It has been almost 9 months since my last Update - a new record time
in between for me. A lot has happened - and there have been great changes
in our lives. Mostly internal changes, but some significant external
ones as well.
February 4th, 2010 3:12 AM
"It is always amazing to me when I stop to think about it, how much Joy I am able to feel in my day to day life - and what a sense of peace and faith underlies my experience of life - because of my codependency recovery. A quote that I heard in early recovery that I have mentioned often in my writing comes to mind: "Serenity isn't freedom from the storm, it is peace amidst the storm." Well the storm of life is ongoing here in Southern California. Especially the walking the financial edge storm that the economic crises brought on the end of last year. It is a good thing that Susan is working so hard, because we wouldn't still be floating without her willingness to drive to Orange County and work 5 days a week." - August 2009 Update Newsletter
The great news about the last mention in this quote, is that Susan's office moved down to Carlsbad this weekend - so she won't have the long commute to work any more. Hurray for that one! Her being away so much of the time was part of the dynamic of our life that created the conditions that made possible the situation that developed late last summer and early fall in our lives and in our relationship. The shit storm of fertilizer that hit us in October and November was truly a "hell" of a lot of pain - and brings up sobs for me this morning as I write about it.
"When Susan gave me my 26 year token at an AA meeting she said that us standing up there together was proof of the miracles possible when two people are in recovery. She said that "we went through hell" this last year and now our relationship has never been so good - or something to that effect. (The part in quotes is a direct quote.)" - Romantic Relationships and Valentine's Day 2010And those conditions and that situation were a perfect part of our path. As I talk about in the article I posted on Valentine's Day, we were able to make it through a blast furnace of pain that reshaped and transformed our relationship - and allowed me to completely open up my heart to another adult human being for the first time in my adult life.
"In my early writings about the relationship, I talked about how I had opened my heart to her in a way I had never done to another person - and how I was able to Love in the moment in the way I described in my Wedding Prayer / Meditation on Romantic Commitment in reality and not just in theory - and those things were true to the extent I was capable of loving at that time. But the level to which I had opened my heart and was capable of Loving then was minuscule in comparison with where I am at now. I have tried to think of analogies - like the difference between a drop of water and all the water in the pond; a grain of sand to all the sand on the beach; being in preschool as opposed to getting my third Ph.D.; my level of consciousness at 30 days sober compared to at 26 years in recovery, etc. Obviously I am trying to convey that there has been a huge, quantum leap into dimensions and depths that I have never experienced before." - Romantic Relationships and Valentine's Day 2010I have mentioned previously that the Universe tricked me into this relationship to learn to open my heart - and that the first human being that I Truly opened my heart to was my precious step grandson and godson Darien. It was on the page I have dedicated to him, that I originally shared this huge breakthough that Susan and I had in our relationship. After first posting it there, I then decided to make the Valentine's Day article a separate page to share the story of the breakthrough that led to our transformation.
"It is still quite scary at times, being so vulnerable from having opened my heart to her so much - as I am sure it is also for her - but we are going forward enjoying this new closeness, this new much deeper intimacy, and this new more mature Love that comes from having worked through issues that would have destroyed most relationships." - Romantic Relationships and Valentine's Day 2010I can Truly look back on what happened now and be very grateful for how it unfolded and the opportunity it presented us to work through our fear of intimacy issues and open our hearts to each other in such a spectacular way - but that doesn't mean all the grief and pain is gone. Knowing that an event or situation in the past was a perfect part of our Spiritual Path that helped us to get to a better place, doesn't make the pain we experienced at the time disappear. We gradually heal our emotional wounds, so they don't get triggered so often, and don't have as much power when they do get triggered - but the wound doesn't go away completely. And, as I mention in the article, the very deep issues that I uncovered in relationship to my father are something I still need to do some processing about at some point. I am not sure when I will get the time and space to do that - but undoubtedly it will be in working out a relationship with being a father that will force me to look at those issues more completely in the not to distant future.
We entered 2010 in this much more Loving relationship - and had a
period of time when we could enjoy each other's company with the seasoning
of Darien's brilliant presence through January and into February without
too many outside influences to complicate things. By the middle
of February however, the financial situation had grown desperate. Thus
the plea for help I sent out on February 18th.
"I desperately need to come up with an extra $2000 in the next week (extra meaning over and above what Susan and I will probably be making in that time) - to pay the rent, be able to keep Darien in his Montessori School, keep the untilities turned on, try to stop the car from being repossessed, and ultimately really, to keep the websites going.
The response was overwhelmingly positive. Most people weren't able to send anything, but did send good wishes and prayers - as well as thanks for having the courage to ask for help. There were a few people who responded very negatively and asked to be taken of the mailing list. There were also 3 or 4 people who wrote to say we should take Darien out of the Montessori School - that it was a luxury not a necessity. That couldn't be further from the truth.
We originally put him in that school because it was cheaper than
regular day care. And it has been a great experience for him - he
is so much more confident in socializing with other kids now, it is really
great. The main reason to put him in the school however was to give
me some time to work. I have almost no time to do any writing these
days (witness the need to do it in the early am) - and find it impossible
to do any kind of focused work that takes some concentration when his enthusiastic,
exhuberant little self is around.
