|Thu Feb 24,
2011 11:40 pm
An excerpt from
Off on our Honeymoon Cruise on Saturday
Message to Yahoo
"Hello Magnificent Spiritual Being,
We are leaving on the cruise early Saturday
morning. One friend who has traveled from Arizona to
my Intensive 4 times traded in his time share for the year for
our plane tickets. Another friend who was on the last cruise
with us paid for most of our cabin. So, another miracle and
we get to go on our honeymoon cruise.
We did get married on January 14th and
it has made a difference. There is a deeper sense of
connection, of intimacy, of Love - and a kind of serene contentment
that is really cool. It was nice to buy a Valentine's Day
card for my wife. ;-)
I think we got a good filming of my last
Intensive last Sunday. Hopeful we will get both a DVD and
a CD set out of it. I also have a new CD set of the digitally
remastered audio of my book in production - and it hopefully will
be available before too long.
I am taking a Landmark Education Money
Seminar right now. The first session I found my self
sitting next to one of the few people I knew in a group of over
250. The person is actually a sponsee of Susan's. In
talking to her, I heard myself say that I had lots of resources (my
writing - the millions of words of writing on my web site) but didn't
have the money to turn those resources into cash flow. I recognized
that as a part of, what they call in Landmark, my money trap.
Being trapped in poverty consciousness. So that first day
I made an "unreasonable" (another Landmark term) commitment to have
10 new products by the end of the seminar in mid April.
Not sure if I will even come close to that, but I am definitely
going to pursue some more CD projects and possibly some e-books after
getting these first 3 products manifested. (That is the DVD &
CD set of my Intensive and the new CD set of my book.) . . . ."
February 5th - We did get a recording of the
workshop that is available now as an MP3 download - unfortunately
the first part of the DVD was damaged so no video yet.
In the following message that I sent to my Yahoo Mailing
List, I include the message I sent out to everyone on my e-mailing
list - and intersperse comments in which I go into more detail and
do some processing about the things I share in the message to my whole
mailing list. I will indent the message that was sent out to
my whole mailing list for clarity - and also put that message in italics
to be really clear.
Where oh where can my baby be
by Robert Burney on Wednesday, March 23,
2011 at 8:41pm ·
I had one of my deepest wounds triggered
today. Susan and Darien didn't get home from school when
I thought they would - and I could not get Susan on her cell
phone. After 2 hours I felt this panic rise up in me.
It is raining here and the roads are slick - and suddenly this overwhelming
fear came up that something had happened to them. (They were at
his cousins house.) It triggered the wound that is at the deepest
level of my terror of intimacy issues. It is something I wasn't
fully aware of until I wrote about it in my Update Newsletter
in October 2000
- the one where I talk about how it is easier
to be a channel for love to flow through than a vessel for Love
to flow into (which I quoted here not too long ago.) Anyway, I
obviously need to look at this again or it wouldn't have come up today.
So, I am going to share some excerpts from part two of that Update Newsletter
here. I haven't used these notes (notes
are a way of sharing on Facebook)
before, but am having trouble
with the comments part of my status - so thought I would try this.
"It takes a lot of courage to open up to receiving
Love. What we want the most is also what terrifies
us the most - because of the toxic shame we are carrying, the
core wounded place where we feel unworthy and unlovable.
We are afraid that we will get that which is most important to us
- and then have it taken away because of our unworthiness.
In the Joy2MeU Journal,
I have a series of articles called "The Path of one Recovering
Codependent ~ the dance of one wounded soul." This started
out as a recovery autobiography of sorts. A relating of my
Spiritual Path, of my healing process over the years since I got
into recovery on January 3, 1984. It evolved into not just
a history of the past 16 + years, but into a journal of my process
for the past year and a half since I started that Journal. (The personal journal was a place I worked through a lot
of my fear of intimacy issues between 1999 and 2004) Here
is an excerpt from the first of 3 articles in that series that relate
how I ended up in a 30 day treatment program for codependence in
1988 that saved my life.
"One day in particular I remember driving home from
work in a very agitated emotional state that I couldn't quite identify or
get a handle on. The Universe in it's great power and perfectly unfolding
wisdom caused one of those miracles of coincidence to occur.
As I was nearing my home, a song came on the radio. It
was the first song that I learned in childhood by listening to
the radio. When I was about 8 or 9 this song had touched me
deeply enough that I made the effort to learn all of the words.
It was really a pretty stupid song - but the message in it matched
my programming perfectly. It pushed the buttons of my core wounding
that was a combination of my parents not being capable of Loving me
in a healthy way coupled with the wounding that resulted from the Spiritual
abuse I had suffered at the hands of the shaming religion I was raised
The song was about a boy out on a date with
his girlfriend when they are in a traffic accident that kills
the girl. The chorus goes something like this:
"Where oh where can my baby be,
The Lord took her away from me,
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world."
As that song ended that day, and I got to
my apartment, I felt ripped apart by the grief that surfaced.
I was in my apartment crying and sobbing - with wounded animal-like
moans of pain escaping from me. I was compelled to keep moving
from corner to corner in my apartment, crouching in the corner wailing
and crying and moaning and then moving to another corner to do it
I got in touch with that place inside of
me where I know that I am so unlovable and unworthy, such a shameful
monster, that anyone who ever loved me would be taken away.
God could see what a sinful, shameful creature I was and would punish
anyone who could possibly think I was Lovable. If I ever deluded
myself enough to allow myself to open up to Love from someone who
could Truly Love me, I would be punished by having that person taken
I discuss in the Journal article The Unfolding
Process about the importance to me of the song entitled The
Rose, whose chorus goes like this:
It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance,
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes a chance.
It's the one who won't be taken who that cannot seem to give,
It's the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.
I couldn't for the longest time relate to
the last line, no matter how much I related to the first three
lines - because I wanted to die.
What I figured out eventually was that I
was afraid to live not because I might die but because whoever
I Loved would die. That I was such a shameful monster that
God would take away anyone who I allowed to Love me.
And I resonated with that when I was 9 years
That poor little boy. That poor man
who based his life on such feelings of shame and unworthiness.
Such pain. To, on some level, choose isolation over the risk
of being Loved and having that Love taken away." - 30 Days in the
Desert - Falling Apart and Breaking Through Part I
My particular flavor of toxic shame took on this tone
- if I allow myself to open up to Love and be Loved, the person I open up
to will be taken away from me.
"It is the Heart afraid of breaking that
never learns to dance."
This was on a very deep subconscious level.
Something that I uncovered and discovered as my recovery evolved.
All of my issues around abundance - of money,
of success, of friendship, of health, of whatever - always
come back to my fear of intimacy, my terror of being available
for a Loving relationship. The bottom line is always that
toxic shame at the core of my being that says that I am not lovable,
that I am defective somehow. . . . .
. . . . . . In writing this Newsletter,
I have gotten a brand new insight. I have just become
conscious of a truly monstrous terror that lurks under the ones
that I had identified previously. What I mean, is that though
one of the earliest awareness that I had in my inner child healing
was about the song I spoke of above - I have never looked at that
insight's relationship to my fear of intimacy issues in quite the
way I am right now. I am looking at it with a new perspective
from a much higher level of consciousness. I have just uncovered
the monster that was hiding under the monsters that I had previously
become aware of in my recovery.
I had a terror of abandonment and rejection
which I had realized was the lesser of two evils for me.
I had discovered and been working on healing this.
"Through revisiting the eight year old who
I was I get to understand on a new level why I have always
been attracted to unavailable people - because the pain of feeling
abandoned and betrayed is the lesser of two evils. The worst
possible thing, to my shame-based inner children, is to have revealed
how unworthy and unlovable I am . . . . It is no wonder that at
my core I am terrified of loving someone who is capable of loving
me back." - Grief, Love, & Fear of Intimacy
My fear of intimacy is only
about abandonment and betrayal, about being revealed as unworthy
and unlovable, on the surface. Those are symptoms, which
I had been seeing as the core. The core is that I am terrified
of fully embracing life and Love - of finding someone who I Love
and who Loves me back - and then having her taken away by God.” -
Joy to You & Me and Joy2MeU Newsletter 10-20-00
- Now 11 1/2 years after writing
that update, I have been married for over a year and over 6 1/2
years living with Susan. Truly an incredible miracle with
where I came from. :-) As I say in the Birthday
announcement above, I threw out a challenge to the Universe 4 different
times telling it to bring on whatever lessons I need to learn to
help me open up to having a loving relationship - very cool that it
Grateful by Robert Burney on Friday, May 13, 2011
at 7:54pm ·
11th - This was a great example of how far I have come in my recovery.
