and yell and beat the shit out of pillows. I had an awful day at work yesterday and at one point I got back in my bus and closed the door and screamed and yelled my head off. Then I got out of the bus and found I felt so good I did it again with a stick in my hand hitting the seats and screaming at my ass hole caretakers who were so fucked up that they didn't know what the hell was going on. I must say that I had one of the best nights sleep I have had in some time after that.This is from a person in New Zealand who was having problems with hurting self in various ways - and did one session about a year and a half ago:
I was raised by some very sick people, and I am able to say that with out feeling guilty. Amazing how we are brought up to think that we SHOULD feel guilty for saying the truth. The truth is my mother and father were acting out there shit and I was at the right place at the right time to be the punching bag they needed. I am very pissed off about that. I feel the rage inside when I say that. I know there is a lot of work to do and I am doing it now. I am not going to let the past dictate to me how to feel and keep my depressed and dead. I am worth saving. I am worth the work. I am a child who never got what I wanted.
Thank you for your kind words and support. I can not do this alone."
"Kia ora just wanted to say it was so lovely to receive your book and tapes from my own mother and so nice you sign them Robert!! all well with me - now a year up on my last acting out starvation so i am beginning to feel really clean! arohanui"A client who did some work 3 or 4 years ago and later got into the Sacred Merkaba that I have a link to on my recommended links page (copy of that entry just below) - is now in Africa having dedicated himself to working with Aids babies.
"I have a web site up of my work www.aidsbabies.org. . . . . Thanks again for setting me free. I have broken through."
One of my phone counseling clients who had gone through an incredible transformation in his life due to doing the inner child work, has discovered that he has access to great power as a healer. One of the assets that he found as his life was being transformed is something called the Sacred Merkaba Techniques. I really don't know much about it, but he recommends it highly and is now teaching it. - Recommended Links Page
"You truly are an enlighted spiritual being. not one day after our talk, i had the breakthrough that you've always been talking about. its been culminating for sure--i didn't realize it but i had all those people coming up to me Explaining myself to me. there are only a very few days when all the pieces of one's being seem to sit straight, fit with aplomb and grace and yesterday was one of those days. and the realization of what i am, what i consist of--i wouldn't have it any other way. i must have been ready to accept myself for whom i was and i couldn't have done it earlier.A person who did a series of sessions several years ago, wrote after my March Update.
and i used your language and saw your words so clearly: that the male dominated environment i grew upin that didn't respect women was Replaying itself in my life now--it was gruesomely perfect. . . . i couldn't believe what i was seeing. it All fits together. and it starts with me and comes back to Me. And yes, the gift with the acceptance is that this is how we each are. how uniquely special we each are and nothing is good until we can accept that. and i knew what i wanted for myself yesterday. i understood my brand of light and that i wanted that to shine. . . .
ROBERT. thank you!!! i can't believe it. how great is this journey?"
"I always get a jolt of excitement when I see an email from you even if it's not personal! I think about you so often and not sure why I feel silly checking in... you made such an enormous difference in my life... the only therapist who ever did make an impact on me let alone alter my life so much!"A person who did some sessions in late 2003 and early 2004.
"To this day I do not remeber how I stumbled across your website......I do know it has been the source of support that has led me to the life I have been able to give myself. Every day I live and am amazed by my appreciation for life. I have come so far and thank you for helping me by sharing your knowledge."A person who did a series of sessions in the Spring of 2003 wrote in April of this year.
"I haven't had the opportunity to speak with you in some time. . . . Also, I wanted to let you know that I will be attending your workshop in Cuyahoga Falls, Oh on May 14 in the afternoon at 3:30 pm. Members of my CODA group know I have worked with you and several of them intend to attend. I assured them it will be well worth their while since you helped me tremendously and directed me to CODA.A person who had signed up for my retreat in Spain and then couldn't attend, so took a refund in phone counseling. She did her first session in early April. The following is from an e-mail she send me a week or so ago.
Hope the email finds you in good health, spirits and resting in peace. I have come a very long way in my recovery work since we last talked. I thank God everyday for the path I am on. I finally am experiencing "living life." I am no longer existing and enduring. What a welcome miracle!"
"Thank you Robert! What is happening to me ? I am either dead, or in shock, or something has changed in me radically.
He wanted to come to my home after and this voice came out from me which said I would like to be alone to grieve the loss of the relationship, as it was, before I could begin the new relationship as we had agreed. He looked shocked. I have never had the courage to say anything like this before and stick to it, for fear that the person would not love me. I am changing Robert. I have never had the courage to do or say any of these things before, because I thought I would die ! So these may sound like simple steps to take, but I feel you understand that for me they are like ' One small step for man but one giant leap for ____ !! '
Today I feel tearful that my fairytale, was a fantasy that my hopes and dreams were not real, I am also excited about the new possibilities that are opening up for me. I spoke to both my children last night and explained the changes to them and stated that in order for us to stay in the area close to where they work I will need to increase their rent to me (of course I barely charge them anything as it is) I felt this was another very positive move from me. They responded well.
So again it is a time of change and transition for me.
Thanks Robert, if you weren't you and you hadn't had the experiences you had had, I would never have been guided to you and I would not be where I am today. So thank you for your experiences and for your support and for being Robert."
"Dear Robert,Someone who did one session in May 2004 and one in July, wrote in January of 2005:
You are one of the most gifted and amazing souls I have had the pleasure of meeting in my entire 46 years. I have been a student of Robin Sharma (the monk who sold his ferrari, by robin sharma and robinsharma.com)and appreciate his guidance and work also. Nonetheless, when it came time to get to the core of my soul's undaunting pain and cry for help, your book came to me and I have been fortunate to work with you on the phone. THANK YOU for your kindness, compassion and unreserved benevolence. You have showed me that to know me is to love me. Your disciple in training. . ."
"Robert, We talked back in May. I have since began therapy with a lady who was trained by Bradshaw. I think its begining to sink in. I want to Thank You. You've been an inspiration to me. I am presently going through a divorce. So Your series of articles on Suite 101 have really hit home with me. I can indentify. I am presently reading Illutions and Your series on the true nature of love. Thanks Again"A woman who originally did some telephone counseling in the spring and summer of 2002 which led to her husband doing a few session. Last September and October they each did another session to deal with a crisis that had arisen in their relationship. She wrote this in January.
"I'm sure you've wondered what happened to ___ (her husband) and I. I am sorry I have waited so long to get back to you. It was a rough few months, but ___ gradually came out the hole he had slid into. It seems like he was caught up in all the changes happening to our family, and that is the way he reacted. We are coping with all the changes much better now, and had a wonderful Christmas with our sons. I am not happy he reacted like he did, and I am aware that he could react this way again in the future. But, after weighing all the plus/minus options, I decided to keep my family together and enjoy the benefits of a 30 year marriage I have worked hard to maintain. I'm not the kind of person who second guesses herself, so I am content with my decision- no matter what happens later. It has affirmed in me that there are no guarantees, and no "real" security in life. I am very grateful for who I am right now, my two great sons, and I feel a little stronger for going through this (as I guess you do with every tough thing in your life.) Of course, it was nice having an excuse to talk to you again, and I am so thankful for your help. Thanks for everything! I am trying to adhere to "more will be revealed", to treat myself with love, and to enjoy each day as it comes my way. Best wishes to you, until we talk againSomeone who start phone counseling a couple of months ago wrote:
"hi robert, i was wondering why i was so opened to tell you all i did last night. when i questioned it . the goddess said i am because i was talking to the messenger. its neat we are so far away from each other and yet as close as a phone call. im at peace with myself robert. it is good. i agree when you said about its worth it to go through. it is!!!!!!!!! i was surprised i was able to tell you everything i did. i was ashamed but now im free to be me.!!!! positive affirmations they do work wonders, robert.!! before i talk or write to you i say a prayer. i want the spirit in me to speak to you. it does work!!!"A person who did some phone sessions about 3 years ago wrote at the Holiday time:
"Hope you have a great holiday season. My inner child is having a great time. Thanks for all of your articles and phone counseling."A person in New Zealand who was having problems with self mutilation and was able to stop after a single phone session last April, wrote at the holiday time:
"Many happy returns to you Robert and joy 2 u also! this is ____ in nz . . . . .blessings to you thank you for your help in showing me the light and leading the way. arohanui"A person who started phone counseling in March 2004 - and still occasionally does one, wrote in January:
"hey I just wanted to say hello and express some gratitude for all the help you have given me in the last year. Though I have not been calling you are in my thoughts and I draw from the tools you have offered me. Life is interesting now and I am practicing some self love - found myself in an OA meeting in the beginning of the week and after a mighty relapse in food and caffeine I am back to abstaining from sugar and white flour - can't seem to get off the coffee quite yet. . . . . . anyway so much for grtaitude - talking just about me- But really I feel like a different person from where I was last year and I am eternally grateful for your help. Love and respect to you from one magnificent spirtual being to another"A person who did several sessions in April 2004 wrote:
"I just wanted to write you and tell you . . . that you helped me ALOT! I want you to know that I had a mental breakdown, that God delivered me from, but I want you to know that God led me to your website. . . It's sad, but I have talked to my other family members who grew up codependent like me, and they don't believe in inner child healing. I try to explain that it's not anyones fault, it's just how we were "ALL" taught and the purpose isn't to blame, but to heal and to love. It's not just the parents that support codependent habits, it is our society. We learn to be codependent or independent at a very early age. Our society teaches to look outside ourselves for worth. I haven't gotten anywhere with my other family members, but I am SO glad that I was led to your website and found out what I was truely in. . . . God Bless"A person who did a series of sessions in March and April of 2004, along with a few follow ups over the summer, wrote:
Remember me? I am from Portland..we did some phone sessions...I got better! I am writing to tell you that our work together really helped me a lot and I was able to make it to the other side of some pretty dark tunnels! Now I've been with my current boyfriend since last May and we are doing well. It is, I can honestly say, the healthiest relatioinship I've ever had. Of course it's not perfect...but it's healthy AND I have never felt so much love coming my way."