"During the time he is in school - basically 9 until 3 - is the time I have to get things done. Then and early in the morning or late at night. (Last night - with the help of a tooth ache - I stayed up until about 2 working on this.) My mornings are centered around getting him dressed and ready and off to school - and once he gets home in the afternoon it is hard to do anything that takes very much concentration and focus because he wants attention and help with various things. Or he wants to be on my computer playing games - which means I can't be on my computer. The other day he changed the screen saver on my computer - 4 years old, and he is finding things on my computer that I didn't know were there. I used to have more time in the afternoon or evening to get some things done before Susan started this job - but now she isn't here near as much and is often pretty tired when she is." - Feb. 5, 2009 message to Yahoo Mailing list quoted in April 2009 Update Newsletter
It is between 9 and 3 on weekdays that I try to do most of my telephone
counseling appointments, get to the post office to mail off orders, do
the grocery shopping, etc., etc. He is a Joy and a blessing, but
it is challenging to get any work done when he is around. So, having
some time to myself is very important to me and keeping him in school was
not a luxury.
Other than the few negative responses, and the people who thought
him being in school was a luxury, the response was truly gratifying and
humbling - and at the same time reminded me of what a gift it is to be
able to have had a positive impact on so many peoples lives. It is
amazing how the internet has facilitated the opportunity to reach out and
touch other people's lives around the globe - to be able to share the message
and the Joy that it is my privilege to be a channel and a messenger for in
"Things were really quite desperate when I sent out my appeal for help on February18th. The response was Truly great and heart warming as I heard from so many of you about how valuable my work is to you, even though many of you were in no position to actually send any help. A number of people were able to actually send in small to moderate donations. Several people sent large amounts. And a large number of people took advantage of the special offers page to show their support through purchasing sessions, books, etc. It was a wonderful and very gratifying response that leaves me unable to put into words the gratitude and validation that I felt from all of you who responded. It was not enough to get us up to even (that would have required 5 figures of inflow) or to get us to the place where we could pay the rent in one sum (instead of two installments) or pay the bills on time (instead of running at least a month late) - but it was enough to relieve a great deal of pressure and did exceed what I was requesting significantly.
As I mention in this excerpt from the message to my Yahoo list, my son came to my last Intensive. That was a trip - to be talking about how we are wounded in childhood and have my son who was wounded by the way I lived my life, be sitting there listening to it. Very interesting, strange, and cool.
Having two more people in this small space we live in, is challenging.
It was such a relief for a long period of time last fall and thru
early winter that it was just the 3 of us - Susan and Darien and I -
living here. It was probably what made our huge breakthrough possible
also. Susan's daughter - Darien's mother - has lived with us on
and off since we moved down here in September 2006. The Divine Plan
unfolded in such a way as to keep her absent for a period of months last
fall and early winter - and it was what gave Susan and I the space to really
work through our issues.
Susan and her daughter have a very contentious relationship that
I have always had great difficulty with - that has always to me, posed
the biggest threat to my relationship with Susan. Now we not only
have that dynamic to deal with, but also my relationship with my son whom
I have never really had the time and space to develop a true relationship
with. The good news is that my son is making great progress - really
getting into recovery, getting with the program. I will talk in the
next section about my relationship with him.
The added challenge now, is that just as the dynamic between Susan
and her daugher is threatening to me at times - so to is the dynamic between
me and my son sometimes threatening to Susan now. Things got so much
more complicated when we took both of them in - not just financially, but
in terms of the kind of emotional dynamics and stress that can result
from having 5 people live in a small two bedroom, 1 bath house with lots
of emotional undercurrents swirling around and financial issues in play.
So, we are taking it one day at a time, trusting that the Divine
Plan is unfolding perfectly. We get lots of opportunities to practice
our recovery, to catch ourselves when we are in reaction, and find serenity
and happiness and Joy in the moment amidst the storm that is life.
We actually had quite an overt miracle this last week. When
Susan's mother died last fall, Susan's daughter inherited her grandmother's
favorite cat Sophie. Susan's daughter Melodie and her partner Bryce
live with Darien's 2 year old cousin about 3 blocks away from us. (There
are some pictures of Darien and his cousin Kiley, as well as one including
Melodie on the Darien page.) At some point a few months after getting
the cat, their landlord found about about it and demanded they get rid
of it because their lease forbids pets. So, the cat came to live
with us temporarily - two months ago. This is a cat that had spent
her whole life indoors, yet kept trying to sneak out of our house. A
cat who spent all of her time either sleeping, or meowing (yowling) insistently.
Alternately a real pest and a comforting presence, it was looking
like we were stuck with keeping the cat. Then last Friday night the
cat got out. Somehow, when one of the many people living here went
outside, she had snuck out and was nowhere to be found on Saturday morning.
When we first moved down here in September 2006, we had a cat that
snuck out and disappeared - probably snatched by coyotes. We were pretty
sure that this must have been what happened with Sophie.
On Monday morning, after having been away for the weekend, Melodie
went out into her backyard feeling some sadness about her cat being gone.
Then she heard a noise and looked over, and there was Sophie lying
on a sofa on her back porch. An all white cat that was almost not
recognizable because she was so dirty, somehow this elderly cat had found
it's way accross three cross streets to the very house that she had lived
in for only a couple of months a couple of months ago - and was able to
scale either a tall fence or a steep hillside to get into the back yard
of her own house. Amazing!!! Unbelievable!! A miracle to be
I have had so many miracles in my recovery (read Miracles
in my October 2005 Update if you haven't previously, to get
a little taste of the types of miracles that have Graced my path) - and
now I have another recovering person in my life - a beautiful, intelligent,
charismatic partner to share the miracles with me. I am so blessed
and so grateful - there aren't words big enough to describe my gratitude.