Not that many years ago, I would have assumed that being
grateful for the car running so well for so long would have been
the cause of the tire going flat. The magical thinking that
caused me to spend most of my life trying to not show I valued or enjoyed
anything would have caused me to think that the punishing god I was taught
about as a kid noticed I valued the car and punished me because of my unworthiness.
1. Feeling grateful on freeway this morning
for car that has run well for year since someone practically
gave it to us when we were desperate.
2. Grateful that when the tire went completely
flat I had already dropped my grandson off at school.
3. Grateful that when I found out the lug
wrench didn't fit the lug nuts I could call roadside assistance.
4. grateful I had the money to buy new
5. very grateful I have learned to not
buy into victim perspective of life events.
This is a nice
little discussion of recovery that I like - that I shared on
Frustration ~ Acceptance ~ Surrender ~ being human
by Robert Burney on Saturday, March 26,
2011 at 10:42am ·
"There are - as I emphasize so often in
my writing - multiple levels to everything. There are
other levels to my motivations also. These levels of motivation
are not linear. They are often simultaneous and always
intimately interrelated. I may get conscious of them in a
linear manner - first, second, third, etc. - but that is a function
of the limitations of human consciousness, not an actual linear
The basic, human ego, avoidance of pain,
level of motivation led me to start getting more conscious
of Spiritual levels of motivation. And it was Spiritual
levels of motivation that led me to awakening to the cause and
effect dynamic of life. It was following my intuitive guidance
(making choices that felt like moments of clarity and inspiration
at the time) that led to the seemingly disastrous results which forced
me to start waking up to what a mess my life was - and then to realizing
that I could do some things to change that reality. What felt
to me like tragedy, was in fact the gift of a new beginning - the start
of a new life. (That disastrous relationship / job loss / health
problem / drunk driving arrest / etc., had/has a silver lining - and
the choices you made that got you to that point were a perfect part of
your awakening process.)
On the Spiritual level of motivation it
is the emotional energy of Truth that provides my intuitive
guidance. Truth - with a capital T - is a form of communication
from my Soul to my being. It is something that I feel within
- that resonates vibrationally in my consciousness. My consciousness
exists throughout my body, and intuitive Truth resonates most often
in my heart and / or my gut. It is kind of like one of those silent
pagers that vibrates. That feeling in our gut, or our chest,
is a page from the Universe letting us know that a message has just
been delivered. The "aha", light bulb going on, moments of insight
and clarity, are accompanied by a vibrational page in our physical
/ emotional being.
If we are conscious enough to pay attention,
we can feel our pager go off and know the Universe is sending
us a message. If we are indulging in our human propensity
to go unconscious - which is exacerbated by the denial and emotional
disassociation of the codependent defense system we were forced
to adapt in childhood - then the Universe needs to use the stick, to
get loud and intrusive, to get our attention. Neither way is
shameful - but paying attention is a lot easier.
not human needs and desires that cause suffering, it is looking
to get those needs fulfilled in someplace where they cannot
be fulfilled that causes suffering. It has been trying to
quench our thirst from an empty well that is dysfunctional.
have been trying to fill the hole within ourselves by looking
outside of ourselves. We were taught to look outside,
to external manifestations to meet our needs, to find out who
we are and why we are here.
answers do not exist outside - the answers lie within.
reason that humans have not been able to "get it together" is
that we have been looking outside for "it." "It" exists
only within. We need to look in-to-it. As in intuition:
long as we look outside of Self - with a capital S - to find
out who we are, to define ourselves and give us self-worth, we
are setting ourselves up to be victims."
of Wounded Souls
In terms of my Spiritual level of motivation,
I feel compelled in a certain direction. I do not need
to know why I feel compelled - although the human part of me certainly
wants to know. I may have a few ideas of some the levels
of why - but I never know them all. The Universe gives
me whatever level of motives will work to get me to do what I am
supposed to do for my Spiritual, healing path - and it is only in
retrospect that I get to have some levels of understanding of the
reasons for the action I felt compelled to take.
Because I have paid attention and learned
how the process works, I do what I am led to do without very
much questioning these days - grumbling yes, but very little
questioning. I often don't like the directions I get and get
crabby with my Higher Power - but I have gotten quite good at letting
go of the questions (why, how, when, where, what for, etc.) my ego
comes up with in it's attempt to have some illusion of control.
It is much easier to let go.
I am not in control - am not the one writing
the script for my life. I have many years in recovery
now, and my experience has taught me that my Higher Power's plan
always works out for the best in the long run. It is pretty
silly for me to put much energy into my ego's attempts to control
so that it doesn't have to face the fear of the unknown. The
known was killing me. The only way out was into the unknown.
. . . .
. . . . . The irony of the whole thing
ticks me off sometimes. I am trying to explain the process
and then have to apply the process to get clear in my attempt
to explain how it works. This is perfect of course, but
irritating to my human ego nevertheless. My Higher Power
has this cute sense of humor that I definitely find irritating sometimes.
(That is huge progress - I used to think it was sadistic.)
I was definitely getting frustrated in
my attempts to make this Newsletter behave according to what
I wanted it to do and be. A quote from the second Newsletter
I wrote for my original web site is one of the perfect examples of
how I teach best what I need most to learn.
"About frustration, since I mentioned it several
times. 10 years ago when I was in a 30 day treatment
program for codependence (clinically called: depression) one of
the counselors gave a definition of frustration that made me angry
then, and still riles me when I am getting frustrated and I remember
In writing about levels of
motivation, and how important it is to surrender to my Higher
Power's plan instead of trying to make things work the way I think
they should - I was getting frustrated because things weren't working
the way I thought they should. I was aware that I was getting
frustrated and what that meant, but being human I tried to hold
onto "my way" a little longer. Which led to more frustration.
Engaging in a power struggle with God is a set up to feel frustrated.
Frustration (he said) is what you feel
when you are in a power struggle and you are losing.
Which means, for me, that there is something
I need to let go of - some part of my plan, my picture of how
I think things should be that I need to surrender - so I can
see and accept reality as it is and then make the best of it."
- Joy to You & Me Newsletter II - August 15, 1998
See what I mean about it being silly to
put much energy into my ego's attempts to control. I was
getting frustrated and knew I needed to surrender - but I was being
willful and not accepting that I needed to surrender to being willing
to surrender. Pretty amusing really. ;-)
My writing about levels of motive had led
into attempting to communicate a message about how important
it is to accept our humanness. And I get to demonstrate my
humanness in my attempts to write about accepting it. Perfectly
ironic - ironically perfect.
It is so valuable to stop shaming ourselves
and instead to start being amused at our human self.
To stop calling ourselves stupid and to start seeing the humor
in how silly it is to try to control this life business. In
an updated simile about my recovery journey, I would describe the transformation
of my relationship with life something like this:
that my life used to
be a very seriously dramatic, Classically Greek Tragedy (the
hero of course, being fatally flawed - shamefully human - leading
to tragic consequences);
that in recovery I was
first able to transform it into a melodramatic soap opera that
I didn't take quite as seriously;
then into a sitcom that
was not really that funny;
and eventually into
a really amusing and entertaining sitcom.
That is a major paradigm shift that is
made possible by doing the inner child healing / codependency
recovery work. It is really only a relatively small twist
of the dial to go from tragedy to sitcom. Changing my beliefs,
learning to stop relating to life as a test I could fail, changed
my perspective and expectations. That changed my relationship
with life and my emotional reactions to life. My life today
is a very amusing sitcom - although, like even the highest quality
TV sitcoms, it can feel irritatingly inane at times.
kind of a cosmic joke, see. We have been taught that we
are human and that it is bad and shameful, and that we have to
somehow earn the right to be Spiritual. The Truth is that we
already are Spiritual and there is nothing bad or shameful about
"being human."" - Codependence:
The Dance of Wounded Souls
It really helps to remember who we Truly
are, so that we can start enjoying the joke some of the time.