"hi robert, i have something to share with you . i didnt want to wait to i spoke to you. i printed the positive affirmations you suggested. they are very powerful. i am having a difficult time with them right now, i dont fully believe these statements about myself. however, i keep saying out loud. anyhow, i was meditating on the christ/goddess/spirit within me is creating miracles in my life here and now. i could feel the spirit within me not outside of me. my mom came to me and i told that child how very much i loved her and she was a big part of me. that mom didnt or couldnt do this , mom smiled back at me. this robert is a miracle for you see she isnt talking to me right now. she doesnt have my phone number anymore i changed it.i am glad im alive for first time in a very long time, robert. thanks."A person who did some sessions in the beginning of 2004 wrote at Thanksgiving to express her gratitude for how her life has changed:
"May you, Robert Burney, know a joy this Thanksgiving as profound as my gratitude for your being here on earth when I was here. Even when I squint and focus on my half-empty glass, it is a thimble compared to the fountains that gush and overflow from the oh-so-much-more-than-half-full glass my life has become. [One amusing sign that my life is changing on a very deep level is that I can now reverse the scenarios of nightmares by telling my Critical Parent voice to shut up. One morning as I was surfacing from a dream I heard myself say, I can choose to do this another way.] A single moment living in the light is worth maybe the lifetimes it took to get here. Thank you, Robert."That same person wrote again a week or so later:
"Tonight, taking my walk before my drive home from work, I realized that I am becoming the person I most admire. . . . . I am learning from every step in this process. It is just being able to be present in the moment~without the old tapes playing~that enables me to see that all the Help there is in the universe is within the moment. Tonight, walking around, I thought about all I was learning and about the positive choices I was making. Something within me said, You know, _____, if someone else had accomplished these things, you would be expressing all of this admiration for that person. I stopped and realized that person is me. Can I have a "Yippee!" for this miraculous process? And, aren't "Learn" and "Choice" two of the most beautiful words you have ever heard. Please pause now for a "Thank you, Robert."A person who started doing some sessions in October - who was very cynical about the process and felt very numb emotionally - wrote this about a month into doing the work:
Thank you, Robert"
"I AM BEING TRANSFORMED . . . . I have just this morning seen how I have been acting on my mothers rage, my learned behaviour. . . It is falling away, I am seeing with a different view. Its pretty amazing. And I recognize from my limited experiences touching the face of God (good phrase) that this can be life without rage ruling. Today is the first time throughout this that I have been crying w tears of joy, of relief."Someone who did some sessions some months ago wrote this:
"I can enter my grieving process feeling very isolated, lost, and lonely, almost like a small child alone in a dark room (well, maybe that's because that is what happened far too often). After grieving, I feel loved by and connected to something larger than myself. I feel peaceful. I never want to feel the feelings of that small child. But the crazy, out-of-control feeling comes more from running from those child-feelings. I always think the darkness will be permanent if I feel these feelings. My memories of this go back a long way; it's like I have to walk every step back to pick up that child and show her we don't have to stay in that room. I have the power to open every door and turn on every light. Isn't this process miraculous?"A person who had done some phone sessions in late 2002 and early 2003, resumed doing some periodic sessions in September of this year. She wrote the following in which she asks for some feedback on Al-Anon. My reply is included.
"Robert,She then wrote back:
I just wanted to share something with you. I have been told over the years that I should go to an Al-anon meeting by recovering alcoholics at Coda and never got there...Well yesterday for the first time I went...Of course on the way there I had my normal obsessive and controlling thoughts wow...If I understand ___ (boyfriend who is alcoholic) and the way the disease works I can deal with him...but quickly recovered and knew I was going there for me... I always knew my father was an alcoholic (as an adult me) So IM guessing he was always one, even when I was a kid duh....What I also realized is that.... Holy shit my mother is also...She has her 2 martinis every day. My god Robert, I never addressed those issues as being the cause of all this dysfunction...Not even with ___ did I even bring that up to him...I was always fighting with him about everything else, which he was always diverting the attention to everything but that...But I was happy to go along with....Holy shit my codependency comes from all this. I bought the book "courage to change" from al-anon...I also didn't realize what a control freak I was. What are you views on Al-anon?"
Al-Annon is like any twelve step group in that some meetings can be really healthy and some quite unhealthy. I was once in an Al-Anon meeting where I was asked to lead and wanted to make the topic codependency - and they freaked out and said codependency didn't have anything to do with them or Al-Anon. Talk about denial.
"I feel they are teaching you to deal with codependency obviously, but they are also teaching you to be compassionate for the alcoholics in your life, for it is a disease, so then of course I got a little pissed, feeling well they are responsible Why can't I be angry, and I was looking in the book for reasons to stay or leave the relationship,,,and of course they don't advise you either way.
So OK i got it... my decision..Then i didn't want to get all caught up in the, well they seem to be able to handle them why cant I..."being someone IM not" thing.( that scares me..I dont want to feel like I can go back and handle it this time, because I also see how my issues contibute to the dysfunction) ..So what I came away from this meeting was a sense of peace that gave me more answers (and questions..) But made me feel better, because I see a lot more of myself in these pages of the book than even co-da...I personally think that I needed to go to coda and you to heal my children first...I look at al-anon as giving me a little more concrete advise how to handle situations in life...with there slogans etc., co-da doesn't have that..They have the same steps...which I took , aren't they the same for me in al-anon.? SO after all my ramblings I guess what IM asking you is what is the difference between the two?"
In a healthy Al-Anon meeting there might not be much difference. Generally CoDA is more directed at healing self, while Al-Anon is more focused on stopping trying to control others. What can happen in Al-Anon is the same kind of black and white thinking that happens in AA. Since drinking or not is a black and white issue many recovering alcoholics can stay sober without ever addressing their emotional healing. Some of the sickest codependents I know are 30 or 40 years sober. So, too can people in Al-Anon focus mostly on the alcholic, and accepting and living with the alcoholic - without ever really working on healing their relationship with them self.
If you have found a healthy Al-Anon group that it feels to you like it is helping you, that is great.
I went to another meeting today...The thing that I also noticed was there were some people who chose to stay and others left.... I can understand needing to deal with parents, children and other relatives, but to me, why would you want to "learn" to stay with an active drinker, (Spouse or significant other) yes, I think the tools and the sayings resonate with me because, I do have CONTROL issues and this is what I find useful. I guess this is there right to stay, but I kind of feel sad for them because to me there issues goes a lot deeper if you think you have to stay and learn to keep the focus on yourself (which I think is great), in order to stay sane amongst the insanity How are they getting their emotional relationship needs met....But that is only my opinion and I just know it wouldn't work for me... Your inner child work with me has been outstanding and a life saver, for me If I went to Al-anon first it wouldn't have worked...I believe that underneath any addiction or disease or dysfunction is codependency issues. Dry drunks are still just as sick as they were if not worse than when they were drinking....My uncle is one of them......Which leads me to my next point...My whole family are actively drinking, with no intention or admittance to any problems....Ecept for my one uncle, who has been sober for over 15 years, but still has unresolved issues... I work in dysfunction with some people who I thought were insane and dysfunctional and than thought maybe its me like I did in my other relationships. Al-anon may give me the tools to stop trying to control, fix, or obsess about things that I cant change.. There slogans resonate with me...I always felt as a kid "Hey what are the rules here," i felt like I was flailing around...., I tried so desperately to change my mother and would always say over and over what is wrong with me...As you taught me it was her dysfunction....But as I said before I had no idea that it might be from her drinking.. So for me My journey happened the way It needed to.... Coda, you than al-aon.. I believe every one needs to heal there children within...if you don't it wont work...I know what you mean about groups..Ive been to dysfunctional Coda meetings as well. Well I just thank God I never went to Al-anon before I met you , because I can see how easily I would have fallen into the "learning how to deal with the alcoholic" and stay with him. I want to learn how to deal with my issues, but I also want to find a rewarding relationship with someone healthy... I think al-anon just made me feel that way even stronger now...So for me I want it to teach me how to live dependent from them, with tools to have when I do have to deal with them, but not to "Live" with them. AH..... GOD DOES WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.....SO i guess what IM saying is...any notion I had about thinking it might work with ___ is gone..."