I wish for all of you the level of Joy and faith and inner peace
that my journey has brought me. I wish for you to be able to open
up to the Grace of finding the freedom to be happy and Joyous in the moment
no matter what is happening in your life. I wish Joy and Love and Abundance
to U & Me ~ Robert 5/5/10 6:49 am
"A "state of Grace" is the condition of being Loved unconditionally by our Creator without having to earn that Love. We are Loved unconditionally by the Great Spirit. What we need to do is to learn to accept that state of Grace.
The way we do that is to change the attitudes and beliefs within us that tell us that we are not Lovable. And we cannot do that without going through the black hole. The black hole that we need to surrender to traveling through is the black hole of our grief. The journey within - through our feelings - is the journey to knowing that we are Loved, that we are Lovable.
It is through willingness and acceptance, through surrender, trust, and faith, that we can begin to own the state of Grace which is our True condition.
We are all beautiful swans who exist in a state of Grace, in a condition of being unconditionally Loved. The dance of Recovery is a process of learning to accept and integrate the Truth of Grace into our lives.
The goal in this Age of Healing and Joy is
integration and balance. To integrate the Spiritual Truth into our
physical experience so that we can fill the hole inside and find wholeness
within. As we integrate our True Spiritual nature into our relationship
with our physical being we can begin to achieve some balance and harmony
with and between all of the parts of our being.
We can heal our wounded souls enough to change
the dance of life from a dance of endurance and suffering to a dance that
celebrates living. We now have access to the power to transform the
dance of Codependence to a dance of healing and Joy." - Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
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|My Yahoo mailing list is
something that I started in September 2007 for people who were interested
in more frequent updates than my periodic Update Newsletters. In
them I share the latest news about my web sites, work, and life. It
has worked out that I have sent out at least one every month since I started
this group. You can Click here to join
Joy_2_Me_U Below are the message that I sent out since my last
Update Newsletter in August 2009.
website and change to Intensive Training date Wed
Sep 16, 2009 3:29 am
To all the Radiantly Beautiful & Vibrantly Healthy Spiritual beings on my yahoo mailing list,
I am about to send out an announcement to my whole mailing list about the official launch of our eighth new website http://codependencerecovery.com/ and about a change in the date of the November Intensive Training Day workshop.
The Intensive in November is now going to be on the 28th instead of the 22nd. That is the Saturday after Thanksgiving instead of the Sunday before. I originally choose the Sunday date because we were supposed to be leaving on the Cruise to the Mexican Riviera on the weekend after Thanksgiving. Since we canceled that Cruise however and replaced it with one to the Western Caribbean leaving New Orleans in February, it made sense to change the Intensive date to right after Thanksgiving when many people have time off and can more easily attend.
The codependency recovery site is the one that includes the articles on Emotional Honesty and Emotional Responsibility that I mentioned in my last message to this list. The last two part article on my site that I just finished copy reading and editing is an article that grew into an online book. That book, which is now entitled Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light Book 2: A Dysfunctional Relationship with Life, is part of the subscription only section of Joy2MeU.com entitled Dancing in Light - and will sometime in the next couple of months become part of a new website dancinginlight.com that will also be a subscription site. I decided to leave these two articles up as stand alone articles because I think they give a good synopsis of my perspective of codependency. I am listing them on the new site by their original titles (since they are included here as stand alone articles.)
Here are a few of quotes from both of them that I am fond of ;-) - these first few are from the first article: The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages!
"So, I have been moved to post a web page here on Joy2MeU in direct response to the misinformation and ignorance that this man shows in his article on codependency - and also to use this as an example of how therapists and counselors (and sponsors as well) who are invested in a polarized belief system are set up to try to force their agenda on the people they work with. A counselor as codependent as this person seems to be from his article, will cajole, manipulate, and bully the people they work with to do what the codependent counselor believes is "right." And will then shame and abuse the people they are supposed to be helping if they do not meet the agenda he projects onto them. It is a sad fact that far too many counselors and therapists in our dysfunctional society are not in recovery from their childhood issues / codependency - and are being codependent, and sometimes abusive, in their counseling / therapy."and the following are from the second article The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages! Part 2 Romantic Relationships & Toxic Love ~ Marriage & Divorce
"When we look to a romantic relationship to give us worth, we give another person the power to make us feel good about ourselves, to feel worthy and lovable. The person who we have given that power to, usually becomes the person to blame when we do not feel good.In the article I am responding to his bemoaning the changes in society that caused the divorce rate to rise in the 70s - which I point out was largely connected with the Feminist Movement, and mention that there were some negative effects from the Feminist movement. I want to include a quote from an article of mine, that I do quote later in that online book - that addresses this.
"The Women's Movement caused many great and wonderful changes in society that have allowed women to start owning their individual worth and dignity - and has helped women to start seeing themselves as more than just extensions of men. Like any change that takes place however, there were both positive and negative affects. One of the negative affects of the Feminist Movement for many women is that they now feel that they are dependent on both relationship and career for their self worth. Many women feel that unless they are both successful in career, and in a romantic relationship, they are failures - because they are still looking externally for self worth.So, it was interesting for me to read those articles again - now I will be launching into editing and proof reading the material in the new dancinginlight.com, which will be a Herculean task.