Being human does not have to feel like sadistic torture - it can
be an exciting, enjoyable adventure. It can be irritatingly
ironic and paradoxical - can feel like a stupid game - some
of the time, but playing this game of human life by the rules that
actually work is certainly a much nicer experience than the dance
of suffering and shame my life was prior to recovery." -
Joy2MeU Update January 2002 Newsletter 1 of
from some of my writing that I like and shared on Facebook.
the nuclear family as a dysfunctional concept
by Robert Burney on Wednesday, April 13,
2011 at 12:12pm ·
Something came up in a phone counseling session
today that led me to look for the following quote - and I decided
to share it in this note.
Dysfunctional Concept of Family
"It is vital to start seeing that normal is
codependent. It is vital to start seeing clearly the dysfunction
and emotional dishonesty in the families we grew up in, so that
we can let go of our myth of family. Our dysfunctional families
were an effect of the dysfunctional, emotionally dishonest, Spiritual
hostile (belief in separation), cultural environments in which
they existed. It is not personal. It does not have anything
to do with us. Just as the way our parents treated us in childhood
wasn't personal. They were incapable of seeing who they really
were, so they couldn't see us with any clarity. They were looking
at us through the filters of their fear and pain, they projected
their shame and lack of self worth onto us. They tried to
control our behavior with fear, guilt, and shame to protect their
egos. They were dancing with their own wounds to the music of
shame and fear - which made them incapable of meeting our needs, of
demonstrating love for us in a healthy way. It was not their
fault. It was not our fault. It was an effect of the families
and culture they grew up in.
I believe that the concept of the nuclear
family as a separate, isolated entity is dysfunctional in it's
essence. I don't believe it is healthy to raise children
in an environment separate from a sense of close knit community
/ clan / tribal identity. I don't believe that two parents
as a cultural entity separate from community can possibly provide
healthy, balanced parenting. Certainly one cannot. But
children are wounded and traumatized by parents inability to separate
their self worth from their emotional reactions to external forces
rather there is one parent or two. Parents who were taught to
take their ego strength from external comparison cannot avoid having
an unhealthy emotional investment in children whom they - and society
- see as an extension, a possession, that reflects their worth as individuals.
I have no idea what Hillary Clinton's book
is about, but the concept that it "takes a village" to raise
a child contains some fundamental Truth in my opinion. I
do not believe that children are meant to be raised by two adults
separate from community - and certainly not by a mother alone most
of the time. The American Dream, a nuclear family living in isolation
in the suburbs - with the father gone most of the day - is a dysfunctional
ideal in my belief. Our normal societal model for what constitutes
an ideal family is dysfunctional in its impact on the emotional,
mental, and spiritual health of children raised in those families.
Here is an excerpt from a page in my Joy2MeU Journal
- bracketed by a quote from my book to put it in context with
to make a couple of points of clarification at this time.
is that I am referring to civilizations around the world, but
most of the examples or specifics I am mentioning have to do
with Western Civilization and specifically American society.
That is just for my convenience and your identification.
(I am using the word "civilization" here in the Western sense of the
term - that is, urban-based and believed to be superior to "less
are dysfunctional to varying degrees, as are subcultures
within those civilizations. They just have different
flavors of dysfunction, of imbalance.
example: In much of Asia the individual is discounted for
the good of the whole - whether that be family or corporation
or country. The individual takes his or her self-definition
from the larger system. That is just as out of balance and
dysfunctional as the Western Civilization manifestation of glorifying
the individual to the detriment of the whole. It is just
a different variety of dysfunction.
of this dance of Recovery is integration and balance. That
means celebrating being a tree while also glorying in being a
part of the forest. Recovery is a process of becoming
conscious of our individual wholeness and our ONENESS with all.
point I want to make is that I am saying "civilized" society
for a reason. It is in urban-based industrialized civilization
that the optimum dysfunction has been manifested in this world.
primitive or aboriginal tribal cultures, such as the Native
Americans, had far more integrated and balanced cultures for their
place and time than any "civilization." They were not totally
integrated and balanced by any means. They were, however,
closer to the rhythms of nature and had respect for nature and
natural laws, so were more aligned with universal laws than urban-based
many of the primitive societies were far more functional in
terms of the Spiritual, emotional, and mental health of the individual
members of the society, and had far more respect for the individual
members, than any so-called "civilized" society on this planet."
- Codependence: The Dance
of Wounded Souls
The Baby Otter: A Mother's Day Story (an excerpt
from the Joy2MeU Journal)
"I often look to aboriginal cultures who were
more in touch with nature to see examples of more balance behavior.
(The Native American culture that I am most familiar with, is
that of the Plains Indians. There can be some big differences
between different regions, but when I cite Native American culture
it is the Plains Indians I am talking about.) The cultural
norms that came to mind while writing this were two specific ones.
One was that, it was not the father who taught the son to be a man
- it was an uncle. The tribes knew better than to have the father's
ego involved with the son's training. The other has to do
with mothers and sons. When a boy was around 5 or 6 there
came a point where he and his mother could no longer speak directly
to each other - they would communicate through a third person -
and they could not look into each others eyes. The effect of this
tribal wisdom was to prevent emotional incest. When the boy became
a man, they could once again communicate directly. (There were
also restrictions in terms of the relationships between father and
Reminds me of Robert Bly's book Iron John.
. . He talks about how, ever since the industrial revolution
pulled fathers out of the home a great deal of the time, boys
have been primarily learning how to be men from women.
I believe that the concept of the nuclear family
as an isolated entity is inherently dysfunctional and traumatic.
I am going to include here a passage I wrote some time ago, and never
found anyplace to use in my writing.
"Of course, we have almost completely lost
the real sense and idea of community - of a group of people
who are interconnected and interrelated for their collective
welfare and mutual benefit. In Western Civilization, and
especially in the United States, the individual is glorified to
the detriment of the whole (this is the opposite extreme of imbalance
for much of Eastern Civilization which glorifies the whole to the
detriment of the individual.) So separation is the rule rather
Some can have millions while others are starving
and homeless - and this is looked upon as normal and natural.
Society teaches us to believe that we are separate - that another
persons suffering is that persons own fault. That the individual
is separate from, and in competition with, others.
This applies on multiple levels.
It is also true in the dysfunctional myth of the individual nuclear
family. The concept of the nuclear family with it's sense
of possession (my children) and comparison with other families
carries with it inherent emotional trauma in my view. I believe
that the healthiest parenting came in societies where the whole
tribe or clan had a sense of community and connection. Where
everyone knew they were individuals but also knew they were important
parts of the whole. Where people lived so close together that
there were no family secrets and social mores dictated that physical,
verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse were not acceptable.
Now, I am not saying that aboriginal societies
were completely healthy or balanced cultures. But they
did have a healthier balance than modern societies because they
had to in order to survive. The had more respect for nature
and natural cycles because it was necessary to live.
They had a sense of community because without it they would perish."
that historically there has been a direct correlation between
the level of advancement - of "progress" - and the level of dysfunction
in terms of the individual being's level of fulfillment and happiness.
In other words, the more "advanced" the society became (that is,
the farther it removed itself from respect for, and alignment with,
natural laws and cycles), the more dysfunctional it became in terms
of the individual being's feelings of self-respect and fulfillment. .
. . . Another
reason that some of these so-called "primitive" cultures were
more functional is that they also had a much more benevolent idea
about a Higher Power. They actually believed that the God-Force
had a Loving purpose for putting us here instead of it being some
kind of punishment which was shameful.
more advanced, the more civilized, a society became, the more
dysfunctional it became in terms of serving the emotional, mental,
and Spiritual needs of the individual members of the society.
Sounds kind of backwards doesn't it?"
- Codependence: The Dance of
Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in the
Light Book 2: A Dysfunctional Relationship with Life Chapter 10:
Normal Families are Dysfunctional This
excerpt is from a chapter of an online book that is available
in a subscription area of my web site: Dancing
Tue Jun 7, 2011 2:06 pm
Special Announcement about Exciting Projects
To the Radiantly Beautiful Spiritual Being on my Yahoo
Wow! I can't believe it has been
since February that I sent out a message here. Sorry
about that. Lots to bring you up to date on.