"When will you be available for another session? I would like to schedule one with you. Good news is I'm improving, thanks to you, your book, and the tapes. The affirmations are helping tremendously, the twelve steps, and that good ole Serenity Prayer. Some release of grief energy is helping too with the deep breathing techniqes along with some meditaion (instead of medication). I'm beginning to see in my own life that I've never known what it meant to love myself, but I'm beginning to understand. I just had so much garbage inside I was doing everything just to avoid having to "feel" what was really inside me. That Observer/Dective thingy is working well too. I find myself consoling that inner child quite often when that old harsh and abusive "critical parent" wants to rear its ugly head."A person who did 3 sessions in May and early June surprised me after doing another session at the beginning of August when she made a $250 Donation to Joy2MeU after the session. This is her reply to my thank you e-mail.
There is a life outside of this deep, dark thing I've been surviving in, and, by the Grace of my Higher Power, I will find it on my journey (the process).
Drop me a line and let me know when you'll be available again so I can schedule another round.
You are a life saver, and thanks"
"You are very welcome. I can not even express to you how much your guidance has helped me. Your wisdom is heaven sent and I am so grateful to have been led to you and the truths that you share."A person who did some sessions last Spring sent this message in an e-mail in August after I had responded to an e-mail from her.
"Dear Robert, You know what is so special about you is that you are very kind and that you are willing to communicate and that is your gift. and that you really care about people.A person who did 3 sessions in February wrote in August to comment both on how much progress she has made since then, and also on how powerful she thought my new page Assignments for Jump Starting Codependency Recovery was.
I have been through so much growth and healing since I last talked to you and I keep on keeping on. I was hurting so much when I wrote you and a little scared to reach out only I did and you were kind to me and that meant alot. Just wanted you to know that. And when I was hurting I went to your website and read some stuff that really helped me and I am in new spaces now and had a wonderful healing and unfolding of what I was going through. I am making much better choices.
So thank you for Being you. Much joy and blessings Galore."
In his book, The Dharma Bums, Jack Kerouac said, "Believe this world is an ethereal flower, and ye live." Something in me wondered if the words which have been attributed to Jesus about one having only to believe in him (in Christ Consciousness?) in order not to "perish", but to have "everlasting life" might have had less to do with believing in only one way to achieve salvation and more to do with the effect on you of what you choose to believe. Choosing to believe that I am a Magnificent Spiritual Being filled with Light and Love, having a human experience, and I am being guided home (a statement which, when I first read it aloud to myself in just the format in which you present it in the "Jumpstart" exercises, became my Credo) transforms every aspect of my life. An amazing paradox when you consider that many, many times I have done my recovery work not quite believing in the truth of what I was saying. These exercises are so potent, Robert, in so concentrated a form that, even for people who have been doing their recovery work for a little while now, the results are startling.
For example, I don't do this work for "spiritual" thrills or to develop what Ramakrishna called "siddhis" or powers. But, the exercise in writing the story of my human experience from the viewpoint of a Spiritual Being with a mission produced a powerful vision of my death in a previous lifetime which bears upon my fear of my own anger and my own power in this lifetime.
However, that knowledge would be useless to me without the recovery tools to make this lifetime more enjoyable. Robert, it is that wonderful "recovery voice" that takes over and tells me the truth, the Truth which is, to me, by far, the greatest blessing of doing this work. It is that "detached observer" within. It is that Adult self who goes to the rescue of terrified and wounded parts of myself and says, " I love you and I will always take of you" and feeling those parts of myself respond, relax, grow calm and trusting. I look to myself, my Self, for Love now.
And, Robert, I am speaking to you now, in terms of time, only months from our telephone counseling sessions, but in terms of life changes, a whole lifetime in which the opportunities for growth have involved the releasing of nearly everything and everyone I felt I needed to survive. So very much to grieve. One night, recently, I was quite certain I could not do this by myself anymore. It is too hard. It takes too long. It hurts too much. I feel too weary. I cried out to my Higher Power and said I was ready for it to be over. And Robert, the Recovery Voice took over. I lay and listened quietly to the Accumulated Wisdom derived from everything you have said and written. I was not aware I had internalized this much information and that there was enough alternative programming to override the older, co-dependent conditioning. But that is the Power of this method. And, these Jumpstart exercises, in the format in which they presently appear on your web site, are an absolutely perfect means for someone, who just cannot believe quite yet in the Truth they express, to access that alternative programming.
One more thing: on the level of the practical, what just blows me away, what I have to share with you, is the progress I have made. I sleep in a darkened, silent room (except for the sound of my own voice doing my affirmations) for the first time in many years. I who eschewed mirrors for many years can now look at myself in a mirror and say, "I love you." I - do - not - worry - anymore! I got lost yesterday driving by myself to a training seminar, something that years ago would have produced near-hysterical blindness. I smiled, told my inner children I, the Adult, would take care of this life business, and we would be just fine.
It is the difference in how I feel inside on a daily basis, the absence of icy, acid terror. My Inner Rebel has a phrase that I have adopted when I confront a situation when I might make a mistake or be found to be only human after all: "So what?" So, maybe I learn something? So, maybe I find out that I am not perfect? Oooooh!
And, depression, whose seeming inevitable downward slide I have spent most of my life fearing, is usually a sign that I have some hidden anger I can choose to explore and to release when I feel safe.
Finally, Robert, it feels like it all comes down to knowing that I have a Choice. In this moment, I have a Choice. So, to paraphrase Kerouac, "Choose to ' believe that this world is an eternal flower, and ye live.' " Choose to believe that I am a Magnificent Spiritual Being filled with Light and Love and having a human experience, and I am being guided home. Thank you once again for showing me that I have a Choice. Oh, and that 'making your bed every day' thing. . .It is so nice to come home and find my bed made. Silly, but it works! I have to choose "Silly, but it works" every time!
And, for some reason, I just feel like if anyone knows what Jesus really meant by those words that are attributed to him, you just might be the one."
"Here in the rolling hills of Maryland and all over this planet - - perhaps beyond - -there are many who live a better more truthful joyous life because of your being. Thank you for your warmth, laughter, and dedication to personal evolution. Have a peaceful day."A person who did some sessions in the spring and summer of 2002.
"You are such a blessing to so many people, and you light up a lot of really dark places inside of me. I enjoy your laughter, your soothing voice, your wisdom, and our camaraderie. Thank you for being a good and faithful spiritual teacher and my friend. I hope your day is as wonderful as you are! Happy Birthday, and Much Joy and Love To You!!!"
I phone counseled w/you two summers ago, and my husband did some counseling too. . . . I think about you and how you helped me before, almost everyday, and I still appreciate it.A person who is a current client and has been doing sessions through some very trying times.
hi robert just wanted to drop a note + say thanks for listening the other night (I never feel like anyone hears me anymore) + offering practical + spiritual suggestions to help me with my dilemmasA person who did some sessions starting in December 2002, wrote this after recently contacting me about the possibility of doing a session and then realizing she didn't need to because my words are already in her consciousness.
I have to tell you though - I often find myself saying "what would Robert say?" and many times it helps in that moment and moments after. It's one of the reasons I have not followed through with a session - I know what you are going to say! Thanks for being there and thanks for that great website you have.A person whose testimonial is below 5-1-03, writing to give me an update.
Hi Robert, I am glad to be back online and able to access your words of wisdom again. . . . I had a couple of phone counseling sessions with you last May (NY Woman Resuming Life After Near Death From Aids) and just want to tell you that my husband quit his job and we moved back to our farm in _____. Life has been great. Thanks for bringing a candle into my darkness -- my own eternal flame. I celebrate your own progress and wish you abundant joy.A person who did a series of sessions in the middle of 2003, and then after reading my March Newsletter did another session with the feedback being the first in the 5-7 batch - wrote this further note.
I love you, miss you and am so grateful you touched my life the way you did. I am very clear I would not be in the great shape I am had it not been for you! God bless you every minute of your life.A person who did some sessions in March and April of this year.
i am happier and getting a new balance from doing this work and from going deeper into my spiritual work too. i hate sometimes having to work so hard only when the clouds break and i see a little clearer it is so worth it.
I am sure you have said those things to me a million times but they finally sunk in!!! a very powerful session for me! . . . . It has been extremely joyous living! hope to be making this a trend!! so, my dear friend, thank you, thank you, thank you for helping me get my life and me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!A person who did 4 sessions in April 2004.