The last time I made some changes on my website - the day after the last Intensive Training Day - I also updated my Information index page [which as I say on that page, "is an index page of informational pages (as opposed to content - except for the ones that do have content, like the Update Newsletters and the preview issue of Joy2MeU Journal) of codependency counselor/Spiritual teacher Robert Burney's web site Joy2MeU."] In doing so, I noticed an article on my site that I had forgotten I put up. I hadn't exactly forgotten I had added the writing to the site, but I thought I had added it as part of an Update Newsletter. I had even tried to find it a few weeks ago without success, because I was looking among the Update Newsletters. What I had forgotten was that I had added it to the site as a separate article. It is an article that is an abridged version of two articles from the story of my Spiritual Path / Recovery Journey from the Joy2MeU Journal. That series which I called: The Path of one Recovering Codependent ~ the dance of one wounded soul tells the inside story of my recovery. I had added an article from that series as part of an Update Newsletter in October 2005 as I was working on letting go of living in Cambria because of my new family situation (Darien wasn't quite 1 then - wow - and that Update talks about the new relationship situation.) In that article I talked about the miracles of early recovery that led me into working in recovery, going to treatment for codependency in 1988 and then paved the way for me to first move to Taos New Mexico and then to Cambria in 1989 - in an incredible succession of awesome Miracles (Update October 2005) that Truly taught me to have faith in my path.
The article that I had forgotten I had made as a separate web page, is a part of that same series of articles and is the story of me writing and later publishing the Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls. It is called Leap of Faith ~ Publishing The Dance - and I do have a link to it on my site index page, but it is a small link in the Journal section of that page. It is a slightly abridged version of the two part article that appears in the Joy2MeU Journal. Reading it again just now was quite a trip. It is really quite amazing how much recovery I cram into some of these articles about my path - as well as my Update Newsletters - and by that I mean sharing actual examples of recovery in action. Examples of letting go and surrender, of taking action despite the fear and how I have worked to change my old programming. It has been so wonderful over the years to have the opportunity to share my recovery - and then be able to reread it to remind myself of the miracles and intuitive guidance that helped me to learn the lessons and follow my path. It has been one incredible adventure - this recovery journey for me. I am profoundly grateful for it.
Rediscovering that article also reminded me of how the financial situation we are in got to be such a mess. I posted that article as part of sending out a request for donations to help keep my book in print one more time. The combination of not getting nearly as many donations as I had hoped, and the printing company printing a large print run without getting my final approval, put us in a real hard financial place last September. Then the bottom fell out of the economy shortly after that. I was thinking it was just the recession (that has cost me at least 20 phone counseling clients in the last 6 or 8 months - including 2 very recently that wanted to continue and couldn't financially) that was impacting us without remembering how the printing of the book had started our own personal recession several months earlier.
So, as usual, I ended up writing more than I was expecting to here. I miss writing - so it is nice to have the opportunity. I still do have unfinished writing projects that some day I hope to get to - maybe when Darien gets into regular school. Who knows.
So Vaya con Dios for now. I hope you are allowing your self moments of Joy in your day - and are able to occasionally touch on that place of feeling the peace that comes with having a level of faith where you Know that everything is going to be okay no matter what happens.
PS. I was in a store today and suddenly was hit with an emotional jolt when I tuned into the song that was playing in the background. It is a song that had great significance to me in my early recovery (something I talk about in my The second Newsletter of June 2003 Update.) I am not sure if this is a great quote just going into the fall of the year - but it seemed like a good reminder for me & U right now, because the Springtime of the Spirit definitely has arrived even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.;-)
When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snow
Lies a seed that with the suns love in spring becomes the rose
|New dates, new article, and cancellation
Mon Sep 28, 2009 12:07 am
Yo Spiritual Being full of Light and Love,
I posted the below New & News on the site Saturday evening - and thought I would fill you all on my yahoo list in about what is happening.
"Announcing the cancellation of the October 11th Intensive Training Day, the official launch of CodependenceRecovery.com our eighth new website, a new article added to Joy2MeU Emotional Incest Issues (new to this site was formerly available on another site), new dates in 2010 for Intensive Training Day workshops on February 20th and April 3rd. Also the latest batch of testimonials from people whose lives have been changed by my book, tapes, CDs, and website to the Testimonial page (some below) - and the latest phone counseling testimonials on the Phone Counseling Testimonials page"
I really didn't want to cancel the October Intensive, but it was something I needed to do. The only person signed up for it so far was someone who initially signed up for the March Intensive and has been e-mailing the week of that (and each since) Intensive to say she couldn't make this one but put her down for the next one. She is also someone who lives in Southern California - so that wasn't a problem. I would never cancel one in which someone had made reservation in advance to fly in from out of state, but since I didn't have that happening this time it only made sense to cancel it. I had known it was going to be a possibility so had already contacted the hotel to see if I could cancel without penalty - and they said I could. I had to do it once before a year or so ago, and they let me off the hook that time too. So, it is nice to have that option. I had put out a special offer for it with my last announcement in hopes a few people would sign up, but actually had mixed feelings as the week went along because the worst possibility would have been that one person signed up when I really felt I needed at least 3 to take the risk of going forward with it. So, now hopefully we will have a good turn out for the one that is right after Thanksgiving.
You all had already been notified about the codependencyrecovery site - so that is old news to you.
The Emotional Incest Issues article is one that was part of the series of articles that was made into an e-book - and which I have spiral bound in hard copy to sell at my Intensives (and send to people who make donations.) On my inner child healing pages index page, I talk about how, in February 2004 when I was getting that series of articles ready to be an e-book, I discovered a lot of good articles in that series that I had not added to my site - and at that time did add a number of them. These were articles that I had written for suite 101, a Directory for which I wrote articles from March 1999 until October 2005. There were several articles in that series that were very similar to articles I already had on my site, so I didn't add them - since the articles were still available on suite 101. In answering an e-mail last week concerning emotional incest I glanced at the two articles I have on my site, and clicked on the link for the one on suite 101 - only to find that my articles are no longer there. So, this article, which does contain some paragraphs and sentences that are in the other two articles I have on the site, is no longer available anywhere. And it is different enough and valuable enough, that I decided to go ahead and add it to my site. Now I am going to need to find the time to check out other articles which I wrote for that directory to see if there are some that are worth adding as pages on Joy2MeU - because there are some more that I had never transferred. Something else on my list of things to do.;-)
Other than that, I did set up two more Intensive dates for next year and add a bunch of new testimonials to both testimonials pages as indicated.