First I want to follow up on things I mentioned in the last
one. The cruise was good - we had a good time. But we
were reminded of what we felt at the end of the last cruise we went
on - that a week was a long time to spend on a ship. Maybe
a shorter cruise next time. And there were some other complications
which made us decide we won't go with that particular tour company
The only really valuable thing I got out
of the Landmark money seminar was the insight that I shared
in the last communication - that I had lots of resources that
I needed to turn into cash flow. I am still working on turning
those resources into cash flow as you will see with what I share
below. The seminar itself was way too large (250 people) and
missing the two weeks I did going on the cruise had an adverse affect.
Landmark has some valuable things in it - but their approach really
doesn't work for me, even though it has been great for Susan.
People who have done years of Landmark often come to me because they
can't get in Landmark what I teach people.
Both the retreat we were planning and the
wedding reception had to be canceled because of an injury to
the woman whose ranch it was. I actually had to cancel the
April Intensive completely because I only had one person signed
up - and we just couldn't afford to do the reception elsewhere.
I just sent out a Special Announcement
to my e-mailing lists - and posted it on Facebook.
I assume that anyone on this Yahoo list is also on my mailing
list - but I don't know for sure. In any case, I wanted to
go into more depth about what is happening here than I did in the Special
Announcement. So, I am going to share what I wrote in it - with
comments and additional information interspersed.
Hello Magnificent Spiritual Being!
It is really amazing to consider that it
has been 25 years since that night when I really awakened
to how my childhood programming was running my life.
I am so grateful for the commitment I made that night - and for
the guidance that led me to learning what I needed to learn and
going where I needed to go to find some freedom from that old programming.
It has been a heck of a ride this last 25 years.
Today is a recovery birthday for me! (Actually yesterday
- but didn't get all the announcements mailed out yesterday)
The 25th anniversary of the day I count as the start of my conscious
codependency recovery. A quarter of a century! OMG!
"I date my codependence recovery as starting on
June 3 1986. As with any milestone, there was recovery that occurred
before that - I had been clean and sober for exactly 2 years and
5 months at the point (the story of my early recovery is for another
issue) - but this particular day marked a breakthrough in consciousness
to a whole new level that changed the direction and focus of my life.
. . . . .
. . . . . I said to myself - this is no way to live
life, I need to change this. So that night I started to
focus on changing the subconscious programming from my childhood.
I didn't know how I was going to do it - but I was determined to find
out. (That was an act of Love for myself that at the time I
wouldn't have known to call Love.)" - The Story of "Joy to You & Me"
I just went to look for a specific quote
and discovered something that I wrote to this e-mail list
almost 3 years ago. Looking back at that brought up a lot
of feelings for me. In that message to this list I told the
story of walking on Taos Mountain one day in the fall of 1988 wondering
when I would ever get to have a relationship. After telling
the story, I wrapped it up with these two paragraphs.
"When I think back to that time 20 years
ago, it is mind boggling to see how my path unfolded - and
how many peoples lives I have touched because I was willing
to follow where I was led. If I had been told back in 1988
(actually said 98 in the message but was
supposed to be 88) that I would be able to have a relationship
in 3 years that would last 2 years and break my heart - and then
wasn't going to have another relationship that lasted until 2005,
I would have said something like, "What!!!! How can that be???
That is what I want - a Loving relationship. Why does it
have to take so long?!? What will I do in the meantime???"
Looking at this brought
up a bunch of feelings and issues for me.
Well, what I did in the meantime was to
have (as I say on Metaphysical
Law: Giving and Receiving) ". . . an awesome, terribly solitary,
gloriously amazing adventure for me. An incredibly painful,
transcendently Joyous, intermittently terrifying, unbelievably
fulfilling journey." And during that journey I wrote and
published an incredible book along with several million words in
articles for my website. This was not a plan I made or could even
have imagined. That I would now, just after my 60th birthday,
be in a relationship and raising an amazing little being named
Darien - and still being given the opportunity to practice the
humility to ask for help - was not part of any picture I had of the
future. I am so grateful for Susan and the opportunity to be
involved in the incredibly Joyous experience of raising this incredible
little boy with her. I am not so grateful that I am still in
a position of having to ask for help. But the gifts I have
received over the years from being willing to follow where I am led
and let go of the outcome help me to accept what is, be grateful for
all that I have and have been given, and just keep following where I
am led. I am leading a very Blessed life." - "I am so blessed 2 - better format I hope" Yahoo Mailing
list Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:12 am
First of all, it is incredible that my
journey is not solitary any more. On June 15th Susan
and I will be celebrating having lived together for 6 years.
An amazing record for both of us. And we will have been married
for 5 months then also. I am very glad that she is now my wife.
Darien is just an amazing little man - and we are both so blessed
to have the privilege and honor of having raised him for the past 5
years plus. . . This kid is a natural model. Going to be a star
Secondly, I wrote that in August 2008 when
I was trying to raise the money to keep my book in print.
In that message to this list I talk about all the problems that
came up in sending out e-mails because of losing a bunch of
data when changing to a new computer my sister had given me for
my birthday that year - and how those problems affected my ability
to raise the money needed to do the latest reprint of my book.
It was in a page I posted almost 2 years later that I talked about
what happened and how it impacted us.
"Then in September 2008 the printer who was
printing the latest printing of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
messed up and printed a larger print run that I could really afford
at the time. . . . . Rediscovering that article also reminded me of
how the financial situation we are in got to be such a mess. I posted
that article as part of sending out a request for donations to help
keep my book in print one more time. The combination of not getting
nearly as many donations as I had hoped, and the printing company printing
a large print run without getting my final approval, put us in a real
hard financial place that September. Then the bottom fell out of
the economy shortly after that. I was thinking it was just the recession
. . . . that was impacting us without remembering how the printing of the
book had started our own personal recession earlier." - Asking for help
page posted August 2010
Looking at that page again brought me
to sobbing and crying. Last August - as I shared on that
page - we were agonizing about having to send Darien to public
school. We did start him in public school and then pulled
him out and were able get him into a Montessori school. The
end of that school year is this week and I am sobbing and crying from
Joy, and because I am so grateful that Darien got to go there.
It has been wonderful for him - and I am soooooo grateful for it.
Another thing that it brought up is that
I will need to reprint the book again before the end of this
year. I think I have found the answer for that however -
and will include it below. And the recession has affected
my Intensives - especially in the last year as cost of Airline
Fares increased so much with gas prices. I am considering
that I may not be able to keep my Intensives going beyond the ones I have
scheduled because there have not been enough people coming. Thank
God we have at least a recording of it now - as I will also talk about
And, of course, I have a lot of feelings
about the fact that I am still in a position of having to
ask for help. Another opportunity to set boundaries with
the critical parent voice.
I am celebrating my birthday with some very exciting
It will be great to finally have the higher
sound quality CDs available. The whole process of getting
the CDs available is a good example of why I have been thinking
for years that I have a lot of resources but have not had the money
to turn them into salable products. The recording I made of
the book in 1995 was originally on cassette tapes which of course
are ancient history by now - and which I stopped selling in 2007.
By that time, I had a "work in progress" CD set that was produced for
me by my friend Jeff. He had come to my first Intensive in April
2006 and loved my work so much that he produced the "work in progress"
CD set - which was actually a copy of the copy of the cassettes he had bought.
The length of the recording was longer than could be put on 3 CDs - so
what he had done is actually speed up and compress the first CD to
be able to get it on 3 CDs. The sound quality wasn't good - but
was good enough that people could get the message. But the CDs were
not professionally packaged, didn't have track marks, and didn't include
the introduction I had recorded. When we stopped selling the cassettes
in 2007 I was able to get the original master recording from the recording
studio in Taos - and Jeff digitally remastered it and made an mp3 audio
download of the recording that we started selling on the new websites
that he created for me. He created RobertBurneyLive.com and 7 other
websites out of the material on my site because he believes in my work -
and he has never been paid a dime for all that work, nor does he get any
of the income from the download or before that from the work in progress
CDs. His work has been a great gift to me. (His help has Truly been a God Send this past few years.)