I have been thinking a great deal about the tools you have been teaching, the ones I am now using. I have already had great results.A person who started counseling in mid March. The indented quote she included is from my writing.
hey signed up for more - weeeehooooo- things are looking good these days . . . . I think I am actually starting to get this:A person person who began phone counseling in March has made these comments in recent e-mails:"We need to take the shame and judgment out of the process on a personal level. It is vitally important to stop listening and giving power to that critical place within us that tells us that we are bad and wrong and shameful.Thank you for all your help
That "critical parent" voice in our head is the disease lying to us. . . . This healing is a long gradual process - the goal is progress, not perfection. What we are learning about is unconditional Love. Unconditional Love means no judgment, no shame."
"dearest robert- thank you. my head and heart are spinning at the kindness that you give me. it is priceless. i have did so much healing on myself over the years - i did cellular release treatments and learned how to release my emotions. only something so deep is happening to me right now from getting to talk with you. my inner child doesn't trust it only only something is happening. i could never pay you in dollars what you have already given me by your presence and energy."A person who did a series of sessions starting about a year and a half ago - and now does one about every 6 weeks or so.
"I am really getting this thing about being loyal to yourself. What a concept. Making some subtle shifts in my life because of it. . . . . You have made a difference in my life and I want you to know I appreciate you."
"Your ability to share with us who love you and are in similar pain is a wonderful gift to us all -- very healing. . . . I think you are an extraordinary creation -- you are brilliant and your sense of humor makes me laugh and when i think of our shared laughter at the absurdity of it all, i smile. Having known you has been life changing and transformative for me. Your courage gives me the courage i need to face my own abyss. thanks for being a wonderful way-show-er."Remarks from a couple of e-mails from a person who started phone counseling in February 2004 - in the second quote here she is referring to my March Newsletter, as is the person above in their first quote.
"Thank you Robert!!!!!! The thing about your stuff is that one needs to read it often to get fed and to keep reminding ourselves why we are really here. I am really starting to intuitively know on a gut level when something is coming from love and oneness or coming from the disease thanks to you....you give us all so much psychic space and grace filled room to BE and BEcome....Thanks for the distinctions--- and for the guidance on the path!"
"I have been able to detach today! I have been able to say, "hey wait a minute now..." during my inner process perhaps as much as 50% of the time today. When I first encountered your work on the web I almost immediately sent you an email titled: You are a beacon of light. You ARE a beacon of light!"Someone who started the work in late April.
"You continue to amaze me. Your willingness to let go and accept the Divine Plan even in the face of possibly losing your heart and soul's desire is inspiring. Your willingness to let the growth happen, painful as it is. I feel like I'm reading about myself in your words! . . . Wow! Look how many people you've helped! I'm one of them! Look at your own transformation. I also thank you for being so accessible, so non-shaming, so approachable, so non projecting of your stuff onto others. You lead by example as well as you teach."
"And I just wanted to tell you again that you are AWESOME. You are TRULY a gift from GOD and I'm on that Spiritual Plane that you talk about in your book . . . . . I've come a long ways since our first talk"
I think you are the first person to ever tell me it is ok for me to take care of me. Thank you for the permission. I guess I needed to hear that. . . . Today for the first time I really love who I am. . . . . This is the largest leap of growth I have experienced. I love the process. I see the power of what the internet can do. I thank you from my heart for you being here at this time. Without your help I would still be lost.A person who had grown a great deal through reading the site decided to do the phone work in January:
Once again, thank you for the session Sunday. Since that time, many (many) periods of spontaneous grieving: lots of snot, lots of screaming (I think I even howled once). I spent part of one night lying on the earth crying. Part of me was fairly certain that what I had feared most had finally happened. I thank the Cosmic Perfection for codependence and denial until now. I would not have survived. Robert, I think I may even have tapped into something pre-verbal; I lost the power to speak for a few hours. Terrifying stuff I really did not want to face by myself. However, at the point of greatest identification with the pain some part of me, saturated with information from the book, the tapes, the web site, and the session Sunday, kept throwing up alternative "programming." (Oh, yeah, and I did "throw up" quite a bit myself.) A detached, observer perspective didn't emerge until tonight after another spontaneous grieving period over why I was still alive (who had no "family") when my boss suffered what we were told today was a heart attack. I told myself I had to find that place within myself where I remembered what the Truth felt like. Robert, I held my inner little girl's hand and visualized this "high place" within me. I had been listening to some music which has always resonated with the Truth for me. We ascended the "inner summit" and I could remember again what I must in some way had always known. There, waiting for me, was a man I had always known and had not met until now. "He" just felt somehow like my own "masculine principle." Something to explore. Somehow, I just "got it" that this was my "inner family." What I have come to think of as the Cosmic Perfection (CP) whispered to me that everything I am seeking can be found within. I stayed with the sense of peace for a while. Then, I had to share this with you. Personally, I think you have discovered the Metaphysical Wheel! This gift of Spiritual Understanding of yours ranks right up there with the Promethean bestowal of fire upon mankind. Oh, and a slight nod of recognition of the efforts of the Cosmic Perfection/Holy Mother Source Energy. Deepest gratitude to you both!A person who has been doing sessions periodically since October 2002 wrote this in an e-mail on 2-18-04:
This started out to being a short "fyi" but it just sort of kept on going. I always thought I would do a testimonial when I no longer felt the need for counseling because I felt like I was taking "too long". You told me there was no timetable and I shouldn't compare myself to others. Then I thought "no matter what I say, it won't be as eloquent as the ones I've read". However, if there is anything here that you would like to use for the testimonial page, feel free.
I went to your site this morning - something I do almost everyday - and again read the articles on "letting go of unavailable people" and on "obsession". And as usual, no matter how often I read something I got new insight. Along with our conversation last night and re-reading these articles, I feel I am seeing my relationship in a different perspective. As I move forward on my path and make progress in recovery, I am learning that slowing down and absorbing the words I read as well as their meaning allows me to sort of go "oh, now that makes sense". This gives me comfort and renewed faith that I'm okay - good enough. That I really am loving myself a little bit more each day and that I am owning my past and loving the child. To find my belief again that God/Universe really does love me and knows I'm here and that he's not out to "get me" by laying traps is such a good feeling - like a warm, gentle breeze blowing through the window of my soul. I know that I'm doing the work (grieving, healing, owning, forgiving) but I also know I could not have done this without your counseling and your website. Your generosity in putting so much information out there for anyone to access is a loving gift. I am ever so grateful to you and for you being here in this space and time because I don't think I'm being dramatic when I say I believe finding you and your site rescued me from what I could only describe as being in a very deep, dark and scary pit. I will always be working the program and steps, knowing this is the way to progress and serenity and I will continue to counsel with you for as long as I want to. Thank you for being here.
Happy Anniversary Robert!!!!!!!!!!! Clean and sober 20 years. What a gift and you have shared your journey with all of us. You have touched my life greatly through your book and phone counseling. My inner child is healing and even comes out to play at times. It sure is a journey and I get frustrated at times but then I just come back to your site and read what I need for that day. You are a blessing!My first client in Australia sent me this message at the end of last year.
i feel compelled as the year closes, to express my gratitude to yourself, myself and the universe. i have healed a heap of pain and grief ect. and through your work and understanding it has been possible to come this far. i have a far greater understanding of life and emotions.A person from Canada who did one session in November wrote:
when i entered this arena of pain and healing i had no idea what depth the human condition exists, and the internal relationships that exist within one body one spirit. thank you for helping me through the toughest and most rewarding times over the past year. i wish you the best from my healing heart.
Thank you for sharing the gift that was given to you. You fell on my path at a time when I was open to receive and you will have contributed to the best present I have ever given myself......Being conscious of my unique inner self and allowing myself to shower it with love so that I may then share with others instead of the other way around.A person who did some sessions in the summer of 2002 wrote after receiving my December Update Newsletter.
Thank you Robert.....today as tears sprung to my eyes....and prayers rush from my mind....your wise words came and I knew they were sent to me for a reason....I am grateful to you for all you've given me towards recovering....so many of your words and sage thoughts are part of me now and I am truly grateful.A person who did 10 sessions last summer and early fall while letting go of a relationship.
All the best Robert...thank you for sharing your experience, strengh and hope as you do....you are an angel to me. May your holiday be as full of love and joy as is meant to be.
It has been a long time since we have been in touch - I wanted to write and thank you for your site which led me to your book and then to some phone counseling - If it had not been from the insight I got from your site and your book and our discussions about inner child work and from the pain inside that gave me the strengh to wonder into those closed doors I do not think I would have ever been able to truly take that third step.
I took my third step where it didn't hurt so much and where it was safe - I finally surrendered everything to my HP - I know I am exactly where I need to be and today I truly trust - Thank you for your site, book and words - for what they have done and ment in my life - Thank you for the inspiration and honesty.