In a very interesting development this past week, I got a phone call the other day from a friend I hadn't heard from in years. The last time I had seen him was when he was visiting me in Cambria when 9/11 went down. He is actually the person that pushed me into starting my first web site back in Santa Barbara in early 1998. That was certainly a gift. Anyway, it turns out that he is now doing videos - so maybe this is the Universe responding to my request to get my Intensive filmed. He is probably coming for a visit next week since he is going to be in the vicinity shooting a video. Here is an example of his work on his site - very interesting.
When I moved to Santa Barbara from Cambria in 1997, one of the goals was the hope I could make some close male friends there, since I hadn't had any in some years. That was about the time I realized that I had spent years working on healing my inner children and my feminine and had not thought to focus on healing my masculine. Actually I just found a quote about that from my personal journal in the Joy2MeU Journal.
"What I remember that morning was that I needed to own my powerful positive masculine energy. Years ago I had come to a realization (and I can't believe I haven't written about it somewhere - but can't find it right now) that I had spent years working on healing my inner children and my feminine without even considering that I might need to heal my masculine. Like Duh! That was a time when I started reading authors like Robert Bly and starting to focus on healing my masculine. One of the things I realized then, is that I had no image of strong positive masculine energy - that I associated strong masculine energy with violence and anger and rage. That was when I came up with or discovered (maybe in Bly's book Iron John - see Bookstore page) the term "fierce determination" as a trait of powerful positive masculine energy. Focused power and fierce determination in doing, manifesting, standing strong - that was the masculine energy I discovered back then. That was the masculine energy I needed to rediscover and own on the morning of March 30th.
I started to see that I needed to start using my will power to stop playing small in my relationship with myself. To stop giving the pain so much power and to own that I have the power to have more positive control of my own internal process. I realized that I had gone out of balance in my relationship with myself, towards the feminine, feeling side of me - and that I wasn't standing in my Truth with powerful Masculine positive energy. I needed to start being the Alpha male in my own internal process. In recent months I have noticed myself explaining the process of setting boundaries with the critical parent voice to phone counseling clients in an interesting new way. I would tell them that we don't want to argue with the critical parent voice, we want to SLAM it with spiritual Truth. I have been thinking about the process of setting boundaries in a way that is like establishing who is in charge internally - who is the Alpha force. And that it was necessary to slam the critical parent voice - to own positive powerful force in my own internal process. This was a wonderful insight that is the key to taking control of my own inner process in a new more empowering way. In a way that will be more outward directed and focused on external manifestation and action than inner focused." - Joy2MeU Journal: The Path of one Recovering Codependent ~ the dance of one wounded soul My Unfolding Dance 35 April 8, 2004
I used this quote in my March 2007 Update Newsletter in which I include an excerpt about Masculine and Feminine from my online book Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in the Light Book 2: A Dysfunctional Relationship with Life that is now part of Dancing in Light subscription area of my site. That same Update I talk about the importance of the Medicine Cards in my recovery - and specifically about Deer Medicine and owning my masculine energy in relationship to the symbols that deers have been for me. Which fits in with some thoughts I had earlier looking up at my calendar and seeing a Moose - because Moose medicine has been tied into the quest for masculine balance in my recovery also. Obviously these reminders came at a perfect time - I am going to read over that Update tomorrow when I get some time.
This could get off into a whole tangent here which I don't have time for. The point I started to make is that I did make two really good male friends in Santa Barbara - and then they both moved to Arizona. One of them has a internet hosting company and still hosts Joy2MeU - and perhaps the other one will end up making the video I have been wanting to make. Interesting.
Got to wrap this up now. Finances still a major challenge. Have sold less books this month through both sites than I have in many years. A few more phone counseling clients that can't continue because of finances. The economy may be getting better in some areas, but it feels like it is getting worse here. Oh well. There is a Divine Plan unfolding - and More Will Be Revealed.
With wishes of Joy and Abundance to all of us Magnificent Spiritual Beings experiencing what it is like to be human in this place and time,
|A few tidbits Tue Oct 13, 2009 2:28
Hello Magnificent Expressions of The Divine,
I just posted this on my New page last night - and thought I would share it with you all, along with a few other things:
"October 12th, 2009: Announcing a page with temporary special offers for telephone counseling and Intensive Training workshops - and available for purchase on this site for the first time a spiral bound hard copy of of my inner child e-book - Inner Child Healing ~ The Path to Empowerment, Inner Peace, and Freedom from the Past."
Looks like we are going to start doing something with Facebook and Twitter. My marketing people have been on me for awhile now about this, and I am finally getting around to surrendering to plunging into the unknown. Will let you all know what is happening when it happens.
Also coming up with a question and answer page on Robert Burney Live.com I have been answering the questions people send it when they download the free sections of the e-book of - it has been taking up time. My marketing people have been telling me that I was wasting my time and that there were more efficient ways of doing it - but I feel this obligation to try to help people who reach out to me. I have about 3 dozen waiting right now however, and I have finally surrendered to not being able to answer them all individually because I just don't have time. Sigh.