One of the reasons he was able to create the websites however, was because
he had moved from Las Vegas to the Philippines (for a relationship)
- and thus was able to hire a staff for much cheaper rates. He was
still producing the work in progress CD for me - but the cost of shipping
it back to me was very high. He also felt that to make CDs with the
digitally remastered recording was not a good idea unless we made it a
6 CD set - which meant having to record a bunch of new material. Great
idea, but I haven't had the expertise or time to do that - and he didn't
really want to anyway since he believes that CDs are a thing of the past.
He has run into numerous problems in the Philippines - including power
outages for days at time that are both scheduled and unscheduled - and
been under enormous pressure in recent years to keep afloat financially.
So, here was this guy who had done all this work for me for free and
was under lots of pressure - so any time I need something from him
(like to send out my e-mail announcements to the 3000 or so e-mail
addresses that he has but I lost in converting to my new computer
- or to get him to send out links for downloads that people buy) it
puts more pressure on him and makes me very reluctant to ask.
First of all, The new CDs of Codependence: The Dance
of Wounded Souls with the digitally remastered sound quality (and
track marks and all that good stuff) are in the final stages of
production. I should have them in a week to ten days - but to
celebrate my birthday I am going to start preselling them today.
Listening to my book is a quite different experience from reading it
- and many people like to experience both. Here is the info
page: CD page
So, we have had the digitally remastered
version of the recording for some years now - and had I had
the money I could have gotten CDs professionally produced at
any time. What made it possible to make them now, is a phone
counseling client who is a photographer and makes wedding movies
and such. He offered to see what he could do with the download
- and was able to produce a 4 CD set of them. I am now trading
him phone counseling for the work he is doing - although his costs are
going to be more than that, and I will be paying him more when it is possible.
After starting this project several months ago, he got inundated with
work and is now under a lot of pressure and stress in his life. So,
his work on the project has been slow because of not having the time.
And he will be making the master and the first 50 CD sets for me - but after
that I need to find a way to get them produced out here because it doesn't
make any sense for him to be burning them one at a time which greatly
increases the costs per CD. Once I have the master I will be able
to get a quantity of CDs reproduced at very cheap rates - if I have the
money to pay up front for them (can get 1000 CDs made for $990.) (It turned out that trying to make track marks didn't work
and then he didn't have time to do the 50 sets. He made some sets
and sent me the packaging for the rest of the first 50 sets - and now I have
to burn the CDs and package them. I have enough packaging for another
dozen or so sets and more will be revealed about what I do then.)
So, I am going to have some sets of the
CD within a week or so. It won't really start producing
much extra income however until I can start selling them through
Amazon.com and my national distributor to book stores - which
means I will need more than 50 copies. And the print on demand
type of sites I have found only do 1 CD music videos - not 4 CD audio
books. Not sure how I am going to be able to get them produced
in quantity, but at least we got the first major step taken care
of and will have it available. (It would
be great if I could get a quantity of them produced - a definite income
boost would be possible with having a supply sufficient to sell them
through various outlets.) Hurrah! More Will Be Revealed
about the next step.
Secondly, we are making the recording of
my Intensive Training Day Workshop that we made in February available as
an audio download mp3. It is a raw live recording (so you can hear
me ask Susan if we are still recording and such things in the
course of it) but the sound quality is good and I finally have a
recorded version of it. Eventually we are going to add a voice
over introduction and voice overs announcing the end of each of the
4 hour long segments and such - but for the rest of June (actually turned out to be indefinitely) we are
selling it as is (for the lowest price it will ever be available for.)
There is also a downloadable 42 page pdf Companion Guide that is not
a workbook - but it does contain assignments and suggestions, examples
and descriptions, designed to help people to learn to apply my pioneering
formula for spiritual integration and emotional balance into their
lives. Here is the page to check out the recording of
Robert Burney's Spiritual Integration Workshop
(aka Robert Burney Raw;-)
So, we have a recording of the Intensive
now. Great news!!! I have actually had the thought
that it would be really sad and tragic if something happened
to me and there would be no record of what I share with people
in my Intensives. The approach, my formula, for the inner healing
work that I share in the Intensive is something I have written
extensively about on my website - but the way my Intensive presentation
has evolved is different in many ways from the articles on my site.
This is what I say about it in the pdf companion guide to the recording
- referring to the book I mention later on in the Special Announcement
which I hope to have published soon.
"That book is called: Codependency Recovery:
Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light Book 1: Empowerment, Freedom,
and Inner Peace through Inner Child Healing (aka A Formula
for Spiritual Integration and Emotional Balance) - and I hope
to have it published within a month through a print on demand
service. It is a compilation of writings from my website that
I published up through 2006. Presenting the information in my
Intensive Training Day workshops and to clients in phone counseling
has brought about an evolution of the way in which I communicate about
this formula - such that, though it is all the same process and dynamics,
there are ways I am saying things in my workshop that I have never said
in quite the same way in my writing.
And the reality is we
still don't have a really professional video or audio recording
- but we do have this "raw" recording. We did film the same
workshop we recorded in February. Unfortunately we were filming
on a camera that took hour long tapes. While trying to convert
that film to digital format, Susan accidentally erased the first tape.
So, we still have film of the remainder of the workshop which hopefully
we will be able to get some youtube videos out of eventually - but we
don't have the whole thing filmed.
Since my personal inner child healing has
been so successful that I went from living in isolation with
a relationship phobia to approaching the 6th anniversary (June
15th) of living with someone in an intimate relationship (that
became a marriage in January 2011) that has included the precious gift
of being the primary caregiver in raising an amazing little boy for
the past 5 plus years (my wife's grandson who is now 6 1/2) - I don't
have time to write much these days. I have wanted to share the
information from my Intensive Training Day with people but have not had
the financial resources to get a professional video or audio recording
of it up to now." - Companion Guide to Robert Burney Raw
Because we were dealing with hour long
tapes, I had to restructure the workshop somewhat.
Normally I take questions during the course of the presentation
- and those questions often send me off on tangents in which I tell
stories from my recovery to explain how I learned certain information
or examples of how the process worked or works in my life.
Since we were dealing with hour long segments, I asked people
to wait until the end of the hour to ask questions so that I could
really focus on getting all the basic information about the formula
included and not miss anything - because sometimes the tangents
take me far afield or into advanced areas that would make it harder
for someone listening to a recording to get the basic formula (or so
I was thinking.) I normally actually appoint someone in the
group to keep track of where I was at when I go off on a tangent.
The effect that asking people to hold questions in this Intensive however,
was that no one asked any questions. Thus there are 4 hours
of recording instead of between 5 and 5 1/2 hours that the Intensive
normally entails. But it is still a recording that has all of the
basic information that I share about my formula for inner child / inner
healing / spiritual integration - so I am sure it will have great value
to people who aren't in a position to travel to my Intensive.
I am really hoping that sometime in the
not too distant future we will have the resources to do a professional
filming of it so that we can have a DVD of the Intensive available.
More Will Be Revealed about that also.
. . . . The other thing I wanted to announce is that
I am in the final stages of getting ready to publish my next book
through a print on demand service that Amazon.com offers.
The publication of Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in
The Light Book 1: Empowerment, Freedom, and Inner Peace through
Inner Child Healing (aka A Formula for Spiritual Integration and Emotional
Balance) in both paperback and e-book format will hopefully happen
before the end of this month. This will be the first of at least
3 books that I want to publish this year if all goes as planned.
Part of the empowerment that comes from
learning to stop giving power to the critical parent voice is
that we own the power to choose where to focus our mind.
Our default ego programming is to focus on the part of the glass
that is empty - because our ego learned to relate to life from
fear and shame. Some people react to that default programming
by going to the other extreme - pretending the glass is completely
full and nothing is empty. That is not the Truth either.
The Truth is that the glass is always part full and part empty.
The thing I realized on the night of June 3rd 1986,
was how the subconscious intellectual programming from my childhood
was running my life. That when things were going “bad”
and I was feeling “bad” I was beating myself up unmercifully at the
same time I was desperately rationalizing that someone else or some
thing (the system, whatever) was to blame - and that any time anything
good was happening in my life, I was holding my breath, waiting for
the other shoe to drop. I realized that my childhood programming
was causing me to sabotage good things because I couldn't stand the
suspense of waiting for them to be taken away because of my unworthiness.