I still remember the first time I found your web help. I was desolate, the abusive man I'd been with for 6 months was in jail for domestic abuse. I got on my comptuer and keyed in "codependency" and searched. I found your web site that night and I think I stayed on almost 3 hours. Within days I'd ordered your book and your tapes, and I was one of your first telephone counseling clients. Now, what you need to know is that I'm a mental health professional. My entire career has been devoted to this field. I'm very successful in this field, as well. I've never been happier in my career than I am now. I'm currently the director of behavioral health services at ______. I've been here since 7/01. Life is so good. I'm remarried to a man that I knew in high school, who is very bright and creative, I live in one of the top five places to live in the US and I have an awesome job and connect with incredible people on an ongong basis. What more could you ask for?A 22 year old mother with two young children separated from her husband, did 3 sessions about 6 weeks ago. She sent me this message - in which her reference to "Jediness" is about accessing her Spirit - her internal power source / connection to the Force - her Jedi Knight within.
I just wanted to send you an email and thank you for all you have done for me. You really helped me believe in myself and own my Jediness! Thank you so much! I was really sinking in my own despair and now I can go on living life so much happier. I rarely have moments where I feel depressed. I still get them, but now I know how to pull myself out of them. Those positive affirmations really work too! I got a new job working at home so I can be with my kids too! My husband still isn't seeing the Jedi in me, but the important thing is that I see it.A person who did two sessions several months ago wrote this about sessions she had paid for but had not yet used.
You and your writings are worth more than what I paid for a few more sessions. Can I please hold onto one for later use if I need it. I am doing very well and I have really had a spiritual awakening since I read and read and read what you and others wrote about this and self growth. I now like myself and think of myself whereas I never did in the past. Thank you for existing.A person wrote this after her first session.
Good morning, Robert. I wanted to send a quick "thank you" for spending some time with me on the phone last night. You are an amazing person. I feel better already, and look forward to our next session.
A woman who did 6 sessions between April 2002 and this past April, wrote recently.
Thank you Robert for all you go through to learn and grow, so that you can make it through the fire, and come back to help us thru. Because of the work I did with you I finally left an abusive relationship, and now have a relationship with someone who is my best friend first. He is my (Tao Pooh) He just is.A woman who did 3 sessions in October while her husband was out of town. Subsequent to this e-mail her husband signed up for, and starting doing, phone sessions.
I truly appreciate your honesty and willingness to expose your core. You are my hero.
I am just writing to let you know that a big aha happened for me today that I wanted to share with you: ____ (husband) and I were communicating about "goals" and he asked me about the financial and I answered and he started insulting and "pushing buttons" which were very emotional for me -- and after just a little while I was able to detach and recognize that he was doing this because he was threatened. I pointed this out to him and he started telling me immediately why he was threatened. Somehow he seemed comforted by my recognizing his issue in what he was trying to make my issue. Does that make sense to you? Anyway, it was a step in the right direction for me. Thank you for being the one to teach me how to detach and observe.A woman who was so inspired by my web site and book that she made a donation to help keep the book in print. She later did a phone session - and the man she is in relationship did two. This is what she wrote this week:
Things have been spectacular. I am very excited. There are gifts for me everywhere...the ones that are hard to open actually become wonderous, exhilarating lessons within hours! It took me half my life to get exactly here....and as you know, I couldnt have done it without you and your incredible work.
Things with _____ (significant other) have been amazing too. The communication is clear and open and when we have issues to discuss, although sometimes it may be a little sticky, we resolve it almost immediately. We are both learning, both growing and even though our paths are different...we help each other enormously. That was why I offered ____ (former spiritual teacher) my copy of your book....I know he is curious as to the techniques you write about. Instead he was open enough to want his own copy! A smile! He can learn too...he can offer it to others...he can understand.
All of it is inspiring. The fact that you are who you are...the work that you do...the message you bring forth...Robert, I am speechless. The gift you give is enormous. I am fortunate to have crossed paths with you.
There are no perfect words to express the gratitude that I have towards you for the time you have taken to listen and share with me. The two and one third sessions I had with you have made such a tremendous difference in my life. I am certain of this because I am constantly hearing from family, friends and co-workers that "there's something different about you, and it's a good thing." My attitude and demeanor is great and my confidence is radiating.
As I may have shared with you, I have either consciously or unconsciously been in a depressed state for the past two years. I was not motivated to do anything and the only reason I made the choice to go to work was because I did not want to deal with the financial consequences of not being able to support my children. The end of a fourteen year marriage left me completely devastated. I was unsure that I could make it on my own and for the entire relationship I lived for my ex-husband. Once he move out, to me, living was useless because there was nothing for me to do. My life was gone.
It's amazing, but I am having difficulty writing this note to you because I am clearly seeing how absolutely pathetic I lived. Thank you so very much for assisting me to finally see the reality of who I am. I have released most of those suppressed emotions and because its a work in progress, I am loving life more and more each day.
Your nurturing, understanding, compassionate and warm mannerism, makes you so easy to talk with. I was never afraid to completely disrobe or unveil my true feelings. The most important thing for me, was that I never felt like you judged me.
Thanks so much for touching and blessing my life in a special way. I feel like I've lost a thousand pounds, because, finally after many years, I AM FREE. I only focus on the now and for the first time in my 45 years, I am putting myself second only to OUR HIGHER POWER. The kids, the extended family and the job all fall in line somewhere after.
I anxiously look forward to the rest of my journey on this earth. Thank you very much for the most precious gift.
. . . I looked over to the side of the room and there sat my daughter. She ran to me....well we both sort of ran, and we just stood there in the middle of starbucks embracing each other while the tears flowed freely from both of us. and then we talked .....for almost three hours. We never talked about right or wrong or blame. We talked about how wonderful it felt to be together again, sitting, sharing stories of things that had happened in the last 6 months. We talked about how much we had missed each other....we talked about ghosts that had haunted both our pasts. We laughed together, and cried in between. All of the things that you and I discussed seemed to take on a life of their own. I never consciously applied any of the spiritual knowledge you have inspired within me.....it was just there. As big as life but quietly soothing me from within, guiding my words and thoughts. The wisdom of your words enabled me to embrace someone I loved without ever feeling like I needed to ask why. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I gave _____ my copy of your book. On the inside of the book I wrote _____ a little note, "I hope this book brings you the joy of self discovery and truth that it has for me." "I love you" "dad". I will buy another copy Monday.....I still have much work to do. Words cannot express my gratitude for your understanding and patience over the last few months that we have talked.A client who had done several sessions before returning home to Columbia for a long visit with her family.
All is well here - life is certainly viewed differently now that I have somewhat of an understanding of inner child - thank you so so much for your site and book - they have definitely helped me a lot and I am definitely looking forward to talking to you again.Some more feedback from the client in Spain.
Again I am getting compliments from my friends that haven't spoken to me for months. . . . she said I sounded so well and balanced. That it didn't even sound like me anymore. That she likes this so much more. She said is like I didn't need pep talks any more. Like ___ has and can give herself her own pep talks. She was so impressed with the changes in me and so proud. . . . I am still making great progress. I am so proud of me. I have never spoken to my self with such clarity, compassion, realism and caring determination. I am even now able to pick apart some inner child reaction and though they are so tempting I now id. it as inner child (I even feel it generating from my emotions, from my body with certain aching intensity). and just saying No. This is a great idea, but adult me must say No. This was a great thing for me. Thank you for teaching discernment and for teaching me to be able to do this Robert!
I have never felt this type of pride before in my own self. Thank you so much Robert for helping me build real trust in me. For the first time in my life I am beginning to trust and respect my self - because it seems that my higher self is taking over. Thank you for giving me this gift - for enabling me and guiding me to finding it in me.
I am still in Madrid, this crazy patient of yours hasn't made up her mind. However I keep working on my self improvement and have a few more issues I want to address in therapy with you. I sometimes can't believe it my self, but even with 3 sessions some friends and family are seeing a difference in me. Thanks so much Robert. Your work has made my life if not better, clearer. . . Your now less broken hearted and less disoriented patient.
I cannot thank you enough for our work last night. After our "talk", I found myself upset, anxious, angry.....and I realized that not unlike my father, I have been in a state of denial for many years. Your process (thank god), is not to spoon feed pablum and make people feel warm and fuzzy in one session. You have opened my eyes to who I am and that although I am a unique creation........that there is work to do. I feel that with your guidance, I can "do the work". I am thrilled about the moment and I believe as this emotional ball of yarn starts to "unravel", that I am going to discover some wonderful things about me. Yesterday I could not have written that sentence. Today it symbolizes a beginning. I think I might just make a list today...and add to it every day. Wonderful things about me.........If you like ,we can incorporate it into our next session. I am grateful for your honesty and insight into those of us who run in the external and choose to use a wheelchair in our souls.