Was having a firm talk with my Higher Power this morning about the need for some more financial abundance manifest - we shall see how that comes out.;-)
I will keep you all posted on any new developments. Until then - just realized the perfect notes to leave you all with today - and will do so just below.;-)
This is a link that an old friend of mine on the Central Coast sent me a week or so ago. http://www.castlemountains.net/flashmar/A_Cup_Of_Joy.swf Below is the story that goes with the song that you will hear if you click on that link. It was a reminder when he sent it to me, and again today, of the abundance of Joy that I have had, and do have, in my life - something that was not present before recovery. Joy to us ALL, because we are ALL-ONE in JOY and LOVE.
"In the meantime, in the late summer of 1986, I had gone to work in an Chemical Dependence Treatment Center. I had been pursuing an acting career in Hollywood since 1975 and had been very good at being a suffering artist. It was a perfect path for both my codependence (suffering I learned real well from the church that taught me I was a sinner who was here to do penance for being born a sinful, shameful human) and my alcoholism (everyone knows that artists need to drink a lot and do drugs). As a result of doing Positive Affirmations and consciously trying to reprogram my subconscious beliefs I surrendered to going to work in a treatment center and giving up the suffering artist types of jobs that I had done for years.
I first went to work as a counselors assistant and then was later promoted to therapist because I was qualified for the higher position. I had received my Masters Degree many years before but had abandoned using the knowledge and skills I had in order to pursue my acting career.
For my birthday in 1987 (the one that sparked my pursuit of emotional healing because I set myself up to be abandoned) I received a number of cards at work. Someone at work said "You should let Marianne read your cards." "Read birthday cards?" I responded very skeptically. "Yes, she reads cards." "Birthday cards?!?!?"
To say I didn't take this seriously is a gross understatement. Marianne was someone who worked on our unit part time and the next time I saw her I mentioned it to her in a very humorous way. She responded "Yes, I am a psychic and I read birthday cards among other things."
This was all a big joke to me. I had never heard of such a thing and said so - and I would kid around with her about it the next few times I saw her. I had gotten a message earlier in my recovery that it wasn't part of my path to pursue experience of a psychic or paranormal nature. Not that I didn't believe that there was Truth in many supernatural type of phenomena - just that I was supposed to focus on tuning into the Truth within me and not be looking outside for the answers. The thing I used to say when someone would try to get me to go see a psychic or have a tarot reading done or something of that nature was "If I am supposed to get a message from a psychic the Universe is quite capable of bringing the psychic into my path. I don't have to go looking for answers in that way."
Well, that is what happened. Marianne came storming into work one day and said to me "I have to see you right now!" We went into a private room and she proceeded to read my mail for me - that is tell me all the things that were going on inside of me that I wasn't talking to anyone about. I was quite shaken about how much she knew about the secrets I was carrying and the feelings I was hiding. As I was sitting there in shock at her revelations, she asked to see my birthday cards. I still had them at work in order for her to read them one day. I gave them to her and she looked them over. She pointed out that every birthday card I had gotten that year had at least one musical note on it. She said that was "about the song that you are becoming."
A few weeks later I made an appointment to see her for a paid psychic reading. One day before the reading I was walking down a street in Studio City where I lived and a song came to me. I knew that when she had said "the song I was becoming" she had not meant a literal song but was rather referring to my Spiritual Path. But the song that came to me was so perfect that I couldn't wait to tell her. When she came over I started speaking the words of the song to her and made one of those "Freudian" slips that was absolutely perfect. I said:
"Jeremiah was a 'boy'frog, was a good friend of mine.
Never understood a single word he said but he always had some mighty fine wine.
I always helped him drink his wine."
A boy who believed he was a frog that needed a princess was who I was. And I had never listened to much of what my inner child said to me - had pummeled that part of me into submission and at the same time I let that child's wounds run my life. I was never much for wine but I drank whatever was available.
So, it was a perfect song for me. And the chorus is:
Joy to the world. All the boys and girls.
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
and Joy to you and me.
Out of the intervention of this psychic angel named Marianne a new level of consciousness was opened, and a new direction to steer was revealed. At a time when I had never experienced what I know now is True Joy in my life - I was given the message that my path was about Joy and carrying a message of Joy to you and me. The name of my company was born that day - even though I had no idea there would ever be a company." - The Story of "Joy to You & Me"
Darien Nov 10, 2009 1:20 am
Hello Magnificent and Powerful Spiritual Being,
Today is Darien's 5th birthday. He is such an amazing little man. We are having a little birthday party for him at his cousin/aunt and uncle's house tonight - and then a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese next Saturday. I am just praying that a few of his friends from school and/or the kid's club at the gym are able to come on Saturday. I didn't get the party lined up far enough ahead of time because I couldn't afford the $30 deposit - so just getting the invitations out on the Monday before the Saturday - which isn't enough time. Hopefully it will all work out so that he has a great birthday.
I have lots more stories about him and pictures - but not enough time to update his page right now. I am trying to get some new stuff written for a new CD we are putting together. Not a new CD - but a CD set with the digitally remastered audio version of The Dance with added material. We are going to use a print on demand CD place since there is no money to do the production any other way. I think this will be pretty cool if I can ever find the time to get the new material written and recorded. Was hoping to have it ready for Christmas season - but time is flying and I am not finding time. My 19 year old son was here for two weeks - and that got in the way for awhile. There was some drama around that, and some other drama that was wonderful fertilizer for growing. And of course the financial situation continues to feel like fertilizer.