That horrifying insight is why I made a conscious commitment that night
to find out how to stop allowing that childhood programming to run
The formula that I discovered for inner child healing
/ codependency recovery / spiritual integration allowed me to
make a 180% shift in how I lived my life. What I learned to
do is recognize that when things aren't feeling "good" or looking
"good" in my life was the time I most needed to be kind and nurturing,
compassionate and patient, with my self - and that when things were
feeling good I needed to enjoy the heck out of it because "this too
shall pass." Life is constantly changing and getting different
- and I needed to stop taking it so personally and seriously.
By learning how to stop allowing the old tapes /
childhood programming and emotional wounds to define and dictate,
translate and interpret, my experience of life, I have gained the
capacity to be present for my life journey with the ability to be happy,
Joyous, and free in the moment. I have had the capacity to
be open to experience so much Joy and Love in the moment over these
last 25 years it is just mind boggling.
That I was guided to find a way to change my experience
of life is an awesome, incredible gift. That I was also given
the ability to communicate what I have learned to other people
in a way that allows them to change their experience with life -
and relationship with self - into one more aligned with Love is truly
a blessing. I am soooo grateful for recovery.
With wishes of Happy Birthday to me - and Joy &
Love 2 all of us,
By learning to have internal boundaries
we can own that we have the power to choose to focus on the
part of the glass that is full (gifts in our life, things we are
grateful for, progress we have made, miracles along the way) but
we also do not deny, or judge and shame ourselves for the part that is
empty (things in our life that we want and don't have, things we don't
like about our self and our life, uncomfortable feelings of grief or
anger that come from being conscious and willing to look at our issues
and see life with more clarity.) We can choose to align intellectually
with Truth & Love & Joy - at the same time we don't deny that
there is pain and fear and grief and anger about how screwed up this
human life experience is sometimes. We can accept that we are
not perfect - and are never going to do human perfect - at the same
time we know that we are Unconditionally Loved in this moment, always
have been, always will be. And that we are perfectly where we
are supposed to be on our spiritual path - and are being guided home.
We are works in progress and we are not the Artist.
With wishes of Joy & Love 2 all of
us Magnificent Spiritual Beings who are presently in human
form as works in progress here in this boarding school of life,
|Mon Jul 25, 2011 8:41 am
Update I promised Message to Yahoo Mailing list
Happy Monday morning to a Kindred Spirit,
Here is the Update I promised last week.
"I will let you all know what is happening next week.
It will be exciting to get my proof copy of the book tomorrow morning.
I will probably just order 20 or so books instead of the 100 - we shall
see. More will be revealed."
As of 8 am on Monday morning I have sold 8 of my new
books - and gotten two donations / birthday gifts totaling $40.
One person took advantage of the cheap phone counseling rates on
the special offers page to purchase 3 sessions. One person bought
the audio download of the Intensive recording. Those are all
good things, but obviously I still need all the help I can get.
Please God / Goddess / Great Spirit kick down a little help! Please!
My proof copy did come in and looks great. I
first ordered 25 books and when I got to check out and saw how expensive
that was going to be, I opted for the cheapest mode of shipping -
so those won't be here until August 4th. Then I ordered 10 at the fast
rate - and those will be here this coming Wednesday 27th. Then
this morning - since I have already sold 8 - I ordered another 5 at a
faster rate that will be here on Friday 29th.
Financial abundance is flowing into my life easily and
effortlessly, freely and abundantly.
I now have enough time, money, wisdom, and energy to
accomplish all of my desires.
The Light within me is creating miracles in my life
here and now.
Abundance is my natural state of being. I accept it
I send Love to my fears. My fears are the places
within me that await my Love.
Large, rich, opulent, lavish, sumptuous financial surprises
are now manifesting in my life and I am very, very grateful!
We are all miracles - and we deserve miracle in our
Miracles 2 You & Me,
Thu Jul 28, 2011 10:21
am Latest Update Message to Yahoo Mailing list
Happy Thursday morning to a member of my Spiritual Tribe,
Updating on unfolding situation. As I mentioned
"As of 8 am on Monday morning I have sold 8 of my new
books - and gotten two donations / birthday gifts totaling $40.
One person took advantage of the cheap phone counseling rates on
the special offers page to purchase 3 sessions. One person
bought the audio download of the Intensive recording."
Now, as of 10 am on Thursday morning, I have sold 4
more books - for a total of 12. No more gifts or phone counseling
or any other sales.
So, not sure where the rent is going to come from -
especially if the government shuts down and I don't get my social
security check on the 3rd. For months now, I have been
paying the first half of the months rent ($800) right at the end of
the month - mostly from my Amazon sales - and the second half of the
rent (i.e. the second half of July's rent on August 3rd - thank God
for a patient landlord) when my social security comes in. Part
of the challenge right now is that my Amazon sales have been way down
for the last few months. For the 10 months prior to May I was averaging
almost $540 a month with a high of $699.92 (in March for February sales
- that was 104 books sold at $6.73 per book the 35% that I get for sales
through Amazon or book stores.) The May and June sales were way
down - with June, which I just got paid for this - being only 47 books
for a total of $316.31.) I have never really figured out any rhyme
or reason with the Amazon sales - that is, I can't see where anything I
do affects the sales.
The income from my national distributor which sells
to book stores is call New Leaf. The sales through them (book
stores order from them and I never know what book stores or what really
drives those sales either.) It has averaged about $220 a month
(also paid at the end of the month after the sales occur) but was only
$121.14 this month.
The other factor financially right now is tied into
my dysfunctional way of doing business. Besides making 250
pages of content free on the internet, I also do phone counseling
with people in a way that is dysfunctional from a business perspective.
That is, the work I do with people is basically designed to help them
to become empowered to follow their own internal guidance and know that
they don't need to rely on me or anyone else to find their own Truth and
follow their own Path. Typically the majority of my phone clients
are short term because within a month or two they get enough tools and
insight into how to integrate the formula I teach them, that they don't
feel the need to keep calling on a regular basis. Some people who
are living in stressful situations or have some other reason, will do
more long term - but normally there is a lot of turn over in my phone clients.
And lately I haven't been getting new clients while many of the people
I was working with have felt empowered enough to discontinue regular sessions.
That combination of factors has put paying the rent
this month a precarious proposition. More Will Be Revealed
about where it is going to come from. I Know there is a perfect
plan unfolding and that things will work out somehow, someway.
I also know that I need to keep planting the seeds. Which brings
to mind a story that I heard years ago, but had never written about
until working on this new book - and I included the story in it.
"Reading this over as I was editing it for publication
brought a story to mind. It is a story of a guy who wanted
a garden. He went out on his piece of land and started praying for
a garden. Then he went out again the next day and spent the day praying
for a garden. And then the next day. And then the next week, and the
next week. After weeks of praying he got very frustrated and one day
he cried out, "God, where is my garden?"
So, this is me planting seeds.
Hoping that putting it out to the Universe - and some people who value
my work and have been supportive in the past - that I need a miracle
right now in whatever form, whether it be an eskimo sending a birthday
gift or some new phone counseling clients or some other types of sales.
I don't think it is part of the Universal Plan that we get evicted right
now - but it is not impossible. More Will Be Revealed. I
will post another update early in the week.
A voice from heaven replied, "My son, you have to plant
the seeds." We need to take actions in the direction we want to
go, towards the things we want to create - but we can't control
the outcome. We need to take the actions and keep letting go of buying
into thinking we will not be okay without that outcome, without reaching
that destination." - Chapter 22 Codependency Recovery: Wounded
Souls Dancing in The Light
Still having lots of moments of Joy and a lot of inner
peace despite external circumstances - wishing the same for you,
Mon Aug 22, 2011 10:46 am
New Update message to Yahoo Mailing List
Burney August 13
We went to Three Dog Night
concert last night - chokes me up every time I hear the
song that marked a milestone in my path.
"Joy to the fishes
in the deep blue sea and Joy to you and me. . . . At a time when
I had never experienced what I know now is True Joy in my
life - I was given the message that my path was about Joy and
carrying a message of Joy to you and me. The name of my company
was born that day." The Path of one Recovering Codependent -the dance
of one wounded soul The Story of "Joy to You & Me"
Hello Kindred Spirit on my Yahoo mailing list,
First the good news. Darien's Dad is here on a short
visit from Afghanistan. Darien hasn't seen him in two years
and was so excited to see him. He went to Alaska first (where he
has been stationed for the last few years - which is why Darien hasn't
seen him in 2 years) and got engaged to the woman he was seeing there
and brought her down with him. She seems to be really good for
him and has gotten Susan's seal of approval. He just got here yesterday
and has to leave on Wednesday - but it is great for Darien to see him.