After almost 18 years in recovery, a friend told me about your most amazing website - Joy2MeU. I had been searching for so long for something that would tie everything together for me - my personal struggles with alcoholism, being raised in an alcoholic home & codependency issues. I found it all on your website.
You are truly gifted Robert. Your style of writing, written with such clarity, is so easy to read & understand. Your warmth and caring for others faced with recovery from these issues is evident in every thing you. Your website is very well-organized & easy to find other areas of interest through you hyperlinks.
I read your website in its entirety - I couldn't stop until I was finished (& that was no easy task. You are the most prolific writing I have ever read.)
There was a glimmer of hope for me when I found that you also do telephone counseling. I had been feeling stuck in recovery for a long time. With all of the therapy, reading self-help books & attending various 12-step groups for many years, there was still something missing - a "hole in my soul." I am a firm believer that our Higher Power puts people such as you in our lives to help us on our journey. There was something I know I needed to let go of if I wanted to peace & serenity in my life.
Ever since my mother died from alcoholism 23 years ago, I have continued to be a victim. I found myself frequently talking in meetings about the many things she had done to me while I was growing up. There were so many things & I never hesitated to rehash them over & over again ad infinitum. From you I learned that I needed to release the grief my inner child had been feeling for so many years& reclaim my life & let go of all this stuff.
From my 1st telephone counseling session, I felt very comfortable talking with you. I found you to be very warm, compassionate & understanding. From you I learned that I needed to release the emotional grief energy that I have been carrying around for far too long. Where do I begin? Can I do this on my own? You provided me with the guidance & helped me to learn how to do this. Through understanding the grief process & by using your techniques (screaming, sobbing and crying with "snot running from the nose") I was finally able to release all these pent up emotions. What a welcome relief this has been for me! I have been able to reclaim my life now & nurture & love my inner child. Amazingly, I no longer complain about my mother anymore. I seem to be able to focus more on being "happy, joyous & free."
Thanks for the wonderful gift Robert. Words cannot begin to express the gratitude I feel in my heart for you. We are all so blessed that you have touched our lives. I know you will keep up the great work which seems to be so Divinely Inspired.A grateful recovering person in the Bay Area
I really appreciate the work we did together, helped me to focus and really begun to refine my understanding of the patterns I had been playing out for my life. Im happy to report I have had a couple of test from the universe with other relationships and situations and Passed with flying colors!!!
I refer people to your book often and also suggest people do phone work with you if they are open to that. Thanks again for all you do!
Robert I don't know what I can say that hasn't already been said about your beautiful, wonderful work, your insight, your clarity, your dedication, your message, your gift, the sharing of your truth to allow us to find our truth.
Since my early 20's I have had years of a cyclical pattern of failed relationships and increasing pain. After four years of Alanon and trying so so hard to break patterns, alter attitudes, get better, work at it more, recover. Years on and off antidepressants and more counselling, more confusion, led to a downward spiral of intense, more crippling pain, till I felt I could hardly function any more. I could hardly believe that this was happening to me after being given the gift of a 12 step recovery programme. I had heard the word co-dependent mentioned in alanon tapes but nowhere else. Scotland is not big on that term. I decided to do a search on it to see if it would help me, I knew the doctor's couldn't anymore. That pain led me to your web site:-) Your words stopped me in my tracks, made me blink, soothed my tears and gave me hope:-). I reached out for you in desperate need of help and you took me by the hand.
Your book and tapes of Dance of the Wounded Souls resonated in melodic waves within me. Never has anyone expressed so clearly to me what I needed to hear in order to know what I needed to know and understand.
But more than that Robert, you offered phone counselling at such outstanding rates, even in my financially challenged position, could access your help of inner child healing. I didn't think I could afford the phone calls though! From this part of the world I believed the phone call would cost more than your counselling! You helped there too and sent me your search on phone card rates! Counselling from this part of the world to yours is very accessible:-)
I must admit I was sceptical at first, but after only a few sessions with you on the phone, (and your kind support to my emails inbetween) things started to happen to me!! I was living. I was functioning and coping well!! I contacted you in January 2003, and by March 2003 I was beginning to live a very different kind of life. There was no sudden break through, no gush of joy, but a gradual process was occurring within me because of our sessions on inner child healing. The turning point for me was the realisation that I wasn't beating up on myself for doing things like reversing into a parked car:0) In fact, I thought nothing of it and did what I had to do:0) Since our sessions I can now feel and see much love in my life, within me and around me. I can be happy and sad, I can feel frightened and angry, I have access to all my emotions and feel all my feelings, but the only one that can truly run my ship now is love. The ability to heal those child hood wounds and learn how to love me, allows me to give love and receive love in ways I never dreamed were possible.
My life now is a true validation of your work and dedication Robert. From the centre of my soul you have my deepest gratitude.A gratefully empowered woman in Scotland
Hi Robert, Good to hear from you - I have been meaning to contact so many times but haven't had a free moment at work until now so I just want to say thank you for the telephone sessions - you cannot imagine how much they have helped me in my life and in me - I have progressed so much in my observation techniques and I am aghast sometimes at what lengths I will go - but as I can look at it I can begin too change it and in some cases stop it - not act it - Wow that is an amazing feeling looking in at me from within! Great THANK YOU ROBERT VERY MUCH!
Did the order go through with the Mastercard was that accepted??? If so, the books are for my sponsor who wants to give them as gifts - so I will contact you as soon as she lets me know who they should be signed to.
Robert, THANK YOU for the book and the sessions - the help I have received has changed me only for the better!
Hi Robert, I didn't see a special 'post a testimonial' link on your site but want to take this opportunity to thank you. I want to tell you (and everyone reading) how important your writings and counseling have been to my growth, well being and ability to celebrate my life.
Phone Counseling Testimonial 5-1-03Your book "Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls" has opened me to feeling joy again. I was stuck in a place where I couldn't feel much of anything. The daily emotional and mental self-abuse that I learned to subtly (or blatantly!) incorporate into life was crippling; a vicious cycle that stopped me from loving, honoring and celebrating myself and my life. The words in your book resonated deep inside me. Seeing those words in print let me feel free to acknowledge my truths. Burying much pain and anger led me to disconnect from my feelings so that I could feel only the slightest shadow of any emotion, including joy. A few sessions of phone couseling with you seem to have further freed me from my own chains. I'm on a pleasant and beautiful path again instead of being a shell of humanity stuck in a wheel of painful endurance.
Your words (written and verbal) were the warm rain that let my emotional desert bloom. I feel much happier, my creativity has returned, and I feel like singing my thanks:):):). I highly recommend your book and your phone counseling as great soul nourishment and spirit revival. And, also, thanks for the extensive writings you post on your website. Whenever I feel my old tapes rewinding, I visit and read. It doesn't take much time before I'm skipping again.
Thanks, Robert, for helping me put some "vibrant" back into my vibration! It's been a long time.NY Woman Resuming Life After Near Death From Aids
A chinese wisdom says: do you give someone a fish, he can feed himself once! Do you teach him how to fish, he can feed himself for ever. Robert, thanks a lot!A testimonial written by someone who did 4 sessions in February
I just had to email you and tell you how much your book, the dance of the wounded souls and talking to you for the last several weeks has changed my life. I for the first time, feel like I am truly living, I have been able to get in touch with those wounds that were burried from childhood, but haunted me on a daily basis in loving relationships. I drove the one person that I loved away due to my child wounds. Today I can look at life differently and see that Iam not a victim, and that life doesnt suck, it is an opportunity for growth!! Thank you so much for everything, I want everyone I know to read your book, and even better talk with you!! You are doing things I would love to eventually do, You have been a great angel from God in my life!!After my latest Update Newsletter I heard from the psychologist whose testimonial below was posted in April of 2001. Below are a few sentences taken from two e-mails she sent me.Gay Man in Michigan
I had some therapy over the phone a year or two ago, I dont know if you remember me. Thank you again for all the hope, and I loved your new web page.
I Am glad you remember me. I have wonderful memory of all you helped me. I was happy to see my testimonial! . . . . I recovered my joy and it (work) is not what defines my self worth. I just want to spread the joy... I loved your article about at- one- ment. I have been studying that. (The article she refers to is my February 2003 Update Newsletter.)
Robert, I've been reading the testimonials and I found one that could've been me writing it!! I think I know why I got so excited......it WAS me! ;-D So cool to see me there! You are so full of surprises. Thank you for putting that on your website. It's kind of like when a child draws a picture and someone puts it on the refrigerator. ;-)An e-mail received 2-14-03 from a person who had been doing the work based upon reading my web site for many months prior to doing 4 phone sessions last fall.