We are also putting together a Question and Answer page for the RobertBurneyLive sites. People submit questions when they download the free chapters of my e-book. For a long time I was trying to answer them all individually, but the numbers got too overwhelming - and I just don't have the time. I really feel like I want to answer individually when people reach out - but I have to make better use of my time since it is so precious right now.
It is looking like the cruise in February is not going to happen. No one has signed up so far - and we would have to come up with $500 for the deposit on our cabin by the end of the week - and that is not going to happen without some miracle. I am still working on paying the first half of the rent for this month - although I think some help is on the way that will make that possible. This morning I was raging at my Higher Power about not doing a good job of taking care of me - and it seems like it might have done some good.
I posted the following announcement on the New page on Saturday night.
November 7th, 2009: I continued a process I started in February of removing blocking html code and updating copyright notice on my Update Newsletter pages (something I explained in my April 2009 Update which also includes the story of my April Fools Day lesson in falling in love and a report about attending the wedding of two people who announced at the reception that without doing my grief group together they wouldn't be getting married) - and am listing some of them here that have particularly interesting content: Update Newsletter December 2003 I talk about how hard it can be to let go; Update March 2004 - plus 2 additional pages - intense personal processing about learning to open to love and metaphysical aspects of the growth process; August 2004 challenging the Universe to bring on whatever lessons I needed to learn to have a relationship; December 2004 sharing my views Christmas, Jesus, and Christianity; October 2005 includes The story of some incredible Miracles in my recovery; January 2006 review of 2005, a year of huge change for me; March 2007 sharing about Medicine Cards and Masculine & Feminine with an additional page of processing about my fear of intimacy; April 2008 in which I talk about the kind of wounding and deprivation feelings that drive relationship addiction.
It was very interesting to me that the first time I made up this list I left out the March 2007 one. That is interesting because the very issues I was writing and processing about then were part of what some of the recent drama was about. There was actually a second additional Newsletter page that I never finished - and that I just had a major break through with the issues I was trying to address then but obviously wasn't ready for. The Universe used the stick a bit to get me to deal with them now - and it has led to a major break through for Susan and I in our relationship.
So anyway, the Adventure continues. Through it all there is Joy and inner peace and Love in most of the moments - certainly much to be thankful for. I will try to get the Darien page updated by Thanksgiving - some great pictures of him and words of wisdom from his now 5 year old lips.
Know that you are Loved even when it seems the darkest and feels the worst. Know that the highest Truth is that you are LOVE!
|Merry Christmas to my Yahoo mailing list
Dec 25, 2009 9:26 pm
Hello Magnificent Spiritual
"Christmas is about Love and birth - rebirth. The Winter Solstice is the time of the longest darkness and marks the point of increasing light, the new beginning. Hanukkah is a celebration of, and time of, rededication. Kwanzaa is a time of recommitment. These are all times of both celebration and introspection. Of assessing the past and focusing on what we want to create in the future. Any new beginning is a also an ending. With every ending there is sadness, feelings of loss and grief." Happy Holidays, Sad Holidays
“The Winter Solstice marks the shortest day of the year - and the beginning of an increase in the light shining into human lives. So too, the birth of Jesus was a milestone in accelerating the process of a returning Human Collective Consciousness to alignment with the Truth of Light and Love. That transformational process is happening on the planet now - despite all the seeming evidence to the contrary. And everyone who is involved in this healing process is having an impact on that transformation. By learning to Love our self in a healthy way, we are healing the planet. . . .
. . . Christmas, like almost every other Christian Holiday, is a celebration that was usurped from Pagan religions that preceded Christianity. The early Christians obviously included some people who were very good at marketing, because they made Christianity more palatable to the people they were trying to convert by stealing Pagan celebrations and making them Christian Holidays.” - Joy to You & Me & Joy2MeU Update Newsletter December 2004
"Years ago I ran across a saying that I really liked and wanted to set as a goal - "Serenity is not Freedom from the Storm - Serenity is Peace Amidst the Storm." I always thought that I had to stop the storm. Now I can be serene and peaceful no matter what the storm brings - life events like car breakdowns, other peoples behavior which is just them dancing with their own wounds, apparent financial insecurity, that I am still doing some unhealthy behavior health wise, whatever - I don't have to be perfect, I don't have to have money, I don't have to be in a relationship, to be happy." - The Recovery Process for inner child healing - emotional balance
"The healthier we get, the more emotional healing we do, the less extreme our emotional reaction / response spectrum grows. The growth process works kind of like a pendulum swinging. The less we buy into the toxic shame and judgment, the less extreme the swings of the pendulum become. The arc of our emotional pendulum becomes gentler, and we can return to emotional balance much quicker and easier. But we don't get to stay in the balance position. Life is always rocking our boat - setting our emotional pendulum to swinging. By not taking life events and other peoples behavior so seriously and personally, by observing our process with some degree of detachment instead of getting so hooked into the trauma drama soap opera victimology that is a reaction to our childhood wounds, we learn to not give so much power over our emotions to outside influences and events.
I have choices today in regard to how I am relating to myself, to other people, to life. I am able to accept the things I cannot change much more quickly, and change the primary thing which I have the power to change - that is, my attitude toward the things I cannot change - so that I do not get caught up in a victim perspective. By not buying into the illusion that I am a victim - of myself, of other people, of life - my emotional swings stay on a much evener keel and I experience a much gentler emotional spectrum in my day to day relationship with life." - Discernment in relationship to emotional honesty and responsibility 1
Happy New Year to you & Happy Birthday
to me Mon Jan 4, 2010 11:09 am
In honor of my 26th Sobriety birthday yesterday I added some quotes about what my recovery means to me to an article in which I share about early recovery.