Now for the not so good news - to update the unfolding
situation. I added this paragraph to my Working the Third Step
page on the 12th.
"I ended up getting a total of $300 in donation / gifts.
I did not sell any more of the new books until day before yesterday.
A couple of people who were going to buy more phone sessions anyway, took
advantage of the sale price. Those were the only direct results
of this appeal. Indirectly - manifestations that came from the
Universe in response to my call for help - I had 3 new people sign
up for phone counseling - although two of them only bought a single session
so far. And a person who was in town for a conference did an in
person session which helped with paying the rent. Have gotten July's
rent paid now. Still no money for reprinting the book or making
new copies of the CDs - although I do have enough of them now to fill
all the orders that had come in. More will be revealed as the month
Now it is the morning of the 22nd. I am in a lot
of pain this morning. It has been days at a time with no sales
of any kind. No more donations have come in. I sold another
copy of Dancing in The Light on Friday - so that brings total to 16
books. I was so sure that I would sell a bunch of them as soon
as it was published. I finally got enough copies of the CD to fill
the orders I already had (although I had to space out mailing them
because of not being able to afford to mail them all at once) - and now
have a good quality clean copy - as soon as I get the money to burn some
more I will start selling them again. I have gotten no new phone
clients since the 3 I mentioned on the 12th. Someone signed up
for my Intensive on the 28th - but now I only have 2 people signed up.
I have to decide today whether I need to cancel it or not. Three
phone counseling clients who were doing regular appointments had to stop
because of finances.
This week there are a bunch of bills coming due.
Starting with Electric bill tomorrow. And when I say coming
due, I mean that we are two months behind and tomorrow is the day I
have to pay the past due month or they will cut of the electricity.
Someone bought two copies of The Dance this morning, so that money will
be in Wednesday - and if I wait long enough in the day tomorrow I can
probably pay that and hope that it doesn't go through before the money
coming in Wednesday. Not sure what I am going to do with any of
the other bills - or with groceries and such either.
The last few nights I have been waking up regularly and
praying every time for the Universe to kick down some money.
I have had special offers posted for over a week for both my workshop
and my two books and the recording of the workshop with both books -
and no takers so far. I am in a lot of pain this morning even though
I still have faith that things will work out somehow. I have
said for years that I have great Faith in the perfection of my Higher
Power's plan but I don't always like the details of it. Or the
timing sometimes, since I often get what I need at what feels to me
like the "last fucking minute." It seems like the last minute right
now - so I have to take the action of putting it out to the Universe that
I need help. I so hate having to do this again - but am willing to
surrender to what I need to do. More Will Be Revealed as usual.
This is one of those times where I get to practice my
dubious honor of being able to role model that it is okay to be
human. Here is an excerpt from a news addendum to my Update Newsletter
in the summer of 2000 when I was presented with the possibility that
I was going to be homeless again.
"There are times however, when life events feel emotionally
battering. When the experience of life feels abusive.
When if feels as if my Higher Power is being sadistic and anything
but Loving. The tools still work at times like that - but they
work in terms of giving me the patience to know that this too shall
pass. They work to help me be gentle and kind to myself at times
when I am very uncomfortable emotionally. If I try to force myself
out of an emotionally uncomfortable place, then I am being judgmental
and abusive to myself. I need to be able to accept wherever I am
at - no matter how uncomfortable.
That was a very painful and scary period in my recovery - and it was
followed by a miracle in September when someone sent me a donation
to the cause that allowed me to get the small garage apartment in Cambria
where I did so much of my writing over the next 5 years. (Something
I talk about in the most important - to me - Update Newsletter I ever
wrote, the one from October 2000 which there is a link to at the bottom
of the page just quoted.)
In those times, I need to allow myself to do whatever
it takes to make it through the day without abusing and shaming myself.
. . . It also brought up grief from the past, for the many other times
I have been in a similar position of feeling like my Higher Power was
abandoning me. That fear and pain can be overwhelming at times.
In those times when life feels emotionally battering,
it can be very hard to stay out of a victim place. It very
much feels like I am the victim - either of an unavailable and unloving
Higher Power, or of my own shameful, defective being. . . .
By allowing myself to go through the process:
to do some grief and anger work when
to take positive actions to nurture
myself, and plant seeds that could possibly meet my future needs,
when that was possible;
to not try to force myself into a different
emotional space just because I was judging that there was something
wrong with the one I was in;
to keep working on being patient with
myself and my process while affirming the positive and my faith in
- I emerged from that space into one of being more creatively
and positively centered again. The outside conditions - that
is, the unknown factors about the future in terms of finances and
lodging - have not changed, but my attitude towards them, and therefore
my relationship with what is happening in my life has shifted.
I forced myself to be patient with myself. I forced myself to
do positive affirmations. I worked on not giving power to judgment
about what was happening, and did not try to force my feelings to
change - but rather worked on changing my relationship with them.
I was not in that negative emotional space because I was
doing something wrong, or because something is defective about who
I am. I went through that experience - am going through this experience
- because it was a perfect part of the Universal plan in some way.
I went through it so I could learn and grow. Probably, part
of the reason I went through it was so I could write about it and therefore
perhaps give some of you who read this a little more permission to
be human - and a little more patience with yourself and this recovery
process." - News of the Adventure, June & July 2000
The situation that I am going through now, is a time when
I have sometimes felt emotionally battered by life. I have
this year focused on taking action to provide more cash flow by creating
new products out of the resources (my writing) that I already have.
First the CD project turned into a nightmare. Then I got the recording
available - and have sold only a few of them. Now the Dancing
in The Light book that I was so sure would sell lots of copies.
It feels like the harder I try, the worse things have gotten. That
is just a feeling - but it is a strong feeling at times. And it
is very important for me to own the pain that I feel - and acknowledge the
fear that is not far from the surface most of the time. If I don't
do that I am denying my feelings. Just to proclaim my faith and
do positive affirmations without owning the feelings is not healthy or
honest. We don't want to put frosting on a shit cake - to borrow
a phrase Susan picked up in Landmark.
I don't let the feelings define me because I stand up
to the critical parent voice that is telling me that being in this
position is my fault, because I am unworthy and defective - but I
also don't deny the feelings. I accept them and move through
them by telling myself that it is going to be okay - because deep
down I Know it is somehow. But for some moments of this morning
it hasn't felt that way - and I needed to cry and sob. Now I am
taking the action of putting the word out to the Universe (and to some
Eskimos and Angels on my e-mail list) that I need help. The help
will come from some place - and I don't need to know today where that
will be. I don't need to know today how I will pay the bills this
week or the rent next week. I am already feeling much better because
I am affirming to myself as I own the feelings that everything is going
to be okay. I am planting seeds - and something will grow.
What it will be is in the More Will Be Revealed realm right now.
Love 2 You & Me,
|The next day I posted the following on Facebook.
|"There are times when life events feel emotionally
by Robert Burney on Tuesday, August 23,
2011 at 9:29am ·
"There are times however, when
life events feel emotionally battering. When the experience
of life feels abusive. When if feels as if my Higher
Power is being sadistic and anything but Loving. The tools
still work at times like that - but they work in terms of giving
me the patience to know that this too shall pass. They work
to help me be gentle and kind to myself at times when I am very uncomfortable
emotionally. If I try to force myself out of an emotionally uncomfortable
place, then I am being judgmental and abusive to myself. I
need to be able to accept wherever I am at - no matter how uncomfortable."
- News of the Adventure, June & July 2000
This is part of a quote from
an Update Newsletter that I included yesterday in an update
I added to my Working the Third Step / ASKing for Help page
Earlier in the Newsletter quoted is this
"It has just been so incredibly
valuable for me to develop a level of consciousness from
which I am observing myself. This is really the essential
technique that allows me to have internal boundaries so that I
can own my power to make choices instead of setting myself up to
create a very negative emotional space by buying into the belief
that I am the victim. Through having a detached observer within
me, I can have a boundary between the emotional and the mental -
between my feelings and my thoughts. There are often going to
be times in life when I feel like a victim. The child within me,
who was taught that life was about right and wrong - and if I was wrong
I would be punished - reacts to life events not unfolding as I want,
by feeling like I am being punished, like I am a bad boy. The
core place within me where I feel unworthy and unlovable, the inner
child who was taught that if I did life right I would be rewarded
by living happily ever after, reacts to life events and other people's
behavior out of the feeling that I am shamefully defective somehow.