I think I had my first real conversation with my inner child today and couldn't wait to tell you about it. I wont' go into the details because I have a tendency to write novels in the email formats. I can tell you this - I have NEVER experienced a moment of insight or a sense of recognition as I did today. I made my amends to ____ - the one I called a bitch. But it was only after connecting with my inner child that I was able to do it. I told her I was sorry she felt so bad when she got upset with ____ and I told her I wasn't mad or upset that she behaved that way. I told her I loved her just the same and that's it's ok to be mad. I would not judge or punish her. The rest of the day was really fun and I haven't been that happy or upbeat in a very long time. I felt like I was at recess all day. ;-) It was kind of weird to talk to my inner child - especially since I've always been so cynical of that kind of therapy or suggestion
I listened to your tapes today and then got up early this morning to visit your website again. You have no idea how radically different my views are today in comparison to yesterday. Well maybe you do. haha. Thanks Robert. There is a light within you that draws the human spirit in, draws the pain, the sadness and the tears and brings comfort and hope.
I just have been working through this new "place" I have come to which started around the time we did some phone counseling. Not sure if you remember, but that was in the middle of a breakthrough for me, one in which I have been able to see myself much more clearly. I was and am able to see my contribution to my situation much more. My issues, wounds and triggers continue to get clearer. I attribute this to my ability to reduce my shame and judgment of myself. And also to be able to look at life, this human adventure, a whole new way .. a lighter less pressured way. And as I have mentioned to you many times before, your work has helped me in so many ways to be able to do this. The phone counseling sessions were a huge help. They helped me refine the methods and tools I learned by reading your work. They also cleared up some gray areas where I assumed my own methods based on what I read. I have been doing much inner child work and writing to my children .. building a relationship with each. I am able to put myself in the observer role much more. I am able to let go more in my struggling relationship, which has created more connections. At the same time by working with my inner children and learning their fears and insecurities, I experience less fear about the potential end to my relationship. Which creates more confusion and mixed feelings, which I get to let go of and continue practicing living in the moment. And knowing I am loved by myself and the Universe provides an underlying security by which love is built. I can so relate to when you explain how the underlying condition is Spiritual. I so believe it is. Now don't get me wrong. There are still many days of resistance .. of old patterns and insecurities. And actually while in this new phase I have been experiencing less Joy in my days, BUT still some. This period has been work for me. Doing work and Being work.
I am so glad that my session was scheduled for last night. You were right, I was tired and the sleep did me some good. When I awakened this morning, the first word that was in my mind was "ACCEPTANCE." . . . . . I realize I am reacting to rejection from the view point of one of my children. That's it for now. I feel so blessed that you have been brought into my life. Your counseling and articles are helping to make a real difference in my life. I feel so thankful that God has given me the courage, the wherewithal, to do the Recovery work. Have a blessed day!
Just want to tell you what a difference your work & your session had made on my "maturity" as an adult. I used to feel like a scared child constantly and I am 46 years old. First time in my life, I feel very much like an adult. A more mature, more responsible person. I know I still have alot more work to do before the Adult part is complete but you gave me the foundation & understanding to grow from. Thanks.
I've still been singing your praises at meetings and listening to your tapes. I can't begin to tell you about the tremendous sense of peace and wholeness in my soul now. I just picked up my 30 day chip from CODA (actually I have almost 60 days now) -- I loved it "To thine own self be true". I truly believe that the turning point in my life was when I read your book, listened to your tapes and talked to you over the phone. . . . . I feel like scheduling another call with you just to tell you about all of the miracles...especially the ones regarding my interactions with my mom. Blows me away...
I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your help. You have worked wonders with me. I had been in therapy for almost 7 months before being led to you and in the past few weeks you have accomplished more with me than all that time in therapy. It has been such an awesome experience to finally talk to someone who seems to "know" me and understands the pain and torment that I had endured my whole life. Your compassion, understanding and guidance mixed with humor on my inner child healing has made such a positive impact on my life. Your book and web site are truly amazing tools, I am always referring to them both. Thank you for all you have done, I feel like I am starting a new life.
I was 9 and half years into recovery when I first discovered your book "Dance of the Wounded Souls". At the time I had been clean and sober, actively living the 12 steps to the best of my ability and active in the programs of AA and NA. I had been through a divorce a year and half earlier and now I was in a relationship that was totally insane. I could not understand what the hell was going on. The answers I were getting were not helping. I was on the brink of losing my sanity.
Phone Counseling Testimonial 5-27-02
Then I found your book. I never truly understood what codependency was until I went through and back through and back through your book. Then I found the web site. It was and is so deep and rich. The articles you put there kept opening me up more and more. Your work gave me the ability to identify the huge frightful GLOM of demons inside me. I began to dismantle the fear factory. I learned discernment at a whole new level. I thought inner child work was for panty-waist-losers that were too busy whining to accomplish anything. I was wrong and your work gave me the insight to its utter importance.
I then signed up for the telephone counseling. I continue to this day because even though we are 2000 miles apart and have never met in person, you can spot my bullshit from that distance. Our disease is so crafty, so able to conceal itself from our own efforts, that I use you as my ‘canary in the mineshaft’, so to speak. You bring to my attention what to I am blind to. Then I have the choice to pay attention or not. It keeps me honest.
You pulled my monsters into the light. I now have the means to destructure the negative ego. When I move to the shame, guilt place I read one of your articles. I have notes of many things you have told me. When my disease blocks my thinking with shame, guilt and fear, I pull out my notebook. Then I hear the sound of your voice in my mind as I read my notes and things slowly come back down to earth. Through the work that you have done I have been able to move to a place that I could not imagine. Oh, and I still have days that I totally screw up but I just don't make a memorandum of it.
The healing work that you do is a must for everyone to understand. You offer a means to heal, parent, and understand the inner child. That is the root to self love. Self love is the root to true healing. True healing is the reward the 12 steps offer. The steps lead to the source which is unconditional love. You have taught me that, the unconditional love of the God is blocked only by our degree of lack of love for our self. These words don't even begin to tell my story or how much you have helped me. Let me just say you saved me in this lifetime and you saved me from chasing my tail for five more lifetimes.
If anyone reads these words I would like to say one thing to them. I borrow this from the intro to the course of miracles "This is a required course. You don't have to take it this lifetime, but it is required."
Such is the work Robert Burney gives us. You can take what he teaches and shares, incorporate it in your life, or not. BUT in order to truly heal or grow, you need a sound psychological foundation, which you cannot have, if you do not do this work.human in training in New York state
I hope you remember me, we did some telephone counseling about 6 mos ago. How are you I hope all is well with you, I still go to your website periodically. I am doing well Thank God, your counseling did wonders for me. I have built a relationship with my father and see things so clearly now its just amazing. I have over come a lot of issues and am constantly working on building a better relationship with myself. I always wanted to thank you because my healing was so miraculous.
I'm doing great (I mean really GREAT!) I can't thank you enough for what you've done for me; my headaches are just about gone (after over 30 years of chronic pain), dropped a couple of dress sizes, my marriage is finally headed in the right direction and I can finally feel God's love (the most important one, of course). That black and white thinking you pointed out has literally saved my life.The person below started doing the phone counseling in late February and after doing a session a week for about 6 weeks has done sessions occasionally since then. The third paragraph is the testimonial she wrote recently, while the first two paragraphs are excerpts from emails that she sent me.A person who doesn't have to live in terror any more
Dear Robert - I just wanted to thank you again for last night. I also wanted to say that i noticed again last night how much attention you pay to what i am saying. you listen intently - its like the fibers of your being can concentrate on it. of course, the other thing that helps is that you have your understanding of truth worked out and therefore, you have this wholistic context into which you seem to listen, synthesize. these are just my impressions, not statements of facts. i only share this because i appreciate it so much. i most often call you my spiritual adviser rather than a counselor. its like there is a conch shell and while i hear just bits of the sound, you hear the whole orchestra. but you always help lead me back to me. to places and spaces i haven't even been before, perhaps that i am just beginning to place a toe into. i just wanted to share that with you; its really a remarkable ability and i respect and admire you for it.12-26-01
*The best part about talking to you is the little bit of light that shines from my inside - a feeling of wonder from the possibility of believing in myself and this life. You have been and continue to be a remarkable teacher. . . .So many things are unfolding as you said. Here then, I am starting to feel/see on a deeper level that I have nothing to worry about, that I am being guided, that I am a life force, a co-creator. I have learned that this unconditional life force of energy, this shield of love and growth and light....doesn't just want to give to me, it wants me to give to it too. It seems to be happy when I interact with it. It was remarkable to learn that I had something to generate and offer to it. TestimonialRobert works from a very humane place. I have used counseling services a few times over the last ten years (beginning in college)—I have always found them a benefit but learned very quickly that you had to find someone with whom you could establish an honest and respectful rapport. I found myself wanting to find someone to talk to (ostensibly about the breakup of a rather long relationship) but had a difficult time: I found I was spending a lot of time just trying to catch people up on some lengthy history rather than getting in touch with what I was experiencing now. With Robert I was very impressed with the questions he asked. He not only recovered the pivotal aspects of the relationship but more importantly, the critical points of my growing up in about half an hour on the phone (honest!). Rather immediately then, Robert made it possible for me to have a genuine space in which to connect with and be with myself. He is a very good listener and he keeps you honest in a pretty gentle way. It was also important to me to find someone who shared my spiritual perspective - I guess this is one of the things that has been the most wondrous part of the whole year. I think emotional pain is like any other pain the body experiences —it serves as a signal that something needs attention. I am an Hindu American. I believe that my Self (and each person's) consists of the divine and also smaller self. I was drawn to Robert because he understood this but even more amazing is the experience of interacting with someone who is able put this in practice — it feels very respectful, very compassionate and allows for a whole lot of growth, all at your own pace and time and terms. There are a few basic tenets to this philosophy —pay attention to what gets your attention, at every step practice self love as much as possible, and a few others. I just want to say that with his perspective, help and support, I am learning to trust myself more, and also to trust my circumstances. Though it felt like a year that started off like falling off a cliff, it has turned into a variety of peaks, especially hearing from and getting connected with a lot of long lost friends (all of a sudden?). This is making me want to take more responsibility for my life - it is starting, just starting to wake up some dreams. But still, the thing I most appreciate is this increased awareness about my existence, my increased ability to follow and learn from Hinduism (my faith) but most of all, my increased faith.Hindu American in DC area
When I saw this card (about Christmas being a time when thoughts of special people God has brought into our lives), I thought of you and what a difference you have made in my life this year. You taught me to think for myself, believe in myself, and trust my "gut" instincts. I still struggle with some of my stuff and have learned to remind myself that it will be a life-time process - and this day is only one more step in the process.