"I feel that my life Truly began on January 3rd, 1984. That was the day I entered a chemical dependency treatment center (aptly called the Independence Cen...ter) and started to learn how to live life clean and sober.” - A Higher Power of my own understanding 2 - the beginning of empowerment
And I also added the following page as an action to demonstrate to the Universe that I am open to receiving more abundance in my life in 2010:
"I am posting this page on January 3rd, 2010 as a way of honoring that today is my 26th sobriety birthday. . . . for anyone whose Spirit moves them to align with, and energetically connect to, the Karmic Settlement and Positive energy associated with the message of Truth and Love I share. I have been told repeatedly, and insistently, by marketing type people that it is insane for me to provide so much free information (over 200 content pages) on my website." - Working the Third Step
I have not had time yet to finish the update on my Darien page that I promised - which is going to include sharing about breakthroughs Susan and I have had in our relationship. I will be announcing on my New & news page when a new supply of CDs comes in - and am hoping to have that writing done by then. That should be in about 10 days or so. In the meantime, hope the New Year is starting off wonderfully for you all. I am feeling very good about 2010 so far.;-)
News from Joy2MeU Thu Jan 21,
2010 8:32 pm
Hello Yahoo mailing list,
Here is that feedback as I posted it on my ordering page:
"January 19, 2010 - In October 2009, I posted a temporary special offers page that included this paragraph:
"The first sequel (to Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls) will be entitled Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in The Light Empowerment, Freedom, and Inner Peace through Inner Child Healing and it will be an updated version of the inner child healing pages of the Joy2MeU web site combined with material evolved and refined in doing my Intensive Training workshops and telephone counseling. The articles that will form the core of it are available in E-book from from Suite 101 for $19.95 (E-Book on inner child work) and in a spiral bound hard copy of the 23 articles that make up that e-book. This spiral bound booklet is not something that is available for purchase except to people who attend my Intensive Training Day workshops (and also to people who make a certain level of Donation / Love Offering.) This is the first time that this booklet has been offered for purchase here on the site."
This past week someone who had attended my January Intensive Training Seminar (and had purchased the booklet there) gave me some very interesting feedback. She said that if I ever published a new edition of The Dance I should add the inner child healing booklet to it. She said that as much as she had loved The Dance, she was left after reading it with the question of "What exactly do I do now?" - and that this booklet is the perfect compliment to go with the book. In her opinion, the inner child booklet shares information that can help a person get actively involved in the inner child healing even if they don't have a therapist.
So, I have decided to add the option of purchasing the booklet with the book - or separately for those who already have my book (this is the first time online that it is being offered for sale individually)"
Later that day I got the new batch of CDs in - so I added an offer for the book, CDs, and booklet on the CD page.
And I announced the following on my Facebook page today:
On January 23rd, 2005 I met Susan. We have now reached a level of intimacy and Love that I intuitively knew was possible (and wrote about in the Wedding Prayer 11 years ago) but have never before come anywhere close to experiencing. I am so grateful for this sublime adventure we have been on for 5 years as of Saturday.
“The key factor is that she is actively in recovery, dedicated to getting healthier. Thus though her reaction was to run away from me - her pattern has been to leave relationships before she could be left - she did not run away for long. I had my deepest wounds around abandonment, betrayal, and rejection pushed - and kept coming back for more because that is what I had surrendered to doing back on January 23rd. I kept throwing out any intellectual, rational conclusions about what was going on, about the red flags that kept appearing - and surrendering to following my intuitive guidance to go wherever this ride took me.” - Joy2MeU Update Newsletter June 2005
Also included these two quotes from the Wedding Prayer along with it
"The more you do your healing and follow your Spiritual path the more moments of each day you will have the choice to Truly be present the moment.
And in the moment you can make a choice to embrace and feel the Joy fully and completely and with Gusto.
In any specific moment you will have the power to make a choice to feel the Love in that moment as if you have never been hurt and as if the Love will never go away."
"Loving is the Grandest, most sublime adventure available to us.
Lets your hearts sings together.
Let your souls soar to unimagined heights.
Wallow in the sensual pleasure of each others bodies.
Roar with the Joy of being fully alive.
Go for it!!!!" - A Wedding Prayer / Meditation on Romantic Commitment
I had been hoping to have the update for the Darien page finished now - along with some processing about the breakthrough that Susan and I have had in our relationship - part of the reason I didn't post the New page yesterday. But I am not really that close yet. We are going up to Cambria for our 5 year anniversary this weekend and after we get back I still need to figure out my sales figures for last year so I can pay my sales tax by the end of the month - so not sure when I will get that page done. I will let you know when I do. I really am overdue for an Update Newsletter also - so one of these days I will need to find some time to do some writing. As usual More Will Be Revealed.
Remember, everything is unfolding perfectly even when, especially when, it feels like it is all going to crap. Fertilizer abounds and it brings great growth. Recovery continues to be a real trip.;-)
Latest news from Robert Burney & Joy2MeU
Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:56 am
Hello Magnificent Spiritual Being,
I later decided to put up a separate page for story about the huge breakthrough Susan and I had in our relationship: Valentine's Day 2010
Asking for Help Thu Feb
18, 2010 12:02 pm
Update on the Joy2MeU Adventure Mon Apr 5, 2010 10:22 am
Click to join Joy_2_Me_U
If anyone who feels grateful for my writing and wants
to send a little Love back my way, it would be greatly appreciated.
Metaphysical Law: Giving and Receiving Spiritual_Tithes
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