It is reaction to the intense pain of feeling shameful and defective
that I developed my codependent defense system of either blaming
others or blaming myself and trying to kill the pain and shame with
substances - it is the fear of that pain and shame that causes me to
try to control life and other people." - News of the Adventure, June
& July 2000
Developing internal boundaries
between the mental and emotional - so that we don't allow
how we feel to define our life for us (at the same time we are
shutting up the critical parent voice) - is a vital part of gaining
some freedom from letting the old wounds and old tapes define our
experience of life. It is the combination of learning to have
internal boundaries along with integrating a Loving Spiritual Belief
system into our inner process that makes the approach to inner healing
- that I teach people in my workshop and in telephone counseling
and in my books - work to greatly improve the quality of our life experience.
As I say in one of my articles:
“Codependency recovery / inner
child healing is a way of life. It is a way to live life that
works. It works to help . . . gain some freedom from the past.
It is a path for living that . . . creates the space . . . to be
present in the moment and be happy to be alive - to connect with
Joy - some of the time. It is not something we do and then get
on with our lives. It is something we do in order to Truly be alive.”
- Recovery from Codependency / Inner Child Healing
So, I ended up saying all that
as a prelude to sharing a quote from my book in which I talk
about getting battered and bruised on our Spiritual Path - this
quote is what came to mind for me this morning when thinking
about feeling "battered" by life. This is an example of the
Spiritual Truth that it was invaluable for me to integrate into
my relationship with life.
to Richard Bach's Illusions contains a story about a colony
of creatures clinging to the bottom of a stream. Here is a paraphrasing
of that story.
go of the rocks - living outside the Matrix - can be terrifying
and very painful at times. What is important is to own the feelings
without letting them define us. We are here to do this
healing so that we can own who we really are and integrate the Truth
into our relationship with self and life. Here are a couple of
more quotes from my book.
day one of those creatures became bored with the life of clinging
and decided to see what would happen if he let go and got swept
up into the stream. He wanted to see where the stream would
of the other creatures laughed at him and made fun of him. "You
can't let go of the rocks, you'll just get battered and bruised!"
"It's insane to let go of the rocks!"
creature, though, wanted more out of life than just clinging
to the rocks. He wanted to find out where the stream went.
So he let go of the rocks - and sure enough he got battered and
bruised and had to grab ahold again.
of the other creatures ridiculed and laughed at him.
he said, "I am going to try again. I believe that the stream knows
where it is going. I want to see where the stream will
take me." So he let go again - and he got battered and bruised
again. And then he let go again, and again, and again.
time he got a little less battered and bruised. Each time
he got a little closer to being swept up in the stream.
finally one day he had let go enough times that he did get swept
up into the stream. He was caught in the flow of the stream
and swept forward.
he flew along with his heart full of Joy and excitement he passed
over another colony of clinging creatures that was downstream.
looked up at him and cried, "Behold! There is a creature
like us and he is flying! It must be the Messiah!"
looked back at them and shouted as he was heading down stream,
"No! You don't understand. You can fly, too, all you have to
do is let go. You are as much messiahs as I am."
is what this is all about! The second coming has begun!
Not of "The Messiah,' but of a whole bunch of messiahs. The
messiah - the liberator - is within us! A liberating, Healing
Transformational Movement has begun. "The Savior' does
not exist outside of us - "The Savior" exists within.
are the sons and daughters of God. We, the old souls,
who are involved in this Healing Movement, are the second coming
of the message of Love.
have entered what certain Native American prophecies call the
Dawning of the Fifth World of Peace. Through focusing on
our own healing the planet will be healed.
all have available to us - within - a direct channel to the Highest
Vibrational Frequency Range within The Illusion. That
highest range involves consciousness of the Glory of ONENESS.
It is called Cosmic Consciousness. It is called Christ Consciousness.
is the energy that Jesus was tuned into, and he stated very plainly,
'These things that I do, you can do also." - by atoning, by tuning
have access to the Christ Energy within. We have begun the
Second Coming of the message of Love.
dawning of the Age of Healing and Joy is the dawning of the Fifth
World of Peace when humans will learn to walk in balance and harmony.
that is some pretty wonderful news, wouldn't you say?" - Codependence:
The Dance of Wounded Souls
"Life is not some kind of test,
that if we fail, we will be punished. We are not human
creatures who are being punished by an avenging god. We
are not trapped in some kind of tragic place out of which we have
to earn our way by doing the “right” things.
are Spiritual Beings having a human experience. We are here
to learn. We are here to go through this process that is life.
We are here to feel these feelings."
"state of Grace" is the condition of being Loved unconditionally
by our Creator without having to earn that Love. We are Loved
unconditionally by the Great Spirit. What we need to
do is to learn to accept that state of Grace.
way we do that is to change the attitudes and beliefs within us
that tell us that we are not Lovable. And we cannot do that
without going through the black hole. The black hole that
we need to surrender to traveling through is the black hole of our
grief. The journey within - through our feelings - is the journey
to knowing that we are Loved, that we are Lovable.
is through willingness and acceptance, through surrender, trust,
and faith, that we can begin to own the state of Grace which
is our True condition.
are all beautiful swans who exist in a state of Grace, in a condition
of being unconditionally Loved. The dance of Recovery
is a process of learning to accept and integrate the Truth of
Grace into our lives.
goal in this Age of Healing and Joy is integration and balance.
To integrate the Spiritual Truth into our physical experience so that
we can fill the hole inside and find wholeness within. As
we integrate our True Spiritual nature into our relationship with
our physical being we can begin to achieve some balance and harmony
with and between all of the parts of our being.
age is a time for growing and learning, a time to become conscious
of the True nature of the Source Energy, a time of Spiritual
Awakening. We have been given the wonder-full gift of having
the ability and the tools to start integrating the Truth of a Loving
Universal Force into our day-to-day experience of life. We
now have the knowledge and guidance that we need to start bringing some
balance to our relationships - with ourselves and our God/Goddess,
with other people and the planet - so that we can live in a way that
allows us to experience some Peace and Love on our life path.
can heal our wounded souls enough to change the dance of life
from a dance of endurance and suffering to a dance that celebrates
living. We now have access to the power to transform the
dance of Codependence to a dance of healing and Joy."
- Codependence: The Dance
of Wounded Souls
Grateful acknowledgment is made for permission
to quote from: Illusions "The Adventures of a Reluctant
Messiah" by Richard Bach. Copyright 1977 by Creature Enterprises,
Inc. Reprinted in Codependence: The Dance of Wounded
Souls by Robert Burney by permission of Bantam Doubleday Dell,
New York, NY.
We are trying to find Susan's
daughter - Darien's mother.
I filed a missing persons
report on my Daughter Rosaline Hinesley aka Rose Marquez.
I have not heard from her since June 18th. She was last seen
with _____ If you have seen her please call Encinitas Sheriff's
station at 769-966-3500. or contact me. I invite all of your
prayers. Thank you September 14, 2011
Robert Burney (something I
added to her post on my Facebook wall) She is 23 - and has some warrants
for the wreckage of her past. She has basically been hiding for awhile
- but had been contacting her mother every few weeks to let her know
she was okay. Now we haven't heard from her in a couple of months - which
is why we are so concerned.
Yesterday my beautiful wife
took off for Salt Lake City to try to track down her
Daughter. As I was on phone helping her find hotel in Vegas,
her daughter called on other phone. She is alive and safe and
not in Utah. We are relieved and grateful and Susan decided this
meant her HP wanted her to spend a few days in Vegas. ;-)
February 25th - The reason Susan
was able to make this trip was she had just gotten a pay day loan - one
of those loans with outrageous interest that payments have to be made on
pay day. She got two of those in the last year - so we are making
payments on those loans as well as the car loan and the regular bills. That
is something else to add to my wish list - that we can pay off those outrageous