I am 47 years old and have struggled with codependency issues all of my life. After becoming "Born Again Christians" in 1979, my husband and I surrendered for full time Christian ministry. From there my husband went to school and off to the ministry we went. Although, we felt good about ourselves helping others, there was still something missing - we had never dealt with all of our own inner struggles. So, we ended up trying to please everyone in the church because of our codependent struggles with doing things out of guilt and rescuing people. After fifteen years of struggling with that missing piece, I finally went into counseling for my codependency issues. That was good and well, but something wasn't changing about my behavior - I couldn't seem to get untangled from the way I related to my family and others. Then, last year I went to another therapist who wanted me to be on medicine and would shame me if I shared my opinion - not exactly what a codependent needs. I became extremely depressed and started having suicidal thoughts - I felt there was no one out there I could trust.
Testimonial August 30, 2001
So, one day at work, I was surfing the web to find Codependent groups in my area and I found this website. I read and read and couldn't stop. I knew that Robert understood me. I called him (not trusting in anyone, especially on the Internet) and I freely told him this, but I told him I was desperate. I also told him I was a Christian and didn't agree with his spiritual teachings, but that I felt that was okay - I just wanted the counseling for my codependency. Robert amazingly listened and showed me such acceptance, love and compassion - he's safe to talk to. What made the difference for me were the healing of the inner child issues and learning to not feel guilty and shamed everytime I would do something. Robert taught me to have compassion for myself and to stop listening to the "Critical Parent" voice. He taught me to trust in my instincts and ultimately, to trust in following my God again. He listened to me and accepted me - because he's been there and he knows.....I thank God I found this website - it has transformed my life! Robert, I will be forever grateful to you and your ministry to helping others.Christian in North Carolina
Testimonial April 30, 2001
In the midst of confusion and not knowing where to turn.. my brother found the web page ...all about toxic love... it was only then that I understood how drained I was, how my energy level was depleted after a lifetime of codependency...I could have never thought of it myself.. I thought it only happened to people who had a relative who was an alcoholic.. it was difficult to look at my blind spot.. after being a psychologist for over ten years in private practice.. and none of my mentors or therapists could have helped me.... I think because they also suffer from it...Only someone else than a psychologist could help me....I could not understand why I could not longer practice and I was not able to call it a codependent burnout until now that I reached the shore...It was difficult to know who I was when I was no longer of help to others... the problem was that helping others defined who I was and my life lost its sense in a total halt when I literally couldn't care about nobody else... specially if I always made myself available for crisis and emergencies..and everyday neurosis.
Thank you Robert for listening in my cry for help, in the distance phone counseling you were that person that heard me and helped me make sense of everything, take my feet out of the moving sand of codependency, avoid every trap and rescue myself...feel the love of God through me, for I don't have to put up with everybody's problems to deserve the love of God or other humans.. and I could try to discover who I am.. and learn to take care of myself..and have peace and harmony for a change.
I can live forever with this inner peace....Thank you.Psychologist in Canada
Testimonial December 24, 2000
Words cannot express the Gratitude I have for what you have taught me. I am writing this letter with the hope that it will lead others who are suffering to seek help through your work.
Last Spring I was suffering from a deep depression and I was willing to do almost anything to stop it. I tried a lot of things, seeing a Psychiatrist, attending more Twelve step support group meetings, and I could go on and on. When a relationship ended abruptly in July I was in bad shape, I started having suicidal ideation.....no plan, but I would entertain the fantasy of death being my only solution. The minute I would wake up the negative chatter in my head would start, I really began to think the situation was hopeless.
I sat at my computer one night looking up depression, seeking some wonderful miracle cure, when I decided (I Know now that I was Led), to look up codependency and discovered your web site. I read a lot of your articles over the next couple of weeks and ordered your book, and they helped a great deal. I kept having the thought of trying the telephone counseling that you offered, but I kept pushing that thought aside. There came a day when the urge to try your counseling was very strong and I decided to contact you.
The work that I did with you over the next four months was incredible and I know that my life has taken a major turn and will never be the same. I would have to write a book explaining how much I've changed, but let me sum it up by saying that at this point last year I felt like my life was over and this year I know that a grand adventure has just begun!Know that I will be forever grateful - in California
Testimonial October 20, 2000
After spending many years trying various therapies and practicing daily meditation, my life not only lacked real meaning but I remained isolated and uncomfortable with just about every situation that came along.
The phone sessions with you have been truly amazing and transforming. Not only have I lost the nagging sense of worthlessness which had seemed forever destined to haunt me, but I no longer feel disconnected from the world either. Thank you for your care, help, systematic guidance and the tools I've been searching for. As I grieve for my wounded child, who is finally healing, I also give thanks for the peacefulness of knowing that I'm in the right place at the right time for me.Grateful in Oregon
I am a 55 year old woman, who has been in chronic physical pain, (specifically , back pain), since my early 20's. Recently, after having stopped smoking, my back pain became almost unbearable. A friend gave me a book called, "The Mindbody Prescription" by "John Sarno, M.D." I read it, and became aware, without any doubt, that my back pain of all these years was caused by "repressed feelings" and decided to try Dr.Sarno's suggestions, one of which is to " talk to your pain". My pain decreased, and I followed all the other suggestions. But then, it flared up worse than ever. I expected this, since to paraphrase Dr. Sarno, the unconscious does not want these "repressed feelings" to come out. Not only did my pain increase, but it started to move around!!!
One of my first phone clients sent this Testimonial in the summer of 2000
I had had some previous exposure to "inner child" work and was familiar with the work of "John Bradshaw". In the midst of all this misery, I was able to remember my inner children, and thought it would be much more useful to think of these , "repressed" feelings as my inner children trying to get their unmet needs met. Moreover, I know that the work of dealing with "repression" is usually left to psychoanalytic therapists who are prohibitively expensive, and a very long term proposition. So, one day, in a rather desperate state, I went in search of help on the net, and found Robert Burney's page. His words touched me so deeply and resonated with everything that I was thinking and feeling. I immediately ordered his book, and shortly after, called for some telephone sessions. I feel that his work is nothing short of miraculous, and I am an agnostic. I mention this, because if there is anyone out there, suffering as I was, and they don't want to read the "spiritual" aspects of Robert's work, I would want them to know that reading the sections on "feeling the feelings" , "codependency" , "inner child healing" etc. is what I found so helpful. Now , I go back to Robert's book and /or web page almost daily. I have a session with Robert once a week by telephone.
I cannot begin to describe how much he has helped me. Robert is an extremely competent, wonderfully sensitive, perceptive, special and spiritual individual. He is so good at what he does, that I don't think I will need these sessions much longer. He also does not push his "spiritual beliefs" onto me, which this agnostic has appreciated enormously. And yet, I have to say that I find his more spiritual writings to be quite beautiful.
With Robert's help, I am "feeling the feelings" and although this is often very painful work emotionally, I am now able to feel real joy in my life. AND, most spectacularly, I have no physical pain, despite significant structural abnormalities in my back. I have not taken a pain medication for quite some time and am quite confident I will never need one again. When, I feel that physical pain might be starting up, I talk to my children, and no pain arrives. I have resumed full physical activities, and am living life fuller than ever.
I have such gratitude to this wonderful man, Robert Burney, and am so happy that he is living on the planet at this time. Thank you, Robert!!!!Agnostic in New England